Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Kill that desperation!

IQ

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Hi,

I have a question for pook. Like you said, you talk to a girl about yourself, but if you take quite long to ask her out she might think you are not interested in her romantically. So, should you show sexual interest, teasing etc. during your convo with her.

Also, by seeing you everyday, she will gradually know about you, even you dont tell her anything, she can ask your friends, or she can find out your tastes, like how you dress or what you like, so where is the mystery or suspense which keeps them interested like who is this person, or whether or not she is gonna see you again or not.

How do you keep them romantically interested in you without asking them out soon such as in work place or school. You said you should hint on excellence but would that make them interested in you romantically, I mean wouldn't you just become their friends.

I think to avoid being friends you should treat them like strangers but how to keep their romantic interest in you.

I read AD's post in which he wrote that you should ask the number in first one or two meeting, otherwise by seeing you every day she might decide that she doesnt like you. She might give you the number as a friend if you ask later on but not as a romantic interest.

Please, clarify this confusion.

IQ.
 

Pook

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Hi IQ!

Like you said, you talk to a girl about yourself, but if you take quite long to ask her out she might think you are not interested in her romantically. So, should you show sexual interest, teasing etc. during your convo with her.
This thread is old and some of my ideas have been ironed out.

What keeps a women (for the first few months)? As Anti-Dump would say, it is strength. Desire is a form of weakness.

Desire! It is the ultimate obstacle on the path to Don Juanville.

I've been on this forum, and others like you (as you probably have) have seen the following constantly:

"I told her I LOVED her. Why is she so suddenly distant?"
"It was our first date. I showed up with flowers and she seemed annoyed. Why?"
"I treat her like a GODDESS! Why did she dump me?"
"I got her number, and I called her up and talked to her for over an hour! Then she said no to my date. Why!?"
"I told her life story. I thought that would bring us closer. Why is it repelling her!?"
"She rarely has sex with me. What is wrong?"
"She said, 'Let's Just Be Friends'. What does THAT mean?"

Like an endless cycle, we see the same problems over and over just in different forms.

"I called her ten times this week and she said no to my date idea!"
"I bought her gifts but she then rejected me!"
"She keeps canceling dates!"

Indeed, such problems are endless. So many of us end up making sure we 'call 5 days or more once we have the number' or 'make sure the phone call is 5 minutes or less' or 'never GIVE information out yourself'. This isn't confidence. It is calculation.

Unfortunately, we can obtain every trick and tactic, from the lay guides to the articles on this site. It is a script and might add to your confidence. But as soon as something occurs that goes off script, you're screwed.

Then we hear:

"She is flirting with her EX. What do I do!?"
"How do I approach when she has friends around her?"
"Help! She says she's moving. What should I say to her?"

Now, if you are in the right mindset all of this vanishes. From beginning to end, you'll have basically no typical problems with women.

Behold:

Nice Guy approaches a girl and goes,

"How are you today! Will you go out with me?"

Pook then approaches the girl,

"Fahita-chingy-changa!"

Naturally, Pook gets the girl (and because its my post
) The point is that you can do it WRONG, totally unscripted, and pull it off if you have that confidence thing down, if you have the mindset that YOU are the goods, the prize, the trophy and she is a potential winner IF she plays her cards right.

A perfectly executed approach with no confidence is WORSE then a screwed up spontaneous approach bubbling with confidence. Why? Because you're in the right mindset.

Desperation comes at anytime, especially at the beginning of relationships. I know you're thinking I'm off on a rant again, so I'll be brief.

Whenever you're with her, kill your desire. You may think you've found THE ONE but within the first month you blurt out to her, "I LOVE YOU" she will freeze and things will become shaky. You have that urge but it must be silenced. It turns girls off.

Show your playful fun side. This will attract and keep them.

So teasing is good, as with any playful behavior. I'd hold off anything that alludes to sex early on since women can sniff out the agenda.

You show you WANT her but don't NEED her.

How do you show your want? By asking her out. By showing interest in HER (not her body, that would be blatant desire).

