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Male Orbiters: To Keep or Eliminate

mrgoodstuff

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yes i agree, but its actually women who pine over that idea not me, every woman i know has a burning desire to live our elders family happy life
Yea but much of the new stuff is artificial and causes problems.
 

LARaiders85

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^ That is absolutely golden right there!

I just dumped a LTR in January. One of our top 10 issues of friction was her orbiters on FB. She had a lot of single men on there doing the orbiter thing. I never told her to get rid of them, what I told her was "I guess I misunderstood the terms of our relationship but I understand now. If you are going to communicate with single men, I'm gonna communicate with single chicks". We fought hard about this off and on..... So fast forward to earlier this week. She Emailed me about some mail coming to my house of hers. OK no prob. The Emails started very civil, but then she started going off on me in one of her rants. She loved to rant. Inside one of her long rants she said "It sure is nice to be able to talk to guys online freely and get likes on my pictures without having to deal with your jealous azz. " Which again, I never told her DON'T, I just said I would recriprocate her behavior equally. Which I don't have FB so for me that meant texting chicks in my old rotation and making a new one. But here in the rant she admitted that she enjoyed her orbiters and attention, even when in an LTR with me.
NPD rants, talk about walls of text lol
 

logicallefty

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Yeah I had a two year relationship with one and I've helped others IRL deal with their breakups with them as well.
I'm just curious, the ones you saw, did they stink and punctuation and grammar? She was horrible at it. This is her text below, one of several. She jabs on be for SoSuave lol She knew I was on a "Man's group" but she doesn't know which one. I'm curious if the way she runs all of this in one sentence is normal in the disorder or something for just her.

"All u did was put me down every chance u got to make yourself feel better i started to get skinnier down to from size 8 to 6 eat your heart out lol that pizzed u off and u know it because of your jealousy with Scott close to 9 years u have no idea u just assume because i am a woman why dont u have your mans group (SoSuave) comfort u that's all u care about i was on FB a lot cuz i was bored no attention from u".
 

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LARaiders85

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I'm just curious, the ones you saw, did they stink and punctuation and grammar? She was horrible at it. This is her text below, one of several. She jabs on be for SoSuave lol She knew I was on a "Man's group" but she doesn't know which one. I'm curious if the way she runs all of this in one sentence is normal in the disorder or something for just her.

"All u did was put me down every chance u got to make yourself feel better i started to get skinnier down to from size 8 to 6 eat your heart out lol that pizzed u off and u know it because of your jealousy with Scott close to 9 years u have no idea u just assume because i am a woman why dont u have your mans group (SoSuave) comfort u that's all u care about i was on FB a lot cuz i was bored no attention from u".
Mine was very high IQ so no, but the rants were epic and just grasping at anything to use against you. Some of it is absurd, some of it they got by observing your weaknesses and taking notes to use later.
 

logicallefty

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Mine was very high IQ so no, but the rants were epic and just grasping at anything to use against you. Some of it is absurd, some of it they got by observing your weaknesses and taking notes to use later.
10-4, thanks!
 

jnMissouri

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I have dated 500+ women, had roughly 100 plates, 12+ LTRs including one marriage—all HB 7 - 9.5s Most of my plates and no LTRS have had male friends/orbiters that they were in contact with while with me. Granted, I had to sieve through hundreds.

My philosophy is rudimentary: In a male-female dynamic, one party-at one point--has wanted to f*ck the other. Thus, I perceive an exclusive contender’s continued communications with a male orbiter/friend as direct disrespect to me. Thus, no negotiations, no boundaries, no restrictions, no discussions, no compromise, nothing. I’m gone. She has a 0% shot at exclusivity with me. I will keep such a specimen as a plate, but that’s the extent.

For exclusivity, find one with core compatibility traits (a/k/a no male orbiters), and shape the incidentals with boundaries (a/k/a ancillary expectations).

I agree with this. I posted a similar thread about male friends, etc. I think it's very beta to allow such a thing. Women keep beta's as backup options, emotional support, favors, gifts. But if she is hot they all want to bang her. It is disrespectful to me to choose random men who are barely even acquaintances over me in a relationship. I now take the attitude you mentioned in my thread on the topic: sure you can have male friends, but not while exclusive with me and just keep spinning her....
 

