Meeting the kids?

[Divorced w 3]

We have a rule about not meeting my kids until my divorce is finally inked. We have finally reached that moment.

I am six months into a relationship with a girl who is about an hour away, has been making effort to come over recently on public transportation as she does not drive, is getting her license, etc.

With her knowing my status, I was thinking about simply not bringing the meeting kids issue up and letting her broach it. She and I discussed it in the past , however this freedom offers us a new dynamic in the lack of hiding/ lack of having to go see her for the most part, and I’m curious what her moves may be if I just don’t say anything.

 

[Murk]

she does not drive, is getting her license, etc.

Bit of a red flag at her age, no?

Anyway, congrats on the divorce and glad things are still going well with this girl.

I don't have kids so my advice has to be taken with a pinch of salt, I'd play it by ear, she may feel she's imposing or overstepping to ask you, if things are really serious (only you know that) then what harm is it?

IMO I would not introduce a girl to my kids unless I seriously thought I'd be spending the next few years with her and more, otherwise why bother confusing them (depending on how young they are).

 

[Divorced w 3]

Bit of a red flag at her age, no?

Anyway, congrats on the divorce and glad things are still going well with this girl.

I don't have kids so my advice has to be taken with a pinch of salt, I'd play it by ear, she may feel she's imposing or overstepping to ask you, if things are really serious (only you know that) then what harm is it?

IMO I would not introduce a girl to my kids unless I seriously thought I'd be spending the next few years with her and more, otherwise why bother confusing them (depending on how young they are).

Thanks for the kind words and thoughts.

She is a city girl with walking distance to her job and ten minutes away from her family, so between Uber, trains and her brother or dad she’s always been covered on getting around.

Additional edit: to your point about what harm it may be; so looking at our schedules now, we have it that I drive out on weekdays where not a lot of opportunities exist for cool activity being during the week and on every other weekend, the last couple months her coming to me when kids aren’t here.

Needless to say it doesn’t give us the ongoing benefits of doing things by her if she always had to travel to me on my free time, right? I could get a sitter and travel out for the evening on a weekend but that’s a long, expensive double financial hit and cannot even stay over night.

in other words, if the relationship is ‘right’ so to speak, then to have her out here on my parenting schedule allows me to see her here, and my ability to reciprocate periodically her direction, removing some of the lopsided travel and social inequity , perhaps?

 

[CornbreadFed]

I wouldn't do it unless she gives you the ultimatum.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Don't do it unless you have to. More often than not it doesn't go the way you think it will.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Don't do it unless you have to. More often than not it doesn't go the way you think it will.

They’re young 9/6/3 for perspective

 

[The Duke]

For the benefit of your kids I wouldn't do it. It will definitely leave an impression on them, they will connect, etc. And then You end up with 5 more girls in the next 5yrs. The kids have to go thru all that again and learn that relationships are throw away.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

They’re young 9/6/3 for perspective

Yeah even more so then.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Solid advice. Def need to see how this works for longer, the way the relationship evolves and handles the distance, etc