"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Loser making a move on a plate of mine...

rum

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So basically this plate I've been spinning for about 6 months is starting to lose interest. I've always relegated her to about 2 or 3 for various reasons but always kept her around...mainly because despite her "issues"...she's actually the only plate I have with real marriage potential. I see her as somebody who would make a great wife/mother. Just not sold on everything yet. So I've always kept a keen eye on her and the loose circle of loser men that sort of hover around her.

Anyway, of late there has been this pathetic sack of crap that has moved in on my territory. Total dumbass(legit low IQ), southern, go nowhere military career(because he has no ability to do anything else but clean a gun and peel potatoes), has no money(I literally make 6 times as much), nothing to offer her, is younger and basically looks like some sad sack opie...and yet she's enamored by him.

Initially I didn't care much. Let her have her fling, I'll have my flings and I'll work on her later...but he's sticking around longer than expected.

So how do I get rid of him. Should I take little pot shots at him when I'm around her or does that make me seem petty? Pay MORE attention to her (she's usually the initiator but it's been more 50/50 of late) just be patient and let things take their course?

In the long run I can't say I'm super worried. I'm the best put together guy she's ever had in terms of the complete package, looks, earning potential, physique, intellect etc...and I really haven't given her my A game yet...but her tendency to dumpster dive and take on projects is worrisome
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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rum

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I see what you're getting at. BUT, I have extremely low expectations of women...basically I expect each and every one I meet to be a disloyal, honorless, emotional, irrational *****. And most are...except the fat ugly one's who nobody wants.

Every beautiful woman has "issues", this particular one has fewer than most believe it or not.

I'm not looking for absolute perfection
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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betheman

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"Total dumbass(legit low IQ), southern, go nowhere military career(because he has no ability to do anything else but clean a gun and peel potatoes), has no money(I literally make 6 times as much), nothing to offer her, is younger and basically looks like some sad sack opie...and yet she's enamored by him."

he has nothing to offer her???? your really sure about that? sounds like he has nothing and yet hes banging this woman you rate? and he has nothing? she is enamoured by him?
 

women haze

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you are being real immature about this honestly. If she was really feeling you she wouldn't be on this so called loser.

I would try to go out and meet another woman, because seriously dude the more you fight back the more she is going to push away trust me.

It takes two to tango, and right now you are losing your partner by her own choice.

you makin that money homie go out treat yourself to something awesome and get ready for something else to slide in your life. She will come around
 

zekko

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I don't know why you would consider a plate who ranks no better than 2 or 3 marriage material. A potential wife should be the clear #1. Anyway, if you're spinning plates so can she. I don't see where you have any say in it.

rum said:
Total dumbass(legit low IQ), southern, go nowhere military career(because he has no ability to do anything else but clean a gun and peel potatoes), has no money(I literally make 6 times as much), nothing to offer her, is younger and basically looks like some sad sack opie...and yet she's enamored by him.
Did you thank him for his service?
 

ilikecharlene

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Most internet dating advice makes sense, but I don't agree that any one human trait makes one better than another. Loser IMO is a subjective term.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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rum

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zekko said:
I don't know why you would consider a plate who ranks no better than 2 or 3 marriage material. A potential wife should be the clear #1. Anyway, if you're spinning plates so can she. I don't see where you have any say in it.


Did you thank him for his service?
are you out of your mind. The american lifestyle has been protected by nuclear weaponry for 50+ years. A lonely knuckledragger who never even went to college and plods around with a gun serves no purpose anymore. If America really had a threat, a REAL threat. We'd press a button. Not send in Gomer Pyle
 

rum

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betheman said:
"Total dumbass(legit low IQ), southern, go nowhere military career(because he has no ability to do anything else but clean a gun and peel potatoes), has no money(I literally make 6 times as much), nothing to offer her, is younger and basically looks like some sad sack opie...and yet she's enamored by him."

he has nothing to offer her???? your really sure about that? sounds like he has nothing and yet hes banging this woman you rate? and he has nothing? she is enamoured by him?
no he has zilch. I do my homework

intelligence
money
looks
sense of humor
real career
great family

all me. Here's the answer...women are idiots. Frankly I'm sick of the "it's your fault bro" mentality that's permeated these boards.
 

rum

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Bible_Belt said:
no he has zilch.

He has her. :rockon:
oh really, did you even read my post. He doesn't have her, he's making moves on her. He doesn't have anything yet.

I give women credit for one thing, they have one heck of a support system built up. Look at this forum, just a bunch of hacks making fun of each other tearing each other down. How about trying to be supportive for once instead of stepping all over each other
 

PrettyBoyAJ

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This girl sounds like a jump-off. You've gone out with her for 6 months and she is losing interest... She isn't feeling you anymore. She is feeling the other dude more clearly. Get your knowledge up. Get your game up. and your jealous of this dude and your clearly hating on the brother. Which means you have nothing better to do. When you hate on other dudes that means you need to get your game up.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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sodbuster

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When I wear the most obnoxious Hawaiian shirt you've ever seen[fluorescent blue,orange and yellow]....you probably think I'm a loser. WOMEN think "he has fashion issues, I can fix him" AND I'll go home with them or a number. Women Love "fixer-uppers",thinking THEY can fix him;then brag to their friends how they found such a bargain [like shopping]. Otherwise, they can just be looking for "some", IF he's hot enough, he can be stupid for a few dates[just like us with a dumb woman]
 

zekko

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Maybe since you won't commit to her she's looking elsewhere. It's the nature of plates to spin out eventually.
 

loco2chon

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My personal opinion is that you should let her have her fling. Meanwhile act completely normal and don't bring it to her attention. It could possibly be a test. If it isn't, trust me, you'll know... Look in to other options and meet new chicks. :)
 

Greasy Pig

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It's the old story which I'm all too familiar with unfortunately.
Women can lose interest faster than a goddamn speeding bullet and although I don't doubt she has feelings for you, all women need to feel really wanted.
After all, they are all pretty much insecure in some way.
She obviously wants more from you or she's going to get that permanency or commitment from somewhere else. Even with a perceived loser.
Another point is that you have probably eroded her self esteem (through solid game) to a level where she thinks she can only attract a bum.
After all, she can't get you, a man with a lot going for him, to commit so she might feel she has to lower her standards to get the relationship she thinks she needs.
I think you've either gotta let her go and hope she comes back or just drop the other plates. Good luck.
 

zekko

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rum said:
are you out of your mind. The american lifestyle has been protected by nuclear weaponry for 50+ years. A lonely knuckledragger who never even went to college and plods around with a gun serves no purpose anymore. If America really had a threat, a REAL threat. We'd press a button. Not send in Gomer Pyle
I said that "Did you thank him for his service" kind of tongue in cheek since you were speaking so poorly of him. And I don't agree with 90% of what our government has the military doing. But if it wasn't for the volunteer army you might well be drafted and sitting in Afghanistan somewhere waiting to step on a landmine. So thanking him for his service wouldn't be inappropriate. He does it so you don't have to.
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

Read more...

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