There is a difference between flirting and 'hitting'. 'Hitting' is when you go:

"My, what lovely hair you have."
"You're so smart."
"You are so cute."
*You stare at anything but her eyes and face*


Women can smell the agenda and they don't like it. It turns them off.

I've found when I was most attractive, when girls would approach ME, was when I was apathetic. Now I'm not saying to wait for women to approach you, its just showing that you are most attractive when you aren't desiring. Because confident guys don't desire!

Think about it. All the mistakes we make are basically due to desire. We say before her, "I love you." Desire. We call her 10 times every day. Desire. We talk about how fast our cars go and how great we are to prove ourselves. Desire. We get insecure around her. Desire. We get tongue tied around beautiful women. Desire.

The way how I killed my nice guyness and desperation was to stop NEEDING them, to stop DESIRING them.*Poof* All of a sudden I could flirt and talk up ANY girl and keep a strong relationship.

Show that you WANT her but not that you NEED her. You WANT her because you are asking her out. You WANT her because you are being super-friendly to her. You NEED her when you follow her around like a puppy dog. You NEED her when you start shoveling your emotions at her (why would someone try to force intimacy? Because of neediness).

This is why persistance works with women. It shows you want her. But if you show you NEED her, then its just desperation. The only way I've found to stop it (you can momentarily turn it off, but it keeps on coming back again and again unless you change your mindset) is to think that you are Prince Charming, that you are the Great Catch. That she must CATCH YOU and she must play HER cards right. Thus, you start to act like it and become it. You have a passion for something that goes BEYOND women.

This attitude isn't just for asking out a girl, its all throughout. It'll keep you from becoming needy and fouling up.

Also, by seeing you everyday, she will gradually know about you, even you dont tell her anything, she can ask your friends, or she can find out your tastes, like how you dress or what you like, so where is the mystery or suspense which keeps them interested like who is this person, or whether or not she is gonna see you again or not.
Obviously, you're not going to keep the mystery for long. If you like her, ask her out. Don't wait.

How do you keep them romantically interested in you without asking them out soon such as in work place or school. You said you should hint on excellence but would that make them interested in you romantically, I mean wouldn't you just become their friends.
When that happens, I remember to myself that whenever I am at work, I am on stage. In other words, don't go around blurting everything about your day, your life, etc. to her. Just as on a date, you'd be aware about what you say about yourself. I've always found talking about her and what she's doing to be the most effective (with adding in a little bit about yourself, Conversing for Maximum Attraction is the best article IMO at sosuave.com. Most guys won't talk like this. And you know what, most never will!).

I read AD's post in which he wrote that you should ask the number in first one or two meeting, otherwise by seeing you every day she might decide that she doesnt like you. She might give you the number as a friend if you ask later on but not as a romantic interest.
Maybe. But once you've gotten to know her, you can see if she's the type YOU want to go out with or not. Don't look at work as a problem, see it as an opportunity to get to know her (if you don't go for her soon). Quit thinking about what SHE thinks. WHO CARES WHAT SHE THINKS!? Do you want her? Do you think she is good for you? Do you want to spend your time and money on her? You said you're worried that she might get to know you and not like you. But at the same time, you get to know her and see if you want to go out with her! It works both ways.

I used to be a nice shy guy who flowered the walls and only looked about with envirous eyes. I found this site and other sites and tried different things. ("OK, Pook. Rememeber to be a challenge. The article on Sosuave.com said so!" "Now, now Pook, Anti-Dump said to wait 5 days before calling." "Look Pook! She is eating a banana. Engage blow-job pattern!") This was leading me in circles. I got further then before but something still seemed very wrong. So I said to hell with it and operated on my gut. I call anywhere from 1 day to over a week. I base it totally on how I feel and I'm successful anyway. (Why? Because I'm not walking on eggshells of calculations.)

People who have known me have seen the massive change that took place within 6-9 months. I went from a shy nice kid who never said anything to a mack attack, from pessimistic to neutral to overflowing enthusiasm, from insecurity to brimming confidence.

