MoreThanSmooth's Dating Journal

[MoreThanSmooth]

Going to log my dating experiences in this thread as I try to improve my game and actually start escalating physically.

Starting with kind of a negative post actually (lol) about something that struck me recently quite potently regarding the dating I was doing and how I was approaching it.

Thought I would share it anyway because I'm sure other fellas must get these feelings regarding dating and maybe it will be helpful.

--

I had a bit of a weird revelation recently that made me step back from the brink of turning into something I don't want to be with dating. A kind of "soulless DJ" rather than the real deal.

I was going on a lot of first dates, and had stopped giving a s*** about them almost entirely. This meant I was doing better on them, ironically, but at the same time I was paying a price mentally for this.

I wasn't not caring about them because I was confident, I was not caring about the dates because I was just resigned to them not going anywhere.

Making small talk, getting laughs, but it was all totally f***ing routine. Scarily routine. Same anecdotes, similar jokes, same bulls*** chit-chat.

I was also getting to the point where nexting girls, getting ghosted, deleting old numbers and getting new dates was getting so mechanical and by the numbers that it felt soulless. All the fun had drained out of it. I wasn't thinking of these people as unique, cool girls with names, just numbers in my phone for first dates that I could replace in a week's notice.

This was bad enough with dating but if I'd been escalating to sex every time I would have felt like a f***ing husk, losing all sense of self purpose and enjoyment with women in favour of being a f*** machine racking up notches. That would have lead to moral degradation and my decline into something "more but less".

It all sounds very severe and heavy, I know, but I really did have this feeling of "Oh s***, hang on a minute, this isn't how I want to date, or how I want to be."

Basically I think it's perspective and self awareness. Dating lots is fine. Having hot consensual sex with cuties you like is fine.

But if you overdo it, it can all go too far. While you don't want to get over-invested in girls before you've slept together, at the same time going my old route of just treating it 100% as a numbers game quickly leads to it getting dehumanising and very depressing rather than the fun, exciting experience it should be.

--

Anyway, moment of clarity aside, I'll be adding to this thread as I get more dates (though work is crazy ATM) and tell you guys how they've been going. Kind of field reports, hopefully.

And who knows, maybe Lay Reports, if the fates smile on me.

 

[ubercat]

Yep everyone goes through that one.

The techniques and rules here r to date as efficiently as possible. So the time you put in should be giving you Rewards.

Because you should be spending most of your time on things that build you as a person.. maybe that's your LMS maybe that's your pottery painting hobby, however you decide to live life

Girls are for entertainment sex and procreation. Note all of those are wants not needs, i.e. you won't die if you don't get them.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Not a dating story with this post, but still a positive story that's part of my social development.

Took a girl I'm friends with (fancy her tbh, she's funny, clever and attractive...though she moved miles away) and her sister out today. Hadn't seen the friend for years and they were visiting from abroad.

Felt like a boss the whole time in the way I don't usually on a date. Was making them both laugh (had the sister completely paralysed with mirth at one point actually). Got some interesting and entertaining conversation going. By the end I was even throwing in a couple of risque jokes - the sister's reaction was to grab my arm and laugh, which seemed like a pretty positive reaction. I'd only met her an hour back.

The outing ended with a huge hug from the friend and a big hug from the sister. A good time had by all.

Actually I finished thinking "F*ck, why didn't I ask out the friend-chick when she was living just down the road a few years ago?" They were both intelligent and funny girls, I enjoyed the conversation far more than the average chit-chat I get in most actual dating situations.

Still, you live and you learn, and I guess I didn't have the experience, social skills or balls that I have today to make it all work years back with that girl. I'm thinking if I fly out to her country on holiday one day I might ask her to take me out and maybe try to take it towards a date. But that's obviously blue-sky thinking, plenty of girls in this country first. She did mention she might move here though, so I'd definitely try and make a move if that happens.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Another post (last one today!) actually, just about another goal of mine to go in this "journal". Weighed myself today and I'm 16 st 4 lbs (!) at 6'0" tall. Heaviest I've been since I lost a bunch of weight a long time ago.

