Maybe I’m not capable

John9999

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I find myself approaching the end of the year and my 53rd bday , again another year of frustration with women. I’m asking myself a very serious question... maybe I’m just not capable of a relationship?

we all know this pursuit of women is difficult. If it was easy there’d be no forums like this one. But damm! I was married for 17 years, together for 24. But I see that the raising of my 3 great children covered up for a lackluster marriage.

in my 10 years of being single I’ve had 4 girlfriends and was engaged to one of them, but it didn’t workout. It’s easy to point out those women’s flaws, and yes 2 of them cheated on me,,, but what about me? Maybe I suck at relationships.

almost all of my guy friends are married or in ltr of over 5 years. My ex wife is in a ltr of like 8 yrs. hell even 2 of my children are in ltr. What’s wrong with me? Sure I date, and bang those I can, but its all very shallow. Since my lAst girlfriend 2 years ago I haven’t even had a second date ! Probably 20 first
Dates/ hookups.

Maybe I’m just meant to do life on my own. I know I’ll get responses that say to focus on myself. I have! I’m successful in my career and I have kept myself in shape. I have hobbies such as mountain climbing, rock climbing, hiking, snowboarding, etc.

Anyone feel this way?
 
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samspade

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Yes, I have. Sometimes I think I'm too independent-minded for a relationship. I like being alone a lot.
 

KindredSpiritzz

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Im the same age as you. Im getting so used to being alone, having my space and doing what i want to do that i doubt i'll ever get serious again with anyone. I know i'll never marry again, too dangerous and i doubt i'd ever let anyone live with me again, have to be one hell of a woman for that. Only thing i feel i need with a woman is sex on occasion and dating fulfills that need along with the need for short term companionship and when i had my fill i can send her home. I just don't feel the need to have more than that at this stage in my life.
 

Atom Smasher

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You need to introspect and figure out your shortcomings when it comes to relationships. What sis all your ex's give as reasons for wanting to leave (assuming they left you), or what dynamics caused the relationships to falter? These things can be identified and dealt with.
 

Alvafe

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feh i'm with samspede, i'm so damn used to be alone and like to be alone, do things when I want the way I want, then when something is getting annoying I just bail, don't even line anything up I just ghost, I also tend to not pursue, I ask once or twice to something I would do anyways, if she come good if not, I don't even bother to ask why. I also come from the mindset of I ahve a good life already, if the woman want to join, she sure as hell will need to add to my life not use me to make her feel better


I guess the main problem here is you are looking for something it don't exist, you look for meaning on something there is nothing to it, and the main of all you don't have fun, all I read is you saying it this is bad, things with her is not ok, i'm doing something wrong, and every time I pointed what you did wrong you ignored, because you want to have the meaning.

so first of all you need to get used to be alone, and then have fun with dating, crying, complaining or looking for the next marriage will not make you feel better
 
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corrector

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I find myself approaching the end of the year and my 53rd bday , again another year of frustration with women. I’m asking myself a very serious question... maybe I’m just not capable of a relationship?

we all know this pursuit of women is difficult. If it was easy there’d be no forums like this one. But damm! I was married for 17 years, together for 24. But I see that the raising of my 3 great children covered up for a lackluster marriage.

in my 10 years of being single I’ve had 4 girlfriends and was engaged to one of them, but it didn’t workout. It’s easy to point out those women’s flaws, and yes 2 of them cheated on me,,, but what about me? Maybe I suck at relationships.

almost all of my guy friends are married or in ltr of over 5 years. My ex wife is in a ltr of like 8 yrs. hell even 2 of my children are in ltr. What’s wrong with me? Sure I date, and bang those I can, but its all very shallow. Since my lAst girlfriend 2 years ago I haven’t even had a second date ! Probably 20 first
Dates/ hookups.

Maybe I’m just meant to do life on my own. I know I’ll get responses that say to focus on myself. I have! I’m successful in my career and I have kept myself in shape. I have hobbies such as mountain climbing, rock climbing, hiking, snowboarding, etc.

Anyone feel this way?
You don't sound incel to me with a past like that. Why are you frustrated if you are not incel then? You are still meeting women for ONS, you've said you've had 4 girlfriends in the past 10 years and were together for 24 years. It sounds like you'll meet more women.
 

Serenity

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Anyone feel this way?
Yes I have, some years ago.

You're pursuing the wrong thing. It is not women you should pursue, it is happiness and no woman will ever be the source of that.

I know I’ll get responses that say to focus on myself. I have! I’m successful in my career and I have kept myself in shape. I have hobbies such as mountain climbing, rock climbing, hiking, snowboarding, etc.
Nobody else gives a fvck. All of that is for you and if it doesn't serve to make you deeply satisfied and appreciative of your life then it is of no use. That is why you should focus on yourself, not for women, for happiness!
 

Black Widow Void

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There really is no bad news.
The good news is that you are more ahead of the game than probably half the people here. You are ambitious enough to work on getting dates and you are getting them.
Naturally, there will be a certain ratio of women that will display bad behavior and it has nothing to do with us. Then there's the other portion, The ones where we have to accept our own accountability and work on us. Because I'm not a fly on the wall, I don't know your situation, but I'll throw a few thoughts out there.

Are you picking low hanging fruit? Sure, they require less effort, but there's a reason that they are lower caliber.
Are you responding to text's and e-mails instantly?
Are you calling, texting or e-mailing too frequent?
Are you so comfortable in your ways... that you do not properly engage a woman?

The above are just some examples. No differently than sales, "rejection is your best friend." Know why? It's because we learn something about our methods and learn what works and what does not.

The reason I say that there's no actual bad news is because something about our persona is getting the women. The only thing you need to do.. is study the pattern you are exhibiting later ; which is deterring these same women. If you speak a lot in e-mail, look back through the exchange(s). Are you writing longer e-mails than they are? Are you immediately responding? What ever the case may be, there seems to be a pattern. If you see a correlation, think about this. In other words, find out what particular "thing" you are doing that appears to be off-putting and remove "it."

Good luck!
 

Desdinova

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Anyone feel this way?
I certainly do. Your chances at acquiring a long-lasting relationship are extremely low and given your age, you're going to have a choice between damaged woman A or damaged woman B.

Maybe I’m just meant to do life on my own
What I ended up doing was embracing the fact that I can work well alone. It doesn't mean that you actually are alone, it means that you don't live with anyone. You can surround yourself with women who have a caring personality and they'll jump when you ask them. They just won't be committed to jump for you for the rest of your life.

The landscape for choosing a long-term partner is the absolute 5hits at this point in time, so you'll have to adapt in some way, shape or form. Get yourself a slowly rotating wheel of women who come into your life, stay for a few months or years, and then fall out of your existence. That's pretty much what I did for all of my 30s. Enjoy your time with women when they enter your life, but never expect them to stay.
 

Rainman4707

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Similar situation myself. It does get me down a little, but I enjoy the journey.

Be careful what you wish for. A lot of afcs out there who are unhappy in their marriages ltrs

Like another poster said..you never know what's around the corner...maybe this path has been our fate...preparing us for the future....you could meet a girl soon who could be your best one yet...who makes you feel more alive than ever before.
 
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MrWood

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im feeling the same as most responses and OP.

Lots of dates/sex, nothing really sticks because I am very comfortable.
If one turns into a LTR its because she came, didn't leave and don't annoy me...
 
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