My depressed girlfriend broke up with me due to needing space, but gets mad when I give it to her

[zacharie101]

What should I do? My depressed girlfriend asked for a "break" due to needing space, but gets mad when I give it to her and she still wants to go on dates with me.

Before we started dating she warned me about going through depressing stages, pushing people away, and being insecure. We've been together for 2 years, when she feels overwhelmed or too stressed, she goes into depression. It's happened before, but this time was the worst and she told me she wants to start over as friends, take things slow, doesn't want to bring me down, but still wants to go on dates with me. I feel in my heart I would regret it if I walk away. She says she sees a future with me but wants us to pause our relationship.

She is very stressed right now due to school, work, and her family issues.

She started initiating contact the next day after asking for a break and got angry for not hearing from me.

She wants space, but expects to hear from me everyday and still wants to go on dates. She also cooked for me yesterday without me asking.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

This is tough advice. You know how we preach self improvement and self development around here? Women need the same. No man and no woman can be in a healthy relationship when either of them is broken and needs to heal. She sounds like she is lost and struggling. No one can be in a healthy relationship in that state. You can’t save her.

 

[Robert28]

Depressed or not she’s using all the classic lines women use when they breakup with someone. She’s trying to ease her guilt of that by reaching out to make sure you’re ok with being friends now but still going on dates. She basically friendzoned you without officially telling you. Screw that. You have to look after yourself, not her. She made her decision to breakup with you. Think about it, what is “going slow” and “starting over” going to fix after you’ve been together for 2 fvcking years?

 

[Billtx49]

What should I do?

My depressed girlfriend asked for a "break"

Before we started dating she warned me

she wants to start over as friends, take things slow, but still wants to go on dates with me.

She says she sees a future with me but wants us to pause our relationship.


She started initiating contact the next day after asking for a break

She wants space, but expects to hear from me everyday and still wants to go on dates.

There is a rational argument to be made that a man involved with an unstable woman, especially when a marriage, cohabitation, or kids are involved, stay with her, ——— IF she is currently under professional psych care, on medication to help stabilize her mood swings, and generally wanting to be on the mend and making some healing progress.

That’s not the situation you described.

Many men with at least one history of being with an unstable woman would rationally recommend your immediate exit. The reasoning is that being emotionally invested and receiving the kind of extreme push / pull you’re currently getting can lead to you developing some degree of emotional instability yourself if you experience it long enough…

There are real world examples happening every day that prove crazy can make crazy…

 

[backseatjuan]

Leave her man.

 

[HyenaPrince]

She is very stressed right now due to school, work, and her family issues.

This seems to be the excuse every woman makes when it gets boring in the relationship. But when you're going through a tough time you need to man up and be there for her? Come on man, wake up.

These phases will occur again and again until they consume you. Every time she pulls back and then reapproaches you to ask you why you're so "quiet", you will explain yourself and tell her you love her. Every time you confirm that she's got you in the bag, she will lose more respect for you.

Now comes the ugly part. She's probably cheating on you or at least meeting another guy right now. She's most likely on the lookout for valid prospects and meets them as "friends". This depressed bullsh*t women pull, is the perfect excuse for the "I need a pause" move. They try to make you feel bad for not being considerate enough and then go out and have fun.

When you finally confront her, she starts to explain her mental and emotional condition. You can't win this. Leave her.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

What should I do? My depressed girlfriend asked for a "break" due to needing space, but gets mad when I give it to her and she still wants to go on dates with me.

Before we started dating she warned me about going through depressing stages, pushing people away, and being insecure. We've been together for 2 years, when she feels overwhelmed or too stressed, she goes into depression. It's happened before, but this time was the worst and she told me she wants to start over as friends, take things slow, doesn't want to bring me down, but still wants to go on dates with me. I feel in my heart I would regret it if I walk away. She says she sees a future with me but wants us to pause our relationship.

She is very stressed right now due to school, work, and her family issues.

She started initiating contact the next day after asking for a break and got angry for not hearing from me.

She wants space, but expects to hear from me everyday and still wants to go on dates. She also cooked for me yesterday without me asking.

Tell her to read The Alchemist. She needs that books more than anything else right now. It could change her life if she lets it.

 

[HyenaPrince]

Tell her to read The Alchemist. She needs that books more than anything else right now. It could change her life if she lets it.

