Modro's Self Improvement Quest!

[Modro]

I am here to finally sort myself out for good, I have become tired of myself being nice guy who tries to help people all the time but never does things for himself. I am now on a personal quest to maximise my potential as a man. Recently i broke up with my now ex Girlfriend. (here are the threads with details)

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=119368

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=119542

I thought she would be the one, i got her when i was improving myself and she came after me, i then stopped acting more like a DJ and assumed once i had this great girl, i could act like a raging *****, taking **** from her over nothing or just trying to please her and have her as the centre of my life. She was awesome i'm not going to lie and it is my fault that she left.

About me:

Since the beginning i was always a little shy when it came to talking to people one on one, i remember times from 3-13 when i couldn't even talk to girls or even peoples parents i was so shy. But so comfitable with my group of mates. I went to a Boys' school from 12-18 so i didnt get much interaction with girls.

But i did have a girlfriend for 20 months from 15-17ish so i lost my virginity at 15, i didnt get another girl for 3 YEARS!!! apart from one kiss in a club. I sectioned myself off and just hung with my mates and became the 'joker/clown' of the group. Well since this break up on valentines day, i have struggled and not felt like going out and meeting people, i want this to change now.

I am 21 years old now, i just got a decent job with good prospects in the IT field, i play football (soccor) and Ice hockey and i am about to re join a gym, i have been working out at home so i have a head start.

My goals:

- I want to become more mature, its time to stop acting like a kid.
- Self Esteem/Confidence needs to massively improve.
- An amazing body that i keep up and maintain not just for a few weeks
- To approach and number close and turn it into something
- Need to improve my conversation skills

How I am going to go about it:

Reading mainly Weapons of Mass Destruction, joining the Gym and improving my diet for more muscle growth. At work i am on the phones so i get to chat to lots of strangers, so instead of just trying to do my job, be more friendly and even flirt with the women etc. Once i am ok and feel good i will start to approach girls, i am also going to give online a chance but im not too fond of the idea.

It's all about baby steps and effort, i hope this can help others also!

 

[Modro]

Goals for this week:

-Join the Gym
-Start reading through Weapons of mass Seduction
-Increase non work related talk while at work
-Start making and holding eye contact - once completed add smile

 

[Modro]

Day One:

Went into town today and held a hb7.5 gaze tried to smile but she went by too quick. Also had a beer and did the same to the bar lady smiled and said thank you when i recieved my change.

Also went to 2 gyms and the second one was a pretty good experience, it was a HB 7.5 young about 18 made eye contact straight away and smiled and said hello, asked about the gym and the prices. She gave me a sheet and explained a couple of plans to me, i asked if i could take the sheet home, she said yes with a huge smile as i held eye contact.

I have also read section 1 of Weapons of mass seduction.

All in all not a bad start, i could have asked some more questions with the gym girl but she seems like a very good place to start flirting i didnt sign up today so i will go back soon and maybe if i'm feeling good try a number close. It does feel great when you have a girl smiling at you though.

 

[Modro]

Day 2:

Read through WOMS section 2.

Sunday is a bit of a chill out day for me i am going to a pub later though to hang with a mate and a few of his friends from work and his GF. Perhaps there might be a few girls i can talk to including bar staff but im just going to see how it goes

Played football this morning one of the guys gfs commented on my new hair (shaved it to a 1) and said it really suited me, so I'm taking that as a positive. Had a small conversation with her.

My ex made contact today after nearly a week, about a football game that was on with my team playing and was winning against Chelsea in the FA cup. It was nice that she went out of her way to contact me but i'm going straight back to ignoring her again. Didn't ask any questions about how she was or anything, a bit of a c/f reply that's it.

Today's mini goal: Get into a conversation with someone at the pub, male or female, practice eye contact still and get confident with asking and answering people. It's all baby steps and so far i'm feeling good, keeping this thread also helps alot in making sure that you keep things up and have something to put down. I may tell a friend about what i plan to do (not this thread) and make him push me and check i keep it up!

