My Ex & Friends EX- All rolled into one workplace. Mess!

[lamath]

We weren't bestest of bestest buds, I can assure you of that, we became tight around the same time I joined the company- so a couple of years ago (to this day coincidentally) but i also have a very tight friend group (10-15 years) from school, who I class as my day ones. That seems very shallow of me but its the truth.

Truthfully, this friend would only really contact me when he needed something, and even when he was supporting me through my 101 break ups with woman explained above - he would always ask for something afterwards, a lift, transfer some money, help tidy his house etc, obvs I would oblige because he was providing me with support over the break up.

Hope that makes sense?

The most concerning element of this now is the thought he will tarnish my name throughout the company.. along with the aid of the ex, I can imagine them discussing it and really stirring up a pot of emotion as I speak!

thanks all, need some support right now.

Things might turn around with him
In the future id still try to get back on good term with him

Again its crazy ex fault she rob you the chance to tell him yourself

Its understandable he feels hurt, however it is not a reason to bad mouth you, dont accept that

 

[Ranger]

We weren't bestest of bestest buds, I can assure you of that, we became tight around the same time I joined the company- so a couple of years ago (to this day coincidentally) but i also have a very tight friend group (10-15 years) from school, who I class as my day ones. That seems very shallow of me but its the truth.

Truthfully, this friend would only really contact me when he needed something, and even when he was supporting me through my 101 break ups with woman explained above - he would always ask for something afterwards, a lift, transfer some money, help tidy his house etc, obvs I would oblige because he was providing me with support over the break up.

Hope that makes sense?

The most concerning element of this now is the thought he will tarnish my name throughout the company.. along with the aid of the ex, I can imagine them discussing it and really stirring up a pot of emotion as I speak!

thanks all, need some support right now.

If you feel a loyalty is owed then I understand. I separate friends from the rest. The hardest part for me transitioning into civilian life was that there was no code. Especially in the work world. It’s rather low end. Which is why I do mostly contracting.

Most people, just trying to make it in the world aren’t trustable in a tight spot. When things are down to the wire, most fold.
It is harder for me to get close to certain types of men. I do not really respect them.
Maybe this is a good thread to talk about men. So far I like it a lot. Let’s put women aside on this.

Maybe I can learn something here. I came from a whole different world than the civilian world.
I’ve heard the term “Bros before Hoes”, I still can’t see a bunch of guys, being buddies with all having the same aims and goals and not failing during crunch time. Am I wrong in this?

 

[Spaz]

My point is about you as a man. The focus here is you, not her, not your friends or anyone else.

Even if it's a mere acquaintance, knowing that she's an ex, knowing full well this might be a problem with an acquaintance, you as a man should have asked him 1st. That adheres to the masculine frame. The masculine frame is always about being profitable.

By asking him 1st, you've shown respect towards another man. You're given him face. It's unlikely that your friend would have said NO, she's an ex after all.

In the event he said you can't, it puts him in a bad immature light - a butthurt noob. Hence even if you decided there and then to still pursue a relationship with his ex, your common friends, your own group of male friends will view you as an upstanding guy.

In the end no matter what choice you made, it will be profitable.

There will be no guilt.

 

[lamath]

If you feel a loyalty is owed then I understand. I separate friends from the rest. The hardest part for me transitioning into civilian life was that there was no code. Especially in the work world. It’s rather low end. Which is why I do mostly contracting.

Most people, just trying to make it in the world aren’t trustable in a tight spot. When things are down to the wire, most fold.
It is harder for me to get close to certain types of men. I do not really respect them.
Maybe this is a good thread to talk about men. So far I like it a lot. Let’s put women aside on this.

Maybe I can learn something here. I came from a whole different world than the civilian world.
I’ve heard the term “Bros before Hoes”, I still can’t see a bunch of guys, being buddies with all having the same aims and goals and not failing during crunch time. Am I wrong in this?

I agree with you most people are only trustable and loyal when its good for them.

I am very loyal/trusworthy but most of the time people undeserving of it.
That on the long run can bring a man down

 

[Ranger]

My point is about you as a man. The focus here is you, not her, not your friends or anyone else.

Even if it's a mere acquaintance, knowing that she's an ex, knowing full well this might be a problem with an acquaintance, you as a man should have asked him 1st. That adheres to the masculine frame. The masculine frame is always about being profitable.

By asking him 1st, you've shown respect towards another man. You're given him face. It's unlikely that your friend would have said NO, she's an ex after all.

In the event he said you can't, it puts him in a bad immature light - a butthurt noob. Hence even if you decided there and then to still pursue a relationship with his ex, your common friends, your own group of male friends will view you as an upstanding guy.

In the end no matter what choice you made, it will be profitable.

There will be no guilt.

I understand. I came from the comradere of my “tribe” into a world that was alien. My default is always back to my “tribe”. It seems that letting the other man save face would be the right move in light of it being a work group setting.
I will ponder more on this. It appears that I may have been mistaken about some things.

