Loves Me But is Afraid of a Broken Heart...

[guambombO]

Hello all,

Ive read the bible and many other posts. Ususally dont post but I read a lot. Alright well here goes,

I am a 17 year old senior in high school and have gone through a # of woman. Ive always been a afraid of a relationship because I always get bored fast. Last year I met an amazing HB8 and we started talking... Weve been 'together' since July but never truly made it 'official' til a couple weeks. I lost my virginity to her about a month ago and I have very strong feelings for her. She has been afraid of been committed to me because of her troubled past. About 2 weeks ago she told me she loved me and my response was, yea I know. She would say it again and I would just say, I love you to sorta under my breath. I dont really know if I do or not but it affected her. She randomly called me saying that she doesnt believe me and that we were on different pages. She finally came to the conclusion that her feelings for me are something ill never reach. I am trying so hard to convince her otherwise and I want to keep her so badly. Ive never felt this way for any girl and I do believe I still am an ass to her.

So, last night she text me saying she wasnts to stop being intimate, holding hands, kissing because her feelings are getting ahold of her. She needs some time to get back in control because she loves me to death. I got mad and said no this wasnt a possibility. She then called me saying her feelings for me were wilting at this moment and that she gives up. Speechless I went to bed and have no idea what to do. She misses me but I dont want to next her because shes actually worth something to me...

Help a brother in need, thanks!

 

[wavejams007]

Where's Doctor Phil when you need him?

Seriously, just how troubled is her past? If she has some serious skeletons in the closet, she might end up being just a heartbreaker for you.

 

[Anomalous]

Tell her, "I'm coming over" then hang up the phone.

Go over, even if she says, "aw its not a good idea.....blah..blah" Remember she wouldn't get the chance to say this because you hung up.

Girl love it when you take control.

Use your best seduction methods (anticipation). Have sex. She'll say "I love you"

If you want to tease her about that then go ahead. Either you tell her You love her too or You don't. If you don't, DON'T ACT like you did something wrong and feel bad about it. You want to stay in control.

Depending on what you want this relationship to be, depends on wheather to tell her you love her or not. But if i were you, i would just tease her like you did before, BUT DON'T LOSE IT. Keep the playfulness.


Remember our advice is limited depending on the amount of feedback/story you give.

 

[guambombO]

Hmmmm......

Yea its funny, whenever I act like I dont care, im pissed, or im on the verge of leaving she runs back to me. She just text me asking me if I was mad and that she wanted me to pick her up from the airport. I was to pissed last night to respond. As for her past, her mother was F'd up and her sister made her smoke pot at the age of 8. I guess her first *love* F'd her and split. Treated her like crap and I have the feeling thats what shes afraid of once again. Im nothing like that though and have no intention of doing this. Shes got college guys calling her everyday and usually doesnt bother me. Only times it does is times like this where she is craving attention and satisfaction to get back at me. Gawd girls are so retarded sometimes.....

 

[oakraiderz2]

Build trust, if that doesnt work and she continues to act like a rollercoaster, telling you to stop showing affection and that kidna bullsh*t, you gotta drop her. If you two care about each other as much as you make it seem like you do, then itll all work out. Be a little bit more specific about her "troubled" past. It kinda sounds like she isnt used to someone actually caring about her.

 

[AC/DC]

Originally posted by oakraiderz2
It kinda sounds like she isnt used to someone actually caring about her.

Often times this is due to trauma. You need to make her feel comfortable. Don't emphasize anything in particular. Make her happy with you, stop holding hands or doing whatever. Still kick it really often tho, and make her laugh lots. You need her to reach her comfort level.

 

[guambombO]

I tried going over to her house last night to suprise her from her trip home from new york. She wouldnt come out because she said she looked bad.....I dunno I kinda felt like crap. Today, things got worse. You could tell there was some tension early on in the day. Late 3rd period, since she sits next to me, she was all hostile. Id say something to her and shed be like oh what srry I want listening. Then she started becoming a b*tch and I walked out. She told me that she was sick of my bad attitude......... I ignored her throughout the day until the end where I asked her to talk. She just told me to call her with a smile and im so lost. Like I said, I actually care for this chick and its killing me. Wish there was something I could do, last thing I wanna do is next her but im out of options, help guys!

 

[Docs]

Stop!!!

She wants you to phone her, tough.
Let her get the picture that her *****ing you out was not cool.

ie) Let her come to you!

 

[dannowillbookem]

Originally posted by whyshy
Tell her, "I'm coming over" then hang up the phone.

Go over, even if she says, "aw its not a good idea.....blah..blah" Remember she wouldn't get the chance to say this because you hung up.

