Maintaining frame when girl has high interest level

[TonyJ78]

So I matched with someone from fb dating and got her to reluctantly video chat with me instead of endless pointless texting. Soon into our call she was hooked.

I cut our video chat short after we were on for about an hour. She asked me to call her the next day but i didnt say i would for sure.

She texted me little messages throughout the morning and finally later in the evening I called her up intending just to ask her to meet me for coffee a few days from now. Rather than answer my voice call she called me right back on video chat lol.

I've been teasing her and giving her a lot of shi* and she'll text me throughout the day, say how handsome I am, qualify herself, fish for compliments and even talk about the future.

I do really like her but I'm not trying to get into something too serious right now. How do I keep her at an arm's length while maintaining her interest level? This is also the only girl I'm talking to IRL at the moment and the first I've really made a connection with since beginning to learn game.

 

[Serenity]

You can either just say so when you meet her to play the FWB angle or if you have more questionable morals you can string her along by making her believe there's a chance it can get serious. Neither is any easier unless you're not needy or you're an experienced liar already, respectively.

Personally I'd just be honest about it and rather lose the opportunity if she's not on the same page. For the inexperienced this is a lot easier if you have more than one option, that's the usual crutch recommended on this forum.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Way too much communication prior to meeting up in-person. You say you want to keep her at arm's length but you have already set the precedence for how much time you are going to spend communicating with her throughout the day. You would have done better to ask her out on a F2F date during that first video chat, and kept your additional communication to a much lower level. Think about it from her perspective: If a guy is high value, and has a lot of options with women, and has a busy social and professional life, how much free time to chit-chat will he have, and how much of that limited time is going to be dedicated to ONE girl who he hasn't even met in-person yet? It communicates low value.

It is also way too early to say you've "really made a connection" with her because you could meet her F2F and be immediately turned off. Yes you've seen her on Video Chat but there is always a substantial risk that F2F ends up being quite different.

So, ask her out quickly, and dial-back on the non F2F communication. The latter is going to be difficult because you've already set the precedence there, and if you dial back, she's going to know something is "up". It is what it is though - just know that it may cause her to eject, or it may cause her to pursue you even more. Just focus on meeting up with more girls, including her, F2F, hanging out, having a good time, and trying to have sex. Communication between dates should be limited.

 

[EyeBRollin]

This is headed for disaster.

Stop the chit chat and get her out in person.

 

[TonyJ78]

You can either just say so when you meet her to play the FWB angle or if you have more questionable morals you can string her along by making her believe there's a chance it can get serious. Neither is any easier unless you're not needy or you're an experienced liar already, respectively.

Personally I'd just be honest about it and rather lose the opportunity if she's not on the same page. For the inexperienced this is a lot easier if you have more than one option, that's the usual crutch recommended on this forum.

It's kind of difficult because I'm not just looking to ****, which seems to complicate things for me in regards to game. Don't get me wrong I want that in a relationship but I also want other aspects, as well. She has an awesome personality and we really click, so even if we didn't work out romantically she'd still be someone I would hang out with. I'm actually more attracted to her personality than I am to her physically, but the chemistry is there for sure.

 

[TonyJ78]

Way too much communication prior to meeting up in-person. You say you want to keep her at arm's length but you have already set the precedence for how much time you are going to spend communicating with her throughout the day. You would have done better to ask her out on a F2F date during that first video chat, and kept your additional communication to a much lower level. Think about it from her perspective: If a guy is high value, and has a lot of options with women, and has a busy social and professional life, how much free time to chit-chat will he have, and how much of that limited time is going to be dedicated to ONE girl who he hasn't even met in-person yet? It communicates low value.

It is also way too early to say you've "really made a connection" with her because you could meet her F2F and be immediately turned off. Yes you've seen her on Video Chat but there is always a substantial risk that F2F ends up being quite different.

So, ask her out quickly, and dial-back on the non F2F communication. The latter is going to be difficult because you've already set the precedence there, and if you dial back, she's going to know something is "up". It is what it is though - just know that it may cause her to eject, or it may cause her to pursue you even more. Just focus on meeting up with more girls, including her, F2F, hanging out, having a good time, and trying to have sex. Communication between dates should be limited.

In my defense lol I barely had to do any of the talking as she's real chatty. I asked her a question here or there and made a few comments but it was mostly her. I get what you're saying though about setting the precendent for a lot of conversation and that's what I'm trying to dial back on. I did already ask her out the second time we talked but I wanted to make her wait a little so I set it for Sunday.

 

[Murk]

Go for drinks not coffee, pick your usual spot if you don’t have one find one, near your home, smash her.

Then you can decide if you even want to see her again, you might not even like her mate

 

[TonyJ78]

Go for drinks not coffee, pick your usual spot if you don’t have one find one, near your home, smash her.