 

[Modro]

Day 3:

Work was so busy today i could barely get a minute, the phone was ringing all day!

But i have started to talk about things while we wait for something to load or before they describe what the problem is. Which for me is a huge improvement i was always so keen to avoid any kind of conversation with anyone i have no idea why! i normally try to get to the point and get away as quickly as possible.

Today felt great and i actually started to really relax and had no fears once i started asking questions, Then had them asking ME loads of things. I had peaked their interest. Then a phone call turned from an IT problem to something fun and interesting.

One example: I asked if it was sunny down where they were, they replied yes and they had the beach just a stones throw away.

i replied well i have a lovely shredded wheat factory here. in ****y way and they laughed alot and then we spoke about surfing and other stuff. I have started to mock people when they have a problem blaming them or saying it will cost them for me to fix it stuff like that

I know this isnt a one on one coversation with a cold approach, but conditioning myself to open a conversation instead of shutting it down straight away will help me in the coming weeks. I am happy so far with my progress and i am enjoying the experience of freeing myself of all these defences i have put up over my life.

My workouts at home are good and showing positive results, arms feel stronger and more toned everyday, but i feel i need actual equipment (i have a 11kg dumbell) i decided to sign up to the gym on saturday as i know the HBGYM will be there. This also gives me more entertainment in my life nd the oppurtunity to meet others whilst working out

 

[Modro]

Day 3 continued: i got into a conversation with a guy i kinda know, he worked at the bar and we had about a 5 minute conversation about his 18th so mission accomplished, otherwise there was literally no1 there to talk to apart from my mate.

Day 4: Today i had about 8 really good fun conversations on the phone at work all with women, making them laugh. I felt cool and it was just about entertaining myself and having fun on the phone being ****y to them. The great thing about my job is i can practice all day which is like a bonus and hopefully fast tracks my conversation skills with strangers.

I have been trying hard for eye contacts but literally there isnt much chance other then lunch time when i go into the town center for it. I got about 2-3 and held them but i need to do better in this department and add the smile. Although if i can talking to a collegue i hold them to show i am listening and i smile then. Again guys baby steps for this week. so far i am meeting my goals.

On a side note i thought i would add my photos to hot or not, to see where i am, i got a 7.6 a 7.3 and so far a 7 ratings so thats better then i thought i was although i dont put too much weight in that i will take the positives and be more confident in my looks.

Also read 2 articles on the homepage one about phone calls the other was just about how to react in a relationship if things start to go wroung and she **** tests you. very helpful. I really believe i am going to do this this is my chance not to regret doing things in life because i was scared or didnt want to get hurt, you guys can do it too!

 

[Mind_Body_Soul]

Hey Modro - one word of advice. Sign up at a real gym and make it a daily ritual. You will also be able to get good social interractions there. Plus, if you have some hotties that you know will be there, it will motivate you to show up.

Also - diet is huge. If you wanna get cut, cut out all the starches. Those two changes will be hard enough initially, don't overwhelm yourself and get burnt out.

Anyways good luck.

 

[Modro]

Yeah i am joining on saturday when the hot receptionist is working

I have been eating more protein like weetabix and drinking milk and eating more fruit and juice in my diet, as well as bread and salad when before i was pretty much eating crap all week. (pizza, chinese, McDonalds etc)

 

[Modro]

day 5 + 6 combined:

I started to tally the good conversations about non work related conversation in the past 2 days i have had 11 with women and 5 with males plus 6 other where i did a little C+F but nothing else so im not counting them. This is all on the phone of course.

held about 3 eye contacts through out the day whilst on lunch, and again while talking to fellow collegues, i kinda feel like to be able to hold it i have like an angry look on my face.... any tips on the smile, is it a smirk or a big teethy grin?

