Male Friends

[Barrister]

Always trust your gut. If your gut feels wrong about the situation you should trust it.

Having just come out of an LTR with this very same dynamic (highly inappropriate daily communication with another male “friend” where she shared details of our relationship such as when we fought, etc.), I can tell you that it is something that could lend itself to major issues down the road for you in an LTR. Imagine when you argue and she immediately runs to this other man to b1tch about you. Guarantee this guy will turn into a white Knight against you - whether he’s in a relationship or not.

I think if you are going to have an LTR with this woman that you need to set a very clear boundary when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. See how she responds. If she balks at it in any way - you walk. It’s that simple.

 

[Bigpapa]

Yes, my now ex wife never raised any of these issues, couple of levels below my smv, never had anything like this with her at all.


This girl is usually always on WhatsApp in the evening, just noticed that over the past few months.

Tonight she hasn't been offline for over an hour. Strongly suspect there's more going on here than him just dropping off weights. Daughter goes to sleep around 730, offline since 830... she could have fell asleep early, but out of character and ties in with this man visiting.

Strongly tempted to end it tomorrow, not worth the stress. Pulling stuff like exclusive talk last weekend, shows she can't be trusted and can't see it ending well whether that's next week or 5 years.

Taking the piss, her loss.

the main problem is , as other people pointed out , is that she is looking for approval from the other guy .

I think that she is more an orbiter to him , than he is to her , and you do not know what it might happen if that guy will be single

a girl that is head over hills about you will start ignoring friends and stuff like that , basically spending most of the time with you . And this will happen naturally

do You feel that this is happening ?

 

[B80]

Wells she's just text to say how's my evening. She had fishn chips, felt ill right after eating them and watched a film with this chap and apparently he's just left and she's off to bed.

 

[AlphaDraconis]

Yes, my now ex wife never raised any of these issues, couple of levels below my smv, never had anything like this with her at all.


This girl is usually always on WhatsApp in the evening, just noticed that over the past few months.

Tonight she hasn't been offline for over an hour. Strongly suspect there's more going on here than him just dropping off weights. Daughter goes to sleep around 730, offline since 830... she could have fell asleep early, but out of character and ties in with this man visiting.

Strongly tempted to end it tomorrow, not worth the stress. Pulling stuff like exclusive talk last weekend, shows she can't be trusted and can't see it ending well whether that's next week or 5 years.

Taking the piss, her loss.

If you do end it (I hope so), just block / ghost her on everything — no fvcks or explanations given. It will make her feel totally devalued — you know that feeling, right? Nothing fvcks a woman’s mind more than ghosting, esp one you’ve been in r/s with. She’ll be pining for your validation endlessly.

 

[Çharismo]

A lot of great replies from a lot of smart people. There is still hope for humanity!!!!

 

[Bigpapa]

Dunno mate , I usually am quite optimistic and not an extremist , but in this case it does not make any sense her behavior

when a girl likes you , she wants to spend as much time possible with you , not her platonic guy

I never really experienced something like this , and to be frank I do not know what I would do if I where you . But for sure it does not sound like something good

 

[Avocadow]

I would give her a chance to comply to a relationship that suits OP better.

Or make female friends present and see how she responds as others have suggested.

She could behave like that even if she had no feelings for the guy as is attention/ connection for her and she might think OP is totally fine with it.

 

[derby1]

felt ill right after eating them and watched a film with this chap and apparently he's just left and she's off to bed.

Are you trolling now bro lol.......................shes watching a film with another chap?

the only power women have, is your fear of something....they have no other power.....

Whats that fear,......tell us?

 

[Billtx49]

Or that’s the story she’s telling you...

Yes, she most likely wants to be at the top of the other man’s plan B list…
Her attention is pointed in another direction.

 

[AlphaDraconis]

I would give her a chance to comply to a relationship that suits OP better.

Or make female friends present and see how she responds as others have suggested.

She could behave like she has even if she has no feelings for the guy as is attention/ connection for her and she might think OP is totally fine with it.

Here’s the problem with OP laying down the law: 1. She’ll turn into victim and accuse him of being a paranoid control freak (OK when the boot is on the other foot — the boot that stomps on his nuts) 2. She’ll go cry to her guy friend/s, and turn them into her flying monkeys 3. It will make OP look weak. 4. She’ll say ‘Fvck you! No mayyyn tells me what do’ and end it.

This is why, if he does end it, he just blocks / ghosts her on everything because it will make her feel totally devalued that he didn’t care about the r/s, and that’s she’s not even worthy of an explanation.

