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LTR - Sex **** test question

catsmeow2

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Right now i am married for 6 years. The only reason why i am still married is because i stopped being compliant and startet to put my wife in her place 4 years ago. Something i thought wasnt neccessary in a marriage, but i found out about the error of my ways. Happy wife/happy life is not how it works.
First off I don't "lecture," I express an opinion as you and everyone else does.

Secondly, and I mean no disrespect when saying this, but don't blame your wife because you were a simp with no backbone and she lost respect for you, and behaved as such.

That's on you man, not her.

Thirdly, since you decided to finally grow a pair and act like a man, you're chosen course of action is to "put her in her place," essentially bully her.

Sorry that is NOT a man acting from his masculine frame, it's a bully. And advice I hope the OP does NOT follow..

Better advice imo would be to choose women wisely from the getgo.

DON'T choose a woman for a LTR who you feel you need to "put in her place" and bully to get your needs met, including sexual needs, that is not the way to go. It will create a very unhealthy and toxic dynamic between you.

OP, during these early stages, observe, observe, observe. If what you observe is not to your standards or liking, no need to call her out, put her in her place or bully.

Just dump her for goodness sake and look for a better woman. Or keep her as a casual plate.

For a LTR, choose with your head as well as your d*ick.

Both are necessary and required in order to choose wisely and the best woman for you.

May I ask why you broke up the first time? And how it was you got back together?

Context is important.
 
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EyeBRollin

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And you wonder why women cheat (which I don't advocate) and monkey branch to something/someone better.
Grass ain’t greener. Maybe I’m totally delusional for thinking this… but I truly to my core think that any woman that leaves me will just be worse off out on there on the free agent dating market. Not sure how my frame got to that point, but it is ironclad.

If she wants to cheat or leave, so be it. Good luck!
 

catsmeow2

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If she wants to cheat or leave, so be it. Good luck!
@EyeBRollin for clarity, my comment about cheating was tongue n cheek.

Re quoted above, agree. And also your comment about being too thirsty.

Vet carefully before agreeing to LTR, and choose women with good character and integrity, who don't cheat.
 
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catsmeow2

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Yes. I’m certain my wife can sense this dynamic. Every time she pisses me off, she gets really submissive and course corrects. I think women can just sense when a guy has the ability and fortitude to leave her.
Absolutely, my hubs is the exact same.

I actually experienced this last Sunday and thought very very carefully before reacting because I knew it wouldn't go down well.

I self-corrected before damage was done.

A man with a strong masculine frame knows how to do this without strong-arming or bullying.

It's a quiet strength and women can sense it, it's very powerful.
 

ThisIsSparta

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catsmeow2

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Your husband gets really submissive everytime he pisses you off? ;)
Lol, no silly. He is like @EyeBRollin ! :lol:

He has a quiet strength, doesn't need to say a word, I just KNOW through the energy he projects.

It's actually more powerful than any words could ever be.
 

ThisIsSparta

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First off I don't "lecture," I express an opinion as you and everyone else does.

Secondly, and I mean no disrespect when saying this, but don't blame your wife because you were a simp with no backbone and she lost respect for you, and behaved as such.

That's on you man, not her.

Thirdly, since you decided to finally grow a pair and act like a man, you're chosen course of action is to "put her in her place," essentially bully her.

Sorry that is NOT a man acting from his masculine frame, it's a bully. And advice I hope the OP does NOT follow..

Better advice imo would be to choose women wisely from the getgo.

DON'T choose a woman for a LTR who you feel you need to "put in her place" and bully to get your needs met, including sexual needs, that is not the way to go. It will create a very unhealthy and toxic dynamic between you.
Well it shows that you have no clue what it means to be a man threatened with family courts if you dont play by her rules. Its easy to have a "backbone" when it doesnt mean you wont see your kid every day anymore.

I was bullied and gaslighted enough to know what it means and this is not what i do to my wife.

And no, it wasnt "on me" that my wife "grew a pair" after she got the ring&kid combo, deciding to make good use of a looming family court over my head to see me compliant whatever it takes.

What is really on me is, that i believend in the "man up", "do the right thing", "happy wife/happy life" fraud that society is force feeding into western men. Family courts are full with men that just tried to work things out the way their women wanted them to.
 

SW15

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I've recently gotten back toghether with an ex after i dumped her. She has been trying to get me back for 1 year and now we are back since 3 months.
End this relationship now.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7

It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.
 

Dr.Suave

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End this relationship now.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7

It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.
Those Iron Rules should be a Sticky on the forum. It would save us a lot of time with the noobs.
 

Randolph

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End this relationship now.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7

It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.
I was going to before we went to spend new years. Now I feel different. god I really sound like a guy who’s coping.
 