-Join the Gym
-Start reading through Weapons of mass Seduction
-Increase non work related talk while at work
-Start making and holding eye contact - once completed add smile

those were my goals for my 'get my feet wet week' before i start jumping into the more interesting parts.... for me, and of course for you guys. So far i have read the first 2 articles of WOMD and 2 other articles. I am joinging the gym on saturday, i have triplefold increased my initiating conversations at work and been giving and holding eye contact.

But today i finished work with an awesome conversation, i had an Aussie 21 year old on the phone and we spoke for about 20 minutes about so much things like football, australian football, London, instant coffee, the gym it was great and made me feel awesome, she sounded hot too and i busted on her for being half scottish and half aussie, she even started mocking herself too. She was a Scoussie! So i really feel i am progressing with the little things and i shall keep it up so it becomes second nature to me.

how am i doing so far, next week will be interesting i'm sure

 

[Modro]

Day 7: While this is supposed to be the last day of week one, i decided to extend it by one more day so the end of my week ends on a Saturday. Which is a good day to do things if i am behind in any of my goals. So it will be Saturday - Saturday

Today everything started coming a lot more naturally, it's amazing when you start to open yourself up even just on the phone, how much more confident you feel all around and it affects you when your not on the phone. I start and stay in conversations and initiate them so much more now and it is flowing rather then me forcing open ended questions. Anyway i had my first real face to face conversation today....

I go into the kitchen area at work, and there's the receptionist i have never spoken to before she is about 25 American and I'd say about a 6.5/7. I was making myself something and i didn't have a clue where the hell the knifes were, so i decided to open her.

Me: Hi do you know where the knifes are? (cool, calm)
HBreception: You think i'm telling you newbie? (in a joking way)
Me: Yes i think you are going to! (sarcasm)
(she goes and opens a draw with them in whilst kinoing my waist going past me to it, she literally grabs me!)
HB reception: You look like (famous name)
Me: Oh hell no, i got that at my old work your the first one to say that
HB: but he is a number 1 party animal you know?
Me: No he isn't he is number 2
HB oh?
Me: Yep I'm number one (grin)
(she smiled and i went back to my food prep as she left )

I'd like to add my old self wouldn't have even asked where the knifes were, or maybe just that and then nothing so that's how far i have come after a week of opening myself up. I also read post 3 in the WOMD today so i did a bit of reading, last day of week 1 tomorrow and I'm hoping i can get the gym membership, i am going to watch a premiership football match and hang with some friends in the day... then out with another mate for St Patrick's day in the evening. Not a bad way to celebrate end of week one. I am under no pressure to approcach women and i'm just out to have fun and be social to people.

btw it would have been me and my ex's 1 year today so im a little bit 'meh' today but, to be honest i'm actually doing fine on the getting over her thing. Her birthday is next friday though should i get her a card she spent 250 pounds on my 21st, so i would feel kinda guilty ignoring her. I am not going to buy her anything though...

Have a good weekend people!

 

[Modro]

Week 1 finished!

Today was the last day of week one, although a couple of my plans got cancelled or cut short i had a great day, went to watch Tottenham vs Watford and saw Paul Robinson (the goal keeper) score LOL

It was a nice day i joined the gym and although the hot receptionist wasn't their today, i saw an old school buddy who works there, and got talking about what I'm up to and i also started asking questions about himself, which I normally would avoid, had a quick 20 minute work out before i had to go.

In the evening i just had 1 drink with a buddy, instead of a good night out as he had been drinking during the afternoon, and wanted to go by the time i got back from London. So i only got 1 drink in which kinda sucks... as i was looking forward to chilling out having a few Guinness maybe speaking to people i don't know.