I was chatting with these girls I just met with a friend (he has known these girls). When I was leaving and walking away, I heard one of the girls squeal, "Yes! FINALLY! A guy that gives EYE CONTACT!" The friend, being a Nice Guy, is puzzled and says, "Eye contact? Is that good?" which he got the resounding answer: "YES!"

The point is that if I went in there and said in my mind, "Pook, look at their eyes. Pook, look at their eyes. Pook, look at their eyes. The Don Juan Tip of the Day said so!" I look at their eyes but it would not remain constant. My script would break. (and before it always did) But now that I don't have a twinge of DESIRE within me, that I don't rely on calculation anymore but natural joy, I do things like eye contact naturally (and yes, I found out later, two of them are crushing on me already). This is because a Don Juan is not a sum of tricks and tactics, a Don Juan is a way of thought. Women can sniff out the former but with the latter they will be clawing their way for you! Your tortured past is now but a dream, the future your vision, and as you envision you shall become. The enemy is not your competition. The enemy is not women. The enemy is YOURSELF! Your mindset is the enemy. Kill it. Change the way you think. And you'll never think of the word 'confidence' again.

------------------
Pook
"As you think, you shall become."
"Men will be nice when nice guys get laid."
 

IQ

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Hi Pook,

This super-confident guy approach seems to be a real good approach for introvert people.
You dont need women, they need you. And the best way to show you want them is to ask them out soon. If you dont ask them out soon, she might think that you are just friends, or may be you are not attracted to her, or worse you are gay. Again, we should not think about what she would think, but it would not be a good thing, either if they percieve us as asexual person.

Also, most of the guys have problem having the playful fun attitude. Exactly what kind of attitude should a guy have, and what is your definition of flirting with girls, how should the guy flirt without hitting and showing his desire. And also, how one can become that smooth talker that they desire to be with. Being funny can be a good way too.

We need Pook input on these confusions.

IQ.
 

XCMan

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Hey man, nice posts and such. Just had one more question, and its one that was asked before, but you didnt answer it fully (IMO). Let's say you've changed (or are changing) and decide to go after some girl that knew you in the niceguy stage for the hell of it. Do you have any general strateegery tips?

later.

------------------
"I must not fear. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration..." Dune
 

Pook

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Hi IQ!

Also, most of the guys have problem having the playful fun attitude.
So do I. What is important is that you are comfortable in your surroundings and who you're with. Keep the conversation going and make the conversation EASY and FUN. I'm not that good with the horseplay but I keep the conversation fun and interesting. Most guys can't do even that. How do I keep the conversation fun and intersting. By talking about HER (Conversing for Maximum Attraction is the best article on the Don Juan Center IMO) and about things I care about. Girls are smarter then we give them credit for in social interactions and they KNOW when you are up to something. So be real. Don't try calculated nonsense on her.

Exactly what kind of attitude should a guy have, and what is your definition of flirting with girls, how should the guy flirt without hitting and showing his desire. And also, how one can become that smooth talker that they desire to be with. Being funny can be a good way too.
There is a girl (one of them) that I'm interested in. At first I thought I lost it because I wasn't up to par in my character (it was a day when I was tired, angry, and had a headache). I made sure I got my sleep and made myself happy (hobbies!) so I was in a much 'springier' type of mood next time.

This girl is everything I'm looking for: hot, intelligent, fun, funny, emotionally stable (rare in chicks). There is a flaw but it is only one: she has a boyfriend. But this doesn't stop Pook from trying.

We talked about evertyhing. She jumped from subject to subject. It was fun.

One part was:

(After she told me some bad things about her boyfriend (which was what I was aiming for) she says


"I don't want to be liked just for my looks. I want someone who likes me for me."

Pook translates

"Gentlemen, she is a 10 on the Don Juan Scale of Chick Genetic Perfection. If you're after a hottie who is SMART and COOl then you can't just go vomiting your desire at her. She will be VERY picky and wants her MIND stimulated so ALL the guys coming up to her won't."

"But Pook, but Pook! Isn't flirting showing interest?"