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catsmeow2

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And no, it wasnt "on me" that my wife "grew a pair" after she got the ring..
I'm sorry but what? Lol

I didn't say your wife "grew a pair" I said don't blame her for your weak behavior (compliant was the word you used) before you grew a pair and she lost respect.

Re the rest, fair enough, I'm not into debating or arguing.

You do you and happy to hear you now have a happy and harmonious marriage.

My hubs and I do as well. :)
 
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Dr.Suave

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I was going to before we went to spend new years. Now I feel different. god I really sound like a guy who’s coping.
I remember my previous LTR was not the best. Lots of people advised to break up with her and I was like "No, she is a good person" but it was the Scarcity mentality talking.
 

EyeBRollin

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Well it shows that you have no clue what it means to be a man threatened with family courts if you dont play by her rules. Its easy to have a "backbone" when it doesnt mean you wont see your kid every day anymore.
Cant say I have been through that (yet). Hopefully my frame holds up. From the outside looking in, I still strongly believe that a woman using the court system to flex on her ex husband/ baby daddy is only hurting herself and the children. Modern women are overreaching. No new guy in the future is going to be there to save her and those kids. And child support payments pale in comparison to the time, stability, security, and support that a man provides to a household.
 

ThisIsSparta

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I didn't say your wife "grew a pair" I said don't blame her for your weak behavior (compliant was the word you used) before you grew a pair and she lost respect.
I know :) i wrote exactly as intendet. It was her being emboldened by her new superpower "wife with child", thats why she "grew balls". ;)

Good to hear, keep it up! :up:

Cant say I have been through that (yet). Hopefully my frame holds up. From the outside looking in, I still strongly believe that a woman using the court system to flex on her ex husband/ baby daddy is only hurting herself and the children. Modern women are overreaching. No new guy in the future is going to be there to save her and those kids. And child support payments pale in comparison to the time, stability, security, and support that a man provides to a household.
Right you are! According to your entries here i guess you will do allright. If i knew all that **** with 33 a lot of things wouldnt have happened. If you arent allready, stay out of marriage at all cost though.
 

pranshu

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Hello,

I've recently gotten back toghether with an ex after i dumped her. She has been trying to get me back for 1 year and now we are back since 3 months.

So I have clearly been a "challenge" before in her eyes and I think thats what she likes because she always comes back for more. However, now that we are back together I have been waay to soft according to myself. Partly because of work and health stuff I have been way weaker than before. I have now bounced back but before I did stupidly surrendered frame to be "nicer". I have realized my mistakes and corrected behaviour but we some damage has definately been done.

She has been trying alot of **** testing to gain power in the relationship, saying things that "I have done this for you before but I wont do it now", "I will expect way more from a boyfriend than what you have given me before" etc. At first I did concede a few times but now I just chuckle and say something along the lines of "yeah whatever, thats bull**** and we both know it". Some tantrums have been thrown and I just keep calm and unfazed, positive results so far. I can tell she really likes when I'm unfazed by her bull****.
The desire has definately dropped, from my part since we gotten together and hers has dropped the past two weeks compared to before when she chased me hard.

Her trying to gain power in the relationship is a lose lose game for both of us if I concede, I know that and am secure in that.

However, I wanted you guys take on a particular one and if you can give me how you would handle it and elaborate.

Shes been for 2.5 years DTF everytime, always nomatter what and has been chasing me hard for sex when we hang out. She's still very touchy and I notice that I make her horny.
But she's tested me twice two with the same thing, saying shes not in the mood and that I "just cant expect to **** her everytime we hang out" and "all you want me for is sex".
I have handled this, not perfect at all but combining some nice guy splaining with to "you expect to **** me every time" with "Yea, ofcourse" shruh and with a smirk. Escalating to sex each time she has done it and shes been really happy afterwards and seem to enjoy sex more and more each time.

Side note, shes been super jealous about my "activity" past year, "whos texting you at this hour", "who the **** is DMing you on insta all the time?!, "I cant believe you dont know how many *****s you have ****ed since we been apart".

Maybe I'm just overreacting but I just want you guys opinion on how to go about things because sex for me is a non-negotiable. I know her attraction for me is my own resposability and we are heading in the right direction but I just wont accept sex used as a weapon against me.

Thanks for reading!
the fact that she came back to you means that she's not over you( obvious). but her constantly challenging you with **** tests means she desparately wants to mold you into her beta "mr right" before its too late and she becomes old. if she is still **** testing you that means you still have the power and control of relationship, don't lose it, whether you want to dump her after few more sex capades or wish LTR with her..
 
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