Most of my friends are women...YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT??

[STR8UP]

Rollo says it best.. a male and a female cannot be friends until the topic of Intmacy has been addressed. It's that simple.

I must have missed that post. Does that mean that you have to talk about it with her or try to have sex with her and get accepted or rejected before you can have a friendship with her?

If you can't, you are not only fooling yourself, you are wasting time. No matter how great of a person she is.

This is the part I don't agree with.

How are you wasting your time if you can look at the situation and honestly say that you are getting what you want from it? The problem isn't on male/female interaction, it's in deluding yourself into thinking that it's something that it's not.

Kind of like going to a strip club all the time with the idea that it's a pick-up joint. Can you pick up strippers at work? It's been done, but it probably isn't the best place to try to hook up. If you attend that type of establishment with the idea that you are going to pay for a couple of dances and then go your own way, it's not an unhealthy interaction. If you go there every week for six months thinking this is going to be the week you get lucky, you're kidding yourself and you need to get your head on straight. I've known more than one sucker who has fallen for that crap.

It's only bad if you aren't getting what you want out of it.

With that said, I don't like the fact that you have "more girl friends than men friends".. that does disturb me. Because you get used to, programmed to, automatically accecpting platonic relationships with women.

Are women bad? No. Are they bad to have as friends? No. In moderation.

I don't seek female company, it finds ME.

I go out with a couple of my female friends and they bring along someone new, and next thing you know she's added to the network. I'm not going to turn down a friendship that I can benefit from just because I think she's cute, and there aren't enough hours in the day to try to fukk every cute girl I meet. I don't even have the desire to do something like that.

Think about it... if you have lets say, 6 "really close women friends", man you are doing so mething wrong. How do you meet a woman? Eihter a) though a friend or b) you hit on her and got rejected.

I only have a couple that I would consider close friends.

And you are 110% correct. However, he mentioned in the first post that he does want to **** most of them.

Would is different than want. I think this is where we don't see eye to eye. For those who "would" and "want" are one in the same I can see how it would be impossible to maintain a friendship with a chick, cause you will always be WANTING to fukk her, and that's not a good thing.

I like you STA8UP, you know that, as you know you are alot like me.. probably can relate to me more than anyone else here. But dude, when THAT MANY WOMEN look at you and see not a sexual being, but a girlfriend, you have to look in the mirror

Yea, when are you coming to FL bro? Offer still stands....

I think you are missing some of what I am saying. I clearly stated that most of these women likely DO have a level of attraction for me, and vice versa.

I had a party middle of last year and the ratio was probably 65/35 chicks to dudes. Between the chick I was fukking at the time, the chick that I had fukked in the past that drove a couple of hours to be there, and the couple of others who were trying to hook me up with their friends and whatnot, it was INSANE. Kinsey could have done a comprehensive study on mating behavior right there in my living room that one night.

I could have chosen between at least three or four different girls to fukk that night. And in between I made a couple of new female friends.

Point is, I am being looked at as a sexual being. Like I said earlier in this post, any woman who is interested in me nowadays feels like she is competing against a dozen other girls.

I just don't see the problem with hanging out with women as long as you got your sh!t together.

 

[STR8UP]

What could you possibly have in common with that many different women? I could see one that you have a deep friendship with that has developed over the years. But as many as you say? Something is going on there deeper than what you wrote about. You are either trying to get into their pants, or you maybe a closet homosexual.

LOL

I'm not trying to make fun of you with that remark, but men and women simply do NOT have that much in common where as a normal heterosexual man you would want to spend that much time with that many different women.

Maybe I should have been a little more clear about this, but most of the time I am with my female friends we are are partying or doing some kind of activity. I'm not sitting there with a cup of tea discussing the latest celebrity gossip and how much weight we have gained.

I mean put it this way. 99% of my women acquaintences tell me they prefer spending time with men over women. Mainly due to most women's shallowness, immaturity, *****iness, callousness, etc etc etc.

I try to only associate with mature, intelligent women (even if they are younger). I will admit that at the end of the day a woman is generally a woman, and from time to time the cattiness and such comes out, but I'm a laid back kind of guy so most of it doesn't bother me.

I'm sure you and everyone else is willing to tolerate different behavior in a friendship than you do in a relationship.....why should it be different if it is with a man or with a woman?

