Key for long term realtionships

[tesla8520]

Trought the years I've learnt that most LTR exists for a simple and single reason. Its not sex, money, or other achievements, but rather, how much the guy accepts and tolerate.

Any person like us, you know... We've been troutgh this, so we know what we will not tolerate from that point on.
We can next any woman after we've made experience.

So next time your mind wander on how many successfull LTR you see out there, ask yourself how much that guy tolerance is actually being involved.

And remember: being a guy, is not equal to being a man.

 

[Gamisch]

Trought the years I've learnt that most LTR exists for a simple and single reason. Its not sex, money, or other achievements, but rather, how much the guy accepts and tolerate.

Any person like us, you know... We've been troutgh this, so we know what we will not tolerate from that point on.
We can next any woman after we've made experience.

So next time your mind wander on how many successfull LTR you see out there, ask yourself how much that guy tolerance is actually being involved.

And remember: being a guy, is not equal to being a man.

Absolutely. Unfortunately topics like these get no traction because the harsh truth hurts...

90% of LTRs are still going because the man is tolerating tons of bs. Basically the man gets little brothered and accepts his faith.

 

[Nick Truman]

Absolutely. Unfortunately topics like these get no traction because the harsh truth hurts...

For my part, I believe that if this subject does not attract many participants, it is rather because there is too much to say. So people don't want to get involved for this reason.

90% of LTRs are still going because the man is tolerating tones of bs. Basically the man gets little brothered and accepts his faith.

Trought the years I've learned that most LTR exists for a simple and single reason. It's not sex, money, or other achievements, but rather, how much the guy accepts and tolerates.

From the very beginning, the same can be said of the woman. She, too, might think that if her relationship lasts so long, it's because she makes a lot of compromises and has a high level of tolerance (read: resigning herself to enduring all of her man's flaws and/or actions).

Isn't it a bit simplistic to claim that long-term relationships depend primarily on a man's ability to take things?

Aren't there hundreds, thousands, or even millions of other equally important factors at play?

 

[Manure Spherian]

Trought the years I've learnt that most LTR exists for a simple and single reason. Its not sex, money, or other achievements, but rather, how much the guy accepts and tolerate.

Any person like us, you know... We've been troutgh this, so we know what we will not tolerate from that point on.
We can next any woman after we've made experience.

So next time your mind wander on how many successfull LTR you see out there, ask yourself how much that guy tolerance is actually being involved.

And remember: being a guy, is not equal to being a man.

In most cases it is flat-out incompatibility. Also just what do you mean by tolerate? Compromised must be made to live with one another, especially in marriage.

“Relationships” generally are f-king retarded.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Isn't it a bit simplistic to claim that long-term relationships depend primarily on a man's ability to take things?

Aren't there hundreds, thousands, or even millions of other equally important factors at play?

No...... as 70-80% of marriages are terminated by women and i never met a man that left a woman that gave him kids, frequent sex and domestic comfort.

Men are very uncomplicated in general and dont expect their women to change for them or provide anything then the bare minimum of our needs(kids, sex, domestic comfort)in a relationship.

Meanwhile most of us will recognize the crazy demands and ongoing ****testing that are heaped on men.

The further away a man is from the 20% of men that 80% of women want to be with, the harder is his life going to be in a LTR.

 

[Clockwerk50]

No...... as 70-80% of marriages are terminated by women and i never met a man that left a woman that gave him kids, frequent sex and domestic comfort.

Men are very uncomplicated in general and dont expect their women to change for them or provide anything then the bare minimum of our needs(kids, sex, domestic comfort)in a relationship.

Meanwhile most of us will recognize the crazy demands and ongoing ****testing that are heaped on men.

The further away a man is from the 20% of men that 80% of women want to be with, the harder is his life going to be in a LTR.

I think those statistics need to be interpreted with caution. The statistic refers to the originator of the divorce, meaning who filed the paperwork. It has nothing to do with who actually initiated the breakup itself, only the legal aspect of the divorce.

