Learning to trust, love and invite vulnerability

[Chamber36]

I thought I understood women.

I thought I could think, in fact.

Turns out women will do anything short of skinning you alive.

I understand now why they boiled witches in boiling oil on the middle ages and tore out their fingernails. Because given the opportunity they would do the same to us. Just for entertainment.

So... how do you embrace this volatile creature known as woman nowadays when you know she could do all these horrible things? What do we do it for? The fun of exploiting their orifices and enticing some vulnerability and a semblence of affection? How do you vet the woman to know she isn't in fact a complete and total nut-house? I'm sure my radar is sharp but with my current level of trust and slightly raised anxiety I won't be able to have fun with the temporary girls...

I would need a woman with no hangups, no issues, no emotional instability problems. That may be looking for some guidance from me, might be willing to understand I am on the way towards reaching my goals, respects me for it and may want to cheer me on instead of distracting me. A woman that can help me to become more of a man by allowing me to be a man. This is rare to find.

Any luck for the guys here?? Ex-divorcees?

 

[Guy69JackBlue]

I thought I understood women.

I thought I could think, in fact.

Turns out women will do anything short of skinning you alive.

I understand now why they boiled witches in boiling oil on the middle ages and tore out their fingernails. Because given the opportunity they would do the same to us. Just for entertainment.

So... how do you embrace this volatile creature known as woman nowadays when you know she could do all these horrible things? What do we do it for? The fun of exploiting their orifices and enticing some vulnerability and a semblence of affection? How do you vet the woman to know she isn't in fact a complete and total nut-house? I'm sure my radar is sharp but with my current level of trust and slightly raised anxiety I won't be able to have fun with the temporary girls...

I would need a woman with no hangups, no issues, no emotional instability problems. That may be looking for some guidance from me, might be willing to understand I am on the way towards reaching my goals, respects me for it and may want to cheer me on instead of distracting me. A woman that can help me to become more of a man by allowing me to be a man. This is rare to find.

Any luck for the guys here?? Ex-divorcees?

What do you need them for? Sounds like you might need them for too much.

Aside from sexual release... There's nothing else you should rely on them for.

 

[Focal core]

Look for these in women.

1. Able to relate empathy (dont confuse with empathy and sympathy) most nutjob able to sympathy.
2. Able to Connect emotionally (amotionally available women)
3. Object constancy (able to retain feeling to you for long period of time)
4. A women that admiring and respect you.

Afterward You will see the result

 

[Chamber36]

What do you need them for? Sounds like you might need them for too much.

Aside from sexual release... There's nothing else you should rely on them for.

I am looking to grow as an individual through getting to know a female deeply.

May sound outlandish to you but it's a certain depth of experience as opposed to a breadth of experience.

Could be that I am not fulfilled as an individual and need affirmation, this may be so. Couldn't tell you.

I'm not saying I wouldn't bang a random if I could but there is a certain psychological mirroring in a deep relationship which you can't find without long term companionship I presume.

I am interested in that now.

 

[Guy69JackBlue]

I am looking to grow as an individual through getting to know a female deeply.

May sound outlandish to you but it's a certain depth of experience as opposed to a breadth of experience.

Could be that I am not fulfilled as an individual and need affirmation, this may be so. Couldn't tell you.

I'm not saying I wouldn't bang a random if I could but there is a certain psychological mirroring in a deep relationship which you can't find without long term companionship I presume.

I am interested in that now.

I doubt you'll find help with that on this site.

 

[Chamber36]

I doubt you'll find help with that on this site.

Your cynical outlook is more annoying than it is enlightening.

 

[metalwater]

there is a chance that the woman you talking about can be found in the trash, but only if by mistake. if you look in the trash and then plan to screen really well will still only get filtered trash. can we expect to find the better woman hanging out together with the trash? And then just um.. plate her and see if she improves. so much sexy hot looking trash.

women are what they are; not something else. you already know how attraction works. but what your asking for is a woman that will really work with you, a team player, on your team.

where will you find her, or where will she find you? gonna be at the club 24/7 until she walks in, or only approaching women that are dressed for fun. if your looking for a teammate, broadcast that as what you want and at the same time be demonstrating what that team does.

you have a chance if you get the right one and together with your knowledge of how it works. not the right one or being stupid doesn't work, I have tried both so I am sure.

don't forget to remember to come back and tell others how to do it after you succeed.

 

[samspade]

I would need a woman with no hangups, no issues, no emotional instability problems. That may be looking for some guidance from me, might be willing to understand I am on the way towards reaching my goals, respects me for it and may want to cheer me on instead of distracting me. A woman that can help me to become more of a man by allowing me to be a man. This is rare to find.

