Messaging-Where did I go wrong this time?

[BryanM]

I am trying this instant messaging thing with this chick, it is the first time I have done this. We started a couple of weeks ago and did a lot of online flirting, if you could call it that. She seemed really into me and she just arrived back in the area last night, so I asked her if she wanted to join me for coffee, adn she has not responded back yet, she jst quit talking to me even though she has been at her computer. I am dissappointed but I know it is not the end of the world and I have a couple other women i am working on in real life. Still, I don't nderstand what happened. did I commit some sort of AFC blunder, scare her away? She lives about an hours drive from me bTW. Here is our last text messaging convo:

me: (12:35:48 PM): Hi there!

her: (12:37:34 PM): hey!

me: (12:37:50 PM): how are you?

me: (12:39:31 PM): it is finally clearning up today, there was a severe t-storm warning last night, but nothing materialized

her: (12:45:50 PM): yeah its pretty here! im doing good. I think I drank too much last night. feel groggy.

me: (12:46:15 PM): hehe

her: (12:47:56 PM): I get drunk off just 1 beer

me: (12:48:38 PM): one beer, eh? that's pretty good. I bet you had nothing to eat before

her: (12:50:09 PM): well I had part of a burrito with it

me: (12:50:56 PM): okay....so they have good Mexican places out there?

her: (12:53:32 PM): yeah pretty good

her: (12:53:43 PM): but damn that burrito had alot of onion

her: (12:53:45 PM): eeek

me: (12:54:18 PM): what is there to do around there? Are you near any of te great lakes?

her: (12:54:31 PM): oh no im in sf now

me: (12:55:06 PM): onion can be good if you cook it right. I hate raw onions on hamburgers,but if you carmalize them then it is good.

her: (12:56:12 PM): yeah raw is ucky

me: (12:56:55 PM): you are? when did you get back?

her: (12:57:09 PM): yesterday

me: (12:58:07 PM): how does it feel to be back here? I guess it feels groggy so far

her: (12:58:16 PM): haha its nice

me: (12:59:14 PM): cool, I would like to meet you. have you ever been to the steps of Rome?

her: (1:00:37 PM): no, wheres that at?

me: (1:02:46 PM): I have been there many times, I sorta know how to get there-I'll look it up, it is a really cool place, it has real intalian food and coffee, etc. you are still pretty new to the area? anyway brb

me: (1:03:39 PM): 348 Columbus Avenue, San Francisco

me: (1:03:58 PM): http://www.stepsofrome.com/caffe/index.php

me: (1:04:56 PM): it is an espresso place as well as a resturant, so people can just have coffee, or dinner if they feel like it

me: (1:07:43 PM): have you found places that you like to hang out, or get coffee?

her: (1:10:07 PM): hmmmm

her: (1:10:19 PM): I havent found any coffee places yet

me: (1:10:49 PM): what area do you live in?

me: (1:11:36 PM): it sounds like you still have a lot to see and do yet in SF, do you like it so far?

me: (1:12:45 PM): I like to just go to the city sometimes, there is so much to do there, there is never not something to do

her: (1:13:30 PM): yeah theres always stuff going on

her: (1:18:05 PM): I think i'll take a shower soon

me: (1:19:29 PM): I would like to meet up, see who I've been typing to all this time! This sunday or next weekend would work.

me: (1:20:24 PM): you can also call me-408-823-4258, i would love to talk and meet up in real life.

me: (sometime later, after long silence) go take your shower and think about it, ok? you are probably very tired. No pressure, I guess i am just a little old fashioned, I like meeting people in person as opposed to the internet, that's all . have a good day and I hope to hear from you soon, take care

me: (1:28:09 PM): P.S. the rception on my phone in my place isn't that great sometimes, just leave a message or try later if you decide to call and cannot reach me. have a wonderful first day back!

me: (6:53:18 PM): have you been to point reyes yet?

me: (7:00:22 PM): thought you might wanna go there instead

me: (7:06:10 PM): i do believe that you really don't know a person and if things would work out with them until you meet them, but if you are not comfortable yet, I understand. If you want to chat more and get to know each other a little better, I'll be around.

 

[crackhead]

i think the problem is 8 or so me: 's with no responses from she

ease up man, slow your roll..

she probly took a shower and wasn't thinking about any of that ****, then comes back to find all that "so youre probly thinking" stuff, and closed the IM window quicklike. you came off too strong..