Then you can decide if you even want to see her again, you might not even like her mate

She doesn't drink and doesn't like being around drunk people because of things she's seen, otherwise I would have. And as I was saying to Serenity, I'm not just out for sex so it kind of makes it a little hard to go by the standard playbook in my situation since that seems to be the end-all-be-all.

 

[BuckledWheel]

Where did you learn game bro? That is not game, it’s a full on love story. A few text messages followed by a hook up is what you want. Judging by the length of time you been chatting she already has you figured out, the frame is hers. Dial back the video chatting, set the date & get the game going, if it’s recoverable. Her personality is not going to grease your pole bro. If she’s not sexually attractive. Meet for coffee, play it out & drop it. Don’t get hooked on the friends thing, it will drain your time & energy.

 

[catsmeow]

This is also the only girl I'm talking to IRL at the moment and the first I've really made a connection with since beginning to learn game.

Isn't this an oxymoron? From what I understand, the whole purpose of Game is to NOT make a connection but rather to spin plates, and keep options open.

You're not doing that if she's the only girl you're talking to.

 

[TonyJ78]

Isn't this an oxymoron? From what I understand, the whole purpose of Game is to NOT make a connection but rather to spin plates, and keep options open.

You're not doing that if she's the only girl you're talking to.

I'm separated after being with someone for almost 27 years, so I'm kind of new to it all lol. But yeah I guess unlike a lot of ppl on here I want more than just the sex.

 

[TonyJ78]

Where did you learn game bro? That is not game, it’s a full on love story. A few text messages followed by a hook up is what you want. Judging by the length of time you been chatting she already has you figured out, the frame is hers. Dial back the video chatting, set the date & get the game going, if it’s recoverable. Her personality is not going to grease your pole bro. If she’s not sexually attractive. Meet for coffee, play it out & drop it. Don’t get hooked on the friends thing, it will drain your time & energy.

Read my other replies. I'm not just out to get laid. I want to see what's out there until I decide if a woman is worth more of my time. And she is sexually attractive even though she doesn't have the greatest body. It's hard to explain but I've met a few women in my life who I was sexually attracted to even though they didn't have the best body.

 

[TonyJ78]

And guys, give me a little credit here. I'm actually holding back as I'd really like to see her sooner but like I said I want to build her anticipation a little bit. And she's been texting me all day today with lengthy messages but I've only given two very brief replies

 

[Epimanes]

I'm separated after being with someone for almost 27 years, so I'm kind of new to it all lol. But yeah I guess unlike a lot of ppl on here I want more than just the sex.

Ahh **** sorry man.... beenderdundat.... 25yrs here.... good on you tryin to keep it civil. I'd just be honest.... tell her your not sure on something serious... but you would like to get to know her better.

Don't use fwb that will usuallyput up the slvt shields.... and don't pretend there might be something... just be upfront that your not sure what you want but your down to meet her. Invite her to some venue that your keen on and if it doesn't work out... at least your enjoying yourself where you wanted to go and she can leave.

Epi

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I'm separated after being with someone for almost 27 years, so I'm kind of new to it all lol. But yeah I guess unlike a lot of ppl on here I want more than just the sex.

I was in a similar situation after my divorce, though my marriage was much shorter than yours. You might have some misconceptions that continuing to learn more game can help you correct. It's fine to want more than just sex, but you are going to get ghosted a lot if you don't escalate quickly to sex. Not to mention the fact that determining sexual compatibility is an important part of the screening process for a relationship. If she sucks in bed or is objectively attractive but just doesn't seem to "do it" for you, you want to get that out of the way quickly. Escalating to sex quickly and then making up YOUR mind as to whether you want to keep seeing her is the way to go.

And guys, give me a little credit here.

Brutally tough love is the name of the game around here - don't take it personally and let the ego go for a little while.

 

[Serenity]

It's kind of difficult because I'm not just looking to ****, which seems to complicate things for me in regards to game. Don't get me wrong I want that in a relationship but I also want other aspects, as well. She has an awesome personality and we really click, so even if we didn't work out romantically she'd still be someone I would hang out with. I'm actually more attracted to her personality than I am to her physically, but the chemistry is there for sure.

Yeah, I'm confused about what you want and she probably will be too. It seems like you view a FWB situation as "just looking to fvck", but it's just you limiting your view to that. Who says a FWB situation is limited to "just sex"? It's fairly common that there's hanging out and doing other non-sexual things too.

What defines a FWB situation to me is the lack of commitment and the expectations that comes with it, like staying together for all of the foreseeable future, being exclusive and building a family or whatever. It's just two people enjoying each others company like friends, but also having sex without all the traditional relationship expectations. Including the expectation that sex is required for the relationship to continue. As FWB you can at some point if you feel like it drop the sex and just be friends, remember you're not committed to doing a traditional relationship.

