Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Lost my Abundance Mindset after a bad relationship

9nigma

New Member
Joined
Jun 21, 2018
Messages
2
Reaction score
1
After a year and a half of “studying” psychology and game I’ve entered a relationship with a girl who I’d thought to have been something special. Turned out that she is a snake and probably has some brain damage.

I was blinded by her looks and our past expriences. Later on I have realised that I had started acting like an AFC and turned her off. Can’t only blame others, right? However, this relationship affected me and I really needed some time to rest from women. It turned out to be a long time..


That lead to me being kind of misogynistic and not being interested in getting to know women. Now I’m ready to rise up again, I have even better amount of knowledge. Reading people is easy to me and I can feel when a girl is attracted to me but my scarcity doesn’t allow me to do somethig about It.

I know It’s a fear of something, but I can’t rationalize why does my brain finds taking action so dangerous. My nonexistent “game” at this point is high value (maybe too much) and indirect as f*ck.

Basically I can’t do the investment and take the lead. I will often have a decent girl trying to get my attention but I will not do anything about it and she will think I’m uninterested and move on..

I will be very thankful to anyone who helps me fix this sticking point of “meeting” women and being more genuinely interested in getting to know them.
 

flowtheory

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 18, 2018
Messages
1,448
Reaction score
1,055
Age
31
Location
So Cal
Your brain finds taking action dangerous because your thoughts and emotions are off center and you’re probably needing to do some inner excavation. Fear, in this case, is your subconscious protecting you from being hurt again.

This is how everything works.

Thoughts, create emotions, which create action, in turn creating results; then that goes on a loop. The result of something previous creates a new or same reaffirming thought.

If you see women who you’d like to get to know then immediately back down and think of being hurt, it’s because your emotions are telling you “ouch. No, no.” Which in turn makes you take action of not engaging, which then gives you the result of self defeat. Then that pattern repeats, until you built that self full filling prophecy and “that’s just how I am”. And essentially you’re having a very long emotional reaction over time to something which didn’t go your way, months or even years ago.

And the same holds true in optimistic behaviours. You see the woman you’d like to get to know, you feel the bubble of emotions (excitement which can be misinterpreted as fear) and then you say *opening line* (action) and she accepts your offer for a drink and you get her number (result). Now this scenario built up a muscle much like at the gym. So the habit loop can take effect.

Right now you’re operating in a pessimistic and fixed mindset because of one singular set back.
What you want to learn about is a growth mindset and optimistic behaviour patterns.

Optimistic and pessimistic is merely how people react to life, and in turn becomes their view and perspective of things. Every single person experiences poor situations and rejection; it’s innevitable. But those people react in a positive or negative way, which will then make you one of the two. Now take 1000 circumstances with high emotions attached to them and you will have the answer to how you reacted to them. Most react a certain way due to their intrinsic self wiring.

Try this: just notice on a daily basis when you’re thinking about things attached to which you posted here, what’s going on in your mind. What are you saying to yourself? What emotions do you then feel?

If thoughts create emotions then that creates action which then creates our reality, that means you can gangs the loop if you’re diligent enough.

Because if I told you you won 10 million dollars (thought) and you really believed it (emotions), your whole world would change and you’d feel like that solved some of your problems. But really, until you have the money in your hand you’re still going to be elated and happier. But what changed? Your thoughts. Because you don’t actually have the money in your account, but the emotion was intense enough to change your mind about the world, which changed the emotion towards things. And in that it creating lasting changes to your actions.

What your issue you’ve posed here. Is about changing your thoughts and emotions. Actions are a by-product of those.

Last example: why do you think resolutioners fail on their goals? (people who are overweight and try workout)
Because they try to change the action before the emotion and thoughts, hoping that the action changes the thoughts and emotions. It doesn’t work like that to create lasting change.

Thoughts > emotions > action > results

It doesn’t work because their emotions to food and their thoughts about what food means is way to great of a driver and it will override all actions. So these two battle it out and they don’t see the results so they stop going to the gym. Their paradigm didn’t shift. All they did was simply go to a treadmill in a room 30 times while still having the same thought and emotional patterns.
“I’m ugly” “I’m fat”. This is why you sometimes hear of people who lost a lot of weight, but they are still that fat guy or girl inside and they’ll suffer through a new diet.

Hope this made sense. I didn’t proof read it because I’m about to see my dentist and no time..
 
Last edited:

Chev.Chelios

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 27, 2016
Messages
621
Reaction score
547
Age
28
Location
Spokane, Wa
I hate my commute home from work. No matter which way I go, the traffic is awful. It's bumper to bumper in some places, there is always an assh0le doing something stupid and my stress level always builds until I finally get to my destination: home. I hate my commute. I can't wait to just get home.

Then there are days when I am off of work. The sun is out. I get on my motorcycle and try to find an open road with no destination in mind. If I see traffic up ahead, I just get off and take another road. I don't care where it goes and I am curious to find out. All I'm doing is enjoying the ride.

You're commuting. Your desire to get to know a woman is like a destination (the established relationship, comfort with that person, trust, etc.), but the commute (dating and getting to know someone) leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. You really don't want to do it. You wish you didn't have to. It causes stress and there is usually an accident somewhere along the way fvcking everything up. But you know you have to do it if you want to get home.

You need to learn how to enjoy the ride to nowhere. Enjoy women like you would the sunshine on a beautiful day. Find another women just the same as you would take a different road when you see traffic up ahead. Become curious to where women can lead you without a destination in mind, just the same as you'd follow a new road just to see where it takes you.

Sometimes you find destinations that will surprise you. Destinations that you cant believe you didn't know about sooner. Sometimes you end up in a bad neighborhood and you learn to never go that way again. Sometimes you end up in a destination you know very well, but have learned a new way to get there.... a new way that just might make your commute home easier.....

this, on top of what he said.. destroy every last inch of your monogamous belief system so what hes saying above is possible^^

monogamy is the root of the problem. soul mate, completion, loyalty, marriage GARBAGE.
 

image

"If you love women, you must read the SoSuave Guide to Women. It's fantastic!"

Spaz

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 14, 2018
Messages
8,436
Reaction score
6,881
Location
Somewhere where's it's none of your business
After a year and a half of “studying” psychology and game I’ve entered a relationship with a girl who I’d thought to have been something special. Turned out that she is a snake and probably has some brain damage.

I was blinded by her looks and our past expriences. Later on I have realised that I had started acting like an AFC and turned her off. Can’t only blame others, right? However, this relationship affected me and I really needed some time to rest from women. It turned out to be a long time..


That lead to me being kind of misogynistic and not being interested in getting to know women. Now I’m ready to rise up again, I have even better amount of knowledge. Reading people is easy to me and I can feel when a girl is attracted to me but my scarcity doesn’t allow me to do somethig about It.

I know It’s a fear of something, but I can’t rationalize why does my brain finds taking action so dangerous. My nonexistent “game” at this point is high value (maybe too much) and indirect as f*ck.

Basically I can’t do the investment and take the lead. I will often have a decent girl trying to get my attention but I will not do anything about it and she will think I’m uninterested and move on..

I will be very thankful to anyone who helps me fix this sticking point of “meeting” women and being more genuinely interested in getting to know them.
Plenty in common with @bigdave17 .

Search out his threads and read the comments there. You'll get plenty of advise.
 
Top