Visionist

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...some of it they got by observing your weaknesses and taking notes to use later.
Always maintain mystery and never share your emotions or weaknesses. There are male friends for that (and only the ones you can trust with your life).
 

Reyaj

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First off, if she's just a regular plate, if she's just a pump and dump, or a FWB, or a FB, or just a casual date, it doesn't matter. She can do what she wants.

But for a more serious girlfriend (or even wife, not that I would ever marry), I prefer a third option. If she insists on hanging on to her orbiters, then I would next her and get a more suitable woman.

Regarding befriending the orbiters, there is no way I am having dinner with some dude my girlfirend brings over. No thanks, not happening. I'll choose my own friends, thanks.
I think this is probably the best advice here and closest to my view on this. But the question is how do you define an orbiter?

My understanding of the term is that its a guy who hangs around a girl hoping to get with her where as she may just see him as a friend or likes the attention. My current girl had one of these when we were first dating... I never even met this clown but she used to tell me he would hate on me and make comments. I laughed and paid it no mind... he soon was out of the picture.

However in most consistent settings such as work or recreation its very possible your girl will have to meet and interact with other males. I believe you can't look like a jealous insecure idiot when it comes to these interactions. However if you do notice your girl hanging out with them solo too often for your liking you have the right to forbid it.

Honestly the best defense I found for this is pre selection on your part. If your girl sees you are capable of doing the same she'll definitely not want to go there.
 

Exil

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Any of you come up against the "he's got a girlfriend" line when discussing orbiters? Funny, if he has a girlfriend he can't respect her very much if he's spending 80% of his evenings trawling through yours and other women he's orbiting's social media profiles, liking and commenting constantly.

Secondly, a few observations I've made on orbiters. If they like only pictures of the girls they're orbiting, they're most likely interested in being more than an orbiter. I'm not actively on social media because to be completely honest, I believe it's just a tool for women and beta males to stay in constant communication with eachother however, I do from time to time take a look at what's going on and I've noticed that any pictures she's posted of us together, only get likes and/or comments from the genuine male friends and never the orbiters.

It's become such a vital form of validation for women that they almost become addicted to the attention they get online.

The funny thing is, I haven't got the heart to tear her world down by informing her that her filtered as fvck pictures from flattering angles are not, an accurate depiction of her

Finally, I think one thing that I don't think has been mentioned (apologies if it has) is becoming too comfortable and allowing your game to slip will let these parasites back in. Me and my ltr girl have split and got back together more times than I can count and every time we get back together, there are hoards of new orbiters I've never seen or heard of before. (We have two young kids together by the way).

I used to be insecure about it but I've actually started just laughing it off and seeing it as a badge of honour and proof that she didn't handle not being with me as well as she made out. How awesome am I?

You cannot MAKE her get rid. You can only show that it doesn't bother you, not by actively attacking the orbiters but by showing how little they affect you because you know you absolutely sh1t all over them in every single way. I know that I do because the very fact that they're willing to be orbiters 100% tells me that they're beta male fanclub members, just waiting for their chance to be pulled onto her stage like Courtney Cox at a Springsteen concert.

Rise above or refuse to accept it, your choice.
 

bat soup

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I've never really cared about orbiters. Most attractive women will have them, but as long as you trust her and you know she's not messing around with these guys then you don't need to get jealous or try to control her. Sometimes these orbiters can actually be useful - last time I was transiting via the Middle East, I got to sit in the business class lounge and enjoy an endless supply of free alcohol and food because my gf knew someone there.
 

gravityeyelids

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Honestly....who cares? These guys should barely even be in your reality. The less effort you expend on their behalf, the better. If your game is strong and you're strong as a man, not only are these men not a threat, they're not even worth wasting your breath on. Who cares if they want to fvck my girl? Any chode should want to fvck the girl i'm with. These guys are typically in the friend zone for YEARS, and when and if they ever grow the balls to make a move (they usually dont), then she usually rejects them and they get all butthurt for a little while, she laughs with you about how Georgio made an awkward move, you both laugh about it, and either fvck off or start supplicating to her again.

