"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Mastering your dual personality

Jariel

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noobolgy said:
When I read this, it made me think of the little devil, and little angel on your shoulder.
I read once that you can't control your subconscious, just like you have no idea what you will start thinking about 30 secs from now.
What you can do is learn to watch your subconscious from outside, instead of being in your subconscious.
This is exactly what I've been observing in myself. I do have a destructive part of me that's just like a little devil, who keeps throwing negative ideas and images into my head, making me paranoid, tries to push me into temptation and get me to overreact and fvck up situations.

The harder you try to silence the voice the more it persists, so taking the perspective of an objective observer seems to be the best approach and one I've seen recommended too.

When you take this perspective, you can hold yourself back and stop yourself from acting on these impulses. As a rule, I try to avoid taking any significant action when I'm in a low or negative state of mind. I wait until my mood lifts and that's when I choose to act.
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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VikingKing

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Jariel said:
This is exactly what I've been observing in myself. I do have a destructive part of me that's just like a little devil, who keeps throwing negative ideas and images into my head, making me paranoid, tries to push me into temptation and get me to overreact and fvck up situations.

The harder you try to silence the voice the more it persists, so taking the perspective of an objective observer seems to be the best approach and one I've seen recommended too.

When you take this perspective, you can hold yourself back and stop yourself from acting on these impulses. As a rule, I try to avoid taking any significant action when I'm in a low or negative state of mind. I wait until my mood lifts and that's when I choose to act.
Yup. I notice when I first wake up in the morning, my head will be spinning with anxiety, but once I get up and just make coffee, or start getting ready, i kind of forget what i was stressing about.

The anxiety comes back later tho, and goes away again. I think the key is not to not focus on whats bothering you, its to just focus on something entirely different. Its like if I told you, dont think about a polar bear, you probably just thought of a polar bear. I just try to keep busy, and focus on other things. It really helps to hang out with people you get along with.

I'm not fully recovered from my demons, and my past. But I've made it a long way. It can only get better if you keep mastering your self, and especially your emotions. A big important part for me, is to not analyze anything that doesn't matter. Not drinking helps me a lot also.
 

Jariel

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noobolgy said:
Yup. I notice when I first wake up in the morning, my head will be spinning with anxiety, but once I get up and just make coffee, or start getting ready, i kind of forget what i was stressing about.

The anxiety comes back later tho, and goes away again. I think the key is not to not focus on whats bothering you, its to just focus on something entirely different. Its like if I told you, dont think about a polar bear, you probably just thought of a polar bear. I just try to keep busy, and focus on other things. It really helps to hang out with people you get along with.

I'm not fully recovered from my demons, and my past. But I've made it a long way. It can only get better if you keep mastering your self, and especially your emotions. A big important part for me, is to not analyze anything that doesn't matter. Not drinking helps me a lot also.
The same thing happens to me when I wake up in a morning or whenever I get tired. It seems that my conscious mind starts winding down and passes over to autopilot, which is when I start daydreaming, anxiety arises or I'm susceptible to mistakes. No doubt, this happens more under the influence of drugs and alcohol too.

So by that logic, the key to keeping those negative thoughts and influences of the mind at bay is to remain mentally alert.
 
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