Mens vs Womens Needs

[regular_guy]

I am trying to get a better understaning the needs of both sexes. I am going to start treating women as individual human beings, but I know their needs still differ between the sexes. Also I am looking for the core needs, not ones which have been brainwashed into us by society. Or are we as men suppose to look after both the superficial and the real needs? Know any more core needs, which can be added to the list?

Women:
Security - A feeling of safety

Men:
Approval - Being complimented
Here is a list of mens needs. http://www.mrgoodman.com

Both Sexes:
A need to be understood

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Women - Acceptance

Men - Accomplishment

 

[LostAndConfused]

Women - Acceptance

Men - Accomplishment

Exactly. .

It explains most of women's seemingly poor dating choices.

 

[Señor Fingers]

Not bad Francisco, though I have a hard time boiling it down to just one. My top 3 in order of priority is:

Women
Drama
Security < already a little contradicting, lol
Social Success

Men
Sex
Fulfilment
A Legacy

 

[regular_guy]

Women - Acceptance

Men - Accomplishment

Whats exactly meant by acceptance? Acceptance for who she is as a person? That is her body, her sexuality, her mind, mer attitude, her flaws, etc.

 

[The Deacon]

Men need three things (not including sexual needs):
Autonomy
Praise
Accomplishment

Women need three things(that are non-sexual):
Cherishment
Protection
Acceptance

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Exactly. .

It explains most of women's seemingly poor dating choices.

Exactly, and why men are more focused on quantity; the biggest, the most. Tie that into women's need for acceptance and there you have the rollercoaster cycle of typical relationships.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Whats exactly meant by acceptance? Acceptance for who she is as a person? That is her body, her sexuality, her mind, mer attitude, her flaws, etc.

Yep, but they seldom go into such detail but that's it. Ever wonder why everyone says that women want to be taken care of? It's the feeling that women get when men provide for their well being; that they are accepted by him, that they feel that they are worthy and it is shown by adornment, that they are (dare I say it) being treated like the princesses that they are.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Men: Sex, Security
Women: Security, Sex


And in that order.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Men: Sex, Security
Women: Security, Sex


And in that order.

I'd hate to believe that men are driven by something as simple as sex but then again I read what's typically posted in this forum. You'd think that we would have evolved to something that differentiates ourselves from animals. I guess that's why it seems that the DJ/PUA world is based on survival of the fittest and natural selection.

 

[Obsidian]

I think Francisco and Fingers are right on the mark. The op's trichotomy is inaccurate.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Not bad Francisco, though I have a hard time boiling it down to just one. My top 3 in order of priority is:

Women
Drama
Security < already a little contradicting, lol
Social Success

Men
Sex
Fulfilment
A Legacy

Here's how I see it.

For women:
​

• • Drama - A method much like a drug that women use to give them emotional highs. Drama could be considered mentally orgasmic.
  • Security - Something that men who appreciate women give to them (i.e. marriage). Consider it indentured servitude.
  • Social Success - Merely acceptance given by their peers.

For men:
​

• • Sex - Definitely enjoyable but in compared to being a leader in whatever they deem important by their peers, more than likely to a lesser degree. Yes, abundance of sex in addition to abundance of income, newest car, largest home, most important job all feed into the typical man's definition of accomplishment.
  • Fulfillment - Accomplishing even more of the above; especially if it's more than other guys he's comparing himself to.
  • A legacy - His minion which has the purpose of accomplishing even more under his family name.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I think Francisco and Fingers are right on the mark. The op's trichotomy is inaccurate.

Consider this, the difference between each viewpoint is whether the premise is based on whether the perception of needs are intrinsic or extrinsic in nature.

 

[regular_guy]

Yep, but they seldom go into such detail but that's it. Ever wonder why everyone says that women want to be taken care of? It's the feeling that women get when men provide for their well being; that they are accepted by him, that they feel that they are worthy and it is shown by adornment, that they are (dare I say it) being treated like the princesses that they are.

Why do you roll your eyes at that though? I mean if they like feeling that attention, love, addorment, whatever you want to call it, why not give to them sporadically? I'am sure shen she feels good about herself she will recipricate that feeling towards us "men". Everyone will be more happier. I noticed this principal in my salsa class, after the female instructor said, "take care of the ladies, always have the ladies do their moves first and then you can do yours" (i.e. always take care of them). I followed this caretaking principle with a sexy girl which I have fancied. The giving of extra caring communication through physical connection and movement, made her eyes light up. Its nice to have theory with practice. Also I don't mind provinding adornment to a girl to a sexy girl I fancy, why not.

