I know I could go out to the mall and sarge today, but for some reason I'm just not motivated enough. What if I don't get any success? What if I don't find any girls? What if I don't get any numbers? I don't know, I'd rather just stay home. So if you were in my situation how would you motivate yourself to go?
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Motivating myself to go and sarge.
- Thread starter ElStud
- Start date
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
I say to myself, "don't be lazy" and then I go.
Also, I have a deal with myself that if I'm really not going to go out, I have to do something productive toward my goals - work out, read, etc. I'm not saying be perfect and be doing something every minute, but don't let a day go by completely wasted. Keep momentum. Working out a lot will give you more energy.
A couple times I've gone out when I didn't feel like it and ended up having an amazing night. One night like that will help motivate you a great deal. But you're not going to have that night sitting at home.
Also, you should get to a point where this is fun for you. If you're not having fun, be more daring, find some way to make it fun.
If you're having trouble with your discipline do something scheduled (like a class) that forces you to get out. Most accomplishments in life require discipline so if you don't have it focus on getting it.
Also, I have a deal with myself that if I'm really not going to go out, I have to do something productive toward my goals - work out, read, etc. I'm not saying be perfect and be doing something every minute, but don't let a day go by completely wasted. Keep momentum. Working out a lot will give you more energy.
A couple times I've gone out when I didn't feel like it and ended up having an amazing night. One night like that will help motivate you a great deal. But you're not going to have that night sitting at home.
Also, you should get to a point where this is fun for you. If you're not having fun, be more daring, find some way to make it fun.
If you're having trouble with your discipline do something scheduled (like a class) that forces you to get out. Most accomplishments in life require discipline so if you don't have it focus on getting it.
I was in the same situation as you. If you read the "Rejecting Yourself" topic, that is excellent. You are already rejected if you don't approach, so what do you have to lose? When I made my first approach, I was nervous, but I did it and I had a good outcome. (2 numbers from her and her friend) And once you do it, you feel great and then you make more approaches. nice
Yeah but it's like most of the time at the mall you'll get blown out by chicks. The only chicks you'll ever really get interest from are chicks who work there and it's hard to tell whether they're really into you or not because they're paid to be nice. But yeah, in my experience most walking targets are b*tches.
Cold approaches are not for everyone man. It sounds to me like you don't enjoy going to the mall and approaching random women. And that's fine.
Have you considered taking classes or doing things you actually enjoy while meeting women? Personally, I hate clubs, so I don't go to them. I found that I had the most success when just focusing on having a fun time out with friends. Things just fell into place.
Kudos,
Matt
Have you considered taking classes or doing things you actually enjoy while meeting women? Personally, I hate clubs, so I don't go to them. I found that I had the most success when just focusing on having a fun time out with friends. Things just fell into place.
Kudos,
Matt
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
You have to own up to it and understand its not for the short term even though you can see short term results. just commit yourself to doing 5 approaches a day everyday. Once you've gone a week without missing an approach you'll feel more inclined to own up and keep a perfect record. If every guy on this forum talked to 5 girls a day for a year (even if they didn't feel like it that day, and didn't quit when they got some sort of gf) there would be some serious skill here.
Approaching period is basically cold approaching so. Yeah, I can go up to the girls walking in the mall, but what's the f*cking point? They're just going to ***** me. I'm not even making excuses, I've walked up to walking targets and never got anything. Atleast with girls who work there I can get practice.Roulette said:Cold approaches are not for everyone man. It sounds to me like you don't enjoy going to the mall and approaching random women. And that's fine.
Have you considered taking classes or doing things you actually enjoy while meeting women? Personally, I hate clubs, so I don't go to them. I found that I had the most success when just focusing on having a fun time out with friends. Things just fell into place.
Kudos,
Matt
jtrain 289
Senior Don Juan
watch some porn but dont jerk off that'll get you mad pumped buddy trust me im dead serious
Improvement is the point - you don't want to just keeping doing the same thing over and over if it isn't working. Post your FR and let the guys here help you out. Find like three different openers to try and see if any work better.
Remember, this is the hard part. It can only get easier.
Remember, this is the hard part. It can only get easier.
ElStud said:Approaching period is basically cold approaching so. Yeah, I can go up to the girls walking in the mall, but what's the f*cking point?
