Made a move and it didn't work out with my collegue - is this a rejection?

[TheGambino]

Hi fellas,

Let me write this off my chest so I can move on. Quick background; her ex cheated on her right after I hired her and we started to flirt A LOT the last couple months. I was only focussing on work work work the last 2 years with no plates, because I was working my a$$ off and this chick showed loads of IoI's since her ex cheated on her. I made 2 threads about this.

Thursday I came back from a short trip to my business. I came in and my male collegue told me that the girl I posted about (personnel I like) was screaming when she saw my car. She was schocked to see me come back earlier then supossed too. She also started to flirt like usual so I went for the kill.

I asked her to eat sushi after work saturday evening, so tonight. She said ''yes sure!''.

Ok I figured if she doesn't invite my other collegue out it means that she wants to be with me alone (im her boss dont forget that). At lunch she asked me if I was still down for tonight with my collegue there. She also asked me if I was planning on inviting him over. I said ye sure and took a risk, ofc I wanted to be with her alone. He said ''no''.

So then I figured I would only make a cexual move if there were 100% green lights and no 1% gut feeling that she was only playing along friendly and not down to f8Ck. She told me during the day that she had a pre halloween party with her friends and had an appointment with them at 19:30. So we finish work at 17:00. That's only 2 hours. That was a red flagg too me, because if she really wanted me to lead and maybe take her home she would not schedule a party with her friends right?

Next to that; she asked me at 4, should I pick the food up already so we can eat earlier. At 5 she grabbed her bagg and asked me ''should I pick up the food already ?'' I had no choise but say yes. So she went to pick it up and brung it to the store. Not really a chance for me to go together and ask her on the way to go to my crib instead of eating it at my shop.

So she went to pick up the food and came back.

We were together drinking beers and eating. I handled it like a normal date, letting do her all talk about her family, issues in her family, some fun talk and she started to mention her ex twice. More redd flaggs. I tried to turn the convo. But then she got a bit caught up from the beers she said;

''He said sorry to my father last week, my father warned him that he would kill him if he did this again to me, I really think hes the guy for me, I have so much feelings for him, but my mind says no'' ''Im happy that the clubs are closed though, so he can't go out, because I really don't trust him''. I still have time to think about everything though''..

I said '' ok, ye your right, do whatever your heart says, I don't wanna influence you, but once a cheat always a cheat'' and I changed subject.

She did flirt, keep eye contact, but she wasn't sticking to me, making it romantic, kino, keep sitting in front of me. After a lil while she stood up to smoke and kept standing so all that made me to end the night.

In my opinion; If she was dtf me, and really wanted to f8ck me, she would've not made an appointment with her girlfriends on sushi night with me, and she would've waited for me to act on picking up the food and be like ''we do whatever you want''. Thats what my gut feeling says after all my experience... She just tagged me along like some of u said.

I made a move to try to escalate but I saw enough red flaggs imo. I gotta move on.

Any thoughs further on this..?

 

[Cazam]

She just told you her bad boy ex is gonna f her brains out.
So just STOP no more to say.

 

[Romanemp22]

She never liked you, she was just plain nice because your her fvckin boss. Not your fault tho. You thought something is going on but as I said to you before and I was right, she's just that type of girl who flirt with most guys. She told you hey I'm still into my ex which tells you to forget about her and start pursuing other girls.

Also keep it professional from now on. No more flirty chats or anything, don't be rude, just cold professional and that's it.

 

[Serenity]

Is this the part where I say I told you so?

You were living a fantasy, you exaggerated the importance of insignificant details in your interactions with her because you like her and wished for those things to mean she likes you back. This is a textbook case.

You should have listened. I hope you have the confirmation you need now, going further will just be embarrassing.

 

[TheGambino]

Not really man, weeks ago she was asking what I was up too every day but I didn’t act on it because I didn’t like her enough to take risks. Now I do like her enough but she went back to her ex and now she got him on her mind. Just my gut feeling.

