Letting Girls Down Easily

jsim

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My work schedule is pretty crazy and I travel a lot. I haven't been in any kind of a serious relationship in about 4 months.

I'm selective about who I spend my time with, women included. I've found it is far worse to spend time with a dumb, mediocre person than to be alone. However, both my work and social circles are fairly tight-knit. Many of us know each other pretty well. I do my best to avoid offending, but I'm often astonished how strong of a sense of entitlement many women have.

If a woman 'makes a move on you' even to the slightest degree, she thinks she owns you. This can include something as basic as strong eye contact for several seconds. Or a woman approaching and standing next to you. If I have more than one friendly conversation with a woman, somehow in her mind she is in a relationship with me. It's hard to process this. I would never assume the same if I had a couple of conversations with a woman!

Should I lie to these women and tell them I'm in a relationship? I don't think this would work since many of these women know people in common. Is there some tactful way to decline or otherwise let them know they should move on?
 
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marmel75

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I think you are assuming way too much in this post.
 

flowtheory

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My work schedule is pretty crazy and I travel a lot. I haven't been in any kind of a serious relationship in about 4 months.

I'm selective about who I spend my time with, women included. I've found it is far worse to spend time with a dumb, mediocre person than to be alone. However, both my work and social circles are fairly tight-knit. Many of us know each other pretty well. I do my best to avoid offending, but I'm often astonished how strong of a sense of entitlement many women have.

If a woman 'makes a move on you' even to the slightest degree, she thinks she owns you. This can include something as basic as strong eye contact for several seconds. Or a woman approaching and standing next to you. If I have more than one friendly conversation with a woman, somehow in her mind she is in a relationship with me. It's hard to process this. I would never assume the same if I had a couple of conversations with a woman!

Should I lie to these women and tell them I'm in a relationship? I don't think this would work since many of these women know people in common. Is there some tactful way to decline or otherwise let them know they should move on?
Do what you want, and act in accordance with your frame. If you’re not interested in someone, tell them, but be polite so you don’t destruct anything in that process. And you never need to lie. Becausereally you’re just lying to yourself in the end. Always live truthfully
 

RickTheToad

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Just say nothing and ghost or say you are just too busy with work right now in order to handle a relationship.
 

jsim

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This is just a reminder of how difficult male female friendships are. Whichever party wants to make it more will eventually be frustrated and get their feelings hurt. I don't intentionally friend zone girls I just assume it's cool that we can be friends. No, it's not cool. They become angry. I don't think there's any way around this.

I've tried it every which way: being direct and saying I'm not interested, ignoring them, saying I'm busy (little white lie), the end result is always the same: they're upset.
 
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flowtheory

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This is just a reminder of how difficult male female friendships are. Whichever party wants to make it more will eventually be frustrated and get their feelings hurt. I don't intentionally friend zone girls I just assume it's cool that we can be friends. No, it's not cool. They become angry. I don't think there's any way around this.

I've tried it every which way: being direct and saying I'm not interested, ignoring them, saying I'm busy (little white lie), the end result is always the same: they're upset.
And it’s okay that they’re upset. People become that way when they lose their objective. All you can do is focus on giving what YOU can and reacting how you do, all else it out of your control.
 

RickTheToad

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This is just a reminder of how difficult male female friendships are. Whichever party wants to make it more will eventually be frustrated and get their feelings hurt. I don't intentionally friend zone girls I just assume it's cool that we can be friends. No, it's not cool. They become angry. I don't think there's any way around this.

I've tried it every which way: being direct and saying I'm not interested, ignoring them, saying I'm busy (little white lie), the end result is always the same: they're upset.
Why would anyone be friends with a female? Men are friends with men. Ladies are their for sex. Unless you enjoy being the male girlfriend and listen to her problems.
 

jsim

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Why would anyone be friends with a female? Men are friends with men. Ladies are their for sex. Unless you enjoy being the male girlfriend and listen to her problems.
Why so angry? :)
 

jsim

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Who cares what the chicks are assuming. You should be assuming that ALL chicks feel this way about you. And for the record, never lie. Lying shows you're afraid of the outcome.
It's easy to say that but when these girls are constantly giving you the evil eye, on the verge of tears, or otherwise creating stupid drama, it gets to be a hassle and a drag. It happens in work environments, at church, when I'm shopping, it's just endless.

This is not to mention all of the hating, jealous guys I deal with. It gets to be a PITA dealing with so many "adults" who act like infants.
 
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Spaz

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This is just a reminder of how difficult male female friendships are. Whichever party wants to make it more will eventually be frustrated and get their feelings hurt. I don't intentionally friend zone girls I just assume it's cool that we can be friends. No, it's not cool. They become angry. I don't think there's any way around this.

I've tried it every which way: being direct and saying I'm not interested, ignoring them, saying I'm busy (little white lie), the end result is always the same: they're upset.
It's because u r a low smv man that's why they feel offended that you rebuffed them.

If it's from a high smv man, they'll take it as a challenge and even try harder.
 

jsim

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Ladies are here for sex, companionship and reproduction; not friendships.. Unless the dude is gay or a cuck. Which, I guess, if that's what a dude wants, then so be it.
Again, why so angry? :)

The angriest guys are the ones who can't get laid. Just sayin.'

