My Case - Is full Recovery possible?

[germanGuy]

My Case - Is full Recovery possible?


Hi SoSouave Members,

its probably a long shot but i´ll try it anyway.

First of all I respect and adore everything all you guys put into this forum and your skills and talents with women - it is mindblowing for me that this stuff seems to work!

My case:
(warning: do not read if you are lite hearted)
I am a "nice guy" who is entering his 36th year on this earth and I only had sex once, with a prostitute - I got so afraid of meeting women and them finding out that i was still a virgin and would perform sex very badly or not at all (not getting it up etc.) that i hired a older woman (52) to teach me so to speek. It was nice sex buti didnt *** and then the hour was up. after that i put the idea of buying younger girls to rest.

early years:
i was bought up like any nice guy - surrounded by women - who teached me how to become a man...lol... (mother, daycarer, Kindergarten, Teachers, neighbours) the "cool boys" made fun of me and i was, today you would say, mobbed by them. i hated school and i think i decided subconsciously never to be like THEM. Later they where the ones who had the girls around - off course. My first experience with a girl was when i was about 10 and she played happy family with me. We both (fully dressed) lay on top of one another and she said that inorder for us to be a family we have to make the baby first (i had no idea what she was talking about) and we "moved up and down" - that was it - and then for a long time nothing. I hit puberty late (16 ish) and discovered the wonder of sexy magazines. from there on a passion had risen. i loved the magazines - my mother hated this stuff said i should find a "nice girlfriend" and threw them away. i got very creative with the magazines so creative that i started cutting out female celebrities and sticking them onto the posing girls (early photoshopping you might say) i started havening fantasies about my mother too then i started cutting out female members of my family as well.it all felt forbidden and turned me on. once i rang up hundreds of 0900 numbers from my familys house and listend in excitment as the women moaned on the other end. It all resulted in a 800 $ (in €) phone bill and me climbing up the biggest tree in our garden to avoid punishment. At the time i was struggling at school. I couldnt find a girlfriend although i had friendships with a girls but never made any move on them (not attractive enough i guess) they where more like buddies. And i was trying to be nice to everyone.

When i got my computer this thing got a whole new dimension. I was very receptive to the internet fetiches online. And so it got more twisted and more bizarre (think: two girls one cup, crushfetishes etc.) as the years passed away. Anything that didnt reflect normal sex turned me on. (hence not being able to *** with the prostitute) Sometimes i lay at night wondering with ringing ears what if any women once found out that i like to watch all this bizarre stuff online - what would she think of me then? and why did that matter to me so much? I tindered for a while and tried some 5 online dating plattforms but nobody ever replied or texted me back and i got tired with all the fake profiles
floating around. Eventually i did date a girl (tinder match) 2 times - and i was so afraid and ashamed of my sexual feelings towards her that i just was the nice guy and she then moved on without me. (i thought the date went fine - lol)

Recently I read two books that brought me to this forum: "No more mr nice guy" by Dr. Robert A. Glover and "The Rational Male" by Rollo Tomassi. What Eye openers they were. Also why reading rational male i experienced some form of cognitive dissonance (two thoughts in your mind that contradict each other) These were: 1) Women are nice and gentle creatures that need protection, and 2) women are selfish, tricky sluts that want to get ****ed. These thoughts clashing together caused some panic attacks and my social anxiety grew. They would also come from time to time during work in the office and ate at me. whenever i am outside with people i allways have women on my mind - just cant seem to relax. Often afraid of never being able to get any girl or have sex. Sometimes the thoughts went more like this (they laugh at me, call me a loser and so on) this
fuels the anxiety in general. As an introverted guy i like the internet. I think its good that i can write this stuff down here while tears run down my face and none of you need to see it. As i was a boy i never wanted to become like my father (shouting and loud) so i became more and more like my mother (quite and calm and nice). But i don´t want to be a female anymore i want to be a male, a MAN like you guys here. It all sounds so great to me. yet somehow lightyears away.
I love, absolutely love, the concept of men doing certain things and the women become more attracted to them and want to have sex.

