Latinoman said:
Don't you live in Spain?
Completely different culture and society.
The line between friendships and those elusive benefits is indeed a bit thinner here in Spain.
Having said that, I am originally from New York City, where I have lived most of my life. My first steady girlfriend started out as one of my best friends. She was actually engaged when we met and over time ended up confessing her true feelings. This is not because of any DJing on my part, in fact I NEVER directly hit on her, which I have found is key. We used to flirt, but it was harmless as I really wasn't putting my energy out there like that.
Faded Image said:
What's the difference between the friend zone and the true friend zone?
I think there are varying degrees of a platonic situation:
1st Degree Friend
She is attracted to you, but either attached or recently burned and totally avoiding any romantic entanglements.
2nd Degree Friend
You are not her physical type, but she becomes very attached to your persona over time. You make her feel like no one else can.
3rd Degree Friend
You are an emotional tampon that she does not see in a sexual way (cause you act like her girlfriend)
4th Degree Friend
You came out your face and confessed your feelings (violating the Golden Rule) Sadly there is little to no chance for recovery here.
If I was pressed to count, I have hooked up with at about a dozen "friends", forming solid relationships with 4 of them. In all these experiences I was only 3rd degree once (I got bumped up later on when my game improved and a certain "pal" got jealous). The rest of the time I was completely oblivious to their attraction because I was juggling something else (truly crucial)
The secret is to not focus your efforts on HB Friend. Once obsession sets in you have already lost!
It's really a matter of covering a few rudimentary bases
• Being your natural, charming self
• Making them open, and comfortable enough to be themselves
• Not being readily available, letting them miss you (no 2-hour phone convos!)
• Having options on your plate
It's also worth noting that usually I make the pre-emptive strike of LJBFing them first. Which is why I never got shoved into the no-mans land of the 4th degree to begin with.