Although it's a brilliant book, I doubt she'll read it. Also, this advice enables further motivation in OP's mind. If he builds his hope on advising her to read it, he'll stay longer in the relationship than is good for him.

Women usually only read books if they really have to or if they want to impress a smart guy who likes to read. I don't count Eat, Pray, Love or 50 Shades of Grey at the beach as reading books.

 

[rart]

You feel in your heart you will regret walking away from a faking wreck of a person? It will hurt for a while but i guarantee you will not regret walking away.

 

[Dash Riprock]

She sounds very immature and is unable to get a hold on her emotions. She then takes it out on you, and you're allowing it.

In the end, we're all 100% responsible for where we are in life at any given time. Period. It's our choice.

2 years is a significant amount of time in this day and age so give her an opportunity to change. Tell her she needs help via therapy/meds and you'll support her in her efforts, or you're out. If you have the balls to do this (98% wouldn't) YOU NEED TO STICK TO IT.

If she gives you pushback, move on and focus on your happiness, as you're 100% responsible for it.

Good luck.

 

[zacharie101]

This seems to be the excuse every woman makes when it gets boring in the relationship. But when you're going through a tough time you need to man up and be there for her? Come on man, wake up.

These phases will occur again and again until they consume you. Every time she pulls back and then reapproaches you to ask you why you're so "quiet", you will explain yourself and tell her you love her. Every time you confirm that she's got you in the bag, she will lose more respect for you.

Now comes the ugly part. She's probably cheating on you or at least meeting another guy right now. She's most likely on the lookout for valid prospects and meets them as "friends". This depressed bullsh*t women pull, is the perfect excuse for the "I need a pause" move. They try to make you feel bad for not being considerate enough and then go out and have fun.

When you finally confront her, she starts to explain her mental and emotional condition. You can't win this. Leave her.

What confuses me the most is this all happened 2 weeks after we went on vacation, which we had a great time. the only thing that changed since we got back within those 2 weeks, was that they increased her workload at work, school, and her family members were having some issues.

What confused me more was that she asked for a break and in the next sentence suggested we go on a date soon, then the next day got angry for not hearing from me after I went no contact, and then a couple days later cooked for me without me asking and she sends me GM messages in the morning

 

[HyenaPrince]

What confuses me the most is this all happened 2 weeks after we went on vacation, which we had a great time. the only thing that changed since we got back within those 2 weeks, was that they increased her workload at work, school, and her family members were having some issues.

What confused me more was that she asked for a break and in the next sentence suggested we go on a date soon, then the next day got angry for not hearing from me after I went no contact, and then a couple days later cooked for me without me asking and she sends me GM messages in the morning

I'm guessing by the way you wrote the post that you're not living together? She has just spent 24 hours of her day for two weeks with you. You really get to know someone after being with them nonstop for such a period. She may have realized there are some things she doesn't like about you.

But then again, it could be a coincidence. But the timing is way too accurate, so I wouldn't bet on it.

 

[rart]

She is trying to plate you.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I have observed, both in my own interactions with some women, as well as that of my friends relationships, that women who are prone to being extremely emotional tend to withdraw after vacations. Vacations produce an emotional high and there is a withdrawal afterwards. They don’t respond to this withdrawal in a logical way. The could pull back or they could demand more time together.

Another thing I have noticed is that many, many women, especially those with anxiety and depression, have an UNCANNY ability at lashing out at their boyfriend/partner as if they were the source of all their external problems. I see this so often that I honestly can’t make up my mind whether it’s all women, or just most of them, because that has been my experience. When I see it, I now draw a firm line and if crossed, I make my exit.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Any time a woman says she needs space, it's over. Read "Atomic Attraction." I read it last year, but it's something to re-reference from time to time. It's kinda dumbed down for modern man, but the simplicity in speech and repetition of stuff you may already know doesn't hurt. It's a modern way to address females, days of the past pre-1960s maybe not the case, though Ayn Rand would prove my notions otherwise.

 

[zacharie101]

I have observed, both in my own interactions with some women, as well as that of my friends relationships, that women who are prone to being extremely emotional tend to withdraw after vacations. Vacations produce an emotional high and there is a withdrawal afterwards. They don’t respond to this withdrawal in a logical way. The could pull back or they could demand more time together.

