Keeping your game tight in a relationship

[handle]

When you guys are in relationships (let's assume exclusive here,) what do you do to keep your game from getting rusty? I'm not talking about personal development stuff like hitting the gym or achieving monetary/artistic/academic goals, I mean steps you take to ensure that if something should go wrong, you feel fresh and ready to go after the breakup. I was trying to think of some ways to do this, maybe coming along with single friends and getting better at playing off them at parties and stuff, basically being the best possible wingman. That way there's still regular pickup-style contact AND I'm helping friends out.

 

[SleepyRangerMedic82D]

I think every dude is different.. For me, honestly, I really don't think about it much until I have to. I am in an exclusive relationship right now.. but if she cut me tomorrow, I would definitely be hurt, but also able to bounce back.. Hit a few random women to get over her, and then move on ya know?

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

First thing first is always you. Dont put too much love and trust into a girl. You never know what can happen later... :nervous:

Dont see her too much. Have hobbies, friends, a job and ect. Dont make her become your life.

Keep things fresh and new. Be unpredictable.

Dont be controlling, insecure, or jealous. Women hate all 3 of those.

Wear protection and be a man!

 

[Allurre]

1. Don't let your GF run your schedule.
2. Don't make her your #1 priority, and your career #2.
3. Don't compromise the integrity of your game you had before you met her. Stick to what WORKS, and what NEVER works.
4. Don't dive into saying you LOVE her. Wait. Act sensible and don't ever let your emotions overrule your logic.

That's all for now.

 

[ready123]

without cheating, it's impossible

this is coming from someone who's in an LTR but still goes out regularly. I've watched my game rust over the past yr even though I'm out at the clubs every weekend, b/c I'm unable to close without compromising the integrity in my relationship

But I've picked my game back up before after break ups and I have no doubt I'll pick it back up again if I have to. You just gotta know yourself

 

[Hughman]

1. Don't let your GF run your schedule.
2. Don't make her your #1 priority, and your career #2.
3. Don't compromise the integrity of your game you had before you met her. Stick to what WORKS, and what NEVER works.
4. Don't dive into saying you LOVE her. Wait. Act sensible and don't ever let your emotions overrule your logic.

That's all for now.

Respect for that.

I'll add stuff to and modify that list

1: Don't change your schedule for your girl. (seeing as you've already going to have plates/dating women before exclusivity, then you swap these 'days' for days when you see your girl.)

2. I disagree partially with this sentiment, as it could be taken the wrong way. You have to put your career first for the right reasons - you want better pay, a better job, better skills etc - and not to make anyone else *cough* your girl *cough* proud, or provide for them etc etc.
In addition to this, your buddies shouldn't be forgotten either.

3. Can't add to that. You have to have inner-game to keep a woman. Having a fake front to pull them in works, but it will soon collapse or be discovered once in an LTR. Always remain dominant, and make sure she knows that you are very much choosing and are in control.

4. Same again. Wait until she says it. Even then don't go blurting it out like you've been playing a game and have been dying to say it. Actions speak louder than words. This can backfire - she may very well be waiting for you to say it first. 'Rossie in DC' has documented that in case.

 

[DJKid]

without cheating, it's impossible

this is coming from someone who's in an LTR but still goes out regularly. I've watched my game rust over the past yr even though I'm out at the clubs every weekend, b/c I'm unable to close without compromising the integrity in my relationship

But I've picked my game back up before after break ups and I have no doubt I'll pick it back up again if I have to. You just gotta know yourself

I know exactly what you mean man. I'm in the same boat...

 

[andy1989]

Remember the old Rick H saying, attracting girls should be something you are, not something you do.

When you are in your relationship, you should keep improving your self-image, eradicate insecurities, structure your life you that you have a bunch of women naturally floating around and socialize with people around you.

If you want to improve your "game," spend 2 hours sitting down with a notebook jotting down every possible way you could be an awesome wingman. Then go do it. You can make a lot of friends this way as well.

