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Moving in Together Destroyed My Relationship

Georgepithyou

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Two years ago I was in a 6 month relationship, we decided to move in since we only saw each other 2-3 times a week. We thought seeing each other everyday would make things better.

It took me two weeks of living with her to break up with her. I'm not a clean freak but I hated how dirty she was. She would leave clothes and towels on the floor everywhere. She would turn on the tap while brushing her teeth which is a huge waste of water. She would leave her plates around instead of putting it in the dishwasher.

She also would refuse to cook instead saying "im too tired lets eat out" every single day. She also would not give me space and would get mad when i wanted to go out alone. On weekends she would sleep in until 12 in the morning, I'm the kind of person who gets up at 6:30 to workout.

The weird thing was for the 6 months i never saw this side of her, i finally realised why couples break up after moving in together. You see the worst aspects of your partner, nothing is hidden.
 
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zekko

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You're looking at this all wrong. Moving in didn't destroy your relationship. It saved you from making a far worse mistake, like possibly marrying her. At the very least, it brought things to a head so you no longer have to waste your time with each other.
 

Georgepithyou

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isn't this when the women jump in and make you wrong?
“You should have communicated.”, “men don’t understand.”, “You should have done this or done that tack, yack,yack”. Hahaha
You should have helped out around the house more.

Trust me I’m not being critical of women. In fact I think it’s funny, predictable and in many cases adorable. It’s all your fault you know. Haha

Women are kind of awesome.
Funny thing is early on in the relationship i said i wanted someone who is traditional (cooks and cleans). She completely agreed with me and said she always does that. So imagine my shock when we moved in and she only cooked one time (scrambled eggs) and never cleaned up her own mess once.

You're looking at this all wrong. Moving in didn't destroy your relationship. It saved you from making a far worse mistake, like possibly marrying her. At the very least, it brought things to a head so you no longer have to waste your time with each other.
I am very thankful i didn't marry her, but it made me cautious about ever moving in with another woman again. It was like dating two different people before and after moving in together.
 

Stuffnu

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The uncleanliness is probably a reflection of her upbringing. No way would I get away with leaving a plate or clothes lying around from my parents. I’ve always been neat with my house as it’s engrained. Perhaps growing up she got a free pass from her folks.
You were probably blindsided with the laziness during the honeymoon phase
I was in a recent relationship like that and couldn’t get her out of my house fast enough for both reasons.
How many friendships have perished when they become roommates so seeing the worst aspects also applies. As Zekko mentioned, you dodged a bullet.
 

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manfrombelow

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Two years ago I was in a 6 month relationship, we decided to move in since we only saw each other 2-3 times a week. We thought seeing each other everyday would make things better.

It took me two weeks of living with her to break up with her. I'm not a clean freak but I hated how dirty she was. She would leave clothes and towels on the floor everywhere. She would turn on the tap while brushing her teeth which is a huge waste of water. She would leave her plates around instead of putting it in the dishwasher.

She also would refuse to cook instead saying "im too tired lets eat out" every single day. She also would not give me space and would get mad when i wanted to go out alone. On weekends she would sleep in until 12 in the morning, I'm the kind of person who gets up at 6:30 to workout.

The weird thing was for the 6 months i never saw this side of her, i finally realised why couples break up after moving in together. You see the worst aspects of your partner, nothing is hidden.
Brother, I learned this lesson the hard way.

In my case, the b!tch nagged and complained and didn't give me any room for me to breath. She even complained because I liked to take my nap after lunch because to her it's "laziness". Eventually I called it quit. Best decision ever.
 

lost_blackbird

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What you've learned is that the vast majority of women are actually slobs.
They fettle their looks constantly though because their looks get them attention, not how
tidy and clean their living space is. The house I used to share with my wife is a complete
mess now I'm not there keeping it spick and span. Like a giant teenagers bedroom.
It's 4.45 am here and I just washed last nights dinner dishes before I head off to work because
I can't just leave them there even though the house will remain empty all day. I had a friend
come to visit recently and he said my house was like a show home. I'm off work tomorrow and
I'll spend most of the day making improvements to my place, namely painting one wall in my
bedroom a contrasting colour and upgrading a few power outlets to ones with USB ports built in
so I can be rid of the ugly phone chargers and things there now. I spent a couple of hours after
work yesterday putting up some prints in frames in my lounge using a laser level to ensure uniformity.
I'm always doing something around the house or garden. Keeps me busy.
 

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CAPSLOCK BANDIT

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I would never share my space with a woman that did not display compliance and submission, at the very first sign of resistance you address it immediately, any further and she's gotta go, far too many single women to be tolerating nonsense in your own house
 

bat soup

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Two years ago I was in a 6 month relationship, we decided to move in since we only saw each other 2-3 times a week. We thought seeing each other everyday would make things better.

It took me two weeks of living with her to break up with her. I'm not a clean freak but I hated how dirty she was. She would leave clothes and towels on the floor everywhere. She would turn on the tap while brushing her teeth which is a huge waste of water. She would leave her plates around instead of putting it in the dishwasher.

