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Just starting out - Looking for a good basis and some tips for a specific situation

FountainEdge

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Hey! I recently found out about this forum from the Rational Male, a book which a friend of mine recently gave me after we discussed a few things about psychology. I'm not completely uninitiated, but my experience is still really really lacking. I hanged out in the PUA community for a bit a few years back (24 currently), but never actually engaged in it. In a sense, I'm a recent "unplug", and I'm trying to figure out my way around what's going on.

I have no idea currently where I want to head to be honest. I've read though the first volume of the Rational male and noticed that there are 2 more, which I hope to get around to. I also wanted to ask you guys if you can give me some basic reading points and some tips, both in terms of the inner workings and in terms of practical abilities. I'm not fully cure how much I can pull off, but I'm willing to at least try and see where it takes me. Any input would be appreciated (like, really, anything).

In terms of the specific situation I mentioned in the title. I'm someone who can hold up a conversation (not really sure to tell how good I am at it but hey!), but only when I'm with that person right in front of me. When I'm texting someone like on Facebook for example, I have a hard time figuring out where it's going, and I tend to mess it up rather quickly (as I've noticed via catching myself in the act or, in this unfortunate circumstance, in hindsight). I met this woman a few weeks back in a tea house, and we interacted 3 or 4 times when she wasn't around (she would work there on weekends). We started chatting after a certain point, but only as I was getting my to-go tea, up until a point in which we lingered while she made me a tea and had an actual conversation.

What happened was (and I'm mentioning this because it may or may not have relevance) there was this other woman who was serving which looked a lot like her, which I thought was her sister, which also told me her name. When I mentioned it she asked "how did you find out my name" and I said "oh your sister told me", one thing led to another and she asked "well, a lot of people say that we're sisters, are we really that similar?" and I said (without actually thinking about it) "well yeah, even though she's a bit thinner than you, you do have a lot similarities in terms of body shape and face structure". We swapped 3 or 4 phrases and then I left. When I got back, she challenged me somewhat playfully with "hey, you called me fat", I apologized like a gentleman and we started chatting about whatever, work, how great it was to be a student, and so on.

The next day I found her on social media and started chatting. I think I went a bit overboard though and said too much, and the conversation went cold after I asked for a song and shared one back (no idea what I'm doing lol). I think I didn't ask enough questions (even though I really wanted/want to, she seems like an interesting person) and I'm not sure what to do now (this happened yesterday). I figure I could start talking to her again, but I'm not sure how to go about it, as it feels like I'm going to get shut down immediately since I don't really have something specific I want to talk to her, but rather I'm just (genuinely) interested in her as a person. Any ideas of approach would be appreciated, and I'm also ok with giving up and just accepting she was a random person I happened to speak with a bit more.

A bit of general guidance to scenarios like these would also be appreciated (#resources), as I tend to do this quite often if it's someone that I'm really interested in.

Thanks! (hope this is the right way to post these kinds of things)
 
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Dr.Suave

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Stop d1ckin´around and ask her out on a date. Only a yes or a counteroffer is acceptable. Anything else you soft next her.
 

MrJack

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Hey! I recently found out about this forum from the Rational Male, a book which a friend of mine recently gave me after we discussed a few things about psychology. I'm not completely uninitiated, but my experience is still really really lacking. I hanged out in the PUA community for a bit a few years back (24 currently), but never actually engaged in it. In a sense, I'm a recent "unplug", and I'm trying to figure out my way around what's going on.

I have no idea currently where I want to head to be honest. I've read though the first volume of the Rational male and noticed that there are 2 more, which I hope to get around to. I also wanted to ask you guys if you can give me some basic reading points and some tips, both in terms of the inner workings and in terms of practical abilities. I'm not fully cure how much I can pull off, but I'm willing to at least try and see where it takes me. Any input would be appreciated (like, really, anything).

In terms of the specific situation I mentioned in the title. I'm someone who can hold up a conversation (not really sure to tell how good I am at it but hey!), but only when I'm with that person right in front of me. When I'm texting someone like on Facebook for example, I have a hard time figuring out where it's going, and I tend to mess it up rather quickly (as I've noticed via catching myself in the act or, in this unfortunate circumstance, in hindsight). I met this woman a few weeks back in a tea house, and we interacted 3 or 4 times when she wasn't around (she would work there on weekends). We started chatting after a certain point, but only as I was getting my to-go tea, up until a point in which we lingered while she made me a tea and had an actual conversation.

What happened was (and I'm mentioning this because it may or may not have relevance) there was this other woman who was serving which looked a lot like her, which I thought was her sister, which also told me her name. When I mentioned it she asked "how did you find out my name" and I said "oh your sister told me", one thing led to another and she asked "well, a lot of people say that we're sisters, are we really that similar?" and I said (without actually thinking about it) "well yeah, even though she's a bit thinner than you, you do have a lot similarities in terms of body shape and face structure". We swapped 3 or 4 phrases and then I left. When I got back, she challenged me somewhat playfully with "hey, you called me fat", I apologized like a gentleman and we started chatting about whatever, work, how great it was to be a student, and so on.

