Men who declare exclusivity too soon?

[ThisNThat]

I had heard complaints from some women about men they've dated moving "too fast" (at least from their perspective) but from the men's perspective...they don't think so.

I have an older woman friend that told me she's gone out with this one guy a few times, and when his friends met her they were giving them a "congrats" and "way to gos" to him.

She freaked a bit thinking that he was telling everyone they were "exclusive" when they've only been out a few times. She talked to him about it and he was like, "Well, I thought we were a couple since we've been on a few dates."

Apparently, she felt she was in just the "getting to know you stage"...still, and I was like "Isnt' that what dating is?

This probably explains why she's never been married though. But I've heard a few women complain bout men moving too fast, or them both not being quite on the same page when it comes to this.

As if men tend to stake their claim too quickly with a woman?

 

[Urbanyst]

No man with a lot of sexual options is in a rush to commit.

 

[Glassguy]

I am aloof and a slow mover. Recently had a chick ask me if I saw us being exclusive after only hooking up twice.
I just ignored the question (it was through text). The next day she asked again and I gave her an honest answer:

"You seem to be looking for something more serious right now than I am.....we may not be a good match." Instantly she said she was fine going slow (even though I hammered her the first 2 times meeting up) and then she got clingy again so I have since given her a light ghosting.

The way dating and relationships work early on (and the ONLY way) is to have the frame to make women chase YOU. Its not the other way around. If a man mentions exclusitivity, the woman knows that she can have that if she wants it. Game over....the mouse got the cheese.

The key, for me, to having a woman chase me is to giver her a great date, escalate, be scarce until the next date. Get their mind wondering what I am doing in between.

Clingy men who try to lock down a woman are chumps. Insecure, clingy, desperate, needy. Dont be that guy.

Remember- Absence does in fact make the heart grow fonder.

 

[Roober]

Read something a little bit ago and I think is gold...

IT DOESN'T MATTER IF SHE'S THE ONE MOVING TOO FAST.........
If you go along with it......YOU'RE THE ONE who's gonna get punished.

 

[ThisNThat]

I am aloof and a slow mover.

You're not a slow mover, you already had sex with her, twice.

Read something a little bit ago and I think is gold...

IT DOESN'T MATTER IF SHE'S THE ONE MOVING TOO FAST.........
If you go along with it......YOU'RE THE ONE who's gonna get punished.

Yeah, men will pretty much go along with a woman that's ramped up her desire to expedite something. Although, I know one guy that sabotoged his chances with a woman where she thought they were exclusive..and he did not. We were all at a party, by the time she's grown close to him. They did come in separate cars to the venue as the location of the party was split between them geographically.

She thought he was her date to the party. I thought the same as well as I'm a close friend of his.

Apparently, he said his ankle had been bothering him lately and when his girl asked him to dance, he refused for that reason. Then, another woman asked him to dance, and he danced with her....to make matters worse, it was a slow dance song.

His girl saw this and this pretty much upset her. She never returned his calls after that. But when he explained himself, I was like, "Dude, you should have said you were with someone when that other woman asked you to dance."

And he said, "Well, I didn't want people knowing that we were together" Apparently, he's "covert" about his dating....a little too covert for his own good.

But, I was like, "Dude, you blew it." He kept using his ankle as an excuse, even with me and how the other woman was insistent.

About a year later that woman married to a guy that actually respected her.

Dont' get me wrong, my friends is a great guy, but I think he has no game..and is quite clueless as to what occured. His first mistake was not mentioning to the other woman that he was "with" someone.

 

[Glassguy]

Read something a little bit ago and I think is gold...

IT DOESN'T MATTER IF SHE'S THE ONE MOVING TOO FAST.........
If you go along with it......YOU'RE THE ONE who's gonna get punished.

This is true....if you dont abandon ship you are asking to deal with a nut job later. Unless I am really into a chick, the exclusive talk is the nail in her coffin.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

You are only moving too fast if they have wandering eyes or think they can do better. Aka, they don't REALLY love you.

 

[Von]

Yeah, everytime I get ''move too fast'' I feel the friendzone.

It's a case by case.

There a girl I like, each date, kino increased and she compliment more... Maybe she wants LTR so she taking ''Time'' (but I feel sometimes, I could be friendzoned or orbiting).... anyway she asked to go out for ''diner'' and I made my move during the date (which ended on the cheek but I never expected such shyness, she vibrated... i thought it was cute)

Moving too fast also portray ''neediness'' I would say...
1) She's not ready to kiss you 2) You showing desperation like she the only thing you have going on

Both can be turn off.... conservative girls might make you wait a while for the kiss and lay etc... but at least I believe you should always escalate, at least she knows what you want... if she drags you too long or she orbiting you... than cut her (you have a limit)

Girls should be asking for exclusivity

Last point: It's not she makes you wait too long, she's not interested... she wants to cover her emotions (and not be pump and dump)...but in today society... 2 girls out of the pack I dated since I am single.. made me wait more than 2 dates for the kiss/lay

That's why Frame is important... no matter what they throw at you....keep cool, carry on, escalate, move on and do what you want

 

[The Duke]

Always let her bring up the "exclusive talk". Only agree to it if that's what you want and the time frame is right. Definitely make her work for it. She should have to work for it.

