Life after college

[Kerpal]

Due to dysfunctional family, social anxiety, and severe depression, I basically didn't have a childhood, didn't have any friends/fun in high school, and I'm in my last year of college but no real changes so far despite me desperately trying to turn things around. So I've basically missed out on everything up to this point.

So now I'm wondering... what are things going to be like after college? Everyone says that these are supposed to be "the best years of your life", but it hasn't been too good for me, and the clock is ticking. If I'm not making any friends or having much fun now when it's supposedly so easy, what's going to happen when I graduate and end up stuck in an office all day?

Anyone here have no fun in high school/college but turned things around after graduating, or have I used up all my chances?

 

[Juice09]

You missed your experimentation and party years. You can still party as you get older but the scene will change. As 18-21 year olds it's all about having fun, getting laid, trying all kinds of illegal substances, and just living life to the limit, than going back to school on Monday hungover as ****.

You should just accept that you are an introverted and unsocial person and try to live a happy life despite the circumstances. If you haven't made friends or established a party routine by the end of college, it's unlikely things will change in the future.

 

[hb]

Life after college sucks, i've been out for over a year now & it's boring. Especially since the J O B market sucks.

Just keep yourself busy & FIND something to look forward to.

 

[J. Darko]

I have the same problems. No life in college and don't know what to do after college. It seems horrible to work a desk job everyday, just so you can eat and sleep. Sitting behind your computer, eat sleep, sitting behind your computer, eat sleep.

I'm looking for something more exciting. Been thinking about joining the special forces for adventure, but don't like the idea of losing my arms and legs and there is not much money in it either.

 

[synergy1]

If you haven't made friends or established a party routine by the end of college, it's unlikely things will change in the future.

agreed, most of my friends I still go out to clubs/bars with were from college. While I made a few after college, having the routine in college allowed me to continue to make friends afterwards. If you were anti social and didn't have many friends in college, don't expect it to change much afterwards.

Regarding my personal situation, the first year after college was a difficult adjustment. I was stretching a paycheck and enduring a long commute so life was very predictable and boring. After a while, things started to settle and life was more enjoyable. Eventually i got more play from women than I have in college. Being a professional allows one to really mature and grow, and many women find this attractive. I went from hating post college to liking it more than college.

The job market sucks, but there is still plenty of exciting opportunities to be had. One day you could be on the east coast, the next on the west coast, or halfway across the world! Life after college is so much less bound and that is exciting.

 

[Tesl]

I enjoyed college without it being incredible. When I finished my course I left the country and moved to Japan, and then moved to Hong Kong a couple of months back. My life is WAY better than it was during that time, because now I'm making it happen in a huge city. I'm suprised myself a little bit at just how much I'm enjoying life. I'm also way more successful now with the opposite sex than I used to be, that bit extra life experience makes a big difference I think.

So no, your life isn't over and its not too late to change for the better. I'm a COMPLETELY different person than I was 4 years ago - my personality is very different. I'm a way happier person now and doing better at everything than I was a few years back, and I think the next 5 years of my life are going to be my best yet.

So my advise is to get out the country and go somewhere completely new, anyone that has the means to do this in life absolutely should.

 

[TIC]

I'm pretty much in the same situation. Its my junior year (21) and I JUST started to become more open and social. It took me a long time to get past high school and how awful it was for me. I have social anxiety just like you but I make the best of it. I have people I hang out and club with, but I'm not sure how close of a friend they really are.

Your not alone in this, there are millions of people that just missed out on the partying for one reason or another. But the partying/clubbing doesn't have to end when college is over, I mean, alot of people do it into their 30's don't they? The scene will change, but just because your out of college doesn't mean you have to never have fun again. But what do I know? I honestly feel lost and depressed sometimes about this stuff. I have to think more positive, you should to

 

[Chromeo]

Jesus some of you guys are depressing. I'm in slightly the same boat, but if you really want to do something about it... THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Missed your experimental years.... wtf is that? Make your experimental years now. Quit your job and become a bartender or something. Hell move to an island and get a job there. Party it up for a couple years, then re-assess. Its really hard to do everything at once, you cant be party boy, getting blasted till 2, maybe take some shrooms or blow some lines, bang three girls until 4 then be at work at 830 the next day. But you could be doing that on the weekend. Or if your making a lot of money working only 5 hours a day say in real estate or something.

look at it this way, your done with about 1/4 of your life, you got another 1/4 to live it up, with now 1/4 worth of experience. Girls love guys with experience. Halfway thru you should start to want to chill out, maybe be raising a family by this point, enjoying the fruits of your labors, planning for the last 1/4 of your life.

 

[Kerpal]

look at it this way, your done with about 1/4 of your life, you got another 1/4 to live it up, with now 1/4 worth of experience. Girls love guys with experience.

Well that's the problem, I don't have experience. I missed out on so much and wasted so much time that I'm years behind everyone else my age in terms of social skills, having fun etc. So I haven't done much and it looks like the next 40 years are going to be even worse.

