"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Mature Forum Town Hall Meeting
- Thread starter Survivor
- Start date
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
I've always enjoyed offering advice and passing on what I've learned whenever I can, but the main forum is just too difficult to use these days and I fear that many of the people taking over (the liars and inflated egos, PUA zealots, misogynists and wannabe drill instructors etc) are giving a very poor impression to new users, and may even end up being a destructive or dangerous influence.
At least when posting in the Mature Man forum I expect to get mature responses, and the advice I receive here is often advice I can trust.
At least when posting in the Mature Man forum I expect to get mature responses, and the advice I receive here is often advice I can trust.
stevera004
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2004
- Messages
- 267
- Reaction score
- 3
Back to the topic.
1. I'm here for one reason only: the quality of the discussion. That's it. Very high quality, sincere dicussions that are relevant to me; with a minimum of showboating and ****-in-hand theorizing.
2. Virtually any topic is fine. The only stuff I don't like to see is any AFC'ism or defeatism/negativity. This is my refuge from that BS.
3. Above all else: keep the quality of the posts high. It's a virtuous circle, high quality posts tend to produce more high quality posts. It should be considered a privilege to post here to help others; and not just a means for blowing off steam or building up imaginary DJ points with forum members.
Overall, this board is excellent; too bad I missed out on 1999-2000; I could have used it then.
Best,
1. I'm here for one reason only: the quality of the discussion. That's it. Very high quality, sincere dicussions that are relevant to me; with a minimum of showboating and ****-in-hand theorizing.
2. Virtually any topic is fine. The only stuff I don't like to see is any AFC'ism or defeatism/negativity. This is my refuge from that BS.
3. Above all else: keep the quality of the posts high. It's a virtuous circle, high quality posts tend to produce more high quality posts. It should be considered a privilege to post here to help others; and not just a means for blowing off steam or building up imaginary DJ points with forum members.
Overall, this board is excellent; too bad I missed out on 1999-2000; I could have used it then.
Best,
stevera004
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2004
- Messages
- 267
- Reaction score
- 3
I shoud have also added in my previous post that we should only allow the people for whom this forum is intended to post here. That is, they must be both:
1) 25+ (and preferrably completely out of school and working full time). ie. no kids.
2) be DJ's or aspirings DJ's. ie. no women.
Obviously, on the internet, no-one knows that you're a dog
but if a poster displays either of 1) or 2) they should be sent to a more appropriate forum. This will increase the quality of the board by ensuring more appropiate posts and, probably more importantly, give some real exclusivity to the place (think of the restaurants that are hard to get into, they're always the most popular).
1) 25+ (and preferrably completely out of school and working full time). ie. no kids.
2) be DJ's or aspirings DJ's. ie. no women.
Obviously, on the internet, no-one knows that you're a dog
but if a poster displays either of 1) or 2) they should be sent to a more appropriate forum. This will increase the quality of the board by ensuring more appropiate posts and, probably more importantly, give some real exclusivity to the place (think of the restaurants that are hard to get into, they're always the most popular).I think the real problem we're facing has nothing to do with age really. Its about maturity.
I've seen several posts from younger guys on the Mature forum that are actually quite good. I start out reading, check the guys age and think "Oh oh what's this guy posting here for?" Then the guy will usually make a comment about how he is looking for quality advice and that is why he is posting here. As long as he isn't being arrogant or an idiot and shows respect for the forum and the other posters I have no problem having a conversation with an 18 year old.
How can we police this though? Its nearly impossible to rate people's maturity. Hell, I've been in a wacky mood and posted some stupid crap here too. I'm sure we all have. Other times its great to have stimulating intellectual conversation with people who have experienced the same things.
Maybe the forums shouldn't be classified according to age but according to the types of posts. Maybe the Mature Man forum should actually be the Mature Topics forum.
As far as the main board goes I think the quality has fallen off because of a large rapid influx of young newbies who have driven away all the great "old" timers who used to post here regularly.
For example: BungoPony says,
I really appreciate what you're trying to do Survivor its a tough task. I'm not really sure what to say.
I've seen several posts from younger guys on the Mature forum that are actually quite good. I start out reading, check the guys age and think "Oh oh what's this guy posting here for?" Then the guy will usually make a comment about how he is looking for quality advice and that is why he is posting here. As long as he isn't being arrogant or an idiot and shows respect for the forum and the other posters I have no problem having a conversation with an 18 year old.
How can we police this though? Its nearly impossible to rate people's maturity. Hell, I've been in a wacky mood and posted some stupid crap here too. I'm sure we all have. Other times its great to have stimulating intellectual conversation with people who have experienced the same things.
Maybe the forums shouldn't be classified according to age but according to the types of posts. Maybe the Mature Man forum should actually be the Mature Topics forum.
As far as the main board goes I think the quality has fallen off because of a large rapid influx of young newbies who have driven away all the great "old" timers who used to post here regularly.
For example: BungoPony says,
Getting some more "mature" advice onto the main board would definately help but there's a generation gap so to speak. We're just like a bunch of grumpy old men saying "Errr those Damn whipper snappers! I just don't understand the younger generation these days. Back in my day we respected our elders blah blah blah......"
I really appreciate what you're trying to do Survivor its a tough task. I'm not really sure what to say.
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Lessons Learned:
1) We have way too many marriage threads. I'll commission some posters to write an all-emcompassing marriage sticky when time permits.
2) Many of you come here for "mature" responses. So from now on I'll allow a thread to develop until it is obvious that the topic doesn't belong here. Generally, responses determine quality, not necessarily the initial topic.
3) Most inappropriate threads shall be sent to the main forum to help with their quality issues.
Thanks everyone for your input.
Meeting adjourned.
1) We have way too many marriage threads. I'll commission some posters to write an all-emcompassing marriage sticky when time permits.