 

[Caelum]

Not really man, weeks ago she was asking what I was up too every day but I didn’t act on it because I didn’t like her enough to take risks. Now I do like her enough but she went back to her ex and now she got him on her mind. Just my gut feeling.

I think at most you'd be a rebound guy. These so called alpha widowed chicks are a red flag.

 

[Vantagepoint34]

Hi fellas,

Let me write this off my chest so I can move on. Quick background; her ex cheated on her right after I hired her and we started to flirt A LOT the last couple months. I was only focussing on work work work the last 2 years with no plates, because I was working my a$$ off and this chick showed loads of IoI's since her ex cheated on her. I made 2 threads about this.

Thursday I came back from a short trip to my business. I came in and my male collegue told me that the girl I posted about (personnel I like) was screaming when she saw my car. She was schocked to see me come back earlier then supossed too. She also started to flirt like usual so I went for the kill.

I asked her to eat sushi after work saturday evening, so tonight. She said ''yes sure!''.

Ok I figured if she doesn't invite my other collegue out it means that she wants to be with me alone (im her boss dont forget that). At lunch she asked me if I was still down for tonight with my collegue there. She also asked me if I was planning on inviting him over. I said ye sure and took a risk, ofc I wanted to be with her alone. He said ''no''.

So then I figured I would only make a cexual move if there were 100% green lights and no 1% gut feeling that she was only playing along friendly and not down to f8Ck. She told me during the day that she had a pre halloween party with her friends and had an appointment with them at 19:30. So we finish work at 17:00. That's only 2 hours. That was a red flagg too me, because if she really wanted me to lead and maybe take her home she would not schedule a party with her friends right?

Next to that; she asked me at 4, should I pick the food up already so we can eat earlier. At 5 she grabbed her bagg and asked me ''should I pick up the food already ?'' I had no choise but say yes. So she went to pick it up and brung it to the store. Not really a chance for me to go together and ask her on the way to go to my crib instead of eating it at my shop.

So she went to pick up the food and came back.

We were together drinking beers and eating. I handled it like a normal date, letting do her all talk about her family, issues in her family, some fun talk and she started to mention her ex twice. More redd flaggs. I tried to turn the convo. But then she got a bit caught up from the beers she said;

''He said sorry to my father last week, my father warned him that he would kill him if he did this again to me, I really think hes the guy for me, I have so much feelings for him, but my mind says no'' ''Im happy that the clubs are closed though, so he can't go out, because I really don't trust him''. I still have time to think about everything though''..

I said '' ok, ye your right, do whatever your heart says, I don't wanna influence you, but once a cheat always a cheat'' and I changed subject.

She did flirt, keep eye contact, but she wasn't sticking to me, making it romantic, kino, keep sitting in front of me. After a lil while she stood up to smoke and kept standing so all that made me to end the night.

In my opinion; If she was dtf me, and really wanted to f8ck me, she would've not made an appointment with her girlfriends on sushi night with me, and she would've waited for me to act on picking up the food and be like ''we do whatever you want''. Thats what my gut feeling says after all my experience... She just tagged me along like some of u said.

I made a move to try to escalate but I saw enough red flaggs imo. I gotta move on.

Any thoughs further on this..?

I think you can find your answer in NLP. If it goes to rejection you can handle a lot. A widowed woman may have baggage but in this realm of thinking and seeing what is good. Like an old friend would say. All Pvssy is good.

 

[Igetit!]

I think at most you'd be a rebound guy.

Exactly what I thought. Or at least,that's what could have been.....at one point. I no longer see that now.

She appeared to have made some interest known to the OP,but he didn't respond because he didn't "like her enough to take the risks". So when her interest wasn't returned,she apparently gave up,then things started back up with her ex. Now that she's moved on,the OP suddenly likes her. Looks like a standard case of missed opportunity.

Now,her attention is towards her ex. The OP still likes her,but isn't going to pursue anything because he feels he's already made a move here,and it didn't work out. So,that leaves only one other alternative.......FRIENDZONE.


He WILL BE friendzoned by default. I say that for a couple of reasons. One.....

