"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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My Brother is dating a BPD...how to get across to him?

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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Atom Smasher

Atom Smasher

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Love is blind. What can you really do? When someone is blindly in love, exposing the woman for who she is will only elicit resentment from your brother. The only thing you can do is to casually ask leading questions to see if he reveals some doubts, and if he does leverage the conversation to open up his eyes. Questions are a lot more disarming than statements.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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SgtSplacker

SgtSplacker

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Being in a relationship with a BPD is bad enough, add in your family being all up in your biz and it's just too much. Just try to support your brother in a positive way.
 
D

Dominance

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You don't give any detail which doesn't help.

BUT... i've found trying to get involved in other peoples relationships just causes them to think you are the bad guy. And usually the guy (especially if he's whipped) will stand up for her no matter how bad or wrong she is.
 
S

SBW

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You won't get anything across to him until he's ready and willing to listen - Usually not until she has split him so badly or so often that he can no longer deny/rationalise/avoid recognising that there is something very seriously wrong here.

In the meantime, you could gather some of the info/links on BPD here together so you can give them to him when that time comes. The usual caveats on not being that guy who sticks his oar-in without welcome apply, so take care of your own position and just leave him to draw his own concllusions (if any at all) once you have.

And yes, some more info on how her potential BPD is manifesting itself to him would help.
 
VladPatton

VladPatton

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Leave it alone, and let him find out. You will be labeled 'the bad guy' guaranteed. All this stuff we talk about on here is like classified Area 54 shıt. Keep it to yourself and don't talk about it. Most men won't understand and will think you're just crazy no matter how correct and how much of a visionary you are. It's one of the prices to pay for taking the red pill.
 
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