I had to go to the store to get a mothers day card, and spoke to this old guy in the cue about football and the new wembley stadium, then i spoke to the cashier also. You have to remember i would always AVOID speaking to anyone as much as i could, i kept myself to myself and didn't say anything unless i HAD to. Now i am Initiating it and carrying it for the most part and doing it well, it's coming naturally. It's like the phone conversations are rolling into my face to face situations and i feel absolutely fine and confident.

week review:

-Join the Gym
(DONE)
-Start reading through Weapons of mass Seduction
(READ UP TO SECTION 4)
-Increase non work related talk while at work
(DONE, MUST CONTINUE)
-Start making and holding eye contact - once completed add smile
(STARTED TO BUT NOT 100% CONFIDENT ON THIS/ NOT MUCH OPPURTUNITY)

Week 1 i have completed all my tasks, i am making eye contact with friends or colleagues and trying to as much as possible on the street, everyone seems to look down. So it is still an ongoing thing but i am happy with my progress so far and am looking forward to more 'challaging' situations in the coming weeks i believe i can make myself the person i want to be and be able to talk to women and attract them on a regular basis.

 

[Modro]

Week 2 Tasks:

- Continue eye contact and smile
- Continue phone conversations from week one.
- Make sure i go to the gym on a regular basis and work hard.
- Initiate 10 conversations with strangers
- Work on my speaking( slowing down, pause, voice, clear, fun)
- Read more of Weapons of Mass Seduction

* Also hoping to actually go out to a club as i havn't been out with a group for AGES and dont really have a group i can most my friends at the moment are 'work, sports or hangout/ pub and not, lets go get drunk in a club types' I know i would really have good progress there.

 

[Modro]

Week 2

Day 1:

A Sunday, I read section 5 of WOMS, i also managed to get in 4 conversations with strangers today including an HB9!

The first was a brother of someone i went to school with i saw in the pub after football, i asked him how his brother was and what he was up to now days and for him to say i said hello. It was kinda short about 2 minutes as i was leaving but i had never spoken to him before and i initiated it.

I went to the gym in the afternoon and i needed my picture taken for their records so i opened a different Receptionist and she was hot, HB9 blond slim nice face. I asked about the photo and she went and started clicking on the computer, but she couldn't do it, i then asked how her day was and if it had been busy. About 3 minutes of conversation I was kinda annoyed i could have spoken longer and at least got her name but again I'm initiating more and more conversations when before i would try and say nothing or as little as possible like a pvssy. When i had finished my work out, i got the other receptionist to take it and did a little C+ F about the photo being terrible but she said it was good, but i'm not counting that.

Conversation 3

In the evening i go to my regular Sunday pub pool event its a bit of fun and my buddy had a few of his work guys come too and i literally led the group they seemed kinda timid but i was SUPER confident and was also doing well on the game itself, we took the piss out of each other and i was making them laugh it felt awesome. I'm counting this as it was 2 people and i was totally natural with them and i had never seen them before and it was for about 2 hours

#4

HB barmaid About a 5.5/6 knew my brother, never seen or spoken to her in my life. It started with me asking for my drink, but i had to wait while someone changed the barrel, she asked my if i was the brother of .... and i was like yeah. She said i looked like him but only a little i was like are you in his year (he is 16 nearly 17) she was in the year above (I'm assuming 18 as she works in the bar) said she was close with him at school but not really anymore, i was like fair enough. she wasn't as hot as i would have liked so i wouldn't really want to try anything with her, maybe next week i might try a number close.

Day 2:

Went to the gym today and about to read WOMS number 6 had a few eye contacts while walking through the town during my lunch break, and my phone conversations were awesome today i was on fire with C+F and had several people laughing. Also when i fixed their problem i said they owed me some chocolates i also made a contact if i ever want cheap mobile phones LOL

Didn't have any conversations with strangers today although i passed up maybe 2 opportunities which i felt a little annoyed about, but i had a very good conversation with my work mate when we were the last 2 left. So it wasn't a terrible day but i could have done better.

I need to start making them last longer and add a bit more C+F into them and do it more naturally (the approach) still i have 5 more days and just 6 conversations.

 

[Modro]

i decided to read 6 and 7 of WOMS as i felt a bit annoyed i didnt do as much as i could today in the conversation department.