He's already known her for a while. He said he hired her,then they started flirting a lot for the "LAST COUPLE OF MONTHS". So he's already known her for a while as it is. That's one strike. Another is,he said her ex cheated on her. So he's been discussing her relationship with her ex,WHILE SHOWING ZERO SEXUAL INTEREST OF HIS OWN towards her. That's called "Emotional Tampön"....but I'll call it Strike Two.


Then you got this..........

He said he and this girl were out together somewhere,eating and drinking beers.......and that he handled the situation like a date. And while out on this "date",what did they talk about? Her ex. She said of him,"I really think he's the guy for me"......and "I have so much feelings for him". So their "date" consisted of her telling him about her feelings for ANOTHER GUY.

And it all that wasn't enough,the cherry on top of this stupid sundae was her STANDING UP and WALKING OFF to go smoke.....and staying gone so long,that the OP ended the "date". Now correct me if I'm wrong,but that doesn't sound like interest.


All I see coming forward is A LOT of awkwardness and uncomfortableness at work.

 

[Romanemp22]

Exactly what I thought. Or at least,that's what could have been.....at one point. I no longer see that now.

She appeared to have made some interest known to the OP,but he didn't respond because he didn't "like her enough to take the risks". So when her interest wasn't returned,she apparently gave up,then things started back up with her ex. Now that she's moved on,the OP suddenly likes her. Looks like a standard case of missed opportunity.

Now,her attention is towards her ex. The OP still likes her,but isn't going to pursue anything because he feels he's already made a move here,and it didn't work out. So,that leaves only one other alternative.......FRIENDZONE.


He WILL BE friendzoned by default. I say that for a couple of reasons. One.....

He's already known her for a while. He said he hired her,then they started flirting a lot for the "LAST COUPLE OF MONTHS". So he's already known her for a while as it is. That's one strike. Another is,he said her ex cheated on her. So he's been discussing her relationship with her ex,WHILE SHOWING ZERO SEXUAL INTEREST OF HIS OWN towards her. That's called "Emotional Tampön"....but I'll call it Strike Two.


Then you got this..........

He said he and this girl were out together somewhere,eating and drinking beers.......and that he handled the situation like a date. And while out on this "date",what did they talk about? Her ex. She said of him,"I really think he's the guy for me"......and "I have so much feelings for him". So their "date" consisted of her telling him about her feelings for ANOTHER GUY.

And it all that wasn't enough,the cherry on top of this stupid sundae was her STANDING UP and WALKING OFF to go smoke.....and staying gone so long,that the OP ended the "date". Now correct me if I'm wrong,but that doesn't sound like interest.


All I see coming forward is A LOT of awkwardness and uncomfortableness at work.

This guy spits the truth. With women, you only have limited time to act upon. You don't wait months, weeks, you go directly few days after initial flirting because girls like a man who takes charge and go after what they want. Her ex did that, trying to get with her again while you were doing nothing.

 

[TheGambino]

Im moving on.

 

[coyote_astro]

Enough said, it's clear (based on her actions) that she actively tried to avoid going out one on one with you, and also presented a time constraint beforehand.
NEXT

 

[TheGambino]

Exactly what I thought. Or at least,that's what could have been.....at one point. I no longer see that now.

She appeared to have made some interest known to the OP,but he didn't respond because he didn't "like her enough to take the risks". So when her interest wasn't returned,she apparently gave up,then things started back up with her ex. Now that she's moved on,the OP suddenly likes her. Looks like a standard case of missed opportunity.

Now,her attention is towards her ex. The OP still likes her,but isn't going to pursue anything because he feels he's already made a move here,and it didn't work out. So,that leaves only one other alternative.......FRIENDZONE.


He WILL BE friendzoned by default. I say that for a couple of reasons. One.....

He's already known her for a while. He said he hired her,then they started flirting a lot for the "LAST COUPLE OF MONTHS". So he's already known her for a while as it is. That's one strike. Another is,he said her ex cheated on her. So he's been discussing her relationship with her ex,WHILE SHOWING ZERO SEXUAL INTEREST OF HIS OWN towards her. That's called "Emotional Tampön"....but I'll call it Strike Two.