 

[bud_2005]

Personally I stay away from instant messaging with girls you like unless you know them quite well. If it is some person you barely know it will be really hard to joke around with her. Anyways why are you trying for this girl that live an hour away when there are girls closer to you.

At the end of the conversation you shouldn't have posted as much. By posting like 6 times in row you look a little desperate.

 

[BryanM]

desperate..perhaps. More like of all the girls I like this one the most. She is younger and hotter, intelligent, seemed into me, is not a single mom, and I thought we had a lot in common. I do still start to get AFC around women I really wnat something to happen with, no matter how many other women there are out there.

 

[BryanM]

Is there any way I can fix this, or is it pretty much done with her no matter what I do?

 

[crackhead]

Originally posted by BryanM
More like of all the girls I like this one the most.

and you've never even met her? if you say youre old fashioned, go out and try to spit game to broads in real life, not online

but yea, rule of thumb.. dont sit there replying to a girl on aim when there are no return replies from her.. she said she was goin to the shower, if she doesnt hit you up after that, im her another day or somethin

text based communication is weird

 

[Austizzle]

Next her, she's an hour away anyways. What's the price of gas these days? $2.20 a gallon here in Michigan, not worth it in my opinion

 

[insomniac]

First of all, notice how only one of her responses ended with a "?" And, it was about places for coffee...not about you! Very low interest level on her part. It seems you really didn't build enough between you two to suggest meeting...not really your fault, she just seems boring and uninterested.

I can't really help you, because usually in these situations I get bored and move on. I'm doing online dating right now, and I come across the ones who respond to me, but will never ask anything about me. I wish I knew more about how to handle those situations, but I'm lazy, and I find someone who's more willing to communicate and not just throw back answers without engaging more. So, forget about her, find someone who can hold a conversation.

Of course this could be an opportunity to learn. How do you increase interest in a girl online who never asks you anything about yourself?

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

This is a good learning session for you since you said you don't really need this one because you have other options with women outside of the internet....which most EVERY guy here should have.

First off, IMing a woman is a good way to build rapport..but, it can only take you so far. I use IM's sparingly with the intent on getting the phone number...GOTTA GET THOSE DIGITS!!! And why the heck are you having hour long IM sessions? The point of the IM is to get the digits..and the pont of the digits is to set up a date. You shouldn't spend hours and hours on IM chats and cell phone convos...THATs the stuff you should be doing in person.

Looking at your conversation with her, it seemed you came off great in the beginning, but kind of needy in the end.

An IM line I like to use with girls that you meet online or on myspace is this "Hey...My eyes are getting sore from looking at this screen...give me you're number and I'll call so we can talk...I'm going to log off in a bit to go to bed.."

Simple..direct..and very hard to say no to.

Looking at your situation again...you said you have been chatting with her for a couple weeks, yet, I read toward the end that you have never seen what she looks like?

Serious red flag bro.

But it you still want her..then you have to play hard to get now. When you see her on your buddy's list, don't IM her. Don't message her...don't email her...leave her alone and let her come to you. You put the ball in her court now..and there is no point of wishing you can reverse time.

This is actually very good...if you see her online.and she MESSAGES you..then her IL must be moderate enough to get her number.

If she doesn't msg you back..then there is your aswere.

 

[CraigMack]

Originally posted by BryanM
I am trying this instant messaging thing with this chick, it is the first time I have done this. We started a couple of weeks ago and did a lot of online flirting, if you could call it that. She seemed really into me and she just arrived back in the area last night, so I asked her if she wanted to join me for coffee, adn she has not responded back yet, she jst quit talking to me even though she has been at her computer. I am dissappointed but I know it is not the end of the world and I have a couple other women i am working on in real life. Still, I don't nderstand what happened. did I commit some sort of AFC blunder, scare her away? She lives about an hours drive from me bTW. Here is our last text messaging convo:

me: (12:35:48 PM): Hi there!

her: (12:37:34 PM): hey!

Not one person noticed the odd thing here, I am not surprised either!!!

Originally posted by BryanM
me: (12:37:50 PM): how are you?

me: (12:39:31 PM): it is finally clearning up today, there was a severe t-storm warning last night, but nothing materialized

her: (12:45:50 PM): yeah its pretty here! im doing good. I think I drank too much last night. feel groggy.