They tell me men are much more laid back, easy going, less serious minded etc. What do you talk about? Sewing? Listening to them talk about other men?

I don't care if they talk about other men, sometimes they do. I talk about other women around them too. What's the big deal?

And like I said before, we are usually DOING something. Which means that we are usually talking about whatever it is that is going on around us.

 

[STR8UP]

at the end of the day to each their own. but i do stick to my view that men between 20-40 (id argue 20-60) who have mostly female friends have some kind of issues with their own gender. and what ive noticed is they typically tend to be immature or overly sensitive gents.

I know you aren't personally attacking me here, but I have met a few members of this board in person (Rollo T, Deep Dish, and KARMA) so you can ask them their impression of me, but I doubt they are going to use those kinds of words to describe me.

I don't have any issues at all with guys. In the past few years or so I have moved in different directions than most of my guy friends (I have reached a different social strata), and the majority of the new people who I have met that fit into this new social strata happen to be women. Maybe the fact that I have "moved up" in the world has attracted more women to want to associate with me, I don't know. All I do know is that I'm having a good time with my circle of friends so I'm not complaining!

 

[cordoncordon]

Well whatever works for you . I dont see it, but if it makes you happy, go with it.

 

[NewMan]

Most of the guys I've meet who surround themselves with women fall into one of several categories:

1) Gay - speaks for itself

2) Fat and funny - again kinda stereotypical but true.

3) Unable to seal the deal - therefore are placed in the friend zone all the time, and instead of being able to walk away, is constantly hanging around 'just in case'

4) trying to hard.....

As for hair and ear pulling - no offense - but my bet is that you'll never fvck chicks you do that with.

Personally - I've lots of guy friends. Not interested in Girl friends. I don't want to help them move furniture, open beer bottles for them, talk about their ex's, listen to them b#tch about their other girlfriends or go into drama from their past. I don't like drama, and guys who do, well you've got to wonder about them - because there's no way your not dealing with some form of drama with so many GF's.....

 

[Latinoman]

Personally, I do have some female friends too. I talk with them...sometimes I call them or they call me to see how things are going. And ONCE in a while, go out in a group of people with them and a few males.

But NEVER considered having sex with them. And was always aware that in their eyes, I was like a "girlfriend" too in the sense that issues they had with their partners and I had with mine were discussed among each other in occassion. And I had no issues listening to that kind of stuff as that is what friends are for (and I NEVER considered their partners my friends). The ones that I truly consider a friend are only a handful (2 or 3)...and they know a little about my character as a man. They know that I love women and they know that I'm charming and they know (because I was always clear) that I have NO interest on them.

But one thing is for sure...I LIMIT the amount of time I might spend with them. And I do that conciously too.

 

[Latinoman]

STR8UP’s got something figured out that some on here just don’t get:

WOMEN ARE FUN!

I can’t speak for all women but of the ones I know, the raunchiest, funniest jokes I ever heard comes from them, not my buds.

Tittyman wants to know what we talk about, seriously: No sh*t: frequently, boogers, farts, color of puke after a night of drinking.

When I greet my male buds we say “Hey d*ckhead” or something. We may shake hands, but that's it. When I greet some of my female friends, we grab each other, kiss, and punch each other. My favorite greeting is to get in an ear and hair pulling contest which is funny as hell.

Do some of you REALLY think they sit around and watch Ophra all day and just gossip?

My point is by thinking of women as either someone to ONLY fvck or marry or both you limit yourselves, you are missing out on a lot of fun. And yes, fvcking is only a few minutes away from a fun bout of wrestling; and to me, this feels more natural than some of the hors*t methods spouted here.

You create artificial barriers between you and them. You are MORE likely to put them on that pedestal if you narrow your view of them.

For the same token...women have a LOT of drama and all that crap. A TRUE friend should be there for them.

If you are NOT there for them...then you cannot call them friends.

As I said, I have a handful (about 2 or 3) that I consider friends. More than that would be a SERIOUS heart ache. Fun? Perhaps...but life is not all funs and jokes. And when things go wrong...as friend you must be there. Now...from a woman perspective; the thing going wrong might be "hormonal".


I do have several aquantances that I joke around with and have no issues talking with or even going in a happy hour. But they are NOT my friends as I don't sit down and listen to their problems (nor care).

 

[Latinoman]

Somebody say something about moving furniture, etc. LOL...you are so right!