Flirting is SUBTLE. Let me repeat, flirting is SUBTLE. If your attraction is obvious, it isn't flirting. It's desperation or hitting or picking up, etc. Look, if you like a girl you will be flirting without even knowing it. You'll be more playful. You'll have more eyecontact. You'll be more laughing. Women, for all their faults, are EXCELLENT in reading social situations and will pick up on your interest.

I don't know how much interest I 'leaked' out but when I left her, I stole a peek of her across my shoulder. She was watching me leaving and SAW ME STEAL THAT LOOK. She will now be thinking, "Hey, there is something going on here." Yet, she won't be sure. "Does he like me? He may not. I am just imagining things." She'll go back and forth wondering, this is the drama she loves. The more she thinks about it, the more she'll become interested.


Rules of Pookerizing!

1. Don't bore women.
2. Don't rely on calculation, rely on natural joy. (Happy guys are confident. Happy guys smile. Happy guys get ATTENTION because optimism and happiness is a rare characteristic that everyone else wants to be around. Happiness is a huge turn on for anybody so work on your own happiness should be priority.)
3. Be prepared. (get enough rest. look your best. keep yourself happy.)
4. Don't take it seriously. (Don't look at her as your soon-to-be wife. This leads to desperation)
5. Rejection is a WIN because a) she shows up front she's not interested. b) she is saving you time, money, and your sanity since now the matter is closed.


All thoughts of 'this is the One!' are roads that lead to desperation. Your destiny is in how you think for as you think you shall become.

------------------
Pook
"As you think, you shall become."
"Men will be nice when nice guys get laid."


[This message has been edited by Pook (edited 05-13-2001).]
 

Blue_paul

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If you like a girl, you don't have to wait for signals for her to approach. Approach anyway! Just do it in a 'fun' way, not like a wolf that is on the prowl.



Can you give some examples of what you mean by "doing it in a fun way"?
 

IQ

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I have read the article on conversing for maximum attraction. I don't agree with saying too much me too. I think you should have a strong individuality and no two person agree on everything and are totally similar. So, saying me too sometimes is a good thing, otherwise she may start liking you as a friend as you too have same tastes, interests etc. Also, saying too much me too will also kill the mystery as she will know about your personality.

There is a problem here. If a women dont like you she wont give you information to build the conversation upon. But if she just like you as a friend, she may use the conversation to get the attention or to kill her loneliness etc. So, you may get used by her as an attention-giver, she may also go out with you to get that attention, or she may give excuses when you ask her out but keep talking to you. In the first case, trying to kiss her on first one or two dates should tell you that if she is really interested and in the second case you should drop her as she is just using you, also you should get rid of her as a friend as well.

This article presupposes that women who gives you information is attracted to you. It might not be the case in the case of lonely or user women. But talking to her about herself while keeping mystery is a very good way to get her more attracted in the case she is already physically attracted to you.

Modern physcology says that a women decided in the first glance if she is attracted to you and then she takes only five minutes for the type test to know if you could be her type. So, we should try to ask her out as soon as we get comfortable with her so as we dont waste our time on uninterested or just friendly women.

There is also a problem. You might also suffocate her by throwing too much attention on her, so be ready to cut the convo if she shows any signs of boredom. I think being funny helps alot but not all the time, you can use humour when you feel its alright to use it.

Also, throwing too much attention while talking all the time about her, may also spoil her and she may lose interest in you and start seeing you as a friend. So, throw as much attention as you think is appropriate and then cut off the convo.
Its a good idea to talk about general topic, fun things to do etc. to show that you have ambitions, hobbies, and life outside of her and you may have other women in your life.

In this way, she will never think of using you for attention, she will know that you will dump her, and attracted women will remain interested.

I agree with the subtle flirting thing, but we should also ask questions about something related to her physical, like about her excercise, dance, her accessories, and throw our charm too. Try to banter her sometimes in a playful way. This will show that we are also sexual and sensual person. Dont overdo it, key is to do it occasionally. You are letting her know that you have found her attractive person with kool personality and tastes without hitting on her and with your eye contact, smile and subtle touching she will know that you are attracte to her.

IQ.
 