Any luck for the guys here?? Ex-divorcees?

First, accept that you don't need them. Pursue your goals irrespective of women. They will come and go.

What you are looking for isn't as rare as you think, but you'll have an easier time once you stop making it a priority. Be willing to reject women who don't meet your standards - some guys will lay anything that comes along. With those who show real interest in you and you like, practice happy indifference...or rather, when you're happy pursuing your goals, you know that women come and go and they will, at best, complement your lifestyle. To find what you're seeking, you may have to date a woman while keeping an open mind for many many months. But even then, it all starts with you, not her. Allow yourself to be a man.

 

[RangerMIke]

Really solid post. +1

It all comes back to not investing emotionally.

How do you best vet the woman early on? That's a good question. Because you're getting the girl's best act in that first month or two.

The ability to maintain emotional self-control is the single most important skill a man can have when dealing with chicks. Yoga and meditation helps. This is the single best way to smoke out chicks with bad attitudes or ones that really don't like you. If you are non-reactive, and the chick doesn't really like you or is bat-sh1t crazy, she'll lash out. If she likes you, she'll work harder to bring you around.

Controlling your emotions does two things... it brings out the crazy in chicks, and it helps you figure out if she really likes you. Doing this ensures that you only bring sane women that like you into your life. When it comes to YOU every woman has a combination of these two traits. She is either Crazy or Sane; Combined with Attracted or Disinterested... She will show you who she is based on how she responds to your emotional self-control.

Sane/Attracted: These are the ones you want.
Sane/Disinterested: If you maintain emotional control.. she will just drift off.
Crazy/Attracted: She will get angry with you when you aren't responding, these are the bunny boilers.
Crazy/Disinterested: She'll get angry up front, and will shoot you down hard, WHICH IS GREAT!!!

If you can not control your emotions, it's like playing poker with all your cards facing up. Normal SANE women LOVE men that can control themselves... Crazy @ss chicks HATE men that can maintain self control.

 

[Chamber36]

The ability to maintain emotional self-control is the single most important skill a man can have when dealing with chicks. Yoga and meditation helps. This is the single best way to smoke out chicks with bad attitudes or ones that really don't like you. If you are non-reactive, and the chick doesn't really like you or is bat-sh1t crazy, she'll lash out. If she likes you, she'll work harder to bring you around.

Controlling your emotions does two things... it brings out the crazy in chicks, and it helps you figure out if she really likes you. Doing this ensures that you only bring sane women that like you into your life. When it comes to YOU every woman has a combination of these two traits. She is either Crazy or Sane; Combined with Attracted or Disinterested... She will show you who she is based on how she responds to your emotional self-control.

Sane/Attracted: These are the ones you want.
Sane/Disinterested: If you maintain emotional control.. she will just drift off.
Crazy/Attracted: She will get angry with you when you aren't responding, these are the bunny boilers.
Crazy/Disinterested: She'll get angry up front, and will shoot you down hard, WHICH IS GREAT!!!

If you can not control your emotions, it's like playing poker with all your cards facing up. Normal SANE women LOVE men that can control themselves... Crazy @ss chicks HATE men that can maintain self control.

Good response. I suppose that makes sense.

I will have to trust my intuition as well.

I've had pretty good and pretty bad experiences which have kind of traumatized me, hehe. So it's a bit hard for me to want to reenter the game knowing what could happen. Also keeping my mind focussed on the bad experiences sort of causes them to re-happen, in a way... if you know what I mean. Unconsciously the women can sense the fear, anxiety or anger in me when a similar situation pops up (or it can happen just from me focussing on the memory), and it will cause me to become uncalibrated in my reactions as I am still reliving the past. When the women witness my fear or my anger it causes anxiety in them, which can feed into a conflicting situation.

My issue is that in the past I was at the top of my game and although I projected nothing but stability, things did not go well. Which is why I either want to take baby steps with multiple women or find a woman that fully respects and understands me.

Through my experience I can discern these women because I am sort of hypersensitive. I just know that none of them are really 100% stable so I am afraid of what will happen when they become unstable.

I have slight regrets and self-doubt as well, regarding the past, and will have to trust my intuition despite those things.

Many women also don't respect men being men and will hate you for being a man, or they might test you endlessly, at which point I dont want to crack out of fear of a conflict. Though I know these are the women you don't want around, I may have to interact with them.

So that's the explanation... Trust my intuition I suppose...