And not heavy as in muscle, either...fortunately eating a lot (mostly stress eating with work tbh) has meant I haven't lost my muscle mass over the year or so that I've been lax with exercise. On the other hand, it means I've got a gut going on again. I don't look bad actually, but I could look and feel a lot better.

Bought a treadmill last week, I have a weights bench in my garage and a cycling machine too. Going to get off my butt and force myself in the gym, hopefully posting that intention here will mean I keep a check of it.

I'm going to make my objective to get to 14-14 st 7 lbs and make that lean, muscular weight. I've never managed to get truly lean, only to the extent that I look aesthetic in clothing but mediocre shirtless. So I'm going to make that push over the next few months, it's just a PITA when your fitness level has declined.

Used to do 240 push-ups before bed for fun 3 years back, now I'm lucky if I can do 1 set of 50.

With regards to dating...obviously I think this effort will make me look better for the hawt chix. But I'm doing it for myself.

I've also quit online pr0n and fapping because it's a waste of time, energy and effort. Net result is I'm absolutely craving some amorous liaisons right now but I think it'll be a while with work as busy as it is.

Smooth out.

 

[skinnyguy]

Another post (last one today!) actually, just about another goal of mine to go in this "journal". Weighed myself today and I'm 16 st 4 lbs (!) at 6'0" tall. Heaviest I've been since I lost a bunch of weight a long time ago.

And not heavy as in muscle, either...fortunately eating a lot (mostly stress eating with work tbh) has meant I haven't lost my muscle mass over the year or so that I've been lax with exercise. On the other hand, it means I've got a gut going on again. I don't look bad actually, but I could look and feel a lot better.

Bought a treadmill last week, I have a weights bench in my garage and a cycling machine too. Going to get off my butt and force myself in the gym, hopefully posting that intention here will mean I keep a check of it.

I'm going to make my objective to get to 14-14 st 7 lbs and make that lean, muscular weight. I've never managed to get truly lean, only to the extent that I look aesthetic in clothing but mediocre shirtless. So I'm going to make that push over the next few months, it's just a PITA when your fitness level has declined.

Used to do 240 push-ups before bed for fun 3 years back, now I'm lucky if I can do 1 set of 50.

With regards to dating...obviously I think this effort will make me look better for the hawt chix. But I'm doing it for myself.

I've also quit online pr0n and fapping because it's a waste of time, energy and effort. Net result is I'm absolutely craving some amorous liaisons right now but I think it'll be a while with work as busy as it is.

Smooth out.

What does 16 st mean

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

What does 16 st mean

16 stone, the weight measurement.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Well that's it, I'm officially having a break from OLD. Here's some stats from my PlentyOfFish profile:

On the site 4 months.
- 200 messages sent.
- 20 replies/conversations.
- ~10 numbers given to me.
- ZERO DATES. Not a sausage.

I was also on OkCupid prior to them ruining the site (by making it impossible to even message girls unless they "like" you first) and from 4 months of that I got 1 date...and she ghosted me due to "no spark" after a seemingly good evening.

Anyway today, as an experiment, I uploaded fresh improved photos and messaged a whole load of girls, including girls that frankly are far below me in terms of physical fitness and I don't even find particularly attractive. Wanted to test the waters with girls that I wouldn't want to date in RL, since my OLD profile seems about as popular as itching powder at a massage parlour with the girls I do like.

5 profile views from around 20 messages I sent out, 2 replies. One long reply from a pretty, friendly girl actually...one exception to the rule it seems.

The other reply, from a girl who really isn't great looking, has a poor job and no advanced education:

"Hi I dont think your (sic) my type but we can chat"

This really is the final straw for me online I think. I can walk into a party and get numbers from 3 girls, I can walk into a bar and have a few cute girls flirting with me...and then on OLD, I get overweight girls with poor education telling me I'm not good enough for them...with a f*cking PhD level education and muscles.

I'd actually rather they don't even bother replying rather than give me a speech about how they're above me in some way...

It's absolutely mental and I think RL is the only way forward for me that won't make me facepalm my frontal skullcap into my spine.

(As for why I'm not doing all this flirting and number grabbing in RL...I'm a social hermit with work atm, I almost don't leave the house at present. Which sucks. But OLD really isn't helping.)