This is depressing as ****.

 

[actionjaxson]

do you have any friends at all? make friends with their friends. i cant believe people in this thread are acting like you cant make friends after college. you just have to put yourself out there, join clubs or whatever. anything to help you meet more people.
eventually you'll get a friend then you will meet his friends and there you go. you got people to hang out with. dont worry about the lack of experience.

 

[Kerpal]

Pretty much my only friends are my roommates, and they have their own groups already (which consist of people they met living on campus freshman year, which I missed out on). Unfortunately it takes friends to make friends, so I'm kind of stuck, and really don't see things getting any better after I graduate. I mean, I can't even make things happen now when I have so many opportunities, what's it going to be like when I'm in a cubicle by myself 40 hours a week?

 

[Plinco]

I am starting to think that this is a common denominator amongst people like us that stick around on an internet messaging board talking about how they can't get the women they want. What it comes down to is social skills. Many of us do not have any. That's the problem. Most men get women from their social circles, not from cold approaches (nothing wrong with cold approaching). Women feel better from dating men in their social circle because they feel like it is safer and they know you have social value (social skills).

 

[Drum&Bass]

1. Start working on your physical appearance ! Become visually pleasing to the opposite sex.

2. Learn how to communicate and interact with people. I see tons of social outcasts all the time and I always wondered what made them so different from cool people. I talked with quite a few of them and I noticed alot of UN-social people don't know how to make others feel good about themselves or relate with people other than themselves. A good audio book to get is Dale Carnegie's How to win friends.

3. Social outcasts are WAY to opinionated and less tolerant of other ideas. If you want people to like you you have to respect their ideas even though they may be wrong or silly you have to respect them. You don't have to agree with them but you should be tolerant in a positive way. (think about that last sentence for a second)

4. As a social outcast...NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU OR YOUR PROBLEMS. The sooner you learn that the better !! After you have gained the respect and friendship of other people still no one will care about you or your problems. People like you for how you make them feel, or what value you add to their lives.

5. As a human being you exist to serve and help other human beings...REMEMBER THAT !!!

6. The angrier you get and the more you care...the less people will like you.

If you can take life in stride and care only when people earn your attention you will be seen as a reliable man that has the strength to succeed no matter how hard things get (that temporarily inspires people).

7. Try not to get mad about things EVER !!!

8. Sarcasm, Arguing, backhanded compliments, and NEGATIVEl opinions WON'T WIN YOU FRIENDS.

9. NEVER reveal your PERSONAL problems and issues to anyone. That was the OLD you and you are trying to KILL the old you. The NEW you has problems but problems that other people can sympathize with...Like running late to a meeting, eating cold pizza, and the price of gas.

General problems that we all go through and we all relate with.

10. The less opinionated you are the better !

Other tips:

Use dating sites to learn how to talk to people. You can develop a very STRONG verbal game when you have time to think about what to say and practice through e-mail and IM's.

Use social groups like face book and meetup.com to get involved with activities and be around other people. This will teach you how to interact with a variety of personality types on the fly. It will also expose you to people on a much more intimate level. Much harder than dating sites this will keep you around people instead of cooped up and lonely.

It takes about a 3 - 4 years to start to get it...but if you follow my advice and practice it daily I guarantee you your lives will change.

 

[TIC]

Most men get women from their social circles, not from cold approaches (nothing wrong with cold approaching).

Yes, this is absolutely true. What we are being taught here by PUA's, DJ's, etc, is the hardest way to go about meeting and getting women. Most guys do not have the burden of approaching complete and total strangers, as they already have social circles that can get them hooked up with girls.

What we are doing is as hard as it gets, and possibly in the worst country to do it in. Other countries are much more open and friendly than the U.S. This country is all about social "cliques" and it is very, very difficult to get in one. The very idea of a clique is to keep people out

That's why its sometimes extremely hard to make good friends, because people just aren't that trusting anymore. So a guy with 0 friends most likely will stay that way. The only hope is to join some club or group and make the best of it as there is little to no sense of community in this country

 

[Plinco]

Yes, this is absolutely true. What we are being taught here by PUA's, DJ's, etc, is the hardest way to go about meeting and getting women. Most guys do not have the burden of approaching complete and total strangers, as they already have social circles that can get them hooked up with girls.

What we are doing is as hard as it gets, and possibly in the worst country to do it in. Other countries are much more open and friendly than the U.S. This country is all about social "cliques" and it is very, very difficult to get in one. The very idea of a clique is to keep people out

That's why its sometimes extremely hard to make good friends, because people just aren't that trusting anymore. So a guy with 0 friends most likely will stay that way. The only hope is to join some club or group and make the best of it as there is little to no sense of community in this country

Yep. Great opportunity to build some character. It is also good that we know how this all works explicitly; we are ahead of the curve that way.