A girl I was seeing for a few months... we were having phone conversation, she thought everything was going just fine, but, out of nowhere, I hung up on her and blocked her. She went fvcking ballistic, and was banging my door down for days, and was in floods of tears for weeks.

You see, a few weeks earlier we were both out at a club, I was getting drinks at bar, when she suddenly began sexually cavorting with two guys in dance floor. The other two guys found out we were a couple, and began apologising to me. I kept my cool, but that could have so easily turned into a fight. I didn’t forget her for that stunt so waited for the dust to settle, and stung her good n hard.

 

[derby1]

Here’s the problem with OP laying down the law: 1. She’ll turn into victim and accuse him of being a paranoid control freak (OK when the boot is on the other foot — the boot that stomps on his nuts) 2. She’ll go cry to her guy friend/s, and turn them into her flying monkeys 3. It will make OP look weak. 4. She’ll say ‘Fvck you! No mayyyn tells me what do’ and end it.

This is why, if he does end it, he just blocks / ghosts her on everything because it will make her feel totally devalued that he didn’t care about the r/s, and that’s she’s not even worthy of an explanation.

A girl I was seeing for a few months... we were having phone conversation, she thought everything was going just fine, but, out of nowhere, I hung up on her and blocked her. She went fvcking ballistic, and was banging my door down for days, and was in floods of tears for weeks.

You see, a few weeks earlier we were both out at a club, I was getting drinks at bar, when she suddenly began sexually cavorting with two guys in dance floor. The other two guys found out we were a couple, and began apologising to me. I kept my cool, but that could have so easily turned into a fight. I didn’t forget her for that stunt so waited for the dust to settle, and stung her good n hard.

when she thinks you a simp.....


But you 100% Pimp

 

[Bigpapa]

Here’s the problem with OP laying down the law: 1. She’ll turn into victim and accuse him of being a paranoid control freak (OK when the boot is on the other foot — the boot that stomps on his nuts) 2. She’ll go cry to her guy friend/s, and turn them into her flying monkeys 3. It will make OP look weak. 4. She’ll say ‘Fvck you! No mayyyn tells me what do’ and end it.

This is why, if he does end it, he just blocks / ghosts her on everything because it will make her feel totally devalued that he didn’t care about the r/s, and that’s she’s not even worthy of an explanation.

A girl I was seeing for a few months... we were having phone conversation, she thought everything was going just fine, but, out of nowhere, I hung up on her and blocked her. She went fvcking ballistic, and was banging my door down for days, and was in floods of tears for weeks.

You see, a few weeks earlier we were both out at a club, I was getting drinks at bar, when she suddenly began sexually cavorting with two guys in dance floor. The other two guys found out we were a couple, and began apologising to me. I kept my cool, but that could have so easily turned into a fight. I didn’t forget her for that stunt so waited for the dust to settle, and stung her good n hard.

Things like this sound more like revenge than anything else

overall having this mindset is not that helpful, as you will start objectifying women

women are silly and cute , but for sure you should not accept things That you do not like or make you uncomfortable . The trick is to think why things like this have this power over you , and see if it is any way in which you can fix them , if you can

in the example you gave , I think that you could have just told her that she puts you in a bad spot for no reason besides her feeling good on your expense . Then give her the chance to fix it . Next time she does it , you drop the nuke

 

[AlphaDraconis]

Things like this sound more like revenge than anything else

overall having this mindset is not that helpful, as you will start objectifying women

women are silly and cute , but for sure you should not accept things That you do not like or make you uncomfortable . The trick is to think why things like this have this power over you , and see if it is any way in which you can fix them , if you can

in the example you gave , I think that you could have just told her that she puts you in a bad spot for no reason besides her feeling good on your expense . Then give her the chance to fix it . Next time she does it , you drop the nuke

‘When people reveal who they are, believe them’ is an adage that comes to mind. She did a few more things to p1ss me off too, but I acted unfazed by it. Like I said, she revealed who she was, so I had to get rid. I’d learned from experience ‘laying down the law’, doesn’t work because they know they can yank your chain and get a rise out of you. So, no time and energy for that sh1t... just pull the rug when they least expect it. Maybe it’ll make them more mindful of their actions in next r/s, maybe not, but it sure as hell does a number on them.

