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Ltr of 4+ years broke up with me yesterday over text

Dr.Suave

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She started acting cold and distant sometime ago. I asked about it and she kept bringing up stuff about the past. One day she said I dont miss u anymore like I used to. Yesterday she started texting "Im sorry"

"About what?"

"I cant even say it"

"You replaced me already?"

"no"

"u wanna break up?"

"Yes. Im sorry"
 

Robert28

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The fact that you dated her for 4 years and she didn’t have the decency to sit down and talk to you face to face tells me everything. You were dating a coward.
 

Dr.Suave

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@Dr.Rocanlover you mentioned her saying 'I don't miss you anymore like I used to.'

How long had you two been long distance?
It wasnt long distance. She meant like she didnt miss me anymore between dates
 

Robert28

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It wasnt long distance. She meant like she didnt miss me anymore between dates
That girl is a follower of her tingles. They rule every decision she makes. That’s not a good long term strategy for her. She traded stability for “feelings in the moment”. Not only is she cowardly and an awful communicator, she will most likely die alone. Life won’t get easier for her if this is how she goes about it.
 

Dr.Suave

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You lowered her interest level.

The Most common culprit for an LTR of this length is you got too comfortable, too available, and didn’t progress the relationship toward marriage.
I thought this too at first. Now I think theres something else going on too. Her mother (a widow) met someone from the USA and basically lives there now. She figures if her mom can pull it off maybe she can get a green card too.
 

EyeBRollin

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That girl is a follower of her tingles. They rule every decision she makes. That’s not a good long term strategy for her. She traded stability for “feelings in the moment”. Not only is she cowardly and an awful communicator, she will most likely die alone. Life won’t get easier for her if this is how she goes about it.
That is not it. If you’re dating a woman of child bearing age longer than 2 years with no engagement, she is looking for an out. I don’t know why so many guys end up in LTRs for such a long time. LTRs do not benefit men at all.
 

Robert28

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That is not it. If you’re dating a woman of child bearing age longer than 2 years with no engagement, she is looking for an out. I don’t know why so many guys end up in LTRs for such a long time. LTRs do not benefit men at all.
Neither does marriage. That’s an even worse deal than LTR are. Marriage you can’t walk away without being financially and emotionally destroyed, with a relationship you might get hurt but you won’t be financially ruined.
 

EyeBRollin

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Neither does marriage. That’s an even worse deal than LTR are. Marriage you can’t walk away without being financially and emotionally destroyed, with a relationship you might get hurt but you won’t be financially ruined.
No, it’s not a “worse deal.” LTRs are a transition phase; the worst of both worlds. Women lose respect for men who don’t act like men. Either spin the plates as a single bachelor or move things along and start a life together.

Men, LTRs lower your value. It is an admission that you can’t get reliable sex elsewhere. Her respects dwindles the longer you stay in them.
 

Bokanovsky

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No, it’s not a “worse deal.” LTRs are a transition phase; the worst of both worlds. Women lose respect for men who don’t act like men. Either spin the plates as a single bachelor or move things along and start a life together.

Men, LTRs lower your value. It is an admission that you can’t get reliable sex elsewhere. Her respects dwindles the longer you stay in them.
How is that different form marriage? A marriage is simply an LTR that you cannot easily walk away from. There is nothing magical or special about it.
 

EyeBRollin

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How is that different form marriage? A marriage is simply an LTR that you cannot easily walk away from. There is nothing magical or special about it.
Marriage is the best environment to raise children,
- for the outcomes of the children. Women serve little purpose other than reproduction. If you don’t want to reproduce with her what reason is there to be exclusive with her?


@EyeBRollin is a serial LTR guy. I don't know why he's on this thread dogging LTRs.

He can't get enough of them.
Wrong. I made my position clear on the topic many times.
 

deadmasterx

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"You replaced me already?"
If she has been acting cold for a while, it's probably because she has already been getting in touch with other men, exploring her options in a soft way (that doesn't involve cheating) or even worse. In any case, you shouldn't ask something like that, never. I don't know if you asked in a insecure way (it's alright if you did, we are all here to learn and be better), but no matter if she did have or not, she would never let you know.

It's a complicated situation and I'm sure that if you had feelings for her (or still have) you are suffering right now. I understand you because I have been in the very same situation as you are right now a couple of years ago, but I let my fear take control and ran after the woman - who I thought was the one, just to end up disrespecting myself and killing the little respect she had left for me. Gladly, you are now in our community, so our fellow gentlemen can surely give you tons of advices on how to proceed from now on.

What I recommend, which I think it's the best way - either if you want her back or just to heal yourself, is to cut all contact. No need to block her (tho I think it would be a good idea, judging the fact that she broke up with you via text), but delete her number at least. If you have her on social media, unfriend and unfollow. From now on she doesn't exist. Every call she gives you (she probably will between the end of the first month that you don't contact her and the beginning of the second one) you won't accept, and every text she sends you won't reply. I know it's something hard to do, so instead of killing yourself with anxiety it's much better to just delete her texts right after she send them to you. Now judging that you can have some physical contact, I'd recommend you to not say anything to her. If she comes to talk with you, be short, do not talk. Say you have something to do.

The idea is that women can guarantee their way to act on you when they know your thoughts. They know your thoughts by what you tell them. So if you are not telling her anything, she doesn't know what's going on. Are you grieving? Are you having the time of your life? Did you replace her? Did you already have someone on her back to be with? She won't be able to stop thinking about you. Women need that validation that she did the right thing by dumping you, and the only way (or the easiest, even if it's pretty hard) to not give it to her is by not talking to her.

Now, live your life. This after breakup time is good for motivation. Go to gym, start a diet, focus on your projects, save money for having a trip. Now it's your time.

Stay strong.
 

Dr.Suave

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Now, live your life. This after breakup time is good for motivation. Go to gym, start a diet, focus on your projects, save money for having a trip. Now it's your time.

Stay strong.
Yes, so far my plan is to stay postive and do all those things and start spinning plates
 

Bokanovsky

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Marriage is the best environment to raise children,
- for the outcomes of the children. Women serve little purpose other than reproduction. If you don’t want to reproduce with her what reason is there to be exclusive with her?
You can reproduce and raise children in a common law relationship. The concept of "legitimacy" was done away with decades ago. These days, children born out of wedlock have no legal disabilities (unlike the old days, when bastard children could not inherit property). In today's world, marriage is of no benefit whatsoever to 99% of men.
 

bat soup

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She started acting cold and distant sometime ago. I asked about it and she kept bringing up stuff about the past. One day she said I dont miss u anymore like I used to. Yesterday she started texting "Im sorry"

"About what?"

"I cant even say it"

"You replaced me already?"

"no"

"u wanna break up?"

"Yes. Im sorry"
Just forget her and move on. She did you a favour. You'd have soon got bored of her anyway.
 

EyeBRollin

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You can reproduce and raise children in a common law relationship. The concept of "legitimacy" was done away with decades ago. These days, children born out of wedlock have no legal disabilities (unlike the old days, when bastard children could not inherit property). In today's world, marriage is of no benefit whatsoever to 99% of men.
Bottom line - children born out of wedlock do worse than children born to married parents. The facts are what they are.

As for the OP, this is not a surprise. Dating one woman for 4 years is unnatural to human biology. You subconsciously communicate neediness by doing this. At four years, y’all should be working on the second child by now, or broken up and screwing other people. Human mating is not rocket science.
 

Bokanovsky

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Bottom line - children born out of wedlock do worse than children born to married parents. The facts are what they are.
That statistic includes children raised by single moms (duh). If both parents are living together but not married, there is no difference.
 
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