 

[Roober]

Good stuff! Keep it up. OLD should be a supplement, not the primary source of women.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Well tonight I attracted the attention of a drug-taking woman...yeaaaaah not my scene. "BBW" as well (and on the biggest side of "BBW"...) so really not my type. But the conversation was alright so that was a rarity at least. But again, frustrating that the girls I attract are basically the lowest value out there and totally incompatible with me.

There is one cute chick who's sending me long and friendly messages so I dropped her my number, why not? No response yet though.

Other than that, a bunch of girls with similar interests to me checking my profile out but they never bother responding. Pretty typical really.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Got the number of the friendly girl, she's chatting to me on the mobile quite animatedly now. Lots of emojis and kisses but that's par for the course.

Already getting slightly irritated with myself because I'm mentally compromising my own frame. Any time a chick is revealed to be this friendly I'm usually surprised enough that I start overthinking, overcommitting and lose my distance and mystery.

How do you guys keep yourself "in line" and maintain frame when you're interested in a new girl? I find the initial excitement is a pain in the butt because you start sending yourself down that road of being the little obedient puppy if you're not careful.

I guess it's a thing that comes with experience.

Chatting to her, asking about her home town and looking to see if I can perhaps get a date at the weekend. She's a slim brunette, picked some rather poor pictures of herself for OLD but in her private ones she looks like a cutie...so that's kinda good, filters out most of the Chads who won't be interested in her mediocre pics.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

2 chicks on the go now. Both from OLD. Both cute 20-something brunettes.

Unfortunately I don't really have time to be dating so not sure where I'm heading with them. I guess I can afford a cheeky coffee date or whatever, time-wise.

Had a weird exchange with a female friend of mine the other day too. Asked her if she's having a good Easter, she said "Hoping to have all of the ancient Pagan festival fun"...I made some silly joke about "Ha, you mean you're planning on conquering your neighbours?" and she replied with "No. It was always a fertility celebration after all."

So I have no idea what she's talking about there...she's trying to get pregnant, or is she hitting on me? Bizarre. Either way, might be getting a drink this week.

 

[Roober]

Sometimes, you need to establish hard rules to keep your frame maintain.

For me, I work at 5am, so I stuck with....
1. no texts/communication after 8pm
2. No communication when out with other women
3. Do not check phone at work

Now, you will find exceptions and balance to YOUR rules, but basically stick to your life first, women second!

Your friend is just messing around, keep it going! Don't take anything a woman says seriously

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Ex-colleague of mine who lives quite far away started a chat today joking about sex toys. This is like the third time she's done this...finding it a bit weird tbh. She has a BF she's been seeing for a few months, but she's chatting about dildos with me and even trying to give me sex tips without me asking for them.

Lots of innuendo, double entendre etc...she's a genuinely nice girl, always got the impression she fancied me (she sat on my lap when drunk once)...but didn't go anywhere 'cos she got with a friend a few years back so I wasn't interested.

Anyway I know this post is rather pointless, just finding it a bit weird that of all the times she wants to flirt, she picks now. I guess because I'm a "safe" pair of hands to flirt with, because it's not like I'm going to drive 2 hours to bone her senseless in front of her BF.

 

[sosousage]

Ex-colleague of mine who lives quite far away started a chat today joking about sex toys. This is like the third time she's done this...finding it a bit weird tbh. She has a BF she's been seeing for a few months, but she's chatting about dildos with me and even trying to give me sex tips without me asking for them.

Lots of innuendo, double entendre etc...she's a genuinely nice girl, always got the impression she fancied me (she sat on my lap when drunk once)...but didn't go anywhere 'cos she got with a friend a few years back so I wasn't interested.

Anyway I know this post is rather pointless, just finding it a bit weird that of all the times she wants to flirt, she picks now. I guess because I'm a "safe" pair of hands to flirt with, because it's not like I'm going to drive 2 hours to bone her senseless in front of her BF.

seems like shes sexually harassing you

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

seems like shes sexually harassing you

Haha this made me grin!

"Field Report" of sorts:

I went out tonight with a couple of friends (both female actually) to have a catch up with them. Picked a nice "quiet bar" (more on that in a minute). I've been working on being more stylish, and I went all out and dressed in a quality leather jacket and big black aviators with it. Now, there was a time when I'd look at people dressing like that and think "Tosser", but actually I think I have the presence and physical frame to pull it off and it's becoming my Spring/Early Summer style now. I have a close cropped beard (giving a kind of stubble effect) and I felt confident and manly as f*ck if I'm honest.