2) Many of you come here for "mature" responses. So from now on I'll allow a thread to develop until it is obvious that the topic doesn't belong here. Generally, responses determine quality, not necessarily the initial topic.
3) Most inappropriate threads shall be sent to the main forum to help with their quality issues.
Thanks everyone for your input.
Meeting adjourned.
penkitten
Master Don Juan
i like the mature man forum the best here.
i think the disscussion here is aimed for people who really can stand to disscuss things.
on the disscussion and anything else boards, everyone argues so much. its almost like folks only make a thread to get total agreement that their actions are ok, and when they are told something smells bad , the get defensive and hate you in every thread you make from then on.
cant every thread be disscussed individually? without someone remembering that you didnt agree with them in the last thread?
for guys who arent looking to pick up different chicks every night, they need more information. like, how do you keep the chick you like? things like that.
most guys that post here, have at least experienced a long term relationship. things arent so much up in the air for them. they know what they like, what they dont and what kind of women they are willing to date.
there isnt moderator bashing here , and i am thankful. i hate seeing the mods get bashed for trying to do their job on the other boards. no one is perfect and they just try to clean up the board as much as they can.
i think the disscussion here is aimed for people who really can stand to disscuss things.
on the disscussion and anything else boards, everyone argues so much. its almost like folks only make a thread to get total agreement that their actions are ok, and when they are told something smells bad , the get defensive and hate you in every thread you make from then on.
cant every thread be disscussed individually? without someone remembering that you didnt agree with them in the last thread?
for guys who arent looking to pick up different chicks every night, they need more information. like, how do you keep the chick you like? things like that.
most guys that post here, have at least experienced a long term relationship. things arent so much up in the air for them. they know what they like, what they dont and what kind of women they are willing to date.
there isnt moderator bashing here , and i am thankful. i hate seeing the mods get bashed for trying to do their job on the other boards. no one is perfect and they just try to clean up the board as much as they can.
NewMan
Master Don Juan
I don't post here very often anymore....
a few reasons really:
1) it's really go downhill. I don't profess to be an original, but I've been here a number of years and over the last 12 months it's gone downhill. We have lost a lot of great posters - it was a sad day when Player_Supreme left the house. But I'm not one to hold onto the past, so let's talk about the present.
2) There is not many decent posts anymore. How many of these ABC posts can you read before you go crazy - it's not often I post when I do come here anymore, because it's wasted advice most of the time.
3) I've 'made it' - personally I'm where I want to be. I've nothing to prove - I'm in control of my life and where it's going. I'm busy - and investing time here is not wants important anymore.
Now, I think it would be unwise to remove the main forum. I think what we need, is a commitment from the older more experienced guys to post in the main forum more often. I know it can be difficult, but we need to give back - educate and help - we owe the board this much. I for one will be making more of an effort to post in the main forum - if we make this commitment we can at least bring some sense, education and hopefully clean it up somewhat.
a few reasons really:
1) it's really go downhill. I don't profess to be an original, but I've been here a number of years and over the last 12 months it's gone downhill. We have lost a lot of great posters - it was a sad day when Player_Supreme left the house. But I'm not one to hold onto the past, so let's talk about the present.
2) There is not many decent posts anymore. How many of these ABC posts can you read before you go crazy - it's not often I post when I do come here anymore, because it's wasted advice most of the time.
3) I've 'made it' - personally I'm where I want to be. I've nothing to prove - I'm in control of my life and where it's going. I'm busy - and investing time here is not wants important anymore.
Now, I think it would be unwise to remove the main forum. I think what we need, is a commitment from the older more experienced guys to post in the main forum more often. I know it can be difficult, but we need to give back - educate and help - we owe the board this much. I for one will be making more of an effort to post in the main forum - if we make this commitment we can at least bring some sense, education and hopefully clean it up somewhat.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Dietzcoi was right about the marriage threads. They do have some value as in preserving mental health, though perhaps overly numerous.
Mature man should be open to all, though I think that there should be a convention that sub 25 year olds refrain from providing religious theories or ethical advice, unless it deals with a discussion of the validity of Aristotelian ethics. (Sarcasm?) There are women there, the smart, the dumb, the illiterate. And so it should be.
Keep the other boards. Each poster is casting a vote with every post. Isn't the USA a democracy. Let the dud candidates run for election.
Mature man should be open to all, though I think that there should be a convention that sub 25 year olds refrain from providing religious theories or ethical advice, unless it deals with a discussion of the validity of Aristotelian ethics. (Sarcasm?) There are women there, the smart, the dumb, the illiterate. And so it should be.
Keep the other boards. Each poster is casting a vote with every post. Isn't the USA a democracy. Let the dud candidates run for election.
Victory Unlimited
Master Don Juan
Yo Troops,
What I enjoyed about this board before I started actually posting were 2 things:
1. The honesty of the posts.
and
2. The depth of a lot of the posts. Not many other sites I've visited go as deep as some here @ sosuave.
The posts that deal with the questions of WHAT are often funny.
The posts that deal with the questions of HOW are interesting and instructional.
But it was the posts that deal with the questions of WHY things are the way that they are with male/female relationships that made me enlist into this SoSuave Army. Those posts are so inspirational. Even life-changing.
Peace...one day.
What I enjoyed about this board before I started actually posting were 2 things:
1. The honesty of the posts.
and
2. The depth of a lot of the posts. Not many other sites I've visited go as deep as some here @ sosuave.
The posts that deal with the questions of WHAT are often funny.
The posts that deal with the questions of HOW are interesting and instructional.
But it was the posts that deal with the questions of WHY things are the way that they are with male/female relationships that made me enlist into this SoSuave Army. Those posts are so inspirational. Even life-changing.
Peace...one day.