"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
My friend's girl
- Thread starter RHCP
- Start date
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Igetit!
Moderator
Dude,I'm sure glad you're not my friend. With friends like you,who needs enemies. What I don't understand is this:Are there any other girls you can date? I suppose that if this guy were your brother instead of your friend it wouldn't make any difference. I don't believe this girl is special,meaning,I don't think that the way you feel about this girl is a feeling you've never felt before,and cannot feel with another girl who's not your friend's girl friend.RHCP said:
Wow,can't even trust your own friends.
You plan on marrying this girl? No? So you're willing to toss your friend away just for hopping in bed with the girl a few times,then when it's over,both the girl and your friend will be gone.
But hey,if you think it's worth it,then have at it.
Unbridled_Phoenix
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 22, 2009
- Messages
- 677
- Reaction score
- 25
1. Are there no other girls I could be doing this with?
2. How hot and/or special is this girl REALLY? How much trouble is she worth?
3. How sustainable is my friendship with this guy?
After asking all these questions honestly, see what your answer is. Or, perhaps you have already answered them, but don't like the answer?
I recently got out of a 4 year LTR with the girl I "stole" from my best friend of high school. Situations like this bring so much passion, anger, resentment, distrust, guilt, etc. into your life and stealing your best friends' girl makes you quite the target for the disdain of others.
Plus, if you do steal her, you'll as surely as the day be sitting somewhere, sometime, wishing you had never messed with her at all after she has been "stolen" by someone else. And on top of that, you became the kind of guy who steals his best friends' girl.
Do I regret what I did? No. That would be pointless. But, if you haven't done this yet, I suggest you seriously think this one through.
I'm in a similiar situation now, but the friend is not so much a friend as a guy I know, and the girl doesn't want LTR, she wants to fvck. This one's a no brainer.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Igetit! said:
I absolutely agree with you but let me tell ya that thing.If i'm not actually sure in that the friendship of this friend is real what i do.Maybe i've always have one in my mind for him.Of course that's not an excuse but i feel very strange about all this na trust me it's not like every given girl.And maybe i think despite the possible love between them they're just a body of lies...
That is a big time AFC move. It's highly doubtful that you've fallen in love with this girl. Most likely you're infatuated with her. You're not even in a relationship with her. You don't know her intimately.
And becoming close friends doesn't necessarily mean she'd want a relationship with you. In fact, given that she is in a relationship with your friend, you're most likely very deep in the friend zone.
Friends of boyfriends are almost always friend zoned immediately since she assumes you'd be loyal to your friend. And if you're not loyal to your friend, that indicates poor character and that's an instant turn off for any decent girl.
Igetit!
Moderator
Wise decision. However,I wouldn't sit around waiting for their relationship to come to an end. Go out and live your life. Find some other girls to date. It's good if you're serious about not pursuing this girl,but you still seem to be under the impression that this is the only girl in the world,and you're waiting on your friend to get finished with her so you can have your turn. You need to get out of this kind of thinking. Even if she were single and available,if you were to approach her and try to date her with this frame of mind,she'd sense the neediness coming from you and be turned off.RHCP said:
No girl wants to be the sun in your universe.
Quit thinking that this girl,or any girl you come in contact with is "the one",and that YOU HAVE TO GET IT RIGHT,or you'll be alone.
That type of thinking will keep you single.
Maybe you're right but i quit that type of thinking a long ago...i tell you this time is different - it's not just physical attraction it is something moreIgetit! said:
i like the inner self of the girl and her personality i think she likes mine too...
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Igetit!
Moderator
Dude,you're starting to scare me. You sound like a woman. What,do you think this girl is your soulmate or something? I agree with Lexington:You don't even know this girl. You haven't been in a relationship with her,or spent extended one on one time with her. You're infatuated. This is all in your head. You shouldn't even be talking like this.RHCP said:
You say this time is different? No,no,this is ALL in your head. If you had been dating her for a while,then you said this,ok,that would at least be a little more credible. But you're on the outside looking at this girl imaging what a relationship with her would be like. Of course everything looks good now because it's all a fantasy. You get into a relationship with her,then you're really be in for a dose of reality.
Stop daydreaming dude. This girl is human. She burps and farts just like you do. This isn't a movie where all the mistakes and imperfections are edited out.
Get ahold of yourself and snap out of it.
Igetit! said:
That thing with the souls was a little wrong it's from the english
i didn't know just how to say it.And i actually know the girl from before and i had spent time with her.It's not just in my head.I'm not a stupid man.Told you once that it's not just physical attraction.Look...i know it's wrong i'll quit it but i feel there is something...And what the f*ck is that wrong.A man don't choose with who to fall in love.I'm sorry it's just the way it is.Igetit!
Moderator
I'll tell you what then:You want her? Then go get her.RHCP said:That thing with the souls was a little wrong it's from the english
FRIENDS. You are friends, and you're an AFC. You can't see it at the moment, you're trying to tell yourself you're not, but you are.RHCP said:
You aren't "in love" with her, you have "one-itis." She won't leave her boyfriend for you.
You need to get emotionally detached from her by seeing other women.
You're willing to risk your friendship with your best friend for some girl? No! You don't screw around with your best friend's girlfriend. When they break up, sure, go for it. But not while they are together. It's your best friend. Bros before hoes.
If he wasn't your friend, then I'd say go for it. But you'd have to make a move immediately. You're already in the friendzone, so you may as well get the rejection over with sooner rather than later.
You need to re-educate yourself in regards to women (read the DJ Bible, anything by either David DeAngelo or Mystery), and need to date other girls so you can see you are simply lusting after this girl.
Daddy The Pimp
Master Don Juan
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.