Lots of chicks gave me buzzed stares on the journey to the bar with this new look, which felt great. I even dropped a cheeky wink at an Asian girl staring at me as she licked away at an ice cream...haha

Well, anyway, this "quiet bar" turned out to have a f*cking punk rock band in the basement. Absolutely deafening noise and barely got to chat properly with my two friends, but still made sure they had a good time.

Why is this a field report? Well, the punk band drew a big crowd of Goth/Emo/Punk types. Some of the girls looked awful, there was one who was skinny as a rake and so ghostly pale with foundation that she was literally glowing white like some sort of toxic Amazonian rainforest frog.

However her friend waiting at the bar...hot daaamn. She also had the "punky" look going, but much more stylish and subtle. Close cropped blonde hair, sexy studded leather collar, very pretty defined face with big blue eyes, leather jacket, ripped jeans and a killer figure. Athletic and toned with a cute butt, but petite. The kind of girl you somehow get the impression would be really into some absolutely slamming hot kinky sex if you got on well with her.

Anyway, as I pushed past her friend and said excuse me she gave me a big beam and for the rest of the night she was glancing over at me as I sat with my mates. She also touched my arm as she moved past me in a crowd later on. The leather jacket look was really working for me - I know nothing really about punk culture, but it let me fit right in with the punk crew like one of their own...only difference is that I looked big and fit whereas most of the punk lads were skinny or fat. Spent about 10 minutes talking with some of her friends.

My problem was, though, that I had no idea how to isolate her from the huge crowd and noise and get her chatting. Unfortunately by the time my friends left it was so late that I went home.

TLDR: I met a hot ASF saucy looking gothic punk chick who totally wanted the D, and I think I just found my new local bar for my next mission! But at the same time, the music was deafening, there were massive crowds and I didn't get to talk to her as a result. Lots of improvement needed...

 

[marmel75]

Haha this made me grin!

"Field Report" of sorts:

I went out tonight with a couple of friends (both female actually) to have a catch up with them. Picked a nice "quiet bar" (more on that in a minute). I've been working on being more stylish, and I went all out and dressed in a quality leather jacket and big black aviators with it. Now, there was a time when I'd look at people dressing like that and think "Tosser", but actually I think I have the presence and physical frame to pull it off and it's becoming my Spring/Early Summer style now. I have a close cropped beard (giving a kind of stubble effect) and I felt confident and manly as f*ck if I'm honest.

Lots of chicks gave me buzzed stares on the journey to the bar with this new look, which felt great. I even dropped a cheeky wink at an Asian girl staring at me as she licked away at an ice cream...haha

Well, anyway, this "quiet bar" turned out to have a f*cking punk rock band in the basement. Absolutely deafening noise and barely got to chat properly with my two friends, but still made sure they had a good time.

Why is this a field report? Well, the punk band drew a big crowd of Goth/Emo/Punk types. Some of the girls looked awful, there was one who was skinny as a rake and so ghostly pale with foundation that she was literally glowing white like some sort of toxic Amazonian rainforest frog.

However her friend waiting at the bar...hot daaamn. She also had the "punky" look going, but much more stylish and subtle. Close cropped blonde hair, sexy studded leather collar, very pretty defined face with big blue eyes, leather jacket, ripped jeans and a killer figure. Athletic and toned with a cute butt, but petite. The kind of girl you somehow get the impression would be really into some absolutely slamming hot kinky sex if you got on well with her.

Anyway, as I pushed past her friend and said excuse me she gave me a big beam and for the rest of the night she was glancing over at me as I sat with my mates. She also touched my arm as she moved past me in a crowd later on. The leather jacket look was really working for me - I know nothing really about punk culture, but it let me fit right in with the punk crew like one of their own...only difference is that I looked big and fit whereas most of the punk lads were skinny or fat. Spent about 10 minutes talking with some of her friends.

My problem was, though, that I had no idea how to isolate her from the huge crowd and noise and get her chatting. Unfortunately by the time my friends left it was so late that I went home.