Edit: I suppose the most important take away from this is two things:
1. Find a woman that can respect you for being a man and then actually be a fvcking man.
2. If and when the sh*ttesting starts... Remain calm and believe in yourself.

 

[Focal core]

Takes years to really be able to vet for that unfortunately.

Thats what exactly relationship for mate.. To vet.. Eject when necessary

 

[Chamber36]

I stumbled upon this video just now which also sort of answers the question. In this video Jeff Allen here says also that you have to trust in your intuition to allow the free flow of energy so that you can allow yourself to project strength/flexibility/whatever. I am paraphrasing here but it's about getting rid of those personal blockades so that you can project charisma, even while sitting down. It's a good thing I've experienced this myself or I would have no idea what to work towards.

 

[Lookatu]

Which is why I either want to take baby steps with multiple women

OP, this is a good and safe way.

Always screen good to begin with, look for any red flags, go by EQUAL reciprocation, don't invest all of your emotions early and unnecessarily. Remember, they have to earn your emotional investment, time, effort. Do not just freely give it out.

Having multiple women will allow you to think more clearly in this regards. HOWEVER, do not make the mistake of losing focus or letting a woman feel second tier if she doesn't deserve it. I know some guys aren't able to effectively manage multiple women and often spread themselves thin and it shows to women.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I thought I understood women.

I thought I could think, in fact.

Turns out women will do anything short of skinning you alive.

I understand now why they boiled witches in boiling oil on the middle ages and tore out their fingernails. Because given the opportunity they would do the same to us. Just for entertainment.

So... how do you embrace this volatile creature known as woman nowadays when you know she could do all these horrible things? What do we do it for? The fun of exploiting their orifices and enticing some vulnerability and a semblence of affection? How do you vet the woman to know she isn't in fact a complete and total nut-house? I'm sure my radar is sharp but with my current level of trust and slightly raised anxiety I won't be able to have fun with the temporary girls...

I would need a woman with no hangups, no issues, no emotional instability problems. That may be looking for some guidance from me, might be willing to understand I am on the way towards reaching my goals, respects me for it and may want to cheer me on instead of distracting me. A woman that can help me to become more of a man by allowing me to be a man. This is rare to find.

Any luck for the guys here?? Ex-divorcees?

Great post. It really is. And many of us have felt this way at some point, or still feel this way towards intergender relationships, or women to be specific.

The first key is not to turn sour or what some might call "Black Pill". Because you will only attract that. And that is one of the many problems men face today. Most men are sour, weak, and unchallenged. Therefore, that is the reality we live and see. And those are the people (or women in this case) that we cross paths with.

The second key is to understand female nature and the way men view intergender relationships vs how women view it. Once you understand it, it might not seem as macabre or diabolical. Men are often criticized for their masculinity to the point of being called misogynist. Men view love and expect to be loved a certain way. Women are often criticized for their hypergamy to the point of being called, well you know... And they certainly view and expect to be loved a certain way. They are massively different. And it is okay.

It is just how we each are wired. And with that, the understanding that we do not much as "need" each other as we complement each other. Two different life energies complimenting each other.

Without getting too philosophical into the topic, you cannot possibly understand black without realizing what white looks like. Or without the preconception of right and wrong, what good looks like without evil.

The final key is that what you are searching for is internal, not external. The external is directly reflected by the internal, like a mirror. All you can do is be the best man you can be for yourself and society, for your sake.

Things do align for you when you are in the right mindset.

Modern Man Advice

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I thought I understood women.

I thought I could think, in fact.

Turns out women will do anything short of skinning you alive.

I understand now why they boiled witches in boiling oil on the middle ages and tore out their fingernails. Because given the opportunity they would do the same to us. Just for entertainment.

So... how do you embrace this volatile creature known as woman nowadays when you know she could do all these horrible things? What do we do it for? The fun of exploiting their orifices and enticing some vulnerability and a semblence of affection? How do you vet the woman to know she isn't in fact a complete and total nut-house? I'm sure my radar is sharp but with my current level of trust and slightly raised anxiety I won't be able to have fun with the temporary girls...

I would need a woman with no hangups, no issues, no emotional instability problems. That may be looking for some guidance from me, might be willing to understand I am on the way towards reaching my goals, respects me for it and may want to cheer me on instead of distracting me. A woman that can help me to become more of a man by allowing me to be a man. This is rare to find.

Any luck for the guys here?? Ex-divorcees?

You don't "need" a women like that, you need to work on YOU so that those things don't phase you. Simply a set of self-limiting beliefs you have learned over the course of your life from past experience.