Or here...nobody can see what is going on here can yall????

Originally posted by BryanM
me: (12:46:15 PM): hehe

her: (12:47:56 PM): I get drunk off just 1 beer

me: (12:48:38 PM): one beer, eh? that's pretty good. I bet you had nothing to eat before

her: (12:50:09 PM): well I had part of a burrito with it

me: (12:50:56 PM): okay....so they have good Mexican places out there?

her: (12:53:32 PM): yeah pretty good

her: (12:53:43 PM): but damn that burrito had alot of onion

her: (12:53:45 PM): eeek

Bryan I'm sure you know fella. Since you waited long periods of time before she would respond to you. Now what does that tell you. There is NO INTEREST LEVEL HERE!

If she was interested and not chatting obviously with a bunch of other guys or gals she would of responded much quicker...duuhhhh. Or she was busy with a project or something and really didn't have time to chat with you and you were being rude by not recognizing it.

I'm surprised you asking for a why? But actually I think you just didn't get it by how long it took her to respond to you on occasions.

Also look at your convo...do you see any words that will attract her attention from the other cats she is chatting with????

Do you spark her interest? Are you being ****y and Funny with her to make her laugh? Are you being challenging?

No your being a boring NICE GUY!!!!!

If you want this girls attention you gotta do better than that player.

Ask yourself why should she meet you by what you've shown her so far. Have you shown yourself to be the kind of man that attracts a womans attention? NO. You have shown her that you will put up with rudeness and disrespect and that your deseperate all within one IM CONVO!

YOU BLEW IT!!!

Any woman keeps me waiting longer than a few moments then I will quickly tell em good bye.

Originally posted by BryanM
me: (12:54:18 PM): what is there to do around there? Are you near any of te great lakes?

her: (12:54:31 PM): oh no im in sf now

me: (12:55:06 PM): onion can be good if you cook it right. I hate raw onions on hamburgers,but if you carmalize them then it is good.

her: (12:56:12 PM): yeah raw is ucky

me: (12:56:55 PM): you are? when did you get back?

her: (12:57:09 PM): yesterday

me: (12:58:07 PM): how does it feel to be back here? I guess it feels groggy so far

her: (12:58:16 PM): haha its nice

me: (12:59:14 PM): cool, I would like to meet you. have you ever been to the steps of Rome?

her: (1:00:37 PM): no, wheres that at?

me: (1:02:46 PM): I have been there many times, I sorta know how to get there-I'll look it up, it is a really cool place, it has real intalian food and coffee, etc. you are still pretty new to the area? anyway brb

me: (1:03:39 PM): 348 Columbus Avenue, San Francisco

me: (1:03:58 PM): http://www.stepsofrome.com/caffe/index.php

me: (1:04:56 PM): it is an espresso place as well as a resturant, so people can just have coffee, or dinner if they feel like it

me: (1:07:43 PM): have you found places that you like to hang out, or get coffee?

her: (1:10:07 PM): hmmmm

her: (1:10:19 PM): I havent found any coffee places yet

me: (1:10:49 PM): what area do you live in?

me: (1:11:36 PM): it sounds like you still have a lot to see and do yet in SF, do you like it so far?

me: (1:12:45 PM): I like to just go to the city sometimes, there is so much to do there, there is never not something to do

her: (1:13:30 PM): yeah theres always stuff going on

her: (1:18:05 PM): I think i'll take a shower soon

me: (1:19:29 PM): I would like to meet up, see who I've been typing to all this time! This sunday or next weekend would work.

me: (1:20:24 PM): you can also call me-408-823-4258, i would love to talk and meet up in real life.

me: (sometime later, after long silence) go take your shower and think about it, ok? you are probably very tired. No pressure, I guess i am just a little old fashioned, I like meeting people in person as opposed to the internet, that's all . have a good day and I hope to hear from you soon, take care

me: (1:28:09 PM): P.S. the rception on my phone in my place isn't that great sometimes, just leave a message or try later if you decide to call and cannot reach me. have a wonderful first day back!

me: (6:53:18 PM): have you been to point reyes yet?

me: (7:00:22 PM): thought you might wanna go there instead

me: (7:06:10 PM): i do believe that you really don't know a person and if things would work out with them until you meet them, but if you are not comfortable yet, I understand. If you want to chat more and get to know each other a little better, I'll be around.