I'd hate to believe that men are driven by something as simple as sex but then again I read what's typically posted in this forum. You'd think that we would have evolved to something that differentiates ourselves from animals. I guess that's why it seems that the DJ/PUA world is based on survival of the fittest and natural selection.

You can't just get rid of human instintcs, and I believe sex is on top of the list of those instincts. Can't just turn it off. I am 24 and would love to have sex with many women, I can't help it. But I also want to enjoy myself and improve my skills that will help me in other areas of my life. Seduction is fun.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Why do you roll your eyes at that though? I mean if they like feeling that attention, love, addorment, whatever you want to call it, why not give to them sporadically?

Because they feel that they deserve it because of their mere existance. Because they are women who believe that they should be treated that way because they say so as opposed to actually doing something to deserve it.

I'am sure shen she feels good about herself she will recipricate that feeling towards us "men". Everyone will be more happier.

:crackup: If this were true AFC's wouldn't be frustrated nor chumps. Plus more men would get married not because they are expected to, they would get married because it would be emotionally benificial to them.

I noticed this principal in my salsa class, after the female instructor said, "take care of the ladies, always have the ladies do their moves first and then you can do yours" (i.e. always take care of them).

I dance the Salsa and the Merenge. My best dance partners aren't American women though.

I followed this caretaking principle with a sexy girl which I have fancied. The giving of extra caring communication through physical connection and movement, made her eyes light up. Its nice to have theory with practice. Also I don't mind provinding adornment to a girl to a sexy girl I fancy, why not.

Because its superficial. There are tons of women out there at least as attractive if not more, big whoop. What differentiates them is their mindset, their demeanor, how they treat men. That deserves more praise than mere looks.

You can't just get rid of human instincts, and I believe sex is on top of the list of those instincts. Can't just turn it off. I am 24 and would love to have sex with many women, I can't help it. But I also want to enjoy myself and improve my skills that will help me in other areas of my life. Seduction is fun.

Who said anything about turning instincts off? What you are talking about is giving into them as if you have no control over yourself. It's like believing that once you become an alcoholic, you'll be one for the rest of your life. Yeah AA says that you are but I think it's a load of crap, everyone has the ability to chose to be otherwise or just give into the moniker.

Humans are higher on the evolutionary ladder because of their capacity to be able to make rational decisions (whether they do so or not). Paying homage to a person because of their looks or status gets society to a place where we are worrying about the actions of Britney, Lindsay, Miley or any other star whose name ends with a "y." It's because people treated them as super-special for superficial reasons, much like a woman who professes her royalty as wanting to be treated as a princess for merely existing.

But one thing I did notice, you yourself admitted that you can't help your actions. Society is in a bad place when people can easily say something like that without any concern. Welcome the possibility of a new hypothesis of de-evolution.

 

[Obsidian]

The problem with gratifying a woman's need for acceptance despite not getting anything in return is that it's like giving a $100 to a bum. It doesn't make the world a happy utopia. All it does is make the bum happy for a few minutes until he can go leech off someone else without giving anything back in return. You will never satisfy a woman's full need for acceptance merely by being nice to her in your salsa class. She wants the whole world to adore her, not just you.

If a woman wants my acceptance, she has to treat me with respect.

 

[LostAndConfused]

Because they feel that they deserve it because of their mere existance. Because they are women who believe that they should be treated that way because they say so as opposed to actually doing something to deserve it.

Isn't that one of the many contradictions in feminism mate?

Women, including and/or especially feminist women, demand respect that they don't deserve.

This is why you can't combine the two genders. Men earn respect, Women think they deserve respect just for living on this planet.

 

[Answers]

I think both men and women both want to be wanted and valued highly by everybody. Men though are more interested in social status and women are more interested in being valued highly by her man. Thats why men want to make money and women want to make themselves look good!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

The problem with gratifying a woman's need for acceptance despite not getting anything in return is that it's like giving a $100 to a bum. It doesn't make the world a happy utopia. All it does is make the bum happy for a few minutes until he can go leech off someone else without giving anything back in return. You will never satisfy a woman's full need for acceptance merely by being nice to her in your salsa class. She wants the whole world to adore her, not just you.

If a woman wants my acceptance, she has to treat me with respect.

I agree with what you're saying but I bet a bum would be more grateful. How often would a bum be catered to as compared to a typical woman? Women expect it by default, that's why guys who don't are typically considered lesser than what they would define a "real man."

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Isn't that one of the many contradictions in feminism mate?

Women, including and/or especially feminist women, demand respect that they don't deserve.

This is why you can't combine the two genders. Men earn respect, Women think they deserve respect just for living on this planet.

You are absolutely right! But I like to think that the ultra-feminist (feminazis) are typically the women who would be laughed at if they tried to play the princess card.