The reason women appear to initiate divorce more often is that for men, unless they are leaving an abusive relationship, divorce holds no immediate advantage. Men typically see less of their children and are usually worse off financially. As a result, men are less likely to initiate divorce due to laziness or convenience.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

As a result, men are less likely to initiate divorce due to laziness or convenience.

Which still means they tolerate all kinds of BS to keep the marriage/LTR running, for whatever reason.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I wouldn't call it "acceptance and tolerance", I would call it compromise.

Acceptance and tolerance carries a connotation that the man is a doormat because he doesn't get his way every time.

You simply cannot have a long term relationship where you "have to win" every time. It just will never happen, on either side.

Understanding how to compromise and when not to compromise are key. But above anything else, the ability to screen properly in the beginning to eliminate women who are not worthy of being given long term relationship status is the #1 thing that will help a man become more successful, because you will essentially eliminate 80% of the trash within the first 3 months.

Too many men screen poorly then wonder why they find themselves in bad situations. If a woman doesn't deserve long term relationship status then you simply don't give it to her. Period. It doesn't matter how much you like her, how great the sex is, how much she tries to convince you she has changed, etc.

People need to stop treating life as a series of unfortunate events that happen to them and start treating it as a series of choices that THEY have made and now bear the responsibility for.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

A lot of guys make the mistake of seeing a couple in public and making all sorts of assumptions, not bothering to consider what the nature of their relationship is really. If you see even a hint of friction, passive aggressiveness, weird dynamics, etc then it's probably 10x worse in private.

Of course, healthy LTRs do exist, but the caliber of man it takes to have firm boundaries AND the abundance to hold out for high quality women is rare, ergo it's safe to assume that most of the LTRs you see are facades hiding a dysfunctional and deeply pathological relationship.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Which still means they tolerate all kinds of BS to keep the marriage/LTR running, for whatever reason.

In the OP’s context, the man is assumed to decide when the relationship ends, which is often not the case.

 

[Gamisch]

For my part, I believe that if this subject does not attract many participants, it is rather because there is too much to say. So people don't want to get involved for this reason.





From the very beginning, the same can be said of the woman. She, too, might think that if her relationship lasts so long, it's because she makes a lot of compromises and has a high level of tolerance (read: resigning herself to enduring all of her man's flaws and/or actions).

Isn't it a bit simplistic to claim that long-term relationships depend primarily on a man's ability to take things?

Aren't there hundreds, thousands, or even millions of other equally important factors at play?

Unfortunately it's not too simplistic, or simply as simple as we'd like these complex thing to be. Most men can and will even tolerate a woman with lesser sexual value and " grow on her" if needed and invest once they feel safe .

Men naturally wanna hang on to their investment more than women do. This shows itself already in the early stages if relationships, where a man starts to date a " woman with a questionable past". So the man starts dating her, is full of doubts and reluctant to go all in .

Meanwhile the woman is convincing him that she is not whatever he think blabla. After let's say3/ 6 months however, the man believes her and finally let's his guard down. He starts investing, giving her acsesss to the treasure to the secrets ect. As he let's his guard down he'll simultaneously lose frame. Now ,as his frame is eroding ,SHE slowly starts to detach. And then boom, the man believes she is there for the long run, while she is ( silently) already plotting an escape. Oftentimes around the 3/6 months timestamp men tend to wanna get closer while at the same time women already have seen enough...nature can be cruel..

And by the way, even your statement about the woman feeling like she did more for the relationship can end up as a liability for you as man. Basically every small crack , every negative emotion from the woman's side can eventually completely shatter a relationship.

And yes ofcourse you can argue that you can always reverse genders, but imo ( and statistically proven ) the woman breaks up WAY more often. My description earlier might explain that, but there are more reasons ofcourse.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Unfortunately it's not too simplistic, or simply as simple as we'd like these complex thing to be. Most men can and will even tolerate a woman with lesser sexual value and " grow on her" if needed and invest once they feel safe .

