"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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My F¥ckin roomate keeps an empty milk jar of *** in our living room

PackDaddy

Don Juan
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I come home tonight and my roommates are in one of their silly moods again. They get together all the sudden there is no iota of seriousness or respect for anything.
So they're joking about how I should try this organic milk and there's a sip left. I obviously already knew something was off. I thought about it for a few seconds and realized what one of them had done. I called em on it and they were laughing. I don't think they would have let me sip that even if I were a dumb gullible tw@t. Then they ask what I would have done if they had let me drink that. I told em I would have beat their organs out of them and they'de be eating through hospital straws the rest of their lives. One of my roommates doesn't let it go though. He even jokes around about, "what if he came in my milk." This is when the line was crossed IMO. I also grabbed the jar and began to walk out of the apartment to throw it away down the garbage shoot because it was sitting in our living room. He runs after me to grab it out of my hand. He then tells me how he is going to go back to the store to return the "empty" bottle because the store would give him $1.50 for it back. He thought the idea of them paying for a bottle of his jizz was funny. I sort of chuckled at that. I know the store is obviously going to clean it's recycled milk bottles. But, it's still gross that he wants to do that - crosses the line. I knew that if I went to grab that bottle to throw it away again there was going to be issues. I was so disgusted with the both of them that I almost lost control of myself. So I just got quiet instead of barking. When they get in these silly moods, it's like they lose track of reality and consequences for their actions. So I also knew anything I said, no matter how serious, would have been turned into a joke. So before I said something stupid or laid one of them out, I drove back to my grandmother's (20 minutes away) to spend the night. This whole thing seems to be severely disrespectful. This type of joking clearly crossed the line tonight.

How would you guys handle this?

Note, I've been friends with them for awhile and we all go to the same college 1 minute away.
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Who Dares Win

Master Don Juan
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There is no right suggestion to fix the problem considering that those guys are professional d1ck heads, if I were you I would start to consider a plan to get as much distance as possible from them.

You never know what their sick minds could suggest them to do and how they will decide to involve you the following time.
 

CrimsonPanther

Senior Don Juan
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is your roommate's family name Stiffler by any chance?
 

adam225

Master Don Juan
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:crackup: ^^^^^
 

Bizzle13

Don Juan
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I know what you mean, my housemate can seem like a major douche at times. He's one of my best friends but he can be immature, very messy, inconsiderate and when it comes to his situation with his gf/ex-gf downright dumb. I want to help the kid but if I offer advice or constructive criticism his reaction makes me seem like I'm being a d!ck.

I always think I'd like my own apartment but I'm sure I'd be so bored and lonely. Who knows what the best situation is, maybe he'll f*cl that ***** off and mature a bit, here's hoping
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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GS750

Master Don Juan
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In college a buddy of mine had been drinking and he threw a used condom at me. I ducked out of the way and it stuck to the wall. Young guys screw around and act like idiots. It is what it is. I've never moved so fast in my life though.
 
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