Many women have male friends for that purpose (handimen)...to serve as handimen.

Others have male friends to use them as people to make other men jealous.

And others have male friends because they (guys) fall into the category described by NewMan.

I strongly believe that I can have female friends...but do NOT have the patience nor the desire to deal with the drama. So, I limit myself to a handful. Of the 2 or 3, I only consider ONE as a VERY VERY good friend. The other two are very good too, but we also have some level of professional respect too.

 

[Vulpine]

This thread got me thinking.

I actually have a LOT of female friends. I would say the ratio is 80/20 gals to guys. But, here's the thing: I don't fux my guy friends - I DO however, fux some of my gal friends. The odd thing is, some of the gal pals I hang with are more down to do "Guy stuff" like camping, shooting trap, go fishing, or go to the bar to throw darts and knock down a few than my GUY friends are! Guys are too busy getting manicures, catching up on their Tivo'd shows, ironing their pants... f4ggety, f4ggety stuff for excuses.

I mean, when did this happen?

I know several chicks that absolutely LOVE hanging out in my garage drinking beers and talking sh!t while I wrench on my car. I started keeping bubbles in my toolbox - I'm diabolical like that though: hotties chilling around the garage blowing bubbles... mmmmm. It's like they enjoy being eye candy.

I couldn't pay a guy to come over and hang out in the garage anymore... WTF?!?!

Gal friends are more than happy - ecstatic - to come over for a barbeque - guys are like, naw dude, I'm going to bed early: I gotta be up for work in the morning.

When was the switch? I didn't really notice, but yeah, chicks ARE seemingly more fun... and more pleasant to look at, and better sounding, and not so hairy.

Granted, some are fatties, or fuglies, but they are still cool to hang with. And they are STEADY doing nice stuff like bringing over beers without asking, buying you little presents, or cleaning up sh!t when you are too busy.

Hmm... interesting thread.

 

[Drum&Bass]

the more this topic is discussed the more irrelevant it seems..some guys have the luck of knowing girls who are cool and can have a friendship with, some guys only know girls that can't be friends just objects...

who really cares ?? and why are so many of you talking mad sh!t..if a guys got girls as friends he must be " insert feminine judgemental response here" some of you sound like women or a bunch of chumps judging someone when you really have no right to do so, its not like anyone even knows anyone here on a personal level..if you can't relate to something and it doesn't affect you directly f-ck it...

what was the point of this thread ???

 

[grinder]

the more this topic is discussed the more irrelevant it seems..some guys have the luck of knowing girls who are cool and can have a friendship with, some guys only know girls that can't be friends just objects...

who really cares ?? and why are so many of you talking mad sh!t..if a guys got girls as friends he must be " insert feminine judgemental response here" some of you sound like women or a bunch of chumps judging someone when you really have no right to do so, its not like anyone even knows anyone here on a personal level..if you can't relate to something and it doesn't affect you directly f-ck it...

what was the point of this thread ???

I’ll give you the Cliff Notes up-to-the-minute:

I think the general point is the gurus preach it’s impossible to convert a girl friend into a girlfriend and its basically a waste of your time and you’re a dumb&ss for even trying.

Further Rollo T and others have some legit insight that “unless your fvcking her you’re her girlfriend” or something like this.

I think STR8UP and others (ME) are saying catchy phrases such as above can lead to black and white thinking due to oversimplifying a rather complex subject.

The thread explores the “various shades of gray” in determining friendships with women and, basically, what is their purpose.

Is the “fvck drive” in this “friendship-mobile” with a woman engaged or are you drifting in neutral (neutered)? Or, does it matter?

That sum it up?

A couple of you questioned my pulling hair and ears with women above as being childish or, basically, a waste of time. Anybody heard of K-I-N-O ? I’m surprised the light bulb didn’t go off over at least a few heads. I mean, if you and a woman are grabbing each other and laughing: That’s a good thing! And, although I don’t see her now, it often lead to sex with one girl “friend” I had.

 

[grinder]

This thread got me thinking.

I actually have a LOT of female friends. I would say the ratio is 80/20 gals to guys. But, here's the thing: I don't fux my guy friends - I DO however, fux some of my gal friends. The odd thing is, some of the gal pals I hang with are more down to do "Guy stuff" like camping, shooting trap, go fishing, or go to the bar to throw darts and knock down a few than my GUY friends are! Guys are too busy getting manicures, catching up on their Tivo'd shows, ironing their pants... f4ggety, f4ggety stuff for excuses.