 

[Modro]

Today started out being utter ****, i had a dream about my ex and it REALLY threw me off i felt deflated and depressed all the morning, once i got to work it took it off my mind, but i still felt like i just ****, on lunch i saw 2 semi hot girls and i didnt want to approach them in this mood, so that pissed me off a bit. So i thought **** it and when i was buying some food i made sure i opened the cashier who was about 50 and we had a fun conversation and it just pumped me full of confidence. (conversation number 5)

I had some freaking awesome conversations on the phone after this and it felt great, i'm becoming a natural.

After work i went to the gym, spoke to the guy i know there from school. Had a good 40 minute workout and the results are really starting to show, im becoming a tank.

(Conversation number 6)

Afterwards i was walking out and i saw another receptionist hb6.5 kinda young looking) on her own at the desk, so i thought **** it i want another conversation. So i ask her about the various classes that are there, and she starts rallying off a list she seemed very nervous in a good way i ask her as few questions but she is kinda boring to be honest, so i decided i wanted to improve from my previous ones by at least getting her name, so i did and said thansk for your help then just left. Only 4 more to go

I did infact give my ex a call just to see how things were today, i hadnt spoken to her for about 3 weeks, she was very plesant and it was really nice to catch up, its her birthday on friday and she said we will definately meet up and if she is going out i am invited. I dont want to get back with her but it will be nice to see her and catch up and slowly become friends. plus i can show her whats she is missing i know this isnt the most DJ of moves but we were like best mates and its been nearly 2 months since we broke up... I am still going to be very distant for a long while but if we speak every now and again im good with that.

 

[Modro]

Day4:

Bit of a quiet one today im afraid, went to the gym after work got several eye contacts, my ratings on hotornot are 7.6 7.3 and 7.6 i spoke to one person today, im going to count it but she approached me to sign up for a charity. I'm all for saving the kids but i hate those types where they take it each week, i managed to talk myself out of it by saying i wanted to check out the website first. conversation #6, 4 more to go.

On the phone though it was fun again, im getting huge responces from the women now, i am trying to use my new openess to score chcoclates and even got invited to a wedding today LOL(im not going to actually follow it up) as well as someone is sending me a smarties easter egg haha, im so cheeky but polite and my voice im making a lot deeper (using the WOMS), also someone spilt orange in their collegues PC tower, so i got them to put the other person on the phone and i just ripped her. Seriously guys, if your all closed in and dont talk much you are missing out on alot of fun no1 gives a **** and if they do **** them.

Hoping to set it up tomorrow and get at least 2 conversations

Also just about to reada section 8 of WOMS

 

[Modro]

Day 5:

Another day just one conversation with a stranger today, the lady who comes with the sandwhiches in a van, i had a chat about her day so far and how she had to go get my bacon as she had ran out, nothing too frilling, worked till 7 had football till 9:30 had a break from the gym.

It is day 6 atm, and i have a day off so i can concentrate on a few things and have more oppurtunity to go speak to people then when im working, today i am going to read another WOMS section, get to 10 conversations even though i have another day after this and Go to the gym.

Which means i am studying, improving my body and doing some field work.

Ok read section 9 just now on opening, so im going to go out and get my conversations in

 

[Bonhomme]

I like the title of this thread. Props for your attitude.

Looks like things are starting to flow more naturally. Good. Most of the "techniques" are really just "faking it until one makes it." Genuine self-improvement runs deeper.

There's some good info in the stickies in the Fitness forum. Let your goals dictate how heavy of weights you use: very heavy weights for your main set for bulking; lighter weights, more reps for cutting. Whatever you do, be sure not to overtrain. About once per week per body part is best: otherwise, muscle breakdown and injuries may plague you.

Don't bother so much about what is "DJ" and what is not. It's perfectly cool to be a good friend with your ex, as long as you're not hung up about her. The one other hazard, if you want to call it that, is that she may be mad into you, and could c0ckblock.

