Kids

[Xanderson]

To have them or not to have them .....that is the question ?
Anyone thinking of not having and what are your reasons?

Also those with kids any advice ?

 

[forcerecon01]

Find the right girl then have kids.

 

[RickTheToad]

The question is, do you want them? No one here can make that decision for you.

 

[bcude]

This is something only you can answer. If we have to convince you to have kids then the answer is no. It needs to come from within you and be a clear YES.
This is besides the point mind you, but the relationship you have with the woman you've kids with will change, not necessarly to the worse but it will change and most often not to the better regarding sex and all that.

 

[Lookatu]

As others said, it's only something you can answer.

I have three and here's what I can contribute or offer perspective on. Having my first kid was the best single moment in my entire life when that baby was born. It invoked feelings and emotions that I never felt in my entire life.

It's also nice to know that you have built a legacy that can carry on the family name and part of you. Having a kid or boinking some young gal is the closest you can come to the fountain of youth.

You have to ask yourself, are you good at follow through, discipline, patience, tolerance, understanding in general? Whether it be with gals, family members, friends because you'll need multiple amounts of that with kids.

As for being able to afford them, I wouldn't think too much of that as long as you're willing to put forth the effort of actually being a father. I see so many other parents(especially in upscale suburbs) that really don't know how to be parents. They just throw money at nanny's and baseball/ballet teachers so they don't have to deal with them. Children would rather have time with their dad/mom the most.

As for financials, I do see a lot of people worrying about this aspect and it ultimately prevents them from having them. People always think they need to have x amount saved or be at a certain point in their career to have kids. While this maybe ideal, it is only one piece of the equation. My $.02

 

[Xanderson]

Thanks for thw advice so far , guess I've always been 50/50 ....on one half i want them ...other half is just keep my freedom and game for life .

Plus people with kids just seem miserable especially those with early teens or defiant kids plus single mothers ...different headache altogether.

 

[Xanderson]

Find the right girl then have kids.

Well that is impossible since knowing women's true nature plus wouldn't wanna end up being in a tig of war with the mother or a once month only allowance etc

 

[Lookatu]

Well that is impossible since knowing women's true nature plus wouldn't wanna end up being in a tig of war with the mother or a once month only allowance etc

Well I would say it is difficult but not impossible. Just look out for motherly and just good human traits overall on how she treats you, her friends, family, and total strangers. Some girls just have a good natured streak to them naturally than others. Also see how she handles stress and conflict as this will be a big equation on raising kids. Her tolerance level will be important too. Like if you mess up on something or someone else does, does she blame you and get up in your case? Or is she understanding enough to acknowledge it and try to find solutions to move forward.
Couple great tests for any couples is if they can go on an international vacation together for some length of time and still remain together afterwards because often times, you end up running into a snag that both of you have to deal with and resolve. Same thing for major home remodeling projects. I've seen a lot of breakups happen due to international vacations or home remodel projects. lol

Basically finding someone that has good motherly traits, is a survivor, can be resourceful, understanding, tolerant, selfless, giving, patient, etc. will at least ensure your kids are brought up good regardless if you two stay together or not. At least you know your kids will be taken care of and raised properly no matter if they are with you or her.

 

[Baibars]

I would say the level of control you have is important. Having a solid frame and taking calculated risks. Nothing is guaranteed and if you want kids you must plan when to have them, choose the mother that seems right and so on.
you must be prepared for the worst. The mother can really fck you up because she has most of the rights. But you must be ready even if things go wrong.

 

[forcerecon01]

Well that is impossible since knowing women's true nature plus wouldn't wanna end up being in a tig of war with the mother or a once month only allowance etc

Anything in life worth having is never easy