"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Lost her, would like her back

Dominus

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Hey guys. Its been a long time since I've been here. However, I need some help. But first, the backstory to it all:

I've been dating this girl (Katie) since sometime in May. We both work at Six Flags, and she was just one of the many many girls who had a crush on me (and can you really blame them?). She would come in on her days off to see me, on her first date, she asked me why I picked her out of all the other girls (she actually got into a little argument with her friend over which one liked me first), her cellphone banner was "I want Chris" (obviously, I'm Chris), and other such stuff. In short, she made no effort to hide the fact that she liked me.

Now, I'm sure some of you have dated girls who are obsessed with the labels of a relationship, and Katie was one of them. Dating, going out, etc. etc., are all very distinct stages and you need to practically hold a meeting over what stage your at, how long you're gonna be there, what the differences are, and so on. Personally, I think thats tedious, pointless, and annoying, and that we should just have fun. But whatever. So, on June 21st (I only remember it cuz it was the first day of summer) we decide that there's really no difference between dating and going out (well, never really thought there was one), and so we decide that we're officially boyfriend and girlfriend. Yay. Hip Hip hooray.

Now, at that point, she had invited me to her family's 4th of July picnic, actually on the 3rd. I, in turn, invite her to mine, on the 4th. We both get the weekend off, which was hard to do, since we work at a theme park. I, unfortunately, have to end up working a 7 day week beforehand to pull it off (its what I for being a good worker, they squeeze every ****ing hour they can out of me). Add that to the fact that my father harasses me on my days off to help him on the family farm, and I didn't exactly have much time to spend with her. Oh, and I find out that I've been transferred to another position (not a big deal, its a similar position in the same department) because they didn't need two people in the original position. However, shortly after I get transferred, they give my old job to somebody else. Throw in a few other trivial details, and its your typical ****ty office politics that screws me over. Its at this point, that I realize that my job is crap (no overtime, time and a half, they make me work about 50 hours a week, and I get paid **** for my position).

So, I work the 7 day week, trying my damndest to grin and bear it (to add insult to injury, they needed me in my old capacity on one of those days, as the guy they gave my job to was out). It finally ends and I'm set to enjoy the weekend with my girlfriend. On the 3rd, we're at her place, and she seems kinda down. I try to cheer her up, but I'm also worried about the whole association thing (me being associated, in her mind, with feeling bad). I started to have "a bad feeling about this" to quote every character from star wars. Still, things go fairly well, though some of her male friends come over, preventing us from spending any time by ourselves.

So, the night passes, and next its the 4th of July, for real. I pick her up, and we go to my family picnic. Much larger than hers, and its been said to overwhelm some (we get about 50 people, and thats just a small fraction of the family). She seems even more depressed this day, and just says she's feeling sick. I finally manage to coax it ouf of her though. We excuse ourselves from the picnic for awhile, and she tells me that she doesn't feel like my girlfriend, since we've spent so little time together. She goes on for a bit, and says she just wants things to be the way they were before, and she makes a point that she still feels the same way about me. I ask her what exactly will change. She says nothing, but she would feel better to say we're just dating. But, we'll still tell the people at work that we're going out (cuz they don't really get the difference, and I only pretend to). I say, alright, if it makes you feel better, and nothing's reall gonna change, fine by me. So, the day passes, I drop her off, and she kisses me goodbye.

However, what I (and probably everyone else who's reading this) didn't realize was that that little discussion we had there, was her way of saying she wanted to break up. Since I don't realize this, I don't quite understand why she's so gloomy, and I figure I'll cheer her up, and I buy her a nice stuff animal on the 7th (wednesday), from one of the games (we get a decent discount). Doesn't seem to do the trick, and she's not returning my calls. I figured it was because I hadn't been returning her calls, and she was trying to get back at me (in my defence, by the time I got home from work, it was about 11pm, and I didn't want to call her that late). The next time I see her is the 9th (friday), when she happens to be there on her day off. She gets really quiet when I come up to her, and I know that something is definately up, and that there's no way I'm gonna find out on my own. Luckily, I have a friend who asks her, all on his own, and he finds out that she thinks we're totally broken up.