I am currently in therapy (obviously) right now but it is only once a month so i decided to share these kinds of things with you guys here because as i see it -sexuality and women or my repressing of them, also my under developed masculine side, play a huge role here i think.

i apologize if i have upset anyone or made them angry with my post. I just wanted to connect and putting it all out in the open - so that anyone could understand from where i was coming from - felt right. I was still born a male- but somehow life didnt play out for me that way. the things i did the decisions i made have lead me up to this situatuon which im in right now and it does not feel good.

My Questions:
How can i actually start changing? What would be the very first step in changing?
How do you actually change your mind and your thoughts about yourself?
Do you guys flirt with every woman you come across during the day or just certain places?
Did you guys ever treat a woman dominantly and regreted it afterwards?
Am I the most desperate of cases on this forum or are there others like me or worse?
is there any realistic chance of me becoming a bit successful with women or even becoming more - i dare say it - alpha?
is the past just the past and i should forget about it and move on even when all my behavouirs my thoughts and reactions have been setup during my past?

my strengths are:
creativity
artistry talent (tought myself my current 3D artist job)
speak 2 Languages
lean body and tall
good listener
deep thinker
funny
self improving openess
spiritual awareness
adaptive
psychology mindfulness
neither drug or alcohol addicted
kind (or is it a weakness?)

my weaknesses:
fear of new situations
over analizing
quick emotional overwhelming responses
passive
shameful
weak
low energy
porn addicted

I really appreciate your feedback or general understanding of my situation and what you would do if you were in my shoes?

Thank you so much for reading this entirely.

-

your (not so typical)

germanGuy

 

[Desdinova]

I am a "nice guy" who is entering his 36th year on this earth and I only had sex once

The party's not over yet. My 30s were the decade where I got laid the most.

1) Women are nice and gentle creatures that need protection, and 2) women are selfish, tricky sluts that want to get ****ed.

The simple and complicated answer is: Women are both. Deep down they are nice, gentle creatures that need protection, but they can come across as selfish tricky slvts that want to get fvcked. Ignore everything about how they appear on the surface, because to lay them you'll need to appeal to what nature has given them.

How can i actually start changing? What would be the very first step in changing?

You need to get crawl out of your introverted self and start socializing. You cannot meet women if you don't socialize. You cannot talk to women you don't know if you can't talk to people you don't know. Start off by striking up conversations with strangers young, old, male, female, ugly, or attractive. You need to become comfortable with this if you want to be comfortable talking to women.

How do you actually change your mind and your thoughts about yourself?

Affirmations. I would look at myself in the mirror daily and tell myself how strong I was, how I'm able to survive everything that gets thrown at me, and I'd remind myself of all my accomplishments. Doing that gets you into a very positive mindset.

Do you guys flirt with every woman you come across during the day or just certain places?

All of them. Women of any age enjoy interacting with men who are playful and flirty. It's good practice for when you encounter a woman you might want to ask out. Then it becomes natural. My GF tells me I have a naturally flirty personality. Little does she know, I was extremely introverted and worked hard to develop that flirty personality.

Did you guys ever treat a woman dominantly and regreted it afterwards?

Never.

Am I the most desperate of cases on this forum or are there others like me or worse?

No, there's a couple other bad cases here. Do yourself a favour and scroll to the bottom of the page, click on the DJ Bible link, and read everything there. That will help get you started.

 

[The Duke]

My Case - Is full Recovery possible?

My Questions:
How can i actually start changing? What would be the very first step in changing?
How do you actually change your mind and your thoughts about yourself?
Do you guys flirt with every woman you come across during the day or just certain places?
Did you guys ever treat a woman dominantly and regreted it afterwards?
Am I the most desperate of cases on this forum or are there others like me or worse?
is there any realistic chance of me becoming a bit successful with women or even becoming more - i dare say it - alpha?
is the past just the past and i should forget about it and move on even when all my behavouirs my thoughts and reactions have been setup during my past?