Another thing I have noticed is that many, many women, especially those with anxiety and depression, have an UNCANNY ability at lashing out at their boyfriend/partner as if they were the source of all their external problems. I see this so often that I honestly can’t make up my mind whether it’s all women, or just most of them, because that has been my experience. When I see it, I now draw a firm line and if crossed, I make my exit.

Hmm you're on to something. Could it be that the vacation was an escape from their real life problems and when they come back, they're back to reality? We had a great time and had sex, hell she even initiated it. The days prior to vacation, we spent like a week together, which she requested to spend more time with me.

I noticed also on our last vacation before that, something similar happened where she withdrew and became distant a bit, but things went back to normal a few weeks later. We also had one last year, where something similar happened.

The only difference this time is that her job, family, and school stress have been very horrible, she told me she felt like breaking down. I've been exposed to those stresses so I know it's true and very bad. She's bad at handling major stress/pressure and is very emotional person

 

[zacharie101]

I have observed, both in my own interactions with some women, as well as that of my friends relationships, that women who are prone to being extremely emotional tend to withdraw after vacations. Vacations produce an emotional high and there is a withdrawal afterwards. They don’t respond to this withdrawal in a logical way. The could pull back or they could demand more time together.

Another thing I have noticed is that many, many women, especially those with anxiety and depression, have an UNCANNY ability at lashing out at their boyfriend/partner as if they were the source of all their external problems. I see this so often that I honestly can’t make up my mind whether it’s all women, or just most of them, because that has been my experience. When I see it, I now draw a firm line and if crossed, I make my exit.

Makes a lot of sense. She's not always depressed, but when things get stressful she starts feeling more and more depressed. When things all around her get really bad, it triggers her into a deep depression, which is the first time it's happened since we dated.

I'm guessing when I backed away, she started to realize im not part of the problem, because even with me gone the problems are still there. Maybe that's why she got mad I went no contact, start initiating contact with me, cooked for me without me asking, also told me I can still call her babes, and asked for a date.

Just a guess lol

 

[Black Widow Void]

Welcome aboard.

Your girlfriend asked for space... you gave it to her... and then she becomes angry because it's not exactly as she wanted.
This reminds me of the old saying... "when I say "jump"... I don't expect you to ask why, but instead you are to say "how high?"

(unlike many members) I'm not part of the "he-man woman haters club" but let's call it what it is.

Her above behavior is not a symptom of "depression." Instead, it's an example of control and manipulation
Need more proof?
She's fashioned a convenient alibi. She expects you to overlook said behavior because "she's depressed."
Don't get me wrong. Depression is a real thing and not something that people should take lightly, but to her... this appears as a means to cloak her true nature.

The longer you stay in this relationship, the longer it'll take to heal and move forward. Those of us with experience have already been down your path. We made excuses and allowances for their behavior and got sucked in. Trust me, you do not want to experience this.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I'm guessing when I backed away, she started to realize im not part of the problem, because even with me gone the problems are still there. Maybe that's why she got mad I went no contact, start initiating contact with me, cooked for me without me asking, also told me I can still call her babes, and asked for a date.

It is very likely. My current GF does the same thing. Starts painting me as the source of her other problems in her mind, repeatedly. I always respond to it by distancing myself from her so she can be alone and realize I'm not the source of her problem, and that she feels better when I'm around giving her love than when she is alone.

 

[zacharie101]

Welcome aboard.

Your girlfriend asked for space... you gave it to her... and then she becomes angry because it's not exactly as she wanted.
This reminds me of the old saying... "when I say "jump"... I don't expect you to ask why, but instead you are to say "how high?"

(unlike many members) I'm not part of the "he-man woman haters club" but let's call it what it is.

Her above behavior is not a symptom of "depression." Instead, it's an example of control and manipulation
Need more proof?
She's fashioned a convenient alibi. She expects you to overlook said behavior because "she's depressed."
Don't get me wrong. Depression is a real thing and not something that people should take lightly, but to her... this appears as a means to cloak her true nature.

The longer you stay in this relationship, the longer it'll take to heal and move forward. Those of us with experience have already been down your path. We made excuses and allowances for their behavior and got sucked in. Trust me, you do not want to experience this.

Great advice.

When you say control and manipulation, what for? What could she be trying to accomplish?

Do you think this could be her being confused as to what she wants and expecting me to overlook this to fight for her love ?