Look at how desperate you came off at the end....

Have you followed this sites rules? Read anything about how to play this game from this site????

From the looks of it you haven't. Better knowledge next time my friend.

 

[BryanM]

I have seen what she looks like, she sent me pics of herself in her nightgown about a week ago. She was even calling me sweetie and sending me online "kissing" smilies. i thought she was into me, and she is hotter than any other girl that has an interest in me. that is part of my problem, yes, I ahve read what is on here, but i have trouble practicing it when I really want a particuar girl and i believe if I mess up I will not easily find anyone better or hotter. I let my emotions rule more than is good for me I guess.

me (11:55:48 AM): Hi there how are you?

her (12:26:34 PM): good! how you doin?

her (12:26:39 PM): on vacation I am guessing!

me (12:27:18 PM): yep, I just sent you an e-mail too! like just the instant before this.

me (12:28:26 PM): it has been raining here, but there is still plenty do do, I have been setting up some furniture here, I have a bigger place than I did back in San Jose.

her (12:29:37 PM): you ahve a house or apt?

me (12:32:46 PM): I ahve an apartment, I ahd about 2 weeks to find a place. I am actualy considering getting a house though. I have to think about that, with insterest rates going up what that will do to the market. The apartment is in a pretty nice location though, along the river near a biking trail and near a little town with coffee shops, book stores and stuff. what kind of dog do you have, I presume the one in the photos is yours? I took a wild guess and though it may be one of those Lhasa apsel(sp?) dogs.

her (12:45:18 PM): ohhhh he is a coton de tulear. a breed from madagascar!

her (7:50:22 PM):

me (8:28:02 PM): How you doing? did you get your pants back on? or are you still walking around naked?

her (8:28:06 PM): hehehe

her (8:28:10 PM): they were a little big

me (8:30:39 PM): oh, well, it happens. so how is Michigan today? still there I presume?

her (8:35:39 PM): (kissing smiley()

her (8:35:40 PM): brb

at this point I left and did not communicate with here until today. Somewhere she lost interest, because she started off coming on strong and i was indifferent. we had some pretty intimite conversations too, it is surprising how that happens with this. Anyway, this chat session was two days ago, right before she got on the plane to come back....

 

[BryanM]

I always end up losing the hottest ones, the ones I actually want, dammit!

 

[DJHoolahoop]

one thing that REALLY throws me off is this kind of communication: "hey how's it going? I'm doing good, i just got back from the gym as I really like to stay in shape. Do you like to stay in shape at all? i find more people should" <-- not saying this is you, but from what I notice... you're almost having a conversation with yourself by immediately saying something after you ask her a question, and that's before she even gives you an answer.

Learn to say something and give them the chance to respond. I know my old self would do things of similar nature, but it comes off to people that you won't leave them alone and will get offended if they stop talking to you when they don't know how to tell you to back off WITHOUT offending you. Not to mention that they also get the hint that it's ALL ABOUT you, as opposed to them. Even though you're the ones asking the questions, you're also using that as a way for YOU to talk and for YOU to look good and as a listener.

If they take a long time to respond, say I can tell your busy.. I'm gonna take off then, later. Or just say you gotta go.

But when you say things like "hello?" over and over or "did you get my last response/question?" or other things with low-risk, then it comes off wrong and they end up pushing you around.

And another thing is that you basically told her that it's not such a big deal to meet in person and get to know one another, which is true. But the way you kept hinting at it and saying how much you feel it gets one another to know each other, that therefore she SHOULD go through with it. Says to her that YOU'RE wanting her to come out, that YOU'RE saying it's no big deal to meet and you're creating this pressure and resistance and she as a result is avoiding it.

Even though she hasn't said anything, she could just be avoiding it. As already you've been displaying signs of desperation, a feeling that you are showing greater signs of interest than they are, is giving them the impression that you're already hoping it will work out before you even have met.

 

[SheepSter]

Ok maybe this can help you to some extend. These are my IM rules, I always use them and they work very good for me. These rules are from the perspective of getting her email address after you approached her. I must stress that getting her phone number is the priority, but some girls only give their email to new people they meet. IM can be a very handy tool if you use it right.

