My friend(?) broke up with her boyfriend because of me.

[nelysses]

I had a friend. For years, we were just normal friends, then we started to get closer. closer and closer. Over time, she would say things like, "It's like my skin is so used to you." I loved her too. After a while, she broke up with her boyfriend of five years. As a reason, she said she felt guilty after getting close to me and couldn't look at her boyfriend the same way anymore.
I went to see her today and we got quite close physically. But when she asked me if I wanted to be her boyfriend, I said I didn't know. The problem is, I didn't know. I don't know if I'm avoiding responsibility or something else, but it's like I don't want any girls anymore.
I keep saying I don't have a girlfriend, but I don't take advantage of the opportunities when I have them. It's like I automatically enjoy flirting and feeling the pain of her absence, but not being in a relationship.;
To be more precise, I'm now hesitant about relationships.

 

[Plinco]

Pay close attention to how you feel, they will give you insights into your core convictions. This is a good opportunity to get to know yourself very well.

 

[vh8s8vu28vvywo5fo5f]

Notice how she used you as a scapegoat for her borderline cheating. But that's besides the point because AWALT

"Girlfriend" whatever that means, is just a term. Just like "wife" where she could divorce out of boredom. If you want her, then get her.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

I had a friend. For years, we were just normal friends, then we started to get closer. closer and closer. Over time, she would say things like, "It's like my skin is so used to you." I loved her too. After a while, she broke up with her boyfriend of five years. As a reason, she said she felt guilty after getting close to me and couldn't look at her boyfriend the same way anymore.
I went to see her today and we got quite close physically. But when she asked me if I wanted to be her boyfriend, I said I didn't know. The problem is, I didn't know. I don't know if I'm avoiding responsibility or something else, but it's like I don't want any girls anymore.
I keep saying I don't have a girlfriend, but I don't take advantage of the opportunities when I have them. It's like I automatically enjoy flirting and feeling the pain of her absence, but not being in a relationship.;
To be more precise, I'm now hesitant about relationships.

The cure for insomnia; sleep.

The remedy for sweat shops; air conditioning.

The prescription for not wanting a relationship; don't get in a relationship.

 

[Plinco]

The cure for insomnia; sleep.

The remedy for sweat shops; air conditioning.

The prescription for not wanting a relationship; don't get in a relationship.

haha that reminds me of this clip:

 

[Mike32ct]

One potential side effect of having a close woman friend is you can get too comfortable with not dating.

I’m not saying it’s good or bad, but it can happen.

 

[nelysses]

One potential side effect of having a close woman friend is you can get too comfortable with not dating.

I’m not saying it’s good or bad, but it can happen.

Bro, I don't know why, but about 80% of my friends are girls.

Pay close attention to how you feel, they will give you insights into your core convictions. This is a good opportunity to get to know yourself very well.

I had actually noticed it before. I was constantly wanting girls. Then I slept with four women in a month and realized that I don't enjoy sex at all without emotion. But the problem is: I realized I was avoiding responsibility.

Notice how she used you as a scapegoat for her borderline cheating. But that's besides the point because AWALT

"Girlfriend" whatever that means, is just a term. Just like "wife" where she could divorce out of boredom. If you want her, then get her.

Yesterday she was standing naked in front of me. Today her mother and friends told her I wanted to use her. She wants to keep quiet for a while. While she recovers, I'll see if I love her or not. Girls are really weird.

The cure for insomnia; sleep.

The remedy for sweat shops; air conditioning.

The prescription for not wanting a relationship; don't get in a relationship.

