Haha. Good job guys. Here's a revision I just made. I like to change it up often to appeal to a wider range of biatches. The bottom line is it's good to establish out the gate who the boss, big daddy is going to be, and that you dont tollerate any BS whatsoever. This is kinda long so I dont expect anyone to read it's entirety, but there is some laughs in here to be had.
Like almost every aspect of life, women can't seem to do anything right without a man supervising her throughout the process. I have read most of the profiles on here, and honestly they all suck in the same ways. Because I am a man, and by my very nature I am fascinating, emotionally deep, and interesting, my time will be better spent here giving you all some advice on what guys are not finding interesting about your profiles. Let's start with pic's.
I've noticed that women often post all of their profile pics with 2 or 3 other girls in the pic, who are typically hotter than the user. This is not a good strategy. What men do is quickly identify the hottest one, which probably is not you. Women seem to think being seen with other hot women ups their social status. It doesn't. Ladies, if this sounds like you, what you need to do is crop those pictures, and never mention that you have friends. You need to hide those friends.
"What, no I dont have any gf's. It's just me. Hey, here I am. look over here."
It's annoying to have to try to figure out which girl is the pof user, cuz she has the same 4 chicks in every pic. Most guys dont give a sh*t how many girlfriends you have. They care how many gf's you have who are into anal, bi-sexual, and willing to team up with you. So crop the pics. Next item. Music, books and movies.
Whats with the 5000 word description of every band and movie you've ever liked, half of which no one's ever heard of. Women seem to thinks it's cool to be on the cutting edge of obscure up and coming bands they found on myspace. No ones impressed by a cutting edge groupie. When a guy is asked what he likes about a band, he will give you a deep intellectual explanation of how and why the music is legit. Women will just say, the lead singer Brad has the best tattoo, or some other superficial explanation. Why dont you list 3 or 4 bands or movies, and then give a respectable report on "what" you like about it. That would actually be interesting. A 5000 word list hurts your eyeballs to look at.
Next up: What you are looking for in a guy. This description is always a stereotypical mix of cliche's and dishonesty. Tall, athletic, handsome, romantic, chivalrous, outgoing, confident, funny, etc. Thanks for clearing up that mystery. We thought all along you were looking for a short, fat, small penis shy guy, insecure cling on. Women describing what they are looking for in a man is as unnecessary to voice as what I am looking for in a fork. "Well, I prefer it to have a handle, and some prongs on the other end that would like...hold the food. You know what I mean."
Now for the dishonesty. Why cant you just come out and admit that "if you treat me like dirt, i'll stick to you like mud." Let me clarify what you're actually looking for, not what you say you're looking for. When your ovulating you desire a stubbly facial haired pirate to swoop you up and tie you to the plank and make you perform all kinds of naughty things while he pulls your hair and slaps your ass. After which he say's "get the F off my pirate ship." This is the point you become obsessed with overcoming the enigmatic challenge presented to you.
The rest of the month you want a push over, yes-man who reminds you of your father and will listen to all your whining and complaining while he pays the bills and raises your kids. Most of you still havent figured out that the guy you want to have sex with isn't the same guy that's good to be in a relationship with. You mistakingly think the pirate has some suppressed desire to be domesticated by you. It's just a matter of you figuring out how to do it. We all know that women never respect a domesticated relationship guy. You repay his dedication by sleeping with all his pirate friends when your ovulating. Then you begin trying to domesticate the next pirate and the cycle replays. Cyclical pattern are unattractive to men and will always get you dumped eventually.
Instead of listing what you are looking for, why dont you list as references the phone numbers or emails of all of your ex boyfriends. Then we could cut to the chase and find out why you are really single and on here looking to repeat the past. The saying that goes, "For every woman there's a man somewhere who is tired of her sh!t" is never far from the truth. I recently came across an ex's profile on here, and it was the biggest load of BS I ever read. There's no mention of here real personality. The personality her family cant even tollerate. If any of her ex boyfriends were contacted as a reference, they would all say the same thing. "RUN!. Get out now while you can." I know because I have spoken to them. How many women on here are lying on their profile like she is?
I want you to seriously ask yourself this question. If I were to let the new guy talk to my last boyfriend, what kind of recommendation would he give me. If he would talk highly of you then woman up and list him as a reference. If he is sick of your sh!t, then how long until I am sick of it too? I will happily exchange references with any woman. What you are going to hear from my ex's is "He was the coolest guy I ever dated. He was the best in bed, ever. He's funny, kind. He will rescue you at 3 am from your flat tire. But if you get weird and start playing stupid games, and trying to change him in any way, he will end it with you immediately. He doesn't tollerate any bullsh!t at all. I wish I would have acted more mature when we were together, and I might still be with him now."
To summerize, here is a compressed list.
Pics should be of you by yourself. They should be recent, showing your face AND body in a variety of angles. Post pics that look like you in real life, not some lucky shot at a weird angle that makes you look hot if your not.
Dont describe what your looking for. It goes without saying. Unless you are looking for a guy who ISN'T tall, confident and funny.
Keep it short and sweet. Dont list 5000 bands you like. Talk about fewer things in depth.
Dont pretend to be sweet, kind, and caring if you are a selfish ****. Some guys are looking for selfish ****es, so just be honest. The truth will come out anyway, so have some courtesy.
