LDR-LTR acting distance and I am freaking out... I need help!!!!!

[alvinkels]

She is my puppy love and she left to the states. We got in touch about six years ago and we have been fun and she has been supportive all these years. I trust her but recently her actions is making me have second thoughts. This year has been tough on us. We almost broke up twice and I saved the relationship these time. I have realized she has become distant communication is no more fun and enticing. She never missed my calls or leave me unread but recently that has become the norm and it is freaking me out. I see myself tough but I guess she is my Achilles heel. I don't want to be desperate and start blasting her phone with calls and texts I have done that today. She didn't pick the video call saying she is doing chores and her phone is silence. I just left her unread.

I am freaking out. Some part of me don't want to break things of because I have planned my life all around her and moreover we have some financial connections which will complete leave me broke and broken. She wants to come visit this year and I plan on making good impression (nothing about simping but actually let her experience me because everything has always be on the phone). I am trying to keep it cool till she comes and we have a great time if after that she wants to leave I will just say okay but I am currently freaking out.

Her concerns for the breakup is that she needs me physically present in her life which is something I can't do anything because getting to the states is not that easy from Africa and I don't even have the financial support. The other concern is money; she has been supporting me through college and grad school and it is killing her because she can't seem to do anything for herself but she plans trips with her friends though.

I am a software engineer but gigs are hard to come by in my country. Even my laptop is broken. I have app ideas that might change my country and continent some years to come. All what I need is for her to be patience with me. If she leaves and eventually I succeed it will hurt me that she is not around to enjoy.

It is pathetic I need help brothers!! I don't want to spoke her into break up because I won't convince her otherwise time i will just say okay and move on. It will hurt but I will survive.
I need help!

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

We almost broke up twice and I saved the relationship these time. I have realized she has become distant communication is no more fun and enticing. She never missed my calls or leave me unread but recently that has become the norm and it is freaking me out.

This is very bad.

I have planned my life all around her and moreover we have some financial connections which will complete leave me broke and broken.

At first I was confused by this statement but then...

she has been supporting me through college and grad school and it is killing her

Do you mean she is sending you money and helping you financially?

Her concerns for the breakup is that she needs me physically present in her life which is something I can't do anything because getting to the states is not that easy from Africa

Of course, I personally don't believe LDRs are real relationships. LDRs can only be "real" if the couple met in person and only temporarily spend it long-distance; but even then I don't think that can last more than a few months. Women are known to cheat on their husbands who are deployed in the military, for example.


It doesn't sound to me like there is any point in trying to salvage this. If it is true that she is sending you money, then by all means keep taking advantage of that and do whatever you can to keep it from petering out. But, I wouldn't hold your breath, and in all honestly I don't see how this "relationship" can last. I would sincerely start dating women who actually live near you and forget about making a life with this woman, and I suspect she's already doing the same.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Sounds like she wants to move on but you wont let her. Focus on younger/hotter girls

 

[alvinkels]

View attachment 10585

Sounds like she wants to move on but you wont let her. Focus on younger/hotter girls

Yea I guess so... I am spinning plates though haven't been taking it serious

 

[JoyDivision1990]

She is my puppy love

Lol, I almost stopped reading after reading this. How old are you? Whatever happens with your girl, delete these words from your vocabulary, it's not appropriate for a grown man to be utilizing such terms.

 

[Manure Spherian]

She is my puppy love and she left to the states. We got in touch about six years ago and we have been fun and she has been supportive all these years. I trust her but recently her actions is making me have second thoughts. This year has been tough on us. We almost broke up twice and I saved the relationship these time. I have realized she has become distant communication is no more fun and enticing. She never missed my calls or leave me unread but recently that has become the norm and it is freaking me out. I see myself tough but I guess she is my Achilles heel. I don't want to be desperate and start blasting her phone with calls and texts I have done that today. She didn't pick the video call saying she is doing chores and her phone is silence. I just left her unread.

I am freaking out. Some part of me don't want to break things of because I have planned my life all around her and moreover we have some financial connections which will complete leave me broke and broken. She wants to come visit this year and I plan on making good impression (nothing about simping but actually let her experience me because everything has always be on the phone). I am trying to keep it cool till she comes and we have a great time if after that she wants to leave I will just say okay but I am currently freaking out.

Her concerns for the breakup is that she needs me physically present in her life which is something I can't do anything because getting to the states is not that easy from Africa and I don't even have the financial support. The other concern is money; she has been supporting me through college and grad school and it is killing her because she can't seem to do anything for herself but she plans trips with her friends though.

I am a software engineer but gigs are hard to come by in my country. Even my laptop is broken. I have app ideas that might change my country and continent some years to come. All what I need is for her to be patience with me. If she leaves and eventually I succeed it will hurt me that she is not around to enjoy.

It is pathetic I need help brothers!! I don't want to spoke her into break up because I won't convince her otherwise time i will just say okay and move on. It will hurt but I will survive.
I need help!