Now, let me mention that, in addition to hating my job every day for the past few weeks, the 9th was all-around, a really really bad day. So, to find out a week after it happened that I was single again, kinda pushed me over the edge. Well, not quite. I only lost it after she told me that "she didn't feel like discussing it" at the time. I behaved myself until she was out of range. I then sorta flipped out. See, I've got this look, where I tilt my head forward a bit, narrow my eyes, and smile a little. Its really really ****ing creepy. I scared a few people that day, and because I had about 6 more hours left to my shift, had no real good way to vent my frustration, so I basicly went nuts. I didn't really do anything, just punched a wall a few times, and had a very very pissed off look on my face (I also started laughing maniacly at one point). Long story short, I did not conduct myself well, though I did know enough to avoid her for the rest of the day.

However, being a naturally dramatic work enviroment, word spread quickly, and alot of other people gave her grief about it (cuz everyone loves me there). My boss actually yelled at her for putting me in such a ****ty mood, as I wasn't really performing up to my usual standards. One of the managers also asked her to leave, evidently. So, I indirectly ruined her day almost as much as she ruined mine (though, it wouldn't have taken much to ruin that day to begin with).

Alright, so, to make a long story longer. Since then, I managed to find some time to talk to her, in the most polite and nice manner possible. I manage to get some of my questions answered, as I really wanted to know why she did it. I get them answered as well as I can hope to, and also try to smooth things over, apologizing on behalf of all the people who jumped down her throat.

Anyway, both of us are really really sick of the drama, and think that everyone should basicly butt out. However, of course, people are dragging this out for every little ounce of drama possible (such as some who want to write me up if I even go near her, even though we've both agreed to put it behind us as best as possible).

Ok, thats it. Now, I've got two requests for you guys:
1) Any advice, or constructive criticism? I know I ****ed up there at the end, but do any of you have any more input?

2) As a challenge for myself and my skills, I want to try to get back with her (well, I'm telling myself its just a challenge and not me feeling sorry for myself) by her birthday, exactly one month away (basicly, if she were to invite me to the party, I'd count that as a victory). Now, if you were me, how would you go about doing it? One thing I'd be certain to do is totally avoid work and approach it all from a different angle, probably through her friends (who all love me).

Alright, go at it guys, and don't be afraid to tear me a new one, but I just had to be able to unload all this on somebody.
 
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"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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DiSt0rTi0n_07

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The most effective thing I can say at this point is to figure out exactly why she broke up in the first place and try to correct it. Make her remember what she saw in you before; just don't overwhelm her (you already know that).

Its entirely possible for you to get back on track, especially if you have her friends on your side.

If you are approaching her from a different angle, just make sure there is variety in how you approach her. This will help to start re-introduce the mysterious aura that leaves her craving for more.

Im sure you already know everything i have said here but if nuthin else, let it be a boost to your confidence and your self esteem.

Good luck!
 

SOLDIERM16

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OK bro. Here it is. I dont know if this is what u want to hear. Cuz it usually never works (never worked for me.. not once.. and its been done quite a few times)...

U are a senior Don Juan! u are a man! U know what u want... so tell her what u want. Tell her that u want to be with her. If thats what u want, then why play games?


I am preparing to do that myself.. about a girl i doubt likes me in that way. But id be stupid to say nothing... u know?
 

Pimp-sicle

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Why do you want this chick back? She's obiviously got some commitment issues and sounds like more pain than pleasure. She honestly sounds like a bit of a wack job and you are taking the blame for it, which puzzles me??

WTF did you do wrong? NOTHING!! Stand up for yourself be a man and tell this byatch she's obiviously got some issues and is very immature and you don't want to deal with it. If all the other girls want you, then forget about her.

And RULE #1 of any dating book is NEVER dip your pen in the company ink.


I think your honestly young and immature. Why you want this wack job back is beyond me.




PIMP
 

Dominus

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Originally posted by Pimp-sicle
Why do you want this chick back? She's obiviously got some commitment issues and sounds like more pain than pleasure. She honestly sounds like a bit of a wack job and you are taking the blame for it, which puzzles me??
I'm not taking the blame, I just admit that I lost my cool, which is never a good thing.