Girl love it when you take control.

Use your best seduction methods (anticipation). Have sex. She'll say "I love you"

If you want to tease her about that then go ahead. Either you tell her You love her too or You don't. If you don't, DON'T ACT like you did something wrong and feel bad about it. You want to stay in control.

Depending on what you want this relationship to be, depends on wheather to tell her you love her or not. But if i were you, i would just tease her like you did before, BUT DON'T LOSE IT. Keep the playfulness.


Remember our advice is limited depending on the amount of feedback/story you give.

why shyyyy i remember you

 

[penkitten]

shes what about 16 ir 17 ? how troubled could her past be?
i dont understand what kind of control she needs to gain back before she can be inlove with you.
either you are in love or you arent.
being afriad of getting hurt is a hesitation because you are afraid something better is going to come along or that your life path is changing and you dont want to make empty promises to someone.

when girls are around this age, everything about their futures are constantly swimming in their heads and i feel like shes just afraid to make a choice at this time.

if you go all the way to surprise her and she refuses to come out due to looking rough from a trip, something isnt right.
if i was away from someone i loved and they surprised me, id go out to say hi even if i looked like crap. wheres the respect when someone comes to see you?

 

[guambombO]

penkitten -- Exactly, hit it on the spot.

Latest update: she text me saying she wanted things to be over, didnt like where we were at the moment. I had to force her to call me and then she started crying because she loves me yet she has to do it because we have nothing to look forward to.....we argue a lot. Then I explain, she calls later, we hit it off again and I guess we're not getting close(holding hands kissing etc.) for awhile. We'll see about that crap. Gawd sometimes I hate her but I miss her always. For the first time in my life, im being sucked in and becoming someones b*tch, but I cant stop it. I actually feel like I might lose her this time if I dont do something, wtf?????

 

[oakraiderz2]

Originally posted by guambombO
penkitten -- Exactly, hit it on the spot.

Latest update: she text me saying she wanted things to be over, didnt like where we were at the moment. I had to force her to call me and then she started crying because she loves me yet she has to do it because we have nothing to look forward to.....we argue a lot. Then I explain, she calls later, we hit it off again and I guess we're not getting close(holding hands kissing etc.) for awhile. We'll see about that crap. Gawd sometimes I hate her but I miss her always. For the first time in my life, im being sucked in and becoming someones b*tch, but I cant stop it. I actually feel like I might lose her this time if I dont do something, wtf?????

Go out and get a better girl. Talk to as many girls as possible. Yalls little "break" is mere bullsh*t. Move on.

 

[guambombO]

Much easier said then done. I have no doubt that I probably could meet other girls its just I actually feel something with this one. I think I do wanna work on this and I am prepared for the worst.

 

[penkitten]

what are you planning on doing?

 

[guambombO]

I think I got things settled down. I now understand what shes been wanting is just for me to be more honest. I suppose its going to take time but we'll see.

 

[CrazyAsianBiker]

LTR's like this end up in countless problems.

If you guys really really care about each other though by all means pursue.

But if you are actually there for her and care about her, and she pulls any I mean ANY TYPE OF GAMES of ANY sort whatsoever. DROP IT.

I know it's hard, but it will be harder in the long run. TRUST ME ON THIS.

 

[Bloke]

Hate to sound like a c*nt...

But the heartach your feeling right now is going to be one of the greatest things that happen to you. Through your pain your going to receive some of the best lessons of your life.

Trust me mate, I've been there. I once suffered from stress earlier this year, before finding this site. I couldn't eat properly, & the thought of eating made me gag. I went from 63kgs down to 58. I couldn't sleep, my life was ****. You know what caused this? My girlfriend dumped me....

Now I've come out of it stronger than ever. I'm in no position to tell you what to do with the one you love, but to everyone looking at your problem, it's time to end it, it's going nowhere

Good luck

 

[guambombO]

New Problem**********************************


Well, in the past she made out with this college dude. I guess she is going clubbing with this guy this weekend and was really hesitent about telling me. I asked her about it and if i could trust her and she said she didnt know. She said that she didnt trust herself. I dont know what to do guys. I love her and I want to stay with her but at the same time I cant handle this, it isnt fair for me. What should i do????

 

[penkitten]

ever heard that christina aguilera song fighter?
listen to the words
thanks for making me stronger
made my skin a little bit thicker
thanks for making me a fighter

its a song about growing more maturely just from the break up.

 

[Docs]

Ahh...a girl telling it how it is...awesome!

Yea..when a girl starts saying she can't trust herself around this guy for you...