She also would refuse to cook instead saying "im too tired lets eat out" every single day. She also would not give me space and would get mad when i wanted to go out alone. On weekends she would sleep in until 12 in the morning, I'm the kind of person who gets up at 6:30 to workout.

The weird thing was for the 6 months i never saw this side of her, i finally realised why couples break up after moving in together. You see the worst aspects of your partner, nothing is hidden.
You had a lucky escape. Moving in with a woman is usually a bad idea. Once they move in, it's hard to get rid of them or to meet other women.
 

Alvafe

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You're looking at this all wrong. Moving in didn't destroy your relationship. It saved you from making a far worse mistake, like possibly marrying her. At the very least, it brought things to a head so you no longer have to waste your time with each other.
though I do agree, moving together to me is akin to marrying her, is not paper, but is the same action, but cheaper,

also its funny media always says men is the messy ones, but from what I know, saw and live, men are the clean ones woman are too messy and lazy, sure they will hide it to everyone, or try at least, guys don' care enough and only do what they feel they should
 

Pan87

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I've found that not letting her move in, but letting her come over regularly to the point where she's leaving items at your place and feels like she has a spot there, is the best balance.

You still have the sexual tension and honeymoon period because she doesn't feel like she's "won you" yet, but you still get the nice experience and comfort of having a girl that lives with you. I maintained this for 2 years in my last LTR and her behavior was impeccable the entire time. She'd come over and stay about 5 nights per week. That relationship didn't work out after she caught me cheating for about the 10th time and decided it was an abusive relationship, but if I had been a bit more careful then I could have maintained that situation indefinitely. It was like being single and having an LTR at the same time - best of both worlds.
 

_sideways_

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I've found that not letting her move in, but letting her come over regularly to the point where she's leaving items at your place and feels like she has a spot there, is the best balance.

You still have the sexual tension and honeymoon period because she doesn't feel like she's "won you" yet, but you still get the nice experience and comfort of having a girl that lives with you. I maintained this for 2 years in my last LTR and her behavior was impeccable the entire time. She'd come over and stay about 5 nights per week. That relationship didn't work out after she caught me cheating for about the 10th time and decided it was an abusive relationship, but if I had been a bit more careful then I could have maintained that situation indefinitely. It was like being single and having an LTR at the same time - best of both worlds.
Explain how you managed to keep her around after the ninth time she caught you cheating.
Or 1-9...lemme get my snacks
 

Pan87

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Explain how you managed to keep her around after the ninth time she caught you cheating.
Or 1-9...lemme get my snacks
By never apologizing and blaming her for it. The 10th time it happened, I felt bad about it and apologized. That's all it took. Huge lesson for me. Never, ever apologize to a woman for anything.

Take the Bill Clinton approach if you must - "mistakes were made". But never, ever say the word "sorry".
 

_sideways_

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By never apologizing and blaming her for it. The 10th time it happened, I felt bad about it and apologized. That's all it took. Huge lesson for me. Never, ever apologize to a woman for anything.

Take the Bill Clinton approach if you must - "mistakes were made". But never, ever say the word "sorry".
That's cold bro...one of my best friends did the exact same thing. We laughed it off over bong tips tho.
But yes...he said, " I just said it was her fault"
Wow...but...what do you say to her ear hole that would make her think it's her fault? Even if she is doing you rightly
 

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Pan87

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That's cold bro...one of my best friends did the exact same thing. We laughed it off over bong tips tho.
But yes...he said, " I just said it was her fault"
Wow...but...what do you say to her ear hole that would make her think it's her fault? Even if she is doing you rightly
When it comes to cheating, you have to be cold. The funny thing about cheating is that it actually turns her on, especially if you're not sorry. Taps into her mad insecurities and competition anxieties. But the minute you apologise you completely flip it into something that's not attractive - she sees you as weak, dishonest and the respect drops into a grave.

You have to make up any reason as to why it's her fault. Tell her you're dissatisfied in some way. Either sexually or emotionally. You have to gaslight her.
 

_sideways_

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Taps into her mad insecurities and competition anxieties.


Which are?
Other girls are prettier?
 

Pan87

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Taps into her mad insecurities and competition anxieties.


Which are?
Other girls are prettier?
Women are super competitive with other women. Most of the lives revolve around it. That's why women have such hard times in their friendships with other women.
 

_sideways_

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So why did you cheat?
...she was taller. And you know I have a thing for legs.

Something like that...
 

Pan87

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So why did you cheat?
...she was taller. And you know I have a thing for legs.

Something like that...
Nah, you don't want to make her think that the girl you cheated with is "better." You want to focus squarely on your GF's inadequacies. You just let her imagine the other girl is better.

The frame is simply that you're a high quality dude with options, and if she's not performing and giving her best then you'll find someone else. You just don't ever want her to think you're dishonest. Dishonesty, not the cheating, is where the respect falls and she loses attraction.
 
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