 

[Modro]

Day 6:

Read section 9 of WOMS, about street approaching, then i went into town, i had several things to do. I avoided my exes work which i have to walk past so i took a further route and didn't look towards it. I went to my bank first and spoke the the lone guy there, he has a cool dude i transferred some money, we talked about his work & my work, house prices we also changed all my details + i opened up a seconds savings account it was a good interaction about 10-15 Min's. conversation #8.

I then decided to go into blockbusters to see how much i could trade my PSP in for but as i didn't have it on me he couldn't really do much but give a rough very low estimate for the device but not the games. I am not going to count that as i didn't ask him any questions other then the PSP.

I decided i am going go watch 300 today just to chill out as i have really wanted to see it.

It was my Exes birthday today, and it got me thinking about her again, i just feel so down when it comes to her and still upset. Its not ALL the time but in quiet moments or places that remind me of her or music or the same car and colour, walking past her work etc. It is tough and i feel like I'm still not 100% over her i did buy her a cheap birthday card when i was out as it was my Bros GF's birthday today as well. so i thought i would pop a card through her door, i spoke to her in the week about going out for her birthday but she wasn't sure about what she was doing.

I went and had a conversation with someone i knew who was working about birthday presents for my bros GF, i then brought one and started to walk home, i was stopped by a taxi driver i knew and we were talking then i saw my ex coming towards me she smiled and waved but didn't want to interrupt. As it was her birthday i decided that i would break off the conversation i was having and start walking home, she had stopped at the traffic lights crossed the road then waited for me. telling her 2 work buddies to keep going.

I gave her a 1 armed hug (i had a bag in the other hand) and said happy birthday and we started walking back towards her work. she had silver shoes on and i did a little C +F about them being really silvery she said she felt like Dorothy in the wizard of oz. I said weren't they red shoes though.

She basically asked how i was and i said i sent a text to her bro wishing him happy birthday and i had a card for her but i hadn't written on it yet. She told me what her bros gf got him. I asked about what she was up to tonight she said not sure but might be going to watch some drumming thing in the next town, that a work mate was drumming in brazilian drums?. I didn't say anything about attending and she said she best get back to work (we had stopped by the door for a minute) and gave me a hug while saying i will see you around. I said bye and walked off...

but i felt like **** afterwards, at first i felt she was a bit awkward with me but was fine after the first words, this is the first time i have seen her since our 'talk' about 2 1/2 weeks ago. It did feel weird, here's a person i loved so much who would do anything for me... that i have to try and forget about. It so frustrating and i feel like i'm not sure what i want anymore, do i try to be her friend which i would like in a way if there was no way i could see us together. Or do i continue to be distant in the faint hope that maybe she will come back, she had absolute huge interest levels whilst we were going out and we had a good relationship, with a bit of a down patch she got scared and wanted to start fresh. I still cant help but feel deep down she feels for me and just needs to be triggered.. It so frustrating feeling like this, plus that fact i have no group of people to go out to clubs with, (everyone works or is at uni has no money or has a baby and has a girlfriend or not into going out lives far away) all my mates i only really see at football or in the pub after football and to the pub on a Sunday night with 0 prospects of meeting anyone there. Plus my work friends which we don't go out, and ice hockey people which is really far away and they are all like 35+

IT SUCKS ASS i need a like a wing man.

can anyone help me out i need to get out of this negative mindset its really putting me off my progress. Even though i am completing the tasks i have set its dragging my mood down im so up and down its unbelievable, and about getting over my ex, it's been over 2 months since we were last together and i have barely seen or spoken to her in that time. Infact today was the first time i had seen her really apart from 1 quick chat about 'us' a few weeks after we broke up. FFS

 

[Modro]

Also that was kind of a vent, im just about to go to the gym. Then when i get back i'll go watch 300 i know in a bit i will feel OK again. I just feel im stuck in this ****ty place where i have no gf, no going out group and not much oppurtunity/ experience to ammend these things for the better. I have been trying to arrange nights out with people but i dont have much cash till the end of the month so next month should be better.