The Rules:

1) First you should pinpoint her interest level, this can be done in different ways. First you must realize that it is you who need to take the first move. What I do is send her an email. Most important is that you write how you just thought of the time and place you two met, and tell her something specific of your interaction (best is something funny). Keep it short and stay very casual. I send the email 2/3 days after the first time we met.

If she has some interest in you, she will give you an email back or add you on her contact list (msn), or both. This is the first indication that there is some interest.

If she does not respond in any way, don't give up yet. Just add her to your contact list. But keep in mind that there is no real interest in this case.

2) The second rule is probably the most important one for perceiving her interest. If the both of you are online, don't start the conversation. Let her do it. Sometimes it takes some time (15 minutes or so) but when she starts the conversation this is a big indication of interest. When she opens and uses your name in the opening your in the place you want to be.

Again this is a rule for perceiving her interest level in an early stage. When she doesn't open you after 30 minutes or so, just open her. Again there will be no real interest from her side if you do this. And you will have to find that out in the conversation.

3) The conversation should be no longer than 30 minutes max. I usually talk for about 15 minutes with a girl. Why is this? Simple, if you start telling her your life story online, you'll miss out on a lot of important interaction dynamics that comes along with a real life meet. Body language, kino, event changes, basically all the powerful stuff.

4) My favourite conversation topic are crazy stories telling about girls I met. What I do is slide the picture of the girl I'm IMing with away and just see her as a guy. Lesbians, horny girls working behind the bar, girls that keep grabbing your ass, make out sessions, strange drinks you shared with girls. Basically you work towards a climax, meanwhile describing the place, the people, the country, the music, your dressing style, your tan, your cologne, your hair. Of course this is all about you but if you tell the story good there is one basic story line and many sub-storylines. The girl you're talking with can give her own input on the sub-storylines:

(here I'm telling a girl about a party I went to).

me: she looked at me like I was wearing something of her, or maybe she was really naughty , considering her deep gaze and open mouth.

her: haha, you're crazy

me: That's what they always tell me in the ladies room (Y)

her: hahaha

me: But what's up with girls these days?

her: What do you mean

me: I mean do you only dress really hot when it's warm?

her: Mmmm, I always dress hot

me: That's hot

This can go on for hours if I want too (which I don't), main story is about some stalking girl, sub-story is about what's up with girls. This way you can go into so many topics, the question arises how in the world someone could have nothing to talk about.

5) This rule is about giving compliments. If she gives you one you can indirectly give one back later. But a real compliment should be given in real life.

6) Arrange the meet up through the phone, so first get her number.

 

[SurfsupinHawaii]

Dude I dunno, somtimes you just gotta go by the vibe. Online is weird cuz there are so many factors that come into play. like I'm talkin to a friend(real life not cyber) on yahoo while I'm typing this. hopefully she doesn't think I'm ignoring her if I take a min to write back.

but yea man just go by feeling. I never send more than like 2 IM's in a row. and if I do with no response I'll just ask "hey you busy", and I will usually end the convo there or tell them to IM or call me whenever. then again I know most of the people I talk to online, but not all.

so, I would say keep chattin if you feel a good vibe and if you are comfortable with the reality that u may never meet her in real life.

Peace

 

[MetalFortress]

I'm going to sound harsh here. Good. You need it.

BOOOOORING. What the HECK? Even without reading the timestamps I dreaded this. You were not humorous or laid back, nor did you act like you have any semblance of personality whatsoever! You didn't tease her, you barely attempted a joke or two, you acted like a boring interviewer, you were more redundant than a Ford SUV starting with the letter "E", and couldn't shut up about how much you want to meet her. If I was a girl, I would have been scared off by you in that convo.

Don't even attempt to IM her again unless you are going to be a fun guy. I felt for her after that first IM convo. Stop sounding so unsure of yourself.

 

[diplomatic_lie]

You lost it when you gave her the address of the coffee place

 

[CraigMack]

Originally posted by BryanM
I have seen what she looks like, she sent me pics of herself in her nightgown about a week ago. She was even calling me sweetie and sending me online "kissing" smilies. i thought she was into me, and she is hotter than any other girl that has an interest in me. that is part of my problem, yes, I ahve read what is on here, but i have trouble practicing it when I really want a particuar girl and i believe if I mess up I will not easily find anyone better or hotter. I let my emotions rule more than is good for me I guess.

me (11:55:48 AM): Hi there how are you?

her (12:26:34 PM): good! how you doin?

her (12:26:39 PM): on vacation I am guessing!