Be a man and earn your own money even if your situation is not good. I swear, I think I’d become suicidal if I were in a position in which I had to rely on a woman for money. You are most likely not going to marry this woman nor is she going to give you children.

This is pointless and degrading.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You already knew this was going to happen. That's life. It sucks, but you'll learn and grow from it.

 

[alvinkels]

Be a man and earn your own money even if your situation is not good. I swear, I think I’d become suicidal if I were in a position in which I had to rely on a woman for money. You are most likely not going to marry this woman nor is she going to give you children.

This is pointless and degrading.

Yea it is degrading and I am rectifying that

 

[alvinkels]

You already knew this was going to happen. That's life. It sucks, but you'll learn and grow from it.

I suspected but thought we could get through

Lol, I almost stopped reading after reading this. How old are you? Whatever happens with your girl, delete these words from your vocabulary, it's not appropriate for a grown man to be utilizing such terms.

 

[soulforge]

This is dead in the water. You best move on bro and don't contact her again.

The moment a chick decides not to take my call and leaves me on read.

It's legs day.. I'm walking.

 

[Barrister]

OP,

I am sorry you are going through this. It is never easy breaking up - especially with the high school sweatheart/first real relationship you have. I remember that well even years later.

First, accept that it is over, because it is clear as day. Second, understand that you and your life are not defined by this woman or ANY woman. You need to set your own goals and start enriching your life independent of women. Last, understand that there are likely hundreds of women that are accessible to you where you are right now that can take her place and who you will be happier with.

It is hard to see these truths right now when your mind is telling you how wonderful and one of a kind this woman is. Understand that it is temporary and you will see better days soon. I encourage you to take a look at the "No Contact" thread pinned on this site. Good luck, brother.

 

[SW15]

I am sorry you are going through this. It is never easy breaking up - especially with the high school sweatheart/first real relationship you have. I remember that well even years later.

First, accept that it is over, because it is clear as day. Second, understand that you and your life are not defined by this woman or ANY woman. You need to set your own goals and start enriching your life independent of women. Last, understand that there are likely hundreds of women that are accessible to you where you are right now that can take her place and who you will be happier with.

It is hard to see these truths right now when your mind is telling you how wonderful and one of a kind this woman is. Understand that it is temporary and you will see better days soon. I encourage you to take a look at the "No Contact" thread pinned on this site. Good luck, brother.

Great advice! That's pretty much all he can do in this situation. He has the opportunity to get some new vagina. New vagina is something that can be very exciting to a lot of men. He should enjoy some new vagina.

 

[dude99]

She is my puppy love and she left to the states. We got in touch about six years ago and we have been fun and she has been supportive all these years. I trust her but recently her actions is making me have second thoughts. This year has been tough on us. We almost broke up twice and I saved the relationship these time. I have realized she has become distant communication is no more fun and enticing. She never missed my calls or leave me unread but recently that has become the norm and it is freaking me out. I see myself tough but I guess she is my Achilles heel. I don't want to be desperate and start blasting her phone with calls and texts I have done that today. She didn't pick the video call saying she is doing chores and her phone is silence. I just left her unread.

I am freaking out. Some part of me don't want to break things of because I have planned my life all around her and moreover we have some financial connections which will complete leave me broke and broken. She wants to come visit this year and I plan on making good impression (nothing about simping but actually let her experience me because everything has always be on the phone). I am trying to keep it cool till she comes and we have a great time if after that she wants to leave I will just say okay but I am currently freaking out.

Her concerns for the breakup is that she needs me physically present in her life which is something I can't do anything because getting to the states is not that easy from Africa and I don't even have the financial support. The other concern is money; she has been supporting me through college and grad school and it is killing her because she can't seem to do anything for herself but she plans trips with her friends though.

I am a software engineer but gigs are hard to come by in my country. Even my laptop is broken. I have app ideas that might change my country and continent some years to come. All what I need is for her to be patience with me. If she leaves and eventually I succeed it will hurt me that she is not around to enjoy.

It is pathetic I need help brothers!! I don't want to spoke her into break up because I won't convince her otherwise time i will just say okay and move on. It will hurt but I will survive.
I need help!

First things first you are waaaay too thirsty over this girl. You are spending waaay to much energy and emotion on a woman, Any woman, never mind one that is hundreds of miles away. Get a grip.

Time for you to get busy and see other and new women. now!

When they pull away and become distant you become more distant and pull away further.

the thing about long distance relationships is you don't have a relationship. Read that again You don't have a long distance relationship with her. You have a penpal and you need to start dating women that are tangible and in your area. all you are doing is giving this far away girl FREE ATTRNTION AND VALIDATION. What are you getting?

Pull away. Shut off the attention. If she reaches out then tell her things aren't working and you are going to go focus your attention on something with a return on your investment. If she doesn't reach out then you know not to waste any more time