Men naturally wanna hang on to their investment more than women do. This shows itself already in the early stages if relationships, where a man starts to date a " woman with a questionable past". So the man starts dating her, is full of doubts and reluctant to go all in .

Meanwhile the woman is convincing him that she is not whatever he think blabla. After let's say3/ 6 months however, the man believes her and finally let's his guard down. He starts investing, giving her acsesss to the treasure to the secrets ect. As he let's his guard down he'll simultaneously lose frame. Now ,as his frame is eroding ,SHE slowly starts to detach. And then boom, the man believes she is there for the long run, while she is ( silently) already plotting an escape. Oftentimes around the 3/6 months timestamp men tend to wanna get closer while at the same time women already have seen enough...nature can be cruel..

And by the way, even your statement about the woman feeling like she did more for the relationship can end up as a liability for you as man. Basically every small crack , every negative emotion from the woman's side can eventually completely shatter a relationship.

And yes ofcourse you can argue that you can always reverse genders, but imo ( and statistically proven ) the woman breaks up WAY more often. My description earlier might explain that, but there are more reasons ofcourse.

IMO, women do a lot more long term thinking in terms of relationships than guys do.

For instance, even if a woman really likes a guy, if she doesn't see it going anywhere long term she will still usually break it off after 3-4 months.

Men are less likely do that...most are far more "go with the flow" and keep having sex/fun/dates.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Trought the years I've learnt that most LTR exists for a simple and single reason. Its not sex, money, or other achievements, but rather, how much the guy accepts and tolerate.

Any person like us, you know... We've been troutgh this, so we know what we will not tolerate from that point on.
We can next any woman after we've made experience.

So next time your mind wander on how many successfull LTR you see out there, ask yourself how much that guy tolerance is actually being involved.

And remember: being a guy, is not equal to being a man.

The key to any successful long-term relationship is having a common purpose. One obvious example of this is raising children. If both parties are family-oriented and value providing a loving environment for their children above everything else, their relationship is more likely to be successful in the long run. I've also noticed that couples that work together as part of a family business tend to have stable relationships.

 

[zekko]

Trought the years I've learnt that most LTR exists for a simple and single reason. Its not sex, money, or other achievements, but rather, how much the guy accepts and tolerate

I don't agree with that. Certainly in happens in some cases, but I wouldn't call that a successful relationship. I think LTRs exist more because each offers the other one something that they value.

I wouldn't call it "acceptance and tolerance", I would call it compromise.
Acceptance and tolerance carries a connotation that the man is a doormat because he doesn't get his way every time.
You simply cannot have a long term relationship where you "have to win" every time. It just will never happen, on either side.

You're not going to have a relationship where you just bulldoze your way over everything she wants, nor do I see the appeal in such a thing. It's good for psychopaths, I suppose.

Compromise is a good word. Everything in life is a compromise. If you choose one thing, you're giving up another - at the very least, when you devote time to one thing you're taking time away from another. That's why it is important to pick what's most important to you (and what's most realistic sometimes), and go after that.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Volumes could be written on the subject. For starters though:

Be happy on your own/being nomad, first and foremost

 

[BeExcellent]

Honestly in a happy marriage or successful LTR, you have to let shjt go. Little things, and sometimes even bigger things. OK, he left the toilet seat up or she left her shoes out. So what? Don't mention it and drive on. OK, she had to take out the trash one day, let it go and drive on. OK, you prefer her in heels but she wore flats. Let it go. Seriously. Life is too short to gritch about Every. Little. Thing.

Most of the things couples fight about are minor annoyances that somebody blew up into a major issue by being petty. Pettiness kills relationships.

Stop doing that and have some grace.

In any close relationship tolerance is involved as is compromise. No you cannot have it your way all the time. That is imbecile unreality. If it's really not that big of a deal? Let it go. Right now my husband is watching some movie I have zero interest in. I am in another room chilling on SS. Why would I complain about what program he is watching? He is enjoying it and so it's not a big deal, and I can do something else. We live together so it's not like I'm not going to curl up with him in a little bit. Who cares?