TLDR: I met a hot ASF saucy looking gothic punk chick who totally wanted the D, and I think I just found my new local bar for my next mission! But at the same time, the music was deafening, there were massive crowds and I didn't get to talk to her as a result. Lots of improvement needed...

When you start believing you are worth women who look like that you'll figure out what to do. Its not the noise, or the place or anything else. Its you didnt think you were good enough for her which is why you didn't talk to her.

 

[macallik]

Looking forward to future updates. I noticed you are utilizing your social circles a lot which is good but I've read some uncertainty with where you stand with a lot of the females inside of your social circle. Might be good not to fish in your own pond as much but I could be reading it wrong.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Looking forward to future updates. I noticed you are utilizing your social circles a lot which is good but I've read some uncertainty with where you stand with a lot of the females inside of your social circle. Might be good not to fish in your own pond as much but I could be reading it wrong.

Aye...I have a lot of female "friends" and it's both a strength and weakness. It's good because it gives me an insight into their psyche and that helps my inform my dating but it's bad because a lot of those friendships are basically with girls I fancied but I was too ultra-AFC/"beta orbiter" a year or so ago when I met these chicks.

--

Anyway, spinning plates is doing my head in. Girls seem to get very attached to me very fast and then I feel like a piece of s**t for not doing anything with them and then it all spirals into feeling like I've got 5 jobs at once and it's stressful ASF!

At the moment I have 2 chicks from OLD who want to meet for a date. I also have a MASSIVE f*cking work project which I'm already 2 weeks behind on, and it's the culmination of 3.5 years of really hard work. So the last thing I need is some dating rubbish messing up my work schedule.

As a result I'm putting off doing a first date with them, but they're both telling me they're "missing me" and now I just feel like I'm both doing a bad job of my work and a bad job of being a man with the dating as well.

I've already told them both I'm incredibly busy and it's very important stuff but still they're asking to see me and I'm sort of cursing myself for even getting into this position. Annoyingly, I'm now getting Tinder matches with some really hot chicks too - but I absolutely do not have the time for it.

Stressed to the max...

 

[Fzatf]

Aye...I have a lot of female "friends" and it's both a strength and weakness. It's good because it gives me an insight into their psyche and that helps my inform my dating but it's bad because a lot of those friendships are basically with girls I fancied but I was too ultra-AFC/"beta orbiter" a year or so ago when I met these chicks.

--

Anyway, spinning plates is doing my head in. Girls seem to get very attached to me very fast and then I feel like a piece of s**t for not doing anything with them and then it all spirals into feeling like I've got 5 jobs at once and it's stressful ASF!

At the moment I have 2 chicks from OLD who want to meet for a date. I also have a MASSIVE f*cking work project which I'm already 2 weeks behind on, and it's the culmination of 3.5 years of really hard work. So the last thing I need is some dating rubbish messing up my work schedule.

As a result I'm putting off doing a first date with them, but they're both telling me they're "missing me" and now I just feel like I'm both doing a bad job of my work and a bad job of being a man with the dating as well.

I've already told them both I'm incredibly busy and it's very important stuff but still they're asking to see me and I'm sort of cursing myself for even getting into this position. Annoyingly, I'm now getting Tinder matches with some really hot chicks too - but I absolutely do not have the time for it.

Stressed to the max...

You'll get to the girls when you can. Your work project is going to be a priority though. If it were me I'd find time for short dates with your girls and message the hotties you matched with. I might sacrifice some sleep to fit everything in my schedule.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

You'll get to the girls when you can. Your work project is going to be a priority though. If it were me I'd find time for short dates with your girls and message the hotties you matched with. I might sacrifice some sleep to fit everything in my schedule.

Yeah, I messaged the Tinder cuties (they didn't bother replying, whatever) and the other girls are still chatting with me...I think the problem is, I'm just not interested right now. Not only is there too much stress but they both live like 1 hour away too, which is a 2 hour round trip...a lot of effort for that right now.

It sounds stupid but the guilt really eats me up when I get in this situation. I feel so bad for "leading on" these chicks when I can't commit to anything. I'm not in the habit of doing that to people and I feel like an assh*le.

So I'm just trying to ignore it and work.