I have a question. Why do you wait so long for her to reply. Are you aware that she knows your an internet stalker type? You sat there waiting all that time for her to answer from 11:55am till 12:26 pm?

It's obvious that your developing one-itis over a girl you have never met. Your afraid to lose her. And that is your downfall. Your too desperate to make this happen and I guarantee you it will destroy any game that you have left.

Relax. If she doesn't respond click off and go do something else. Start making her wait for YOUR responses. Right now you look like one of those internet stalkers sitting there desperately waiting for her replies.

Also I see no strong interest from her to you. I'm not sure what reality your living in Bryan but your coming accross kinda strange to me man. Loosen up.

Originally posted by BryanM
me (12:27:18 PM): yep, I just sent you an e-mail too! like just the instant before this.

me (12:28:26 PM): it has been raining here, but there is still plenty do do, I have been setting up some furniture here, I have a bigger place than I did back in San Jose.

her (12:29:37 PM): you ahve a house or apt?

me (12:32:46 PM): I ahve an apartment, I ahd about 2 weeks to find a place. I am actualy considering getting a house though. I have to think about that, with insterest rates going up what that will do to the market. The apartment is in a pretty nice location though, along the river near a biking trail and near a little town with coffee shops, book stores and stuff. what kind of dog do you have, I presume the one in the photos is yours? I took a wild guess and though it may be one of those Lhasa apsel(sp?) dogs.

her (12:45:18 PM): ohhhh he is a coton de tulear. a breed from madagascar!

Notice how your last response was at 12:32pm and she doesn't even bother to reply until 12:45pm? You probably didn't. And you probably ignored what I said above now that I think about it.

Originally posted by BryanM
her (7:50:22 PM):

me (8:28:02 PM): How you doing? did you get your pants back on? or are you still walking around naked?

her (8:28:06 PM): hehehe

her (8:28:10 PM): they were a little big

me (8:30:39 PM): oh, well, it happens. so how is Michigan today? still there I presume?

her (8:35:39 PM): (kissing smiley()

her (8:35:40 PM): brb

at this point I left and did not communicate with here until today. Somewhere she lost interest, because she started off coming on strong and i was indifferent. we had some pretty intimite conversations too, it is surprising how that happens with this. Anyway, this chat session was two days ago, right before she got on the plane to come back....

Women use emoticons like ((hug)) or (((kiss))) like a runner drinks water. It's no big deal to them. It means nothing. Do you hear me Bryan...It means nothing!!!!

As one girl told me she enjoys using them cause guys are such suckers and they get all riled up like fool just cause she types (((hug))) in a IM chat box. This she said is how she can seperate the punks from the real men. Real men don't get suckered that way.

Did she ever come back? Probably not. Just like the above. She has no real interest in you because your like all the rest of the internet fools she plays.

Another woman was able to predict (and I watched her do this) down to the minute when a guy would ask her out. From the start of the convo to the end she was right on with her predictions even to knowing that the person was married.

This woman enjoyes getting men all riled up and getting them to fall in love with her over the internet cause "it's fun". She never has any real intention of meeting anyone. She says she can get the same perks online as she does in a night club without actually having to deal with men in person. Perks meaning attention.

Don't get played Bryan. Wake up and smell the coffee. It looks like you probably will not listen to me so good luck.

 

[Sweet Angel]

Girls insight

Views from a girl's perspective on IM conversations:

* Keep them light hearted
* Keep her guessing
* Be sarcastic but be careful with how this is done so it is not offensive
* NEVER leave your number on an IM. Give it to her if SHE asks for it. Very desperate move ...I have NEVER called first.
* Ease into asking if she will talk to you on the phone. If she agrees, tell her you will give her your phone # and she can block her number until she feels comfortable. Give her that option and let her respond before putting your number out there.
* Make her feel comfortable at all times.
*When meeting for a date, I always thought it was nice when he gave me his real first and last name and his cell phone number. I gave that to my friends in case I never came home. It made me feel more comfortable.
* Always meet in a public place
* Ask her open ended questions and let her talk

Good Luck