Then you got this..........

He said he and this girl were out together somewhere,eating and drinking beers.......and that he handled the situation like a date. And while out on this "date",what did they talk about? Her ex. She said of him,"I really think he's the guy for me"......and "I have so much feelings for him". So their "date" consisted of her telling him about her feelings for ANOTHER GUY.

And it all that wasn't enough,the cherry on top of this stupid sundae was her STANDING UP and WALKING OFF to go smoke.....and staying gone so long,that the OP ended the "date". Now correct me if I'm wrong,but that doesn't sound like interest.


All I see coming forward is A LOT of awkwardness and uncomfortableness at work.

So what would you do in my position?

 

[Cazam]

Im moving on.

You answered your question yourself. At this point you are going down a one it is way.

 

[Igetit!]

So what would you do in my position?

I'd move on. Sir,you just simply made TOO MANY mistakes.

And to be 100% honest,you really shouldn't have tried to do anything AT ALL with her,considering she's your employee. You just screwed up too much.

First,you had opportunity to make something happen with her,but you stalled her interest out.
Then,you said you flirted with her FOR MONTHS. That's another screw up. If you did now make a move,how's she supposed to know if THIS TIME is for real,or if it's just another hollow flirt session that leads to nothing like all the others for the past few months?

Then you discussed her relationship with her ex with her. Sir,that's what her girlfriends are for.

If you want a sexual realtionship with a woman,you have to ACTUALLY MAKE IT HAPPEN. This ain't the movies where a girl gets cheated on,she confides in her male friend,he consoles her,then after months and months of this,she all of the sudden has this "GRAND REVELATION" that she's been looking for love in all the wrong places/getting hurt by men,and she suddenly realizes that it's YOU she's been looking for this whole time. This ain't the movies.

Just move on. LEARN FROM THIS,so you don't make the same mistake again in the future,but move on.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I'd move on. Sir,you just simply made TOO MANY mistakes.

And to be 100% honest,you really shouldn't have tried to do anything AT ALL with her,considering she's your employee. You just screwed up too much.

First,you had opportunity to make something happen with her,but you stalled her interest out.
Then,you said you flirted with her FOR MONTHS. That's another screw up. If you did now make a move,how's she supposed to know if THIS TIME is for real,or if it's just another hollow flirt session that leads to nothing like all the others for the past few months?

Then you discussed her relationship with her ex with her. Sir,that's what her girlfriends are for.

If you want a sexual realtionship with a woman,you have to ACTUALLY MAKE IT HAPPEN. This ain't the movies where a girl gets cheated on,she confides in her male friend,he consoles her,then after months and months of this,she all of the sudden has this "GRAND REVELATION" that she's been looking for love in all the wrong places/getting hurt by men,and she suddenly realizes that it's YOU she's been looking for this whole time. This ain't the movies.

Just move on. LEARN FROM THIS,so you don't make the same mistake again in the future,but move on.

For someone who has had a lot of past success with woman it kind of is mind boggling how OP handled this. Women fvck their bosses all the time. It's taboo and dirty and exciting and fun to be in a place where there is constant sexual tension and flirting.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Hi fellas,

Let me write this off my chest so I can move on. Quick background; her ex cheated on her right after I hired her and we started to flirt A LOT the last couple months. I was only focussing on work work work the last 2 years with no plates, because I was working my a$$ off and this chick showed loads of IoI's since her ex cheated on her. I made 2 threads about this.

Thursday I came back from a short trip to my business. I came in and my male collegue told me that the girl I posted about (personnel I like) was screaming when she saw my car. She was schocked to see me come back earlier then supossed too. She also started to flirt like usual so I went for the kill.

I asked her to eat sushi after work saturday evening, so tonight. She said ''yes sure!''.

Ok I figured if she doesn't invite my other collegue out it means that she wants to be with me alone (im her boss dont forget that). At lunch she asked me if I was still down for tonight with my collegue there. She also asked me if I was planning on inviting him over. I said ye sure and took a risk, ofc I wanted to be with her alone. He said ''no''.