IQ

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Hi,

I have to point out some other ways a woman can use your attention. She might me attracted to you but is unavailable, have a boyfriend, moving soon somewhere else, or you are not her type, these cases are most often waste of your time. Never take these cases seriously. Because, they are not gonna be serious with you.

Other classic women to avoid are high maintenance manipulating women, controlling women, feminists, women with low self-esteem,
on the rebound women, nerds, geeks, virgins (if any), too religious women, women who are boring or not your type and wackos who have psychological problems . Dont waste your time, money and energy on these women. They just dont worth it. These women are just suckers of your attention, money and energy. Some can become very jealous, possessive or obsessive. As soon as you find out their real type, get rid of them. My favourite lines are I am very busy with my life, or seeing other people and I will check my schedule and let you know and then never call them back or talk to them.

IQ.
 

DaneB

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I think it is best to treat a chick, no matter how hot and steamy she is, no matter how cute and perfect, as a guy.
Isnt this a big mistake because you end up in the friend zone? If you want to date a chick, is this even a place you want to go? I've heard that when you're in the friendship zone, there is no return.
 

Pook

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Bluepaul

There was a girl at a grocery store who was riding around with her cart, cute as can be, filled with products (rejected items) to be put on the shelf.

"Hey! Are you reverse shopping!?"

Silly, but she laughed and I was in.

Or another time I just saw a chick I liked and threw a kid's ball at her. Unexpected. Playful. She liked it.

IQ

Sure, women want attention and they'll latch onto whomever gives it to them (like da Nice Guy: the emotional tampon to be used and discarded).

But one thing I hear over and over again is this: the sexiest thing a guy can do is listen. Women may enjoy laughing thanks to the comedian or amazement thanks to the Worldly Guy but they will trade that for someone who LISTENS to them.

By listening, I don't mean being quiet while she flaps her gums waiting for your turn to speak. I mean LISTENING to what she is saying, processing it, and understanding her.

Most guys don't do this.

Be a guy that does. It makes you RARE. As my older brother was at dinner with his girlfriend's parents, his mother exclaims, "OH MY GOODNESS! You (referring to her daughter)... you got a guy that LISTENS."

Certainly you should show who you are, your own individuality, etc. But too often most guys tend to do this TOO MUCH.

It's easier to speak about yourself then it is to listen. So focus on listening and the rest attends to itself, for you'll naturally speak of yourself and your accomplishments.

Most guys think: "I am incredible. I have only a limited time so I must express my incredibleness to her so she will understand and love me."

No, don't focus on illustrating yourself. Focus on getting to know HER. Not only is she pleased and happy, but you are finding out if she is GOOD for you. YOU are conducting the interview. If you talked about yourself, you would not have any more information if she is right for you.

Daneb

Imagine if a Hot Chick appears before Average Guy.

Average Guy goes, "Whoa!"

Then Average Guy becomes excited, energized, and electrified as he starts chatting with the Hot Chick. What does Average Guy say? Let him speak for himself:

"My car goes vroom vroom to 150 mph!"
"...and so the bartender goes, 'I thought it was your wife'. HA HA. I am SO funny!"
"I hate players who treat women badly. I am sensative. BOO HOO!"
"Yo baby! Why don't you sit on my lap and see what pops up?"

But I sense you saying, "You exaggerate." But do you not treat these Hot Chicks differently from regular people?

When I say, "Think of the hot and steamy chick as a guy," I don't mean to not show your sexuality.

Let me place a Desperate Dude in front of me for purpose of conversation.

"Desperate Dude, do you disagree with guys?"
"But of course."
"Do you disagree with Hot Chicks?"
"Only after a long train of abuses and neglect."
"But you are tough and have large muscles. You would not put up with crud from any guy?"
"Of course not."
"But what about Hot Chicks?"
"..."
"I have heard that you are a brilliant conversationalist."
"That is most certainly the case."
"And you can talk with guys with ease."
"Absolutely."
"And you can talk with Hot Chicks with the same ease."
"No, I tend to get tongue tied and extremely self conscious."
"But why is this? You are a brilliant conversationalist."
"Because... they are hot."