 

[Drum&Bass]

Yes, this is absolutely true. What we are being taught here by PUA's, DJ's, etc, is the hardest way to go about meeting and getting women. Most guys do not have the burden of approaching complete and total strangers, as they already have social circles that can get them hooked up with girls.

False...every woman I have had sex with, Dated or befriended was a woman I cold approached. I NEVER dated a woman from my social circle...except when I was in highschool. After highschool...I had to learn how to get women, anywhere, anytime.

You can use excuses as to why you can't get friends or girls or how hard it is (wahh)..or you can follow my advice and see how easy it you can build up friendships, networks and a stable of hors from nothing.

 

[Plinco]

1. Start working on your physical appearance ! Become visually pleasing to the opposite sex.

2. Learn how to communicate and interact with people. I see tons of social outcasts all the time and I always wondered what made them so different from cool people. I talked with quite a few of them and I noticed alot of UN-social people don't know how to make others feel good about themselves or relate with people other than themselves. A good audio book to get is Dale Carnegie's How to win friends.

3. Social outcasts are WAY to opinionated and less tolerant of other ideas. If you want people to like you you have to respect their ideas even though they may be wrong or silly you have to respect them. You don't have to agree with them but you should be tolerant in a positive way. (think about that last sentence for a second)

4. As a social outcast...NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU OR YOUR PROBLEMS. The sooner you learn that the better !! After you have gained the respect and friendship of other people still no one will care about you or your problems. People like you for how you make them feel, or what value you add to their lives.

5. As a human being you exist to serve and help other human beings...REMEMBER THAT !!!

6. The angrier you get and the more you care...the less people will like you.

If you can take life in stride and care only when people earn your attention you will be seen as a reliable man that has the strength to succeed no matter how hard things get (that temporarily inspires people).

7. Try not to get mad about things EVER !!!

8. Sarcasm, Arguing, backhanded compliments, and NEGATIVEl opinions WON'T WIN YOU FRIENDS.

9. NEVER reveal your PERSONAL problems and issues to anyone. That was the OLD you and you are trying to KILL the old you. The NEW you has problems but problems that other people can sympathize with...Like running late to a meeting, eating cold pizza, and the price of gas.

General problems that we all go through and we all relate with.

10. The less opinionated you are the better !

Other tips:

Use dating sites to learn how to talk to people. You can develop a very STRONG verbal game when you have time to think about what to say and practice through e-mail and IM's.

Use social groups like face book and meetup.com to get involved with activities and be around other people. This will teach you how to interact with a variety of personality types on the fly. It will also expose you to people on a much more intimate level. Much harder than dating sites this will keep you around people instead of cooped up and lonely.

It takes about a 3 - 4 years to start to get it...but if you follow my advice and practice it daily I guarantee you your lives will change.

Good post. I was thinking to write something like this myself.

 

[TIC]

False...every woman I have had sex with, Dated or befriended was a woman I cold approached. I NEVER dated a woman from my social circle...except when I was in highschool. After the age of highschool...I had to learn how to get women, anywhere, anytime.

I don't care how easy you may have it. Cold approaching and getting somewhere with girls is harder than getting set-up on dates via your social circle. Period

Perhaps you choose not to do it that way, but it is easier than approaching total strangers and getting them to trust you. That is my point.

Your arguing the way women do often; basically, ignoring what happens the majority of the time and just focusing everything on your own little world. Sure, you specifically may find cold approaching easy and fun. But for most people it is not optimal and is much harder than using your own social circle

 

[Drum&Bass]

Your right TIC...it is easier to get a date through your social circle. I guess this is how you will live your life.

but what happens when you get older and the girls in your circle get married to other men or move away and leave the circle ??

What happens when there is only 1 UGLY girl left in your social circle..I guess you will be the majority of guys that settles because its EASY.

Do you really believe the BEAUTIFUL, HOT girl in your circle (if there is a hot girl in your circle) who can get any guy she wants (and she knows it) will go for you ?? A guy that doesn't have the ability to leave the circle and succeed ? (or to afraid to leave the circle to try and succeed )

What happens if YOU DON'T HAVE A SOCIAL CIRCLE TO BEGIN WITH ??

 

[TIC]

Your right TIC...it is easier to get a date through your social circle. I guess this is how you will live your life.

but what happens when you get older and the girls in your circle get married to other men or move away and leave the circle ??

What happens when there is only 1 UGLY girl left in your social circle..I guess you will be the majority of guys that settles because its EASY.

What happens if YOU DON'T HAVE A SOCIAL CIRCLE TO BEGIN WITH ??

I was making a point not talking about myself. The point was, yet again, its easier than cold approaching. That's all. You came in and said "false thats not true look what I do all the time your wrong" and thats just bs for most people.

I'm already cold approaching and my social circle is such that meeting girls wont happen anytime soon. These are the cards I've been dealt, I'm working with what little I have. (as you can see in my approach journal