You'll end up confusing her, frustrating her and possibly hurt her feelings if you're incapable of communicating what you're after at some point. As I understand it you'd like to fvck her, but you don't want to commit like in a typical relationship. You still want this uncommitted relationship to be more than just sex. I'm telling you, a FWB situation is what you want here. Less serious, just two people having a good time in and out of the bedroom with no strings attached.

If you want there to be any sex at all you should be sexual sooner rather than later with her, if not you'll just get a friend without the benefits. You should also communicate to her rather early that you want a more casual relationship if you want to avoid her having expectations you can't fulfill. If she keeps building an expectation that it's serious the disappointment will only be greater the more time passes, in the end killing the possibility of friendship along with it. Managing that expectation early on has a much better chance of working out.

For all you know, she might be totally onboard with the type of uncommitted relationship you're looking for. You'll need to communicate to find out though and with that there's a risk she turns out to be more serious, if she is then it's only a matter of time anyways and you'll be kinder to disappoint her a little now than to hurt her feelings later.

It also seems like you're compartmentalizing too much. Like she can only be either just a friend or just a hole to satisfy you sexually. She can be both if you're open to it and she is too, it's a good deal that's worth exploring. You just have to reconsider your preconceived ideas about how various types of relationships are supposed to look like, the possibilities are endless and you can freely define what you want and don't want in a relationship. It's just a matter of communicating clearly and whether or not she wants the arrangement.

 

[TonyJ78]

I get what you mean, guess I didn't really look at it that way. So I'm curious, why must sex be rushed, according to game principles? I actually planned on taking things slow though I do plan on kissing her when we meet on Sunday. Also I hear a lot something to the effect of 'nothing attracts a woman more than not knowing where you stand'. I'm still learning all the nuances here.

 

[LARaiders85]

Cluster B disorder

 

[Black Widow Void]

In an ideal world, we could arrive on a date in auto-pilot mode. ie; if she looks really nice, we'd tell her. If she appears (by contrast) a cut above, we'd compliment them. But the reality is, speaking this candidly is a liability. Normally when I make statements, I will say "usually" or "likely" but this one is rather absolute. Actually, if she looks like she spent extra effort to look good, complimenting her appearance isn't the worst thing - just don't over do it.

On the other hand, you do not want to drastically 'shift gears' once you meet her in person. She already has some familiarity about you and
this will seem inconsistent and likely be a turn-off. Women seem to be wired with this ability to spot inauthenticity.

My suggestion is to dial it down a few notches. Don't over do it, but try to be somewhat aloof and coy. You still want to appear engaging and charming, but having her feel a little uncertain is far better than making her feel smug.

Give us a follow up on how things went. Good luck.

 

[Serenity]

So I'm curious, why must sex be rushed, according to game principles?

I should have been clearer, by being sexual sooner rather than later I didn't necessarily mean physically getting her to bed as soon as possible. I meant signalling that you see her in a sexual way and are interested in it at some point, keep the pace of actually getting to that point relaxed and natural. This as opposed to the mistake some do of almost completely concealing their sexual interest and thus become locked in the friendzone. Whether you end up having sex on the first date or weeks later is mostly irrelevant, but you should make it obvious to her that you see her that way and not just a strictly platonic friend.

Also I hear a lot something to the effect of 'nothing attracts a woman more than not knowing where you stand'.

Initially, yes. You can't remain a closed off forever and expect her to remain interested in the infinite mystery. That's like watching a movie that never lets the viewer know what the fvck is actually going on, it's very interesting at first, but as it drags out with no reveals it will leave you frustrated or even pissed. She will at first be excited about the mystery of barely knowing anything about you, but she will want to know more. Not revealing anything is the opposite extreme of divulging everything about yourself on the first date, neither is good. Revealing everything immediately will kill all suspense, it's like being told a bunch of spoilers before even watching a movie. If you want to keep her interest you'll let her work by digging for information rather than volunteering everything at once, you reward her curiosity and interest by offering answers to what she's asking about you.

Just think of a movie, there is a pace where the thrill is kept high, but the reveals come before you get too impatient from being left without answers.

Do consider time and context with every piece of advice you come across. This specific piece of advice you've heard is only true for a limited time at the very start, it WILL NOT work to keep a woman interested indefinitely. Some things only works in some limited situations and some things only works well at particular stages of developing a relationship. Do reflect on these things when you come across such oversimplified advice. Ask yourself in what situation might it apply and at what time might it apply, those are two of the most powerful critical questions I've discovered about dating advice. There's a seed of truth to all advice given, but when applied at the wrong time and in the wrong situation it won't work and leave us confused about how it supposedly works for so many others.