I hope your therapist is male and highly masculine! It might be a good idea to book sessions more frequently. If you could find a good male role model to hang out with that understood your issues and was good with women that would be a plus.

Answers to your Questions:
-I certainly don't flirt with every woman I come across. Only the ones I am highly interested in and in certain places when I feel like it.
-Your idea of being dominant might be different than mine. I prefer submissive women that value a man that runs the show. Never regretted it. If by dominant you mean somewhat abusive, no never been that way.
-I would say the most desperate cases are guys that are not aware. You can't improve if you aren't aware. So you have them beat there. You are aware, willing to work on the problem, and looking for ways to do it. That's a great step in the right direction.
-If you are willing to undo some of your learned behaviors then yes you can progress. Seems like you have the right attitude.

 

[Fzatf]

My Case - Is full Recovery possible?


Hi SoSouave Members,

its probably a long shot but i´ll try it anyway.

First of all I respect and adore everything all you guys put into this forum and your skills and talents with women - it is mindblowing for me that this stuff seems to work!

My case:
(warning: do not read if you are lite hearted)
I am a "nice guy" who is entering his 36th year on this earth and I only had sex once, with a prostitute - I got so afraid of meeting women and them finding out that i was still a virgin and would perform sex very badly or not at all (not getting it up etc.) that i hired a older woman (52) to teach me so to speek. It was nice sex buti didnt *** and then the hour was up. after that i put the idea of buying younger girls to rest.

early years:
i was bought up like any nice guy - surrounded by women - who teached me how to become a man...lol... (mother, daycarer, Kindergarten, Teachers, neighbours) the "cool boys" made fun of me and i was, today you would say, mobbed by them. i hated school and i think i decided subconsciously never to be like THEM. Later they where the ones who had the girls around - off course. My first experience with a girl was when i was about 10 and she played happy family with me. We both (fully dressed) lay on top of one another and she said that inorder for us to be a family we have to make the baby first (i had no idea what she was talking about) and we "moved up and down" - that was it - and then for a long time nothing. I hit puberty late (16 ish) and discovered the wonder of sexy magazines. from there on a passion had risen. i loved the magazines - my mother hated this stuff said i should find a "nice girlfriend" and threw them away. i got very creative with the magazines so creative that i started cutting out female celebrities and sticking them onto the posing girls (early photoshopping you might say) i started havening fantasies about my mother too then i started cutting out female members of my family as well.it all felt forbidden and turned me on. once i rang up hundreds of 0900 numbers from my familys house and listend in excitment as the women moaned on the other end. It all resulted in a 800 $ (in €) phone bill and me climbing up the biggest tree in our garden to avoid punishment. At the time i was struggling at school. I couldnt find a girlfriend although i had friendships with a girls but never made any move on them (not attractive enough i guess) they where more like buddies. And i was trying to be nice to everyone.

When i got my computer this thing got a whole new dimension. I was very receptive to the internet fetiches online. And so it got more twisted and more bizarre (think: two girls one cup, crushfetishes etc.) as the years passed away. Anything that didnt reflect normal sex turned me on. (hence not being able to *** with the prostitute) Sometimes i lay at night wondering with ringing ears what if any women once found out that i like to watch all this bizarre stuff online - what would she think of me then? and why did that matter to me so much? I tindered for a while and tried some 5 online dating plattforms but nobody ever replied or texted me back and i got tired with all the fake profiles
floating around. Eventually i did date a girl (tinder match) 2 times - and i was so afraid and ashamed of my sexual feelings towards her that i just was the nice guy and she then moved on without me. (i thought the date went fine - lol)