I mean, when did this happen?

I know several chicks that absolutely LOVE hanging out in my garage drinking beers and talking sh!t while I wrench on my car. I started keeping bubbles in my toolbox - I'm diabolical like that though: hotties chilling around the garage blowing bubbles... mmmmm. It's like they enjoy being eye candy.

I couldn't pay a guy to come over and hang out in the garage anymore... WTF?!?!

Gal friends are more than happy - ecstatic - to come over for a barbeque - guys are like, naw dude, I'm going to bed early: I gotta be up for work in the morning.

When was the switch? I didn't really notice, but yeah, chicks ARE seemingly more fun... and more pleasant to look at, and better sounding, and not so hairy.

Granted, some are fatties, or fuglies, but they are still cool to hang with. And they are STEADY doing nice stuff like bringing over beers without asking, buying you little presents, or cleaning up sh!t when you are too busy.

Hmm... interesting thread.

“Bubbles in my toolbox”. That’s a good one.

Don’t be so selfish, get some pix of those girls blowing bubbles and share with us all because I’m sure you’re not using irony to make a point here.

 

[STR8UP]

Personally - I've lots of guy friends. Not interested in Girl friends. I don't want to help them move furniture, open beer bottles for them, talk about their ex's, listen to them b#tch about their other girlfriends or go into drama from their past. I don't like drama, and guys who do, well you've got to wonder about them - because there's no way your not dealing with some form of drama with so many GF's.....

- I don't help women move furniture or hang pictures or ANYTHING unless I am getting something out of it. If she buys me dinner or drinks I might help a chick out for an hour, but that's about the extent of it. I make it VERY clear to any chick who tries to pull this sh!t (I do know one, but most of my friends aren't like that) that I'm not an on call handyman/do-boy.

-I rarely listen to them complain about anything. Most of the time we are out DOING something. Happy, fun stuff. I don't generally put myself in a position that would lead them to look at me as someone they can dump their baggage on. A couple of girls who I am closer friends with I make exceptions for but even this is not a regular occurance.

-I can handle a little bit of drama....keeps things interesting. But if it goes overboard I walk away, simple as that. Usually the drama comes from the ladies that I am or were fukking, so it's kinda par for the course if you are playing the field and have more than one woman interested in you.

 

[STR8UP]

For the same token...women have a LOT of drama and all that crap. A TRUE friend should be there for them.

If you are NOT there for them...then you cannot call them friends.

As I said, I have a handful (about 2 or 3) that I consider friends. More than that would be a SERIOUS heart ache. Fun? Perhaps...but life is not all funs and jokes. And when things go wrong...as friend you must be there. Now...from a woman perspective; the thing going wrong might be "hormonal".

See, I don't put myself in that position with most women. Yea, I will put up with a little extra crap from the few women who are GOOD friends, but the more casual friendships (most of them that I have are, same with male friends) we don't get into that stuff.

Basically, I am a guy friend to them, NOT a girlfriend.

 

[STR8UP]

This thread got me thinking.

I actually have a LOT of female friends. I would say the ratio is 80/20 gals to guys. But, here's the thing: I don't fux my guy friends - I DO however, fux some of my gal friends. The odd thing is, some of the gal pals I hang with are more down to do "Guy stuff" like camping, shooting trap, go fishing, or go to the bar to throw darts and knock down a few than my GUY friends are! Guys are too busy getting manicures, catching up on their Tivo'd shows, ironing their pants... f4ggety, f4ggety stuff for excuses.

I mean, when did this happen?

Thats funny stuff.

I don't think most of my guy friends are out getting manicures and stuff but I can definitely relate to having women friends who are more than willing to do things that I like to do.

I get the feeling that some guys think that having women friends means that I am sitting around with them like they do in the tampon commercials discussing how "fresh" we feel.

I couldn't pay a guy to come over and hang out in the garage anymore... WTF?!?!

I have a similar problem, but mine has more to do with the fact that I have an appreciation for history, art, travel, and stuff like that and it just so happens that at my age (35) there seem to be more women into that stuff than men.

 

[STR8UP]

I think STR8UP and others (ME) are saying catchy phrases such as above can lead to black and white thinking due to oversimplifying a rather complex subject.