Instead, some guys spend all day talking to other guys on the forum. That's a wonderful substitute. Works for guys who are gay, or cuck. If it works for you, then so be it.

It's because u r a low smv man that's why they feel offended that you rebuffed them.

If it's from a high smv man, they'll take it as a challenge and even try harder.
With 5,000 posts in a year, the only SMV you have is on the forum, earning "smv" points with guys. Too bad it's useless in the real world. Try getting out of the house more instead of obsessing over forum posts. G'luck, kid!
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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My work schedule is pretty crazy and I travel a lot. I haven't been in any kind of a serious relationship in about 4 months.

I'm selective about who I spend my time with, women included. I've found it is far worse to spend time with a dumb, mediocre person than to be alone. However, both my work and social circles are fairly tight-knit. Many of us know each other pretty well. I do my best to avoid offending, but I'm often astonished how strong of a sense of entitlement many women have.

If a woman 'makes a move on you' even to the slightest degree, she thinks she owns you. This can include something as basic as strong eye contact for several seconds. Or a woman approaching and standing next to you. If I have more than one friendly conversation with a woman, somehow in her mind she is in a relationship with me. It's hard to process this. I would never assume the same if I had a couple of conversations with a woman!

Should I lie to these women and tell them I'm in a relationship? I don't think this would work since many of these women know people in common. Is there some tactful way to decline or otherwise let them know they should move on?
I prefer to be honest and just tepl he4 she's not in my league.
 

RickTheToad

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Again, why so angry? :)

The angriest guys are the ones who can't get laid. Just sayin.'

Instead, some guys spend all day talking to other guys on the forum. That's a wonderful substitute. Works for guys who are gay, or cuck. If it works for you, then so be it.



With 5,000 posts in a year, the only SMV you have is on the forum, earning "smv" points with guys. Too bad it's useless in the real world. Try getting out of the house more instead of obsessing over forum posts. G'luck, kid!

Look in the mirror dude. Please, you are not on the level of me or @Spaz. Run along little dude.
 

jsim

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Look in the mirror dude. Please, you are not on the level of me or @Spaz. Run along little dude.
Whatever, grandpa. Enjoy chasing that granny p*ssy. Be sure to stop by jiffy lube for a few quarts of pennzoil for lube! You're gonna need it gramps. :)

Bye.
 
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rando5495

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In a post-coital tight spot, "I'm not over my ex".

In a workplace it's a bit more complicated. Can't help being such a sexy beast. It's like a curse or suchlike terrible affliction.

Good to get on with a couple of female colleagues who are in happy ltr's in that sense, and no interest in that way.
 

jsim

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I would, but single 20 somethings, we all tend to congregate at the same spots, so it's pretty much unavoidable that I'll see them again sooner rather than later. Also, these girls are friends with one another which means I'll see them again eventually even when I meet "new girls."
 

2Rocky

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Should I lie to these women and tell them I'm in a relationship? I don't think this would work since many of these women know people in common. Is there some tactful way to decline or otherwise let them know they should move on?

I think you are assuming TOO much attraction.

Always under promise and over deliver. If your scenario is true, you can just be frank about how you like being unattached. No woman worth a damn will begrudge you for going after what you want in life. Petty little girls do...and you are better off screening them out early.
 

jsim

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I think you are assuming TOO much attraction.

Always under promise and over deliver. If your scenario is true, you can just be frank about how you like being unattached. No woman worth a damn will begrudge you for going after what you want in life. Petty little girls do...and you are better off screening them out early.
If anything, it's the opposite. I often don't assume anything and only later find out that the other party had their feelings hurt.

I like to treat people well. I love it, actually. But when I'm being polite and gracious, especially to someone hosting an event or just to anyone, really, they can take it to mean that there is some romantic potential there. Small gestures on my part can get the wheels turning and create extravagant expectations. A couple of examples. I greeted a woman who had hosted an event: I shook her hand and thanked her. She started to msg me on Facebook and on my phone repeatedly. I didn't reply since I didn't want to encourage her, and now she has removed me from her Facebook group.

Another woman I had a casual fling with. She notified others that she was in love with me and implied I had broken her heart. What?!?

A third girl also removed me from a Facebook group. She's approached me several times, tried to tease and game me. I had some inkling of her interest level, but never thought much of it until she took her revenge for me not showing any interest.

I've even had random bro's throw tantrums in public where they accused me of flaking on hanging out with them, which was a total lie lol. Other guys spread rumors about me because they are jealous.

And yeah I've tried being explicit about a lack of interest. In fact, sometimes friends or people close to me have made it clear that I need do so to limit the emotional impact. Doesn't matter, the girl is devastated anyway.

I'm just smh writing this stuff down. It's hard to understand how grown adults can act so childish. Spoiled, entitled, bratty behavior is so common these days. It's actually the norm. I've realized there's nothing I can do about it, so I'm not going to worry about it. If they're going to act like children, that's on them, not me.

Oddly, I've had some 'miscommunications' with a few girls at their work site, where they came on very strong and I didn't reciprocate (their behavior was just out of the blue). It's probably just a coincidence, but some of these women ghost their jobs immediately afterwards. That may be a different topic, but I'm often surprised by how strongly invested people can become in such a short period of time, with such minimal interaction.
 
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