I understand. I have said this in other places but I will say it again.
Objectively beautiful people receive attention All. The. Time. That’s simply the way it is. That isn’t going to stop until they are no longer objectively beautiful. This is the landscape they exist in. Women constantly deal with jealousy and attack (which may be often covert) from other women if they are beautiful. It’s happened to me...and it is worse if you also happen to be nice, competent and intelligent to boot.
From men there is always ogling. Much of it unwanted. But it’s the landscape a very beautiful woman exists in.
I remember one evening being in DFW airport on the way home from a business trip. I ran into an old colleague of mine, who is himself a gorgeous man, but happens to be gay. I’ll never forget something he said that evening. We chatted a bit & then we’re standing together & out of the blue he said, “BE? What is it like to know that EVERY man who walks by is checking you out?” It caught me completely off guard. I said well, I didn’t notice to be frank. He went on to explain that he’d been watching men look me up and down the entire time we were there (in a very high foot traffic airport) and I had no idea. I was dressed in a nice looking conservative pant suit, looked polished & professional but certainly wasn’t dressed to go out or garner attention. I just did. He wished men would check him out that way, and he chuckled.
So understand that this IS normal behavior to a very attractive person. It’s not about them taking advantage of something necessarily or using it necessarily (although some women do)...it just is. As noted in my anecdote I would simply screen it out or tune it out. There is no way to respond to all that (mostly unwanted) attention and so all those admirers necessarily become invisible.
Here’s why I’m telling you this. You
@Barrister perceive her behavior from your vantage point. If you aren’t at the same level of objective attractiveness/attention receiving yourself you aren’t going to have the same frame of reference. You aren’t in her constant attention from everyone all the time landscape.
So when you try and set boundaries around her behavior based in YOUR perceptions rather than her reality you are going to create conflict. She will feel you are being insecure, restrictive, and unreasonable. She can’t change the way the world responds to her.
Trust me, I’ve tried. I quit wearing makeup, dressed down & tried not to call attention to myself. It didn’t matter. I met a man in NYC who I saw for about 9 months in my 20s on the 6 Train in the New York subway. He was quite handsome & I had noticed him but I did nothing. He noticed me too. He was on the train for 2 stops. After standing nearby for one stop he sat down next to me and said “You’re gorgeous. What is your number?” I gave it to him & he called immediately after leaving the train to be sure I didn’t give him a dummy number. I had on zero makeup and a simple blue man’s cashmere V neck sweater and jeans. In other words I was not made up or dressed up at all. He was (and still is) an accomplished dentist with both a private practice & a faculty appointment at NYU. He was also a playboy. But he hated for me to wear makeup, even to go out with him in New York. I digress.
Understand that trying to manage the attention a beautiful person gets is an impossible task. You can’t. That’s her job. The best way to exist with someone like that is to have confidence that such a person chooses to spend time with you. They are choosing you over all the other people who bombard them with attention. Reward that with trust and use Silence & Distance if you feel disrespected.
But check your own perceptions carefully.
One of the things I enjoyed about my recent ex was that he got as much female attention as I got male attention. We were able to relate that that’s just how it is and understood that about each other.
Just some thoughts.