Recently I read two books that brought me to this forum: "No more mr nice guy" by Dr. Robert A. Glover and "The Rational Male" by Rollo Tomassi. What Eye openers they were. Also why reading rational male i experienced some form of cognitive dissonance (two thoughts in your mind that contradict each other) These were: 1) Women are nice and gentle creatures that need protection, and 2) women are selfish, tricky sluts that want to get ****ed. These thoughts clashing together caused some panic attacks and my social anxiety grew. They would also come from time to time during work in the office and ate at me. whenever i am outside with people i allways have women on my mind - just cant seem to relax. Often afraid of never being able to get any girl or have sex. Sometimes the thoughts went more like this (they laugh at me, call me a loser and so on) this
fuels the anxiety in general. As an introverted guy i like the internet. I think its good that i can write this stuff down here while tears run down my face and none of you need to see it. As i was a boy i never wanted to become like my father (shouting and loud) so i became more and more like my mother (quite and calm and nice). But i don´t want to be a female anymore i want to be a male, a MAN like you guys here. It all sounds so great to me. yet somehow lightyears away.
I love, absolutely love, the concept of men doing certain things and the women become more attracted to them and want to have sex.

I am currently in therapy (obviously) right now but it is only once a month so i decided to share these kinds of things with you guys here because as i see it -sexuality and women or my repressing of them, also my under developed masculine side, play a huge role here i think.

i apologize if i have upset anyone or made them angry with my post. I just wanted to connect and putting it all out in the open - so that anyone could understand from where i was coming from - felt right. I was still born a male- but somehow life didnt play out for me that way. the things i did the decisions i made have lead me up to this situatuon which im in right now and it does not feel good.

My Questions:
How can i actually start changing? What would be the very first step in changing?
How do you actually change your mind and your thoughts about yourself?
Do you guys flirt with every woman you come across during the day or just certain places?
Did you guys ever treat a woman dominantly and regreted it afterwards?
Am I the most desperate of cases on this forum or are there others like me or worse?
is there any realistic chance of me becoming a bit successful with women or even becoming more - i dare say it - alpha?
is the past just the past and i should forget about it and move on even when all my behavouirs my thoughts and reactions have been setup during my past?

my strengths are:
creativity
artistry talent (tought myself my current 3D artist job)
speak 2 Languages
lean body and tall
good listener
deep thinker
funny
self improving openess
spiritual awareness
adaptive
psychology mindfulness
neither drug or alcohol addicted
kind (or is it a weakness?)

my weaknesses:
fear of new situations
over analizing
quick emotional overwhelming responses
passive
shameful
weak
low energy
porn addicted

I really appreciate your feedback or general understanding of my situation and what you would do if you were in my shoes?

Thank you so much for reading this entirely.

-

your (not so typical)

germanGuy

As you read the djbible and apply it you're going to face hurdles. You may think you're a lost cause and that it isn't working for you. You'll need to persevere and be patient with yourself. You can do better with women. You can live the life that you want.

I recommend you cut back on the porn if you can. Maybe a couple of times a week or less. Some guys find it helpful to cut it completely and focus on themselves and in approaching women.

 

[MrWood]

women love a man who:
does not have fear of new situations
does not over analyze
is not quick to overwhelming emotional responses
is not passive
is not shameful
is not weak
has energy
is not porn addicted

 

[Poonstra]

i apologize if i have upset anyone or made them angry with my post.

Also, stop saying stuff like this.

 

[Spaz]

After reading your post, I'm of the opinion you'll do just fine in the future.

The 1st step is the realisation and acknowledgement of who you are, the desire to change is a powerful tool by itself.

@Desdinova has stated you read DJ Bible, I strongly suggest you start off there. Gaining knowledge will strengthen your frame.

 

[germanGuy]

Thanks so much guys!
Some great feedback. I will take it all in. Also I have asked to switch to a male therapist - i am awaiting their response. I will start with the DJ Bible. I never looked at me beeing aware is the first step - I allways thought everybody knows realy what theyre struggling with in life and what they should do to change but dont.

I am going to join a group that meets every couple of weeks to brush up their english in conversation - for me that should be pretty easy as I grew up with 2 languages. They meet in restaurants and cafes. I will try it and let you know how it went.