If Desperate Dude thought of the Hot Chicks as merely guys, his DESPERATION would evaporate. All of a sudden, Desperate Dude would become a brilliant conversationalist and would not take any abuse from a female.

Why is this?

"It is magic, Pook."

No, it is not magic. It is because his DESIRE has been tempered and contained. His desire is not lashing out in desperate spasms and creating embarrassing moments for him. He will no longer write poetry to her before dating her, no longer send in flowers before talking to her, and no longer give her gifts before he's even gone out with her.

Cage that desire! Place it behind the bars of Don Juan Truths.

How are you going to alter her emotions favorably if you cannot even handle your own?

------------------
Pook
"As you think, you shall become."
"Men will be nice when nice guys get laid."
 

IQ

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Pook,

I absolutely agree with you on the listening part. Problem is that if you show that you are a good listener and remember every little detail about her she will think you are totally focused on her and as soon as your attention divert to someone else she may try to get rid of you as you have given her the sense that she is the center of your attention. Its almost the case of a sensitive nice guy who is used by women.

The best trick would be to not show much sensitivity, dont always be agreeable to her and sometimes fake that you dont remember the details of her previous convo or specific details about her. Also, another good way is to change your attention span. Talk to her one day for so long, next time talk to her for less time and also talk to other people including other girls in front of her. That will be a good way to avoid falling into the nice guy trap.

Of course, some women can become very jealous or upset but then you will find out that they are controlling women which is good for you.

I also agree with you on treating the girls like guys as they will know that you wont take any crap from women, only thing that should be included is good convo, and little bit of charm on some occassions because the charm will let her know that you know she is the opposite sex
.

IQ.
 

IQ

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Hi,

I have one more question for Pook. During the conversation, should a guy ask questions about her emotions, feelings, her relationships, what she looks for in a guy, her fantasies, etc and try to elicit her core values.

If you are living the role of an ideal man, the real man dont talk about love, feelings and relationships. This will make the convo too heavy. If you wanna keep it fun then talk about her life, family, her choices etc.
Like you said, if you love them show by your actions, dont tell them. Also, doing fun things together, kino and kissing will make her feel romantic with you.

The eliciting value technic probably would work for players because their purpose is to get laid but for LTR its good to demonstrate the alpha male (fun guy) approach.

Please, clarify on the convo topics. Also, how should we avoid falling in the sensitive nice guy trap when using good listening.

IQ
 

IQ

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Hi,

Another question is should we talk to her about her sexual preferences, what would she do to seduce her dream men, her top favourite sexual positions, talking to her about other's sex life (not our sex life), is it a good idea to do or just to keep a mystery on this topic and just make your moves.

I think it would be a good idea to know what she likes but we should find it out in a round about way without talking about how it makes her feel and talking to her about her feelings.

IQ.
 

HB_Hunter

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Ok....this absoultely stunnin....but i wanna tell u somethin Mr.Pook , what if u find the gal u've been searchin for all ur life-time??
u r always cheerin me up with ur posts
but it's kind of tough to find the woman u want n kill ur desire when ur havin fun with her ...plush hey did u read the article by Red x-l sayin that unfulfillness of desires is the root to insecurity??!! so how can a person kill his desire...if this is the case ..why r we goin after gals?? isn't cz we desire them!!
 

HB_Hunter

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Now, I know what you're thinking, "Pook, I can't act like a Prince Charming or The Great Catch. I DON'T have tons of women after me." This is reversing CAUSE and EFFECT. ASSUME you are the Great Catch, THINK that you are, and as you think you shall become. It becomes a self-fullfilling prophecy.

this by far is my problem cz plenty of times especially when the results im gettin r negative . i try to think n believe that im the catch but i couldn't . sometimes it's hard n tough isn't it? pook , when this happenes i keep dwellin on the past , depressed , desperate again though i know the answer to remove that desperation

ofcourse u've felt like this before pook . what have u done especially when ur just on the verge to see ur date or the gal u wanna get to know for me i get nervous &....
this what happenes.
Bad Pook:

"Wowza! She is HOT! I hope I look and act all right! I really really hope I don't do anything stupid or dumb tonight."

so is it really true that when ur state of a mind is negative or a strange negative thought enters suddnelly u stubmble?! cz sometimes it's just that ur insecure , right?
is that as u think . u shall become principle that fatal??!