 

[MT93]

I understand all of your replies, however there is no coming back from this now, the deed is done, I was in a vulnerable position and I made the wrong choice, I would have usually had the conversation and many of my close friends know I always try and treat them with respect, this time I have opened a can of worms.

The issue now is how to proceed....
I have a feeling this could turn very nasty, very quickly.

 

[MT93]

In short term

'I dun fu*ked up'

 

[MT93]

However, this still does not excuse the way the Ex has sold me down the river here....

The lack of respect for me considering I have supported her through, career issues, depression, ex issues, family issues, daddy issues, suspect pregnancy issues..

I've been there through all of that, gave it my everything, and she literally obliterated all of this.

Her reaction when I explained that to her yesterday was

"Well if it wasn't for everybody else informing you of my issues you would never have known anything about me, I didn't want to involve you in this"

Classy.

 

[MT93]

I feel utterly disrespected, and she has got some serious revenge here by telling my friend what she has.

What do i do man?

 

[Ranger]

The lack of respect for me considering I have supported her through, career issues, depression, ex issues, family issues, daddy issues, suspect pregnancy issues..

I've been there through all of that, gave it my everything, and she literally obliterated all of this.
.

In here lies the crux of your predicament.

 

[Ranger]

However, this still does not excuse the way the Ex has sold me down the river here....

The lack of respect for me considering I have supported her through, career issues, depression, ex issues, family issues, daddy issues, suspect pregnancy issues..

I've been there through all of that, gave it my everything, and she literally obliterated all of this.

Her reaction when I explained that to her yesterday was

"Well if it wasn't for everybody else informing you of my issues you would never have known anything about me, I didn't want to involve you in this"

Classy.

This type of investment in a woman when she returns nothing or invests near nothing, is why she said there is no future for the both of you.

This is a mistake. You lead and she follows. All of these “problems” were not yours to solve for her, or even subject yourself to listening to. This is a games condition. If you are there as her boss, then career issues are appropriate. But the rest?

If it wasn’t a boss or career leadership thing then the rest was unwise.

 

[Ranger]

I feel utterly disrespected, and she has got some serious revenge here by telling my friend what she has.

What do i do man?

First find out what you are actually doing or did that lead into the whole scenario.

 

[lamath]

I feel utterly disrespected, and she has got some serious revenge here by telling my friend what she has.

What do i do man?

Dont do anything. Keep your head high, if **** happens deal with it fast in a mater of fact way.
Dont let emotion guide your reaction.
Dont take **** from those 2

That ex is just a crazy biatch, you dodged a bullet there.

 

[Ranger]

Dont do anything. Keep your head high, if **** happens deal with it fast in a mater of fact way.
Dont let emotion guide your reaction.
Dont take **** from those 2

That ex is just a crazy biatch, you dodged a bullet there.

Or crazy like a fox. Lol

 

[Spaz]

Relax, it's still salvageable.

It's not all doom and gloom.

Go meet this friend of yours, buy him drinks, be sincere and open up.

Personally I think your friend is just greatly disappointed that he got to know this from someone else other then you. And that someone is your ex

But let's not assume. Always a good idea to face it head on like a man and be a better man for it regardless the outcome.

 

[Spaz]

If you feel a loyalty is owed then I understand. I separate friends from the rest. The hardest part for me transitioning into civilian life was that there was no code. Especially in the work world. It’s rather low end. Which is why I do mostly contracting.

Most people, just trying to make it in the world aren’t trustable in a tight spot. When things are down to the wire, most fold.
It is harder for me to get close to certain types of men. I do not really respect them.
Maybe this is a good thread to talk about men. So far I like it a lot. Let’s put women aside on this.

Maybe I can learn something here. I came from a whole different world than the civilian world.
I’ve heard the term “Bros before Hoes”, I still can’t see a bunch of guys, being buddies with all having the same aims and goals and not failing during crunch time. Am I wrong in this?

No u r not wrong ranger.

In fact it's proper to vet all these so called friendship that men put on offer. That would be wise.

 

[Spaz]

I feel utterly disrespected, and she has got some serious revenge here by telling my friend what she has.

What do i do man?

Dismiss her from your mind. She's taking up too much head space.

 

[MT93]

Relax, it's still salvageable.

It's not all doom and gloom.

Go meet this friend of yours, buy him drinks, be sincere and open up.

Personally I think your friend is just greatly disappointed that he got to know this from someone else other then you. And that someone is your ex

But let's not assume. Always a good idea to face it head on like a man and be a better man for it regardless the outcome.

I tried Spaz, He declined and told me to never contact him again. And that was that.

Also I have the HB 9.5 still wanting to meet and f*ck etc, albeit the same time as spinning other plates

My head is a jungle, I can assure you of that

 

[Spaz]

I tried Spaz, He declined and told me to never contact him again. And that was that.

Also I have the HB 9.5 still wanting to meet and f*ck etc, albeit the same time as spinning other plates

My head is a jungle, I can assure you of that

Haha that's fine.

You did try to make up for it. That's what's important.

You did good by that.

 

[MT93]

How should i behave if i see either of them around the workplace?

I feel as though I am going through the break up process all over again