Boschy
Senior Don Juan
You either need to find another way of meeting women, or start exercising to lift your mood and lethargy and get excited about meeting people.
You currently have a negative attitude and in the long term, that will be a self-fulling prophecy, a catch-22, an endless feedback loop, etc. Learn to love rejection and make adjustments to your game until things improve.
You currently have a negative attitude and in the long term, that will be a self-fulling prophecy, a catch-22, an endless feedback loop, etc. Learn to love rejection and make adjustments to your game until things improve.
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
FutureSpartan
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2007
- Messages
- 317
- Reaction score
- 14
ElStud, you need to drop all the canned material you've been using and just do a simple "hi" approach, fluff talk her (where is she from, where does she work, what school she goes to, what she is studying) and then,ElStud said:Yeah but it's like most of the time at the mall you'll get blown out by chicks. The only chicks you'll ever really get interest from are chicks who work there and it's hard to tell whether they're really into you or not because they're paid to be nice. But yeah, in my experience most walking targets are b*tches.
"Ok, well I have to run but let me get your number and I'll call you sometime"
Don't do any more "survey questions" or lame routines. Just keep your approaches simple and light for now until you become comfortable having normal conversations.
"Learn to not f*ck up before you learn to become great" -Gunwitch
IWillReturnsoon
Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2007
- Messages
- 108
- Reaction score
- 2
Listen to the advice from the other members man, don't use this kind of canned material anymore...its exactly why ur getting rejected the way u've been getting rejected. If ur gonna stay in the indirect route(I don't like it but to his, their own)...use something that is more towards the woman. Sure...a ton of rejection is natural at the start of the game...but with these kinds of openers...of course ur gonna get rejected from these...girls don't give a crap about surveys and neither do you deep down. What do you TRULY want to open with, rather than what u feel u HAVE to open with? Thats the question you have to answer for yourself. Once u get that answer, u'll be more motivated to go out there. Trust me, the more better ur opening is, the less u will be rejected.
Snow Plowman
Master Don Juan
It's really because he is looking at this as work instead of something that is fun.
You have to be process oriented...
- You must love the good moments
- You must love the bad moments
- You must love the interactions
- You must love the challenges
- You must love getting past sticking points
YOU MUST LOVE THE GAME
If you're focused on one thing...and we all know what it is, then your going in just hoping for it. You don't like the process you'd rather have a cheat code to get where you want to be, instead of going through the whole process to get to where you want to be.
It's obvious his state is based on the validation he gets. If he gets a bad interaction then he state goes down, if it's a good interaction then his state goes up. This is bad in the long run, because you become a response junkie.
That is why if you go in a set your hoping that the set is nice to you from the start because you don't want any bad emotions because it will kill your state. This is why you won't approach moving sets because of that bad experience with that one set.
Really though when you're out there your suppose to be having fun. This is more of a hobby. The frame you should have is that "The world is your pickup lab". Meaning everything you do is just a fun social experiment, where you're trying to find out what happens. It doesn't matter if you get a good or bad reaction because you were just playing around trying stuff.
Two things you should do...
1. Lower your criteria for success (Start off just saying hi, or asking for the time, or just small talk, and then work your way up to an actually conversation, then a conversation where you add some form of humor, and keep the momentum going)
2. Focus on the skill (Don't logically look for success, such as #s and anything else you can consider success. Just go in with the goal of learning the skills whether it's telling stories, qualifying, kinoing, etc)
3. See every set as a learning experience (You've learned the things you did good and the things you did bad, that will help you in the long run)
4. Go out constantly (That is your main goal, if you have a chance to go out and sharpen your skills, don't think just go out and see what adventures await you)
That's like the only thing I can think of right now, because you really just have to focus on the process and realize that this shouldn't be something that is nerve wrecking, it should be fun.
You have to be process oriented...
- You must love the good moments
- You must love the bad moments
- You must love the interactions
- You must love the challenges
- You must love getting past sticking points
YOU MUST LOVE THE GAME
If you're focused on one thing...and we all know what it is, then your going in just hoping for it. You don't like the process you'd rather have a cheat code to get where you want to be, instead of going through the whole process to get to where you want to be.