 

[Red Legg]

All of these rules are just training wheels that should be cast off as a person practices and improves infield. Lest you live by another man's perception.

I've had women that would have liked that sort of commitment within an early time frame. If I wanted the same, then there is no harm and no foul. It would have gained me benefits such as anal, in some cases.

If early exclusivity is what I strongly desired, then that's what I would be doing. Fvck what idiots think.

Compromising your needs for others is the opposite of what any guy should be doing, IMO. Whether that is women, friends, guys on a message board, etc.

Go through a big period of experimenting, then accept who you are and what you want. Each man should strive to know better than anybody how to get his own needs met.

^^ THIS ... I went exclusive with a woman who asked for it after 2 months.Even after 3 weeks she was making comments like "I am not going to talk to anyone else" or "I don't want to talk to anyone but you." I knew where she was going and we were "clicking" very nicely in bed and out.Now,normally I do not move that fast BUT I agreed because of her value and her actions were stellar.She pays for dates drives hours to see me,carte blanche in bed.Right now it would be stupid for me to spin plates as I am getting everything I need,plus it's nice to not have to spin plates and actually rest.it would not benefit me to spin plates (she is an hb9).Now I will be watching her actions like a hawk I am an experienced DJ,but right now it's fun and she has given me the key to her house.DO NOT FOLLOW ANY RULES RELIGIOUSLY!

 

[lizardking82]

The only rule I would follow is "let her bring it up". After that, it's very situational. Maybe she brings it up and you agree, nothing wrong with going in. Maybe she brings it up and you feel you not ready for that, postpone it. But no matter what, if a guy goes and asks a girl to be his girlfriend...not saying it';s the end of the world, but it's the ultimate pursuing, as if it was not enough she knows you're after her *****.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Women are the gatekeepers of sex. Men are the gatekeepers of commitment. Simples.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

^^ THIS ... I went exclusive with a woman who asked for it after 2 months.Even after 3 weeks she was making comments like "I am not going to talk to anyone else" or "I don't want to talk to anyone but you." I knew where she was going and we were "clicking" very nicely in bed and out.Now,normally I do not move that fast BUT I agreed because of her value and her actions were stellar.She pays for dates drives hours to see me,carte blanche in bed.Right now it would be stupid for me to spin plates as I am getting everything I need,plus it's nice to not have to spin plates and actually rest.it would not benefit me to spin plates (she is an hb9).Now I will be watching her actions like a hawk I am an experienced DJ,but right now it's fun and she has given me the key to her house.DO NOT FOLLOW ANY RULES RELIGIOUSLY!

Plates keep your self worth from being based upon her projection. Things for you can change in a heartbeat. You don't have to F all your plates, just spend time with them and talk to them.

 

[Red Legg]

Plates keep your self worth from being based upon her projection. Things for you can change in a heartbeat. You don't have to F all your plates, just spend time with them and talk to them.

My self worth is NOT tied up in a " plate",it is tied to self improvement.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

My self worth is NOT tied up in a " plate",it is tied to self improvement.

So if she started being mean or shutting you out of pvssy it would have zero effect upon you?

 

[randalljohnson]

My current girlfriend and I jumped into a relationship after about 2 weeks of dating. I declared us official first. I genuinely wanted her, but we were both seeking for companionship. A bad boy she was with f***** her and chucked her a few weeks before we met. We've been together several months. We have had ups and downs dating back to the first month of our relationship,but we've been together several months now. She even lovebombs me now, putting stuff on facebook about how we're soulmates

 

[randalljohnson]

Read something a little bit ago and I think is gold...

IT DOESN'T MATTER IF SHE'S THE ONE MOVING TOO FAST.........
If you go along with it......YOU'RE THE ONE who's gonna get punished.

Punished how?

 

[randalljohnson]

You are only moving too fast if they have wandering eyes or think they can do better. Aka, they don't REALLY love you.

You're saying if you push for exclusivity, even if the girl accepts, but she still checks out/flirts with other guys, she's not REALLY into you?

 

[Bayne05]

I agree with everyone that says let her bring it up. When you're the one who's pushing for exclusivity it makes you look desperate no matter how you look at it. She already knows you into her, but when you're the one insisting on exclusivity you're basically handing over your balls too. You're done, you just put yourself on her leash.

 

[PatientOne]

If things are going well with a chick and she asks for exclusivity, I will say, "I really like how things are going with us (as long as they actually are,)" and tell her that I am not seeing anyone but her.

In this way, my theory is that I didn't actually agree to it, but the wording will disable her by meeting her want, in a round about way. It's like never, ever, telling your woman that you are sorry, but rather open with telling her that you simply understand why she is upset.