So then I figured I would only make a cexual move if there were 100% green lights and no 1% gut feeling that she was only playing along friendly and not down to f8Ck. She told me during the day that she had a pre halloween party with her friends and had an appointment with them at 19:30. So we finish work at 17:00. That's only 2 hours. That was a red flagg too me, because if she really wanted me to lead and maybe take her home she would not schedule a party with her friends right?

Next to that; she asked me at 4, should I pick the food up already so we can eat earlier. At 5 she grabbed her bagg and asked me ''should I pick up the food already ?'' I had no choise but say yes. So she went to pick it up and brung it to the store. Not really a chance for me to go together and ask her on the way to go to my crib instead of eating it at my shop.

So she went to pick up the food and came back.

We were together drinking beers and eating. I handled it like a normal date, letting do her all talk about her family, issues in her family, some fun talk and she started to mention her ex twice. More redd flaggs. I tried to turn the convo. But then she got a bit caught up from the beers she said;

''He said sorry to my father last week, my father warned him that he would kill him if he did this again to me, I really think hes the guy for me, I have so much feelings for him, but my mind says no'' ''Im happy that the clubs are closed though, so he can't go out, because I really don't trust him''. I still have time to think about everything though''..

I said '' ok, ye your right, do whatever your heart says, I don't wanna influence you, but once a cheat always a cheat'' and I changed subject.

She did flirt, keep eye contact, but she wasn't sticking to me, making it romantic, kino, keep sitting in front of me. After a lil while she stood up to smoke and kept standing so all that made me to end the night.

In my opinion; If she was dtf me, and really wanted to f8ck me, she would've not made an appointment with her girlfriends on sushi night with me, and she would've waited for me to act on picking up the food and be like ''we do whatever you want''. Thats what my gut feeling says after all my experience... She just tagged me along like some of u said.

I made a move to try to escalate but I saw enough red flaggs imo. I gotta move on.

Any thoughs further on this..?

Its either d in v or next.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

For someone who has had a lot of past success with woman it kind of is mind boggling how OP handled this. Women fvck their bosses all the time. It's taboo and dirty and exciting and fun to be in a place where there is constant sexual tension and flirting.

Agreed but in the era of false accusations and ruining careers via victimhood on tren, its not the highest iq play. Crushing a Coworkers friends seem to be a better alternative. Agreed, it was a school boy error. Poorly played by op.

 

[Glassguy]

This wasnt a "date" because you lost frame and literally gave into everything to make it a non date. Sorry, dates dont happen at work before she is going out with her friends and you eat some sushi AT WORK with a chick who rambles on about her bf.

I feel as though you get these fantasies in your head OP and you not only fail to lead but you let these scenarios run through your head and they arent close to reality.

 

[Glassguy]

There seems to be no attraction for you on her part. You are just a "friend" and a "boss".

No attraction = nothing is going to happen. You cannot manufacture attraction. Its either there or it isnt.

I went on a first drinks date last night. A chick that I was messaging on FB. Within 30 seconds I screened her out because I didnt want to fvck her. I stayed on the date long enough to drink a couple of beers and called it a night. She was messaging me before I even got home, saying how she just wanted to get in my truck with me. It would have been an easy lay but I just wasnt attracted to her enough. It happens.

Move on.

 

[TheGambino]

There seems to be no attraction for you on her part. You are just a "friend" and a "boss".

No attraction = nothing is going to happen. You cannot manufacture attraction. Its either there or it isnt.

I went on a first drinks date last night. A chick that I was messaging on FB. Within 30 seconds I screened her out because I didnt want to fvck her. I stayed on the date long enough to drink a couple of beers and called it a night. She was messaging me before I even got home, saying how she just wanted to get in my truck with me. It would have been an easy lay but I just wasnt attracted to her enough. It happens.

Move on.

Classguy, you sound fvcking stupid right now. I’m not a idiot I ****ed over 200 women in my life had so many flings and relations. You think I would imagine her flirting with me? Nah... your comment is crap