-Expect success! (Nice guys are often pessimistic and their failures are mostly a result of self-fullfilling prophecy. Some guys, which I confess I am one, actually fear success. We think, "If I ask her out and she says yes, THEN what?" Since we don't want or fear Step 5, we opt out on Step 1 and create our own failures for us. Stop it

u haven't said how to stop that
cz plenty of times i can't stop thinkin of the future and how could i manage to get her ? especially if at the current time her personality is better than me (super-model , plenty of guys r after her etc.., know lots of friends , hang out more n visit great places etc..) do u go with that principle ( u can't jump to the second base .. while ur clingin to the first Or inch inch it's a cinch by yard it's too hard )
cz this sometimes doesn't work for me .

i hope that u read this Master pook n give me ur thoughts or anybody else but i prefer pook in personal . i wanna know at which status i am from djin .. i used to get numbers pretty easy , hang out alot with chicks , charmin etc... but now i can't tell that i mnot like the one i used to be cz when i am at the right mind-set i could perform the homework as i used to ,
 

HB_Hunter

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till pook returns ....

is there anybody here who can give me his thoughts n experiences about that???!


i hope so
 

Pook

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Now, I know what you're thinking, "Pook, I can't act like a Prince Charming or The Great Catch. I DON'T have tons of women after me." This is reversing CAUSE and EFFECT. ASSUME you are the Great Catch, THINK that you are, and as you think you shall become. It becomes a self-fullfilling prophecy.

this by far is my problem cz plenty of times especially when the results im gettin r negative . i try to think n believe that im the catch but i couldn't . sometimes it's hard n tough isn't it? pook , when this happenes i keep dwellin on the past , depressed , desperate again though i know the answer to remove that desperation

ofcourse u've felt like this before pook . what have u done especially when ur just on the verge to see ur date or the gal u wanna get to know for me i get nervous &....
this what happenes.

Bad Pook:

"Wowza! She is HOT! I hope I look and act all right! I really really hope I don't do anything stupid or dumb tonight."


Why are you dwelling into the past? There are no girls in the past.

Pook opens the door labeled P-A-S-T and shouts, "Any girls in there!?"

Nope, no answer. Rather, they are all in the Future. Forget about the Past.

The only time I think about Nice Guy days is when I'm on this forum. The only reason there is so I can relate things to Nice Guys. How I thought then versus how I think now.

So you're getting negative results and you're feeling down about it. Do this:

Take a break from women. For a month or so, just envelope yourself in your passion, your hobbies, your career, whatever. Why? Because the FOCUS is YOUR happiness.

It is true that if you think you are the Great Catch, you become so. But it requires more than thinking. Action is necessary.

I can sit and tell myself how awesome I am. Alas, I do walk out the door a Superman. Rather, I make my vision of myself become true. Slowly and steadily, I began doing more athletics, improving my wardrobe, and so on. I didn't even realize I was doing it. My friends commented on the change. I just felt that the 'improvement' was simply natural.

I've asked older women (who knew me before) what they thought of my change from Nice Guy to Don Juan, from Shy Guy to Cool Guy.

Their response: "You've grown up."

Grown up!? See? Men see Nice Guys and Don Juans. Women instead see Child-hood and Manhood.

I can't stress self-improvement enough. Thinking you're the Great Catch does, indeed, help de-toxify the Nice Guyness out of your system. You've improved yourself massively in that department. Why stop there? Not being Nice Guy is not enough. Being a Man is all.

so is it really true that when ur state of a mind is negative or a strange negative thought enters suddnelly u stubmble?! cz sometimes it's just that ur insecure , right?
is that as u think . u shall become principle that fatal??!