 

[andy1989]

without cheating, it's impossible

this is coming from someone who's in an LTR but still goes out regularly. I've watched my game rust over the past yr even though I'm out at the clubs every weekend, b/c I'm unable to close without compromising the integrity in my relationship

But I've picked my game back up before after break ups and I have no doubt I'll pick it back up again if I have to. You just gotta know yourself

This is because you are still in the "doing phase." Your "game" should ultimately just become an expression of who you are. This will happen over time.

 

[Scars]

I'm in a relationship right now but still spinning plates. I guess that makes me a cheater?

 

[ready123]

This is because you are still in the "doing phase." Your "game" should ultimately just become an expression of who you are. This will happen over time.

dude I'm 30 and I've been back and forth between doing my playa thing and 1-2 yr exclusive LTR's since i was 18. and I have no problem attracting girls, I don't know where you got that from. if I wasn't attracting them, the possibility of cheating wouldn't even be in my reality

in the meantime I've constantly strived for self-improvement and have had a ton of life experiences and challenges that have made me grow in all areas of my life. Seriuosly, it's my saving grace that I push myself to grow - otherwise I'd still be living out of my car like I did in 2003. I've also read Deida, Sam Keen, and most of the spiritual sht out there that guys hold as canon nowadays. I highly recommend both those authors btw

If there was a way for me to be both a skilled pimp and honest boyfriend, I would have figured it out by now. Both take skillsets that have mutually exclusive elements. And both are skills so if you don't practice, you get rusty. That's how skills work. You don't f-close for awhile, you lose the ability to do it naturally.

Bottomline, everything you do has an associated lifestyle. If you wanna be a pimp, live that life. If you wanna be in a traditional commited relationship that has depth beyond the bedroom, then choose that. But it's give or take. I got no comment on swinger relationships or polyamory btw because I have no experience with those

The most enlightened thing that I can do is accept the truth - that my current relationship is a tradeoff. And yet, I don't care about my skills going rusty because I know what I'm capable of and if I need to go back into pimp mode again I can do it without worrying. That's the difference between me and you. You're worried about losing your skillset to the point you wanna believe you can have everything. Meanwhile I'm willing to let it go because that's how life works

 

[andy1989]

That's an interesting perspective, but it does not match my experience.

I structure my life in a way where I naturally meet a lot of women every day. A lot of them are very attracted to me. In fact, I could probably bed at least 2 new women a week if I decided to take those interactions in that direction.

To live the "player" lifestyle, all you need is a base of confidence (ie a lack of insecurity), an abundance of women flowing through your life and the will to sexually escalate.

If you are becoming less confident during your relationship time (ie gaining insecurities), then that is a problem with your relationship.

If you have less women flowing through your life, then that is a problem. I feel that having a lot of women floating around keeps me in an abundance mindset, which makes me non-needy around my gf.

If you are having better and better sex with your gf, then you should be more and more comfortable sexually escalating because you see firsthand how horny and dtf women are.

I'm interested in what part of this you see differently than me.

 

[ready123]

I'm in a relationship right now but still spinning plates. I guess that makes me a cheater?

if you're fvcking your other plates and your girl thinks you guys are exclusive, yeah you're cheating

big problem with this community in general is, everyone has a different definition of what a relationship is and what a plate is

mine are:
if you're just dating a girl and she's not yet your girl, you're not in a relationship. if you guys are just fvck buddies, you're not in a relationship

and if you haven't closed the other girls, they're not your plates. they're just girls you're TRYING to game, figments of you're imagination you're using to big up your pimp ego

and like I said up top, I have no experience with polyamory or swinger relationships so if that's what you have, this doesn't apply to you

 

[ready123]

To live the "player" lifestyle, all you need is a base of confidence (ie a lack of insecurity), an abundance of women flowing through your life and the will to sexually escalate.

to live the player lifestyle, you need to fvcking lots of different women, not just your girlfriend. that's my definition of a playa

I agree about how it can help abundance mentality, but having women around is not a crutch for me and I don't need it to make me non-needy. My non-neediness comes from my awareness that if this LTR doesn't work, I can go back and play the field or get another

On the other hand, because I'm in an LTR I'm not gonna be regularly exposing myself to all the different experiences that come with sarging a girl from approach to f-close on a weekly basis. This will definately affect my skill set.

