Good day folks, Im looking for advice regarding not having much motivation for doing anything regarding hobbies etc I'm 34 in good shape a scratch golfer and have a good job, I'm not sure but I think having a LTR girlfriend for the last 3 years is dragging me down, we don't stay together but I have my own place and she's stays regularly, she's been it me the last few months regarding moving in etc, has anyone experienced this with a LTR?
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
Loosing my mojo for hobbies etc.
- Thread starter andy87
- Start date
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Yes.
I used to snowboard, surf and hike regularly, taking random trips whenever the dumps were happening, surf was pumping or the weather was good.
These are all last minute chases.
The ability to be spontaneous reduces dramatically because you have dinner plans or some other ****. Which is enjoyable.
Basically you trade ***** for your hobbies.
I used to snowboard, surf and hike regularly, taking random trips whenever the dumps were happening, surf was pumping or the weather was good.
These are all last minute chases.
The ability to be spontaneous reduces dramatically because you have dinner plans or some other ****. Which is enjoyable.
Basically you trade ***** for your hobbies.
Kotaix
Master Don Juan
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Things change. Some hobbies are more compatible with being single. When I was single I was able to do a lot more impromptu hikes and bike rides, but now that I'm in an LTR I do a lot more international travel and less hiking/camping.
I still sail, ski, bike and go to the gym, the only thing that has really changed is the ability to do it at any time of day because I had no one to tell me otherwise. Now that me and the gf are playing the "home game" I've adjusted to other hobbies like woodworking and learning to grow food. My gf supports me in this, but I do sometimes lament the loss of some of the freedom I had.
You have to be willing to compromise, or jump ship if you're burned out. You're still younger so I think it's different for you.
I still sail, ski, bike and go to the gym, the only thing that has really changed is the ability to do it at any time of day because I had no one to tell me otherwise. Now that me and the gf are playing the "home game" I've adjusted to other hobbies like woodworking and learning to grow food. My gf supports me in this, but I do sometimes lament the loss of some of the freedom I had.
You have to be willing to compromise, or jump ship if you're burned out. You're still younger so I think it's different for you.
FlexpertHamilton
Master Don Juan
Maybe you could literally tell her "I need more time to myself to do my own things (projects/hobbies/goals etc)" and leave it at that.
I think trying to have hobbies for their own sake is a bit silly, but I get your predicament. Sounds like you have lost zest for life. Doesn't have to be a hobby, can be any purposeful or meaninful action in pursuit of goals.
You might also want to look into your T levels, from what I know LTRs can lower T levels quite a lot.
2Rocky
Master Don Juan
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Your Dopamine source has changed. When I was stuck in a bad relationship running miles of trails made me feel great Because I wasn't getting any validation from my relationship.
You are in a Comfort Trap
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You are in a Comfort Trap
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If your life has run out of soul and there's no obvious refueling station, this audiobook is for you! Are you stuck in a comfortable, but less-than-satisfying job, marriage, or relationship? If you're loitering at what feels like a dead end, you may be locked into a comfort zone--and it's time to make a break for it!
The author of the national best-seller Excess Baggage shows us how to take seven life-changing steps to push past self-imposed limits and the seductions of security to the joys of self-propelled change. Understand the paradox of how enjoying the safety of your comfort zone can also lull you into a secure but stagnant pattern of life, love, and work. With warmth, wisdom, and gentle humor, The Comfort Trap challenges us to stretch, take risks, and jump into the unknown abyss because the rewards for moving beyond the comfort zone can be enormous.
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.