The thread explores the “various shades of gray” in determining friendships with women and, basically, what is their purpose.

That's EXACTLY what I am saying.

If you are TRYING to get with a woman you should not get into a friendship with her. I agree with that 100%.

What I don't agree with is the theory that being friends with a woman is unconditionally BAD unless you are in a sexual relationship with her.

 

[Drum&Bass]

grinder said

I’ll give you the Cliff Notes up-to-the-minute:

I think the general point is the gurus preach it’s impossible to convert a girl friend into a girlfriend and its basically a waste of your time and you’re a dumb&ss for even trying.

no kidding sherlock..who in this thread said they were friends with a girl in hopes of having a chance to hook up with her ?

Further Rollo T and others have some legit insight that “unless your fvcking her you’re her girlfriend” or something like this.

which is ok with all the posters including myself who do have girls as friends...

The thread explores the “various shades of gray” in determining friendships with women and, basically, what is their purpose.

why ??? are people looking for advice on how to make more female friends ?? or looking to judge other guys who do have female friends ???

Is the “fvck drive” in this “friendship-mobile” with a woman engaged or are you drifting in neutral (neutered)? Or, does it matter?

Not a clue what you just here..

A couple of you questioned my pulling hair and ears with women above as being childish or, basically, a waste of time. Anybody heard of K-I-N-O ? I’m surprised the light bulb didn’t go off over at least a few heads. I mean, if you and a woman are grabbing each other and laughing: That’s a good thing! And, although I don’t see her now, it often lead to sex with one girl “friend” I had.

and why would anyone care ??? if we want a girl for sex I'm hoping we all know the basics of how to play the game to get sex..but I thought...

The thread explores the “various shades of gray” in determining friendships with women and, basically, what is their purpose.

not how you used some elementary school tactic to get laid

 

[Deep Dish]

I currently have two good close female friend whose friendship I have maintained for over a year, which is saying much because I've never had more than one female friend at a time and maintained it longer than a few months. And this past Sunday, while at a BBQ, watching the NFC/AFC championships, at the end of seven hours I found myself the only guy amongst seven or eight hippies in their thirties and late twenties. I wandered off at about 9pm, too tired to stay awake from downing down a huge bottle of some cabernet sauvignon over six hours. I had good times. Hippies seem to be where it's all at. And though I didn't really say much towards the end, because you know how girls are amongst other women—yapping away about "people", which is something I don't care much for—I didn't mind being around all that estrogen. I hang out with guys all the time and so some estrogen was a comfortable change of pace.

There's nothing wrong with male-female friendships so long as you remember who you are—i.e. a guy. Most (American) women are utterly worthless, in my opinion, to hold a friendship, at least with me—they're too chaotic, restless, self-absorbed, and most importantly, totally uninterested in anything not pertaining to their immediate lives—but hey there are cool chicks out there. If one happens to persist to filter through the crap and steadily accumulate a good stable of good female friends, then so be it.

And for as STR8UP goes, well, I've never seen a single armchair Internet psychoanalysis of him which even smells accurate.

 

[grinder]

I think we are still stuck on the definition of “friend” with regards to women.

The only thing we agree on is converting a platonic friendship to a sexual one is not realistic.

And I think we are generalizing on the types of women we are dealing with. They are not all the same. I happen to like athletic physical women. They seem to have less drama than the others.

Being challenged here by Drumm$Bass is good as it is forcing me to figure out my motivation in my approach to all women. The simple answer is it works for me.

Assumptions I have when making a new “friend” who is a girl:

ALL men and women are drawn to each other physically. Call it sexual tension, whatever. The only thing keeping them apart is social norms and rules. Which IMHO are short circuited by “horseplay” with women.

Sex is always a possible subset of this “whatever-you-want-to-call-it”. In one way or another I communicate this clearly to her.

Sex is not my ultimate goal but is a normal and natural side effect of a fun relationship with a woman.

I think I have figured out my “horseplay” with women is nothing more than a screening mechanism. If they don’t’ play with me, I lose interest.

So now it sounds like I’m swinging to the side of “women are only good for fvcking”, but I’m not: Sex is just one of many facets of a fun relationship.

That is why women are so fun, you can do ANYTHING with them.

 

[cordoncordon]

I guess I'm not disputing the fact that you can have that many different women who are friends.

My question would be, why would you want to?