 

[Bigpapa]

‘When people reveal who they are, believe them’ is an adage that comes to mind. She did a few more things to p1ss me off too, but I acted unfazed by it. Like I said, she revealed who she was, so I had to get rid. I’d learned from experience ‘laying down the law’, doesn’t work because they know they can yank your chain and get a rise out of you. So, no time and energy for that sh1t... just pull the rug when they least expect it. Maybe it’ll make them more mindful of their actions in next r/s, maybe not, but it sure as hell does a number on them.

neah , pulling the rug without explaining why you are pulling it will only make her resentful towards men , and thus The next guy will have a harder time than you did . Maybe the next guy is someone from this forum

instead of trying to let a girl in a better shape , you are letting her in a worst one

revenge never really brings anything good , only makes people vengeful

 

[B80]

Here’s the problem with OP laying down the law: 1. She’ll turn into victim and accuse him of being a paranoid control freak (OK when the boot is on the other foot — the boot that stomps on his nuts) 2. She’ll go cry to her guy friend/s, and turn them into her flying monkeys 3. It will make OP look weak. 4. She’ll say ‘Fvck you! No mayyyn tells me what do’ and end it.

This is why, if he does end it, he just blocks / ghosts her on everything because it will make her feel totally devalued that he didn’t care about the r/s, and that’s she’s not even worthy of an explanation.

A girl I was seeing for a few months... we were having phone conversation, she thought everything was going just fine, but, out of nowhere, I hung up on her and blocked her. She went fvcking ballistic, and was banging my door down for days, and was in floods of tears for weeks.

You see, a few weeks earlier we were both out at a club, I was getting drinks at bar, when she suddenly began sexually cavorting with two guys in dance floor. The other two guys found out we were a couple, and began apologising to me. I kept my cool, but that could have so easily turned into a fight. I didn’t forget her for that stunt so waited for the dust to settle, and stung her good n hard.

Won't just 'ghosting' make me look butt heart though.

I'm tempted to just send a couple of paragraphs tomorrow saying we re not going to work, heres why ie find your behavior odd after talk about exclusivity last weekend, spending all day together then seeing another man/'friend' this evening. Things aren't going to work out between us.

See how she responds.

 

[Billtx49]

Won't just 'ghosting' make me look butt heart though.

I'm tempted to just send a couple of paragraphs tomorrow saying we re not going to work, heres why ie find your behavior odd after talk about exclusivity last weekend, spending all day together then seeing another man/'friend' this evening. Things aren't going to work out between us.

See how she responds.

Do Not do that. Mentioning another man makes you look weak and jealous…
All you need is it’s not working with us. Goodbye

 

[Bigpapa]

Won't just 'ghosting' make me look butt heart though.

I'm tempted to just send a couple of paragraphs tomorrow saying we re not going to work, heres why ie find your behavior odd after talk about exclusivity last weekend, spending all day together then seeing another man/'friend' this evening.

See how she responds.

no ... just say That you find wired this dynamic between her and her male friend , and that for now it is better to continue the same dynamic that you guys had before the talk about exclusivity

this way you give her the chance to work for exclusivity , as this is the women role

based on what she says , you will know what to do

 

[AlphaDraconis]

Won't just 'ghosting' make me look butt heart though.

I'm tempted to just send a couple of paragraphs tomorrow saying we re not going to work, heres why ie find your behavior odd after talk about exclusivity last weekend, spending all day together then seeing another man/'friend' this evening. Things aren't going to work out between us.

See how she responds.

No mate, because you haven’t told her that her close guy friend bothers you, she won’t know why you’ve radio silenced her. The way I see it, if she wants to play games, show her how it’s played. Nothing mind fvcks a woman more than ghosting / blocking. But if you make decision you must remain firm in it because if you try to come back, the power will be in her hands and she will say goodbye and she’ll know that you haven’t got the balls to walk away, which will let her know you’ll tolerate more sh1t.

 

[B80]

no ... just say That you find wired this dynamic between her and her male friend , and that for now it is better to continue the same dynamic that you guys had before the talk about exclusivity

this way you give her the chance to work for exclusivity , as this is the women role

based on what she says , you will know what to do

I like it, unless there are other suggestions we ll see how it plays out with this one.

Don't want to cut things off completely yet, this gives the chance to see where she is with things at this point.

 

[AlphaDraconis]

One more thing to add: if you don’t feel strong enough to walk away just yet, then begin to mentally prepare to detach - even if takes a few more weeks.

In the meantime act as though things are just fine n dandy, then pull the rug.

It’s either stay and suffer with her one sided BS, or walk away to a happier life; never look back... no explanations given.

Let her be someone else’ problem.