When the show is over he will wander in here to see what I am doing and I'll know he'd like some attention. Cool. And everything goes along smoothly...

But lots of people need to be "right" all the time, lots of people need to have their way all the time, and lots of people think that acquiescing the other person is "losing out" somehow. It's not all a competition all the time. Be kind. Accommodate the other person. That will create a sense of appreciation and validate the other person.

And that in turn is good for you, and for the relationship.

Food for thought from the old lady.......

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Honestly in a happy marriage or successful LTR, you have to let shjt go. Little things, and sometimes even bigger things. OK, he left the toilet seat up or she left her shoes out. So what? Don't mention it and drive on. OK, she had to take out the trash one day, let it go and drive on. OK, you prefer her in heels but she wore flats. Let it go. Seriously. Life is too short to gritch about Every. Little. Thing.

Most of the things couples fight about are minor annoyances that somebody blew up into a major issue by being petty. Pettiness kills relationships.

Stop doing that and have some grace.

In any close relationship tolerance is involved as is compromise. No you cannot have it your way all the time. That is imbecile unreality. If it's really not that big of a deal? Let it go. Right now my husband is watching some movie I have zero interest in. I am in another room chilling on SS. Why would I complain about what program he is watching? He is enjoying it and so it's not a big deal, and I can do something else. We live together so it's not like I'm not going to curl up with him in a little bit. Who cares?

When the show is over he will wander in here to see what I am doing and I'll know he'd like some attention. Cool. And everything goes along smoothly...

But lots of people need to be "right" all the time, lots of people need to have their way all the time, and lots of people think that acquiescing the other person is "losing out" somehow. It's not all a competition all the time. Be kind. Accommodate the other person. That will create a sense of appreciation and validate the other person.

And that in turn is good for you, and for the relationship.

Food for thought from the old lady.......

As I like to say, too many men act like every disagreement is WW III and they have to win at all costs and too many women are more interested in making their man's life hard rather than his d!ck hard.

 

[Sega Genesis]

I agree with @BeExcellent recent post 100% - 1000%!

That and have some fun, banter and tease each other! My boyfriend teases me all the time, I chuckle, it's a form of endearment and often times I will tease him back!

As I like to say, too many men act like every disagreement is WW III and they have to win at all costs and too many women are more interested in making their man's life hard rather than his d!ck hard.

I agree with this^^ too.

So many women (and men) take things so seriously! Life is way too short guys. Play, flirt with each other. Learn the difference between playful banter, teasing... and disrespect.

Same for women! It's disheartening how many women don't understand playful banter and humor, take things so seriously and will use it to either initiate an argument or otherwise cause tension and chaos.

Men do this too sometimes but I believe women do more, why?

Many women thrive on emotion - tension, chaos and fighting - these things stir the emotions, generate feels and tingles for certain women (and some men)... in many cases due to past trauma (which is familiar to them) and carry that past trauma into their relationships.

Not sure what the answer is except try to not react to it (unless you enjoy chaos and tension yourself), understand why it's happening and change the dynamic with a calm reserve and humor when/if possible.

Easier said than done? Most definitely!

 

[Ricky]

Here is something i just thought about.. Think about all the guys you know. Friends, family members, co-workers, neighbors, etc.

Are there any of them that you can think of that you would be envious of the wife or girlfriend they are with. I'm not sure i can think of a single one.

 

[Desdinova]

rought the years I've learnt that most LTR exists for a simple and single reason. Its not sex, money, or other achievements, but rather, how much the guy accepts and tolerate.

My first question is, why would you accept and tolerate anything close to bat5hit fvcking crazy?

Once you understand what naturally comes to women, you'll know what the baseline should be for a woman. She's going to talk a lot about useless things. She'll go into great detail about those useless things. She's going to be affected by emotional fluctuation. She's going to be addicted to a certain level of drama. She's also going to be permanently affected by previous experiences. Figure out what's acceptable in those areas, and you'll figure out what you should be tolerating.