"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Marry, Hump, or Dump: Nicole vs. Paris vs. Brittney

Deep Dish

Master Don Juan
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Nicole Richie is in the news for having been arrested on DUI for driving the wrong way on a state highway while high on drugs. Which reminded me of ex-buddy Paris Hilton's similar hijinks with a late-night "craving for a hamburger". Which reminded me of the classic game Marry, Hump, or Dump. To wit, I'll throw in the lost Brittney Spears to round out the three contestants.

The game is self-explanatory. If you were forced by the will of god, who would you marry, hump, and what poor soul would you want nothing to do with?
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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