It's obvious his state is based on the validation he gets. If he gets a bad interaction then he state goes down, if it's a good interaction then his state goes up. This is bad in the long run, because you become a response junkie.
That is why if you go in a set your hoping that the set is nice to you from the start because you don't want any bad emotions because it will kill your state. This is why you won't approach moving sets because of that bad experience with that one set.
Really though when you're out there your suppose to be having fun. This is more of a hobby. The frame you should have is that "The world is your pickup lab". Meaning everything you do is just a fun social experiment, where you're trying to find out what happens. It doesn't matter if you get a good or bad reaction because you were just playing around trying stuff.
Two things you should do...
1. Lower your criteria for success (Start off just saying hi, or asking for the time, or just small talk, and then work your way up to an actually conversation, then a conversation where you add some form of humor, and keep the momentum going)
2. Focus on the skill (Don't logically look for success, such as #s and anything else you can consider success. Just go in with the goal of learning the skills whether it's telling stories, qualifying, kinoing, etc)
3. See every set as a learning experience (You've learned the things you did good and the things you did bad, that will help you in the long run)
4. Go out constantly (That is your main goal, if you have a chance to go out and sharpen your skills, don't think just go out and see what adventures await you)
That's like the only thing I can think of right now, because you really just have to focus on the process and realize that this shouldn't be something that is nerve wrecking, it should be fun.
KnockoutJM
Don Juan
Just think.. when you arent doing anything.. you might as well practice.. use your time the best you can.
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
Yeah, but dude it's like I got stuff I could working on at home, so why would I waste my time sarging when I'm not going to get any results, just get *****ed out? Walking around the mall for 2 hours is a workout and it's just not worth it if I'm not even improving. I see it like this, walking around the mall and not improving is the same as walking around the neighborhood, I'm walking around and not improving. So if I'm just gonna walk around and not improve I might as well save gas and just walk around my neighborhood. You guys are right, sarging DOES feel like work to me and that's why I don't want to go out. It's like going to work and if I don't approach, I'm not getting my job done.
I know I could go out to the mall today and sarge, but I figure, what the hells the use when I got stuff to do at home?
I know I could go out to the mall today and sarge, but I figure, what the hells the use when I got stuff to do at home?
The mall have clearly got you in a bad frame of mind and that could be sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Is there anything you like to do for fun where you can sarge at the same time?
Make it fun for you so it's not such a black or white "win" or "lose" situation. You need to get positive and stay that way. Right now you're just negativity building on negativity.
And lastly, don't rationalize staying at home. You are definately not going to meet women or improve your skills sitting at home. Even if you aren't approaching get in the habit of GOING OUT and doing things.
Make it fun for you so it's not such a black or white "win" or "lose" situation. You need to get positive and stay that way. Right now you're just negativity building on negativity.
And lastly, don't rationalize staying at home. You are definately not going to meet women or improve your skills sitting at home. Even if you aren't approaching get in the habit of GOING OUT and doing things.
ElStud said:Yeah, but dude it's like I got stuff I could working on at home, so why would I waste my time sarging when I'm not going to get any results, just get *****ed out? Walking around the mall for 2 hours is a workout and it's just not worth it if I'm not even improving. I see it like this, walking around the mall and not improving is the same as walking around the neighborhood, I'm walking around and not improving. So if I'm just gonna walk around and not improve I might as well save gas and just walk around my neighborhood. You guys are right, sarging DOES feel like work to me and that's why I don't want to go out. It's like going to work and if I don't approach, I'm not getting my job done.
I know I could go out to the mall today and sarge, but I figure, what the hells the use when I got stuff to do at home?
ElStud said:I know I could go out to the mall today and sarge, but I figure, what the hells the use when I got stuff to do at home?
Why don't you try just going out with friends and socializing? Go out and have a good time. And make sure they're not "community guys" either. I don't even know why some people walk around the mall specifically to chat up random women. If that is the entire reason you're there, it will feel like work.ElStud said:Yep, so I went to the mall and as expected, no approaches.
I say form now on, focus on building your social circle and finding hobbies you enjoy. Forget about using only routines on women... unless you want to turn yourself into a robot of some sort.
Focus on having fun first (50%), then socializing (40%) and then gaming (10%).
Kudos,
Matt
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.