 

[Alvafe]

to get better on anything is be know what the problem is and what you need to do and then practice on waht you need, you have the first one done, you know the problem, is working on the 2nd, then you will work on the last one with is the more long and hard thing to do.

another thing to do is do some kind of sport, something makes you move, be it martial arts or just hitting the gym, not only you will meet more people but you will work on your mind and body

 

[strikerace13]

I was the same way most of my life and at 30 I pushed myself in a low income housing complex management job to learn how to deal with people. Meet this girl there that was attracted to me because I was in charge, used it as a learning experience to learn how to have sex right. As she was very sexual in a messed up way, so I knew it was not going to go any where. Great place to learn how to pickup women and learn how to be in charge which women like. Place really turned me around and forced me to learn faster and taught me social skills.

 

[Milano]

I was a virgin till I was 26. I felt like I was in a hole, you know like batman with the broken back. Sloooowly, thats what it feels like. But in around 3 years I have fuked more girls than I can remember. Probably around 20(so you can get an idea, theres a couple of *****s in there aswell) but I never count anymore. Why? Pointless and a bit beta imo.

I can relate with almost all of your traits. Now is the time to connect with the manly side, be a warrior.

I invite you to become ADDICTED to pain, the pain of improving your weak areas. "I should probably talk to that girl at the buss stop, its only me and her". ****ING DO IT. Or face the pain of a sleepless night in disgrace. You need to force your brain into hating you for not taking risks, rejections. Become a rejection-machine! Who the hell would have the balls to do that?! YOU would! Cause you are a man, you would rather die trying.

Reward yourself for taking a rejection, in fact, you are a lion for taking a chance while the other plebs are jerking off. While trying to talk to more people, you also brainwash yourself constantly about being a boss, king of your world. All your good traits are fking boss! Tell yourself every day. Make it work. Love yourself, its all you got.

Get a professional for a few tinder pics as well. Make it look natural/stylish whatever. Make it look cool. If you are a nice guy now you probably dont have cool pics.

Before your first date, if you are in a car(hopefully) scream that anxiety the fck out the way. Laugh, smile, talk out load about how awesome you are. Get the nerves out. This helped me once a while.

Also remember, everything you say has value simply because it comes from you.

Just a few things that came to mind. Good luck, buddy!

 

[greatsnake]

better days are ahead of you, now that you've realized these things.

Women enjoy a guy that is mysterious, opinionated, fearless, strong and that knows how to have fun.

 

[germanGuy]

Hi Guys,

Feeling alot better now. Been reading through all the uplifting Material on the DJbible. Powerful and positive stuff there - thanks so much.

Man i really had a alot of things to do lately. I cleaned my room (jordan peterson - thank you) i threw out all clothes i didnt like or had been givin to me for birthdays or christmas by other people. (I NO LONGER LIKE THOSE CLOTHES) I threw all stuff that i didnt want like or need anymore into the cellar and then called a company to clean out the whole cellar (feeling lighter somehow) I started doing pushups as a daily routine. I got myself a big whiteboard and wrote down goals so that i allways have them visually in Front of me everday. I signed up for a fit and fight workout course that starts next week.

My english speaking group meetup was alot of fun yesterday (but I really had to push myself even going to something sooo simple as just talking to people) but i am glad i did. There was only one girl there (older blonde, nice rack and cleavage (witch she covered up later with a scarf) I realised i had no trouble talking and listening to everyone there. The anxiety was only a couples of times there when we all had a loud laugh and then nobody started something new and it all fell a little silent. That was Arkward.

I dont ride my bike anymore to work. I feel like walking there now (witch means i have to get up a little earlier) I have seen some interesting girls walk by. I try to stay in eye contact with them but after a few seconds it feels like the ground is crubbling away. noway now can i see myself walking up to girl and saying something like HI! But im working on it and look forward to the bright Future. Thougt I just let you know. Bye

 

[germanGuy]

Hi guys,

Still absorbing the DJ bible. Went for a martial arts workout session on thursday. Man it really kicked my ass. I am sooo unfit.
But i pulled through and it was fun. Afterwards i kinda felt high und was grining while walking all the home. But I was suprised how many chicks where there. I mean we were well over 20 people and the where about 40% women. (strong and fit women too) I signed up for the first 6 months now. Couldnt have done it without your help guys. Cheers.