-Expect success! (Nice guys are often pessimistic and their failures are mostly a result of self-fullfilling prophecy. Some guys, which I confess I am one, actually fear success. We think, "If I ask her out and she says yes, THEN what?" Since we don't want or fear Step 5, we opt out on Step 1 and create our own failures for us. Stop it

u haven't said how to stop that
cz plenty of times i can't stop thinkin of the future and how could i manage to get her ? especially if at the current time her personality is better than me (super-model , plenty of guys r after her etc.., know lots of friends , hang out more n visit great places etc..) do u go with that principle ( u can't jump to the second base .. while ur clingin to the first Or inch inch it's a cinch by yard it's too hard )
cz this sometimes doesn't work for me .


You may be putting too much emphasis on this one woman. Go after other girls. Girls want what other girls want. If you get a negative or neutral vibe from one girl, just go for others. When they respond favorably to you and the previous girl sees it, then she too begins to think of you favoritively.

You've said that she has a better personality than you. This is a big clue for me. It implies that she may be more outgoing, more willing to meet new people, etc.

There is much written here on physical improvement. An entire forum is dedicated to working out. I wish there was emphasis on social improvement along with social work-outs.

When I'm on the Don Juan Chat, I hear the following:

"Speak to her!? But if I speak to her, why should I say?"
"If she gives me her number, what should we discuss?"
"But if I ask her out, what should we do?"

I was like the above. I was shy, quiet, kept to myself. Nature, however, has the last say. I very much desired a woman, particular women. How to go about it?

Picture a frozen guy, shaking, and stuttering to the girl he likes. Funny, eh? Absolutely CUTE. But cute in a babyish way, not in manly manner.

Some guys ask, "How can I NOT get nervous around the girl I like?" There will ALWAYS be excitement. This is the spark of life. Treasure it. Cherish it for it makes life worth living.

Now, how do you stop being extroadinarily nervous, shy, and stuttering around the women you desire? You stop the desire.

Your goal is to talk to her normally. When you have thoughts like 'marriage' or 'sex' bouncing around in the brain, you won't be talking to her comfortably. Try saying HI.

Don't even think of dating for the moment. Go around and TALK. Get comfortable doing THAT. Get comfortable going out and doing things.

Date yourself

Would you date yourself? You have to have a plan, a sense of fun, etc. So try going out on your own doing what YOU want to do (or go out with your buddies).

And when you're comfortable doing that, it'll be simple as pie to say to a chick, "You want to come along?" You'll be confidant because you've done it with yourself and/or with friends.

Now you have become more of an outgoing HB_Hunter who has no problems talking to anyone, especially hot girls, and has no problems asking them out.

You are the guy. They expect you to make the move. This is excellent for social practice. You can talk to them all you want to and you DON'T have to ask them out. You can go out and do fun crazy stuff without asking them out.

And when girls love seeing the happy, fun to talk to, you, and ask YOU out, you can simply say NO. The girls will then proceed to call you GAY. Because they will think, "He's cute and fun and girls are after him. Yet, he won't go for them. What's wrong? Is he GAY?"

You've GOT to have those social skills BEFORE you enter the fray. If you go before then you have painful learning lessons.


i wanna know at which status i am from djin .. i used to get numbers pretty easy , hang out alot with chicks , charmin etc... but now i can't tell that i mnot like the one i used to be cz when i am at the right mind-set i could perform the homework as i used to

Most guys who are single JUMPS at the chance a cute/hot girl goes for them. There is a saying, Beggers cannot be choosers. Nice guys are the beggers.

If a girl thinks a guy will not go for her, she thinks there is something horribly wrong with her. But once she learns that many girls go for this guy and he is not going out with them (because he has the OPTION to be picky unlike Nice Guys), she will wonder if he is gay. It's the stamp that says you're Don Juan because 1) Multiple girls are thinking of you in a sexual way and 2) They all want to go out with you.

Beggers cannot be choosers. Nice Guys are the beggers.

You'll know when you are Don Juan when getting a girl is routine and easy and WHEN YOU CAN CHOOSE. Nice Guys just wait until a girl they like likes them back, and marry. Shy guys wait for a girl to approach them. In both cases, they are not choosing. A Don Juan is a man who gets to choose his mate.

I'll post again tomorrow.

------------------
Pook
"As you think, you shall become."
"The biggest risk you can take is not to risk at all."
 
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