Letting go of that one girl/oneitis

[Asbury]

It really pains me to be writing this but I cannot get over this one girl. We dated a couple of months ago and she broke it off, at the time I thought "oh well, it happens, move on".

I did move on and I've slept with a few other women since and have what I would describe as a gf right now. However, I can't get away from the fact that this girl had some effect on me and that I'd like to give it another go. This isn't really an option.

What can I do? Loads of stuff reminds me of her and I clearly still have feelings after 2 months even though we dated for less than one. I'm not trying to get her back, I need to change my thought process/mindset and put her firmly in the past. Any idea?

 

[Jetleg]

As a future doctor, i can definitely say you got chronic oneitis.

Luckily for your chronic oneitis can be managed very easily:
- Destory anything that has anything to do with. Delete her on Facebook, delete all of her photos, don't meet with mutual friends (for a while) don't go to restaurants that you've been together with her - for you she is dead. you don't even know her name anymore. If you can imagine her face getting c*mshot from 10 men at the same time and get no feeling for it - you are on the right track.

- F*cking other women really does help. you need to f*ck more women.

- Take a break from women and focus on your self. thats what i did when i felt like you.

 

[lizardking82]

It really pains me to be writing this but I cannot get over this one girl. We dated a couple of months ago and she broke it off, at the time I thought "oh well, it happens, move on".

I did move on and I've slept with a few other women since and have what I would describe as a gf right now. However, I can't get away from the fact that this girl had some effect on me and that I'd like to give it another go. This isn't really an option.

What can I do? Loads of stuff reminds me of her and I clearly still have feelings after 2 months even though we dated for less than one. I'm not trying to get her back, I need to change my thought process/mindset and put her firmly in the past. Any idea?

You dated for one month and you are so deep in this one? Dude, you are not happy with your life and how it's going, it has almost nothing to do with this girl or this story. Look inside yourself because you have emotional holes and I would not suggest trying to fill them up with women and sex

 

[FwoGiZ]

You don't even know that chick... reality is you would get to know her and then you'd realize she's not the unicorn you are hoping she is.
Is it cause she's hot? Are the other girls you've been banging avg compared to her?
Working on yourself, your hobbies, your education, your future is indeed very good advice. Be happy alone and good women will come to you.

 

[Alpheta]

You dated for one month and you are so deep in this one? Dude, you are not happy with your life and how it's going, it has almost nothing to do with this girl or this story. Look inside yourself because you have emotional holes and I would not suggest trying to fill them up with women and sex

dude, youve only just joined but you are quickly becoming one of my fave posters on here. Keep this chit up.

 

[lizardking82]

dude, youve only just joined but you are quickly becoming one of my fave posters on here. Keep this chit up.

Appreciate that, buddy. Will try and give any positive advice I can

 

[AlphaNate]

First off, don't let anyone here tell you they haven't had oneitis. It's happened to us all, and we've learned from it the hard way. Don't be embarrassed about it.

How to get past it? Go no-contact with this girl and spin plates. https://therationalmale.com/2011/08/19/plate-theory-2/

 

[Infern0]

Yeah it's not got anything to do with her, she is literally just a placeholder.

what it is is you not being happy with yourself and your life and in your head you sort of assigned this woman the ability to fix that and "make you happy"

We have all been through it, what it comes down to is understanding that mental process that happens and then erasing it and getting to a point where you are satisfied with your life that women just become the sort of "added bonus" and not the be all end all.

 

[bigneil]

It really pains me to be writing this but I cannot get over this one girl. We dated a couple of months ago and she broke it off, at the time I thought "oh well, it happens, move on".

I did move on and I've slept with a few other women since and have what I would describe as a gf right now. However, I can't get away from the fact that this girl had some effect on me and that I'd like to give it another go. This isn't really an option.

What can I do? Loads of stuff reminds me of her and I clearly still have feelings after 2 months even though we dated for less than one. I'm not trying to get her back, I need to change my thought process/mindset and put her firmly in the past. Any idea?

You need to find a new girl and eventually one day you will realize (at random) that you are thinking about the new girl instead. In my case I replaced a 36 year old I had oneitis for (January 2011 - December 2011, last seeing her April 2011) with a 19 year old (the first stripper - who I met in late October 2011). Sadly, the 47 year old girl (who I dated July 2011 - October 2011) didn't do it, and only served to remind me how annoying it is when someone is clingy - it was a 100% role reversal with my breaking her heart).

You need to find someone younger and/or hotter to replace her. You can't just forget about her and be happy sitting home alone. Nor can you get an older or less attractive woman to do it. Hit the gym in the meantime, and do a detox fast.

 

[Glassguy]

It's easy:

You need: time, more time for hobbies, get under more women and more time.

Most of us have been there. Do what makes YOU happy. Start laying groundwork on new chicks and above all, don't get wrapped up in one chick again.

The key to avoiding oneitis is having so many female options that it really doesn't matter if one bounces or flakes. You've got other options and more on the bench to sub into your game.

Even when you think you've found another "good one", remember that it CAN change in an instant and how you feel right now since you have not other options to fall back on.

Go work on yourself and find more plates to spin.