My mind is no longer focused on handling logistics so I can isolate this girl in front of me. And because of the shift in mindset, something has to give

even pick-up instructors admit that after lifestyle changes they lose their skill. <-- replace the **** in the url with s h it

the pattern is not that hard to recognize

 

[andy1989]

Interesting.

So if I understand you correctly, you are saying that

1. You define a player lifestyle as banging lots of girls
2. To live that lifestyle, you need a handle on how to deal with logistics, which can only come from active sarging.
3. You cannot sarge when in a relationship, so you lose that calibration

My point is that "pulling girls" doesn't require all that much calibration if you are a sexworthy guy. If you are a guy who is confident, who can approach and escalate fearlessly, all you really need to do is get yourself to put in the effort to do the approaches and you will get laid.

I don't think you can lose that, even if you are in a relationship for a long time.

Now, if you are out doing stuff to get girls (ie doing stuff to convince her that you are that guy), then yes, that will go away if you aren't actively practicing.

 

[handle]

1. Don't let your GF run your schedule.
2. Don't make her your #1 priority, and your career #2.
3. Don't compromise the integrity of your game you had before you met her. Stick to what WORKS, and what NEVER works.
4. Don't dive into saying you LOVE her. Wait. Act sensible and don't ever let your emotions overrule your logic.

That's all for now.

This isn't what I'm asking about, I'm talking about the practical things you do while in the relationship to keep the whole "pua" side in practice. We all know what to do to keep the relationship from becoming a black hole, I'm talking about the 'game' stuff you can do with your spare time (since you aren't 24/7 glued to her!)

 

[Scars]

if you're fvcking your other plates and your girl thinks you guys are exclusive, yeah you're cheating

big problem with this community in general is, everyone has a different definition of what a relationship is and what a plate is

mine are:
if you're just dating a girl and she's not yet your girl, you're not in a relationship. if you guys are just fvck buddies, you're not in a relationship

and if you haven't closed the other girls, they're not your plates. they're just girls you're TRYING to game, figments of you're imagination you're using to big up your pimp ego

and like I said up top, I have no experience with polyamory or swinger relationships so if that's what you have, this doesn't apply to you

Well then by your deffinition, I am a cheater. Don't hate the player, hate the game. She's probably out sucking some other dudes d!ck anyway, so I don't feel bad about it at all. I just expect the worst from woman always. Call me heartless?

 

[DJKid]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=160558

A thread dedicated to the debate of Spinning Plates when in an LTR

 

[ready123]

Well then by your deffinition, I am a cheater. Don't hate the player, hate the game. She's probably out sucking some other dudes d!ck anyway, so I don't feel bad about it at all. I just expect the worst from woman always. Call me heartless?

if your reality is that women are evil, then that's your reality

but I gotta wonder why are you wasting your time being in relationship with a girl you don't even trust

you're better off just being single and fvcking around fulltime

 

[Bible_Belt]

It is often insecurity that will do you in. LTRs start out with the guy being a DJ, then he will usually turn into an AFC eventually and drive the girl away.

What I have learned, over many years and many relationships, is simply to understand that relationships end. When you are young and naive, you imagine yourself being with your current gf forever. Real life hardly ever works that way. You just enjoy the good times while they last. When they end, the AFC is crushed and the DJ simply moves on.

My Dad never taught me much about women, but one very useful phrase I learned from him, from listening to him say it to my Mom for thirty years:

There's the door.

That's what you say as soon as she ever even hints about leaving you or breaking up with you. And mean it, too. If she walks out, consider yourself lucky and don't chase after her. But when you really mean it, she won't walk. Everyone is replaceable; learning that lesson is a powerful tool.