So she has some dude that will go out for tacos with her and entertain her or whine about girls when i can't be with her constantly and he has no chance of sleeping with her. Why is that bad? Sounds like a win to me. These guys have dug themselves into such a deep hole that they will likely NEVER get out of it. We (myself and the girl i'm fvcking/seeing) sit there and make fun of these guys for how lame they are and how bad with women they are.

If she is not even my LTR, i could give a flying fvck who she is spending her time with, or even who she is fvcking. The only time something like this would EVER maybe bother me is in an exclusive LTR, and even then, if these guys are having such an overwhelming negative impact on your relationship, the problem is normally with her if she's allowing these guys to disrupt your relationship, which is really a problem with your own frame because she doesn't respect you enough to treat you in a respectful way, and you decided to get into a LTR with a girl who you didn't vet enough prior and who is damaged and plays games. If your frame is strong as a man, and she respects you enough, she will not allow these men to come between you and her. And if she does, correct it or next her. You probably want to just next her. I would never get into an exclusive LTR with a girl who likes to play games and try to instigate jealousy with guys like that anyway.


I mean i guess you can befriend these guys, but i don't know that i would WANT to honestly befriend some chode dude who just hangs around hoping to fvck her but doesn't have the balls or value to man up and actually make something happen. Befriending them or being overly polite as kind of a defensive tactic is...i just dont like it. Just treat these guys like you would treat any other random ass dude on the street. I'm not going to be fake polite if i don't like them, but i'm not going to actively start sh!t with them or try to tool them either.
 
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Lynx nkaf

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is it possible that girls think they are increasing their smv in your eyes?

is it possible orbiters are a girl's anti-slut platespinning cope mechanism to stay detached?(using abundance theory?)

is it also possible girls want you to stand up to the orbiter and 'claim' your girl by making him scurry out of her life like a rodent?
 

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kingvavy

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1) Make the girl get rid of the orbiter(s).

This immediately satisfies our need to protect our investment. There's three problems with this scenario. First, it's unacceptable socially. If she's forced to get rid of the orbiter, then it becomes an issue of "trust", "control" and "the sex of the friend should be irrelevant in the name of true equality!" She will get feeback like this from her friends and family.

The second problem with doing this is we appear insecure and less confident. Secure, confident men are attractive, and we can effectively give our power to the orbiter if he KNOWS he's pissing us off.
If you're just dating, who cares if she has orbiters. You're just dating, hooking up, whatever. At this level, orbiters should make no difference to you whatsoever. If orbiters are an issue for you at this level (which it sounds as if they are...), then the girl is clearly out of your league. i.e. you are worried

If things are moving towards LTR, then it's very simple: tell her that an LTR is conditional on her getting rid of her male friends. As I've said in other posts, you should not really be having female friends past high school anyway, so if you truly have no female friends, you can simply tell her:

"look, I don't have opposite sex friendships, and I expect the same from you..."

If you're worried about what is acceptable socially, etc., then that may be your bigger issue...not the orbiters. Who cares about what society deems as acceptable? You determine what is acceptable. You're the King. Rule your Kingdom according to your own values, not societies. Believe in yourself and the right woman/women will reveal themselves to you.

If the girl truly values you, and you live with integrity, she'll follow suit. If she resists or puts up a fight, then she's doing you a huge favour by revealing what she values. i.e. having orbiters. Not as complicated as you're making it out to be.

I hear you brother. Oribters ruined my marriage, but only because I was BP. I live from experience. My LTR treats me like the King that I am, and I simply made it clear to her the minute it became LTR that I am not putting up with opposite sex friendships. Never been an issue. I dated tons of girls before my LTR. 9's and 10's. Their phones would be going off every 10 minutes at night with orbiters looking to hook up. Did not bother me one bit. I was the one she was going home with.
 
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kingvavy

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I just read through this thread and now see that OP was made over six years ago...haha. Glad you figured this one out. Orbiters = booty call only. Probably my single biggest red flag when I was dating. Many male friends = no chance whatsoever for LTR material. The type of woman who does not have solid girlfriends and has majority guy friends, you LTR that and you are only asking for punishment.
 
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