No bro. That's not what I mean. I was constantly wanting a girlfriend but feeling lonely. But when I got close, I'd run away. I'm also avoiding responsibility. I did a lot of fapping for years, maybe that's the effect :/ I guess I didn't explain it very well. My English might not be good enough

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

No bro. That's not what I mean. I was constantly wanting a girlfriend but feeling lonely. But when I got close, I'd run away. I'm also avoiding responsibility. I did a lot of fapping for years, maybe that's the effect :/ I guess I didn't explain it very well. My English might not be good enough

Then apparently, you don't want it as much as you think (or thought) you do.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@nelysses "For years, we were just normal friends, then we started to get closer. closer and closer. Over time, she would say things like, "It's like my skin is so used to you." I loved her too"

You both were never really "normal friends", any more than The Crips are "a social club"... Similar to the fella who flees his current residence, convinced that alone will remedy his psychic wounds https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/old-passport-bro-in-pattaya-tells-his-story.285615/ , your interpretation(s)of events("We were just friends up until recently... We weren't hot for each other from the get-go, desperately trying to conceal this")aren't consistent with the facts

 

[RangerMIke]

Stay away from women that are in relationships. Stop pretending you are just friends. Unless you want to live in a reality TV soup opera.

Some men love the emotional chaos these situations create.... I am not one of them.

 

[Masculinity]

@nelysses: If she left her boyfriend for you, she will likely leave you when the next guy shows up. Part of being a man is being decisive. You cannot analyze everything before making a decision and saying "I don't know." That is the textbook definition of analysis paralysis. Behaving that way will result in people losing respect for you, especially women. If you are having to think about being with her, I'd say you are not that into her.

Help us understand your dating life. Do you have other women? Are you approaching women? How are you physically and financially? How are your social skills? Is she one of the few options (or the only option you have)?

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Our OP is only 22 gentlemen. Very young & likely inexperienced. Women are also very young at his age. Confusing.

OP, what do you want out of life?

What is your ambition?

What do you want from women?

When do you want it?

This information will help us guide you....P.S. I have always had opposite sex friends. And I never get naked with them......ever. That is not what friends do my dear.....

What part of the world/culture are you from? That will also help with context.....

 

[BaronOfHair]

@BeExcellent "Our OP is only 22 gentlemen... What is your ambition?"

To get laid and guzzle down 4-5 gallons of Vodka by time 9PM rolls around, each and every evening... I.E. What damned near EVERY fella's goals at that age are

The number of us who stumble across a copy of Willy Godwin's collected writings( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_Godwin )at the library or the used book section of Goodwill early in our 2nd decade of life, then begin thinking deeply about life's greater complexities, is in less-than-single digits*


*Don't even say this is a criticism of my fellow dudes... These Rob Dyrdek stand-ins, who've got serious opinions on the bitcheness of Matt Rife's latest TikTok entry, are having all sorts of sex I'm not even CAPABLE of imagining

 

[BeExcellent]

Right. But those who do will run the lives of those who are being imbeciles. Actually many in Gen Z are far more responsible than that. Many frown on smoking, vaping, alcohol over use and drug use. Fentanyl is a real and serious risk these days boys.....

Not all, obviously, but many.

My point is that if OP wants a good answer we need a bit more context. He seems to "over care" what his "friend" thinks. If he wants something frivolous & fun the answer is different than if he wants a marriage & family.

Really he needs to focus on adulting at his age. If he has that sorted its a different answer than if he is a manchild in mom's basement.

Self development, then girls.

 

[BaronOfHair]

He seems to "over care" what his "friend" thinks

Sounds like today's 20somethings frowning on smoking, vaping, booze, and dope may be rooted less in responsibility and more in good ol' fashion Group Think In any event, what you say is true: We could benefit from @nelysses providing more specifics and details



On a side-note:
We're in something approaching agreement regarding "But those who do will run the lives of those who are being imbeciles". I've just come to the realization than imbecility is what comes naturally to our species... If the INVERSE were true, the planet wouln't still he infested by billions who assert that their scripture of choice = Incontrovertible Truth. And it wouldn'tve taken over a decade for more folk to recognize that The MCU and Star Wars have NEVER been anything more than gas station food. Even when both franchises were at their alleged pinnacles

Therefore, my initial expectations of everyone I encounter are lower than The Marinara Trench, until and unless they demonstrate themselves to be something more than below-average. And I'm RARELY surprised. Hope OP proves to be one of the proverbial exceptions

 

[inquisitor]

I know it's 2026, but... are you gay?