Originally posted by Pimp-sicle
And RULE #1 of any dating book is NEVER dip your pen in the company ink.
Probably a good idea, but its such good ink. ;)

Originally posted by Pimp-sicle
I think your honestly young and immature. Why you want this wack job back is beyond me.
Heh, one of the reasons I posted this is cuz I'm not quite sure. Of course, there's the perverse challenge of it. A girl whose got the guts to break up with me. Not too many of them out there. I know I shouldn't want her back, but I still do. And, every other time that my feelings conflicted with my better judgement, I've just infuriated myself for not being able to let go of the feelings. So, I figure I'll just go with it, maybe it'll at least channel the feelings to something productive.
 
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“The 22 Psychological Triggers That Make Women Chase You… Starting Tonight”

Forget the cash, the cars, and the chiseled jawlines. Female desire operates on a completely different frequency. Primal. Subconscious. Triggers that bypass her logic and hit her on a gut level. Most guys are totally blind to them.

I know because I was one of them. The overthinking. The paralysis. The silent drive home kicking yourself for freezing up. Watching average guys walk away with the girl while you stood there stuck in your own head.

Then I decoded the psychology behind what actually makes women tick. 22 hard rules.  Subtle behavioral shifts that rewired my entire reality. The anxiety evaporated. Women started leaning in. Investing. Chasing.

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squirrels

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Your thread is too damned long...which usually means you're taking something simple and making it complicated. :)

I kinda cringed when I heard about you discussing "the stages of a relationship." That's chick stuff. Men understand relationships better than (most) women...that they're dynamic things and trying to fit them into neat little "stages" just causes trouble down the line.

What it sounds like is that when you made the decision that you were "at the next level" you guys started doing all those things as if they were required of you at this level, not because you were READY for them...it moved too quickly and she just became disenchanted with trying to "keep up" and playing her "role" in the "new stage," instead of just flowing with the relationship as it evolved.

I don't know if there's much you can do now. The dream is broken. But it's best that this happens NOW instead of down the line, I guess. Do you REALLY want HER back, or are you just afraid to admit to yourself that you, like everyone else, is more than capable of losing a girl? Not everyone's going to like you in this world. Not every girl you kiss is going to think about you when you're gone. That's life. Deal.

I'd just chalk it up to experience and move on. It sounds like you're trying to force it to try and lick your ego-wounds, but that's just going to make it worse. I think you need to LJBF her and try to meet new people through her and her friends. :)
 

Dominus

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Originally posted by squirrels
I kinda cringed when I heard about you discussing "the stages of a relationship." That's chick stuff. Men understand relationships better than (most) women...that they're dynamic things and trying to fit them into neat little "stages" just causes trouble down the line.
Trust me, you're not the only one who cringed, and I couldn't agree with you more. I just didn't really think it mattered, since, to me, it didn't, so I just went along with it. I'll never do that again, I can assure you.
 

MisterAl

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One important and useful thing happened to you in the week of July 4. Katie disqualified herself.

She wants a relationship label, and maybe it doesn't matter who with. At six weeks into the relationship Katie was already annoying you with her obsessive behavior. She does appear to be an attention wh0re hanging with all the guyfriends.

The mistake you're making is that you're overcompensating for her drama. Buying stuffed animals and spooning out extra attention to cheer up Katie when she's acting like a spoiled brat makes you look like a loser.

Katie is insecure and a drama queen, a headache to you. Let some other chump handle her. You need to get your act together and stop punching walls.

Since Katie is only one of the many, many girls that seek your attention, forgetting her will not be a problem.
 

So pimp its scary

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Dominus, YOU HAVE ONEITIS!

Go Find Ten Other Women... and mack them.

Once you FTOW, you will discover the skills you need to land this one girl, but at the same time you will have ten other options some of which will probably be better then the girl that gave you this case of onegina.
 

Dominus

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Heh, thanks for everything guys. I think I've found my peace though. I couldn't rest, since I wasn't quite sure why it all happened. However, the reason has come to my attention just recently (I was hoping it wasn't true). Katie had become friends with Tricia, my previous girlfriend. And, from all reports, Tricia played some part in the whole fiasco. Now I know, and I'm happy. I've lost all respect for Tricia, but I'm happy.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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