The next day I found her on social media and started chatting. I think I went a bit overboard though and said too much, and the conversation went cold after I asked for a song and shared one back (no idea what I'm doing lol). I think I didn't ask enough questions (even though I really wanted/want to, she seems like an interesting person) and I'm not sure what to do now (this happened yesterday). I figure I could start talking to her again, but I'm not sure how to go about it, as it feels like I'm going to get shut down immediately since I don't really have something specific I want to talk to her, but rather I'm just (genuinely) interested in her as a person. Any ideas of approach would be appreciated, and I'm also ok with giving up and just accepting she was a random person I happened to speak with a bit more.

A bit of general guidance to scenarios like these would also be appreciated (#resources), as I tend to do this quite often if it's someone that I'm really interested in.

Thanks! (hope this is the right way to post these kinds of things)
What’s up buddy. My first piece of advice would be that you’re overthinking the whole thing and you should take a step back. It really comes down to whether or not the attraction is there and if you have a date set up.

You mentioned you’re great at holding a conversation while in person? That’s perfect because there is really no need to invest too much thought into your text messages. General rule of thumb I tend to go by for texts is this:

1. Reach out with something playful or funny that you talked about or that happened in your initial in-person conversation.

2. Banter off of that for a few messages (2-4).

3. Simply ask her on a date at a SPECIFIC PLACE and at a SPECIFIC TIME AND DAY.

Correct Example: I’m going to xxx this Thursday at 8pm, join me!

Incorrect Example: Hey do you want to go to xxx with me?

(Notice how in the correct example you are TELLING her to meet you at whatever place NOT ASKING).

After that you’ve done your part and if she gives you anything other than a yes that means no and then you soft next her. If she does propose a counter offer thats ok too and means she is at least somewhat interested and willing to meetup but she’s just busy that day or indecisive whether she really wants to or not.

You have the opposite problem of me. I feel I’m really good at texting and setting things up in the right frame but in person sometimes I miss some cues and fvck it up a bit.

Just remember when it comes to texting.. less is more.

No need to send her songs and ask for any back, no need to see how her day is going, no need to ask random questions and have a long text conversation because all of these things will lead to her losing attraction.

Texting should be solely used for some light banter and setting up a date. After the date is set you just go about your business until the day of the date and maybe send a funny/playful text about how she’s going to get destroyed in bowling for example.

She may flake she may not. If she does flake you say “no worries, another time” and then soft next her and try to set something up after a couple of weeks have gone by.

If she has an excuse with no counter offer or she flakes a second time then she’s done. Not interested. So you forget about her unless she hits you up at a later time to hangout, then it’s up to you whether or not you want to continue to pursue her.

PURSUE NOT CHASE
 

FountainEdge

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Hey thanks for the input guys!

To be honest I did feel a bit pitiful when you pointed out the whole "sending songs" things, but I'm someone that accept theses kinds of things and takes responsibility (fortunately enough) and this really helped me figure out that that approach may not be the best (even though music is a big part of my life, oh well, can't have it all at once).

I'll follow your advice though and ask her to tag along tomorrow evening though, see where it takes me. I have a question though, I know what NEXT means, but I'm not sure what a 'soft' next implies.

On a side note: I noticed that there was a thread about the DJ bible which I plan to start off with as soon as I get the chance and feel capable of actually going through it. If you have any other sources or recommendations though, please let me know!
 
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WhiskeyTango

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Hey thanks for the input guys!

To be honest I did feel a bit pitiful when you pointed out the whole "sending songs" things, but I'm someone that accept theses kinds of things and takes responsibility (fortunately enough) and this really helped me figure out that that approach may not be the best (even though music is a big part of my life, oh well, can't have it all at once).

I'll follow your advice though and ask her to tag along tomorrow evening though, see where it takes me. I have a question though, I know what NEXT means, but I'm not sure what a 'soft' next implies.

On a side note: I noticed that there was a thread about the DJ bible which I plan to start off with as soon as I get the chance and feel capable of actually going through it. If you have any other sources or recommendations though, please let me know!

The book that kicked my game into Overdrive was "Mode One" by Alan Roger Curry. IMHO it is a MUST read.
 

MrJack

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Hey thanks for the input guys!

To be honest I did feel a bit pitiful when you pointed out the whole "sending songs" things, but I'm someone that accept theses kinds of things and takes responsibility (fortunately enough) and this really helped me figure out that that approach may not be the best (even though music is a big part of my life, oh well, can't have it all at once).

I'll follow your advice though and ask her to tag along tomorrow evening though, see where it takes me. I have a question though, I know what NEXT means, but I'm not sure what a 'soft' next implies.

On a side note: I noticed that there was a thread about the DJ bible which I plan to start off with as soon as I get the chance and feel capable of actually going through it. If you have any other sources or recommendations though, please let me know!
Don’t feel pitiful just adjust your approach and you’ll be fine.

“Soft next” means you next her for the time being or rather put her on the back burner in favor of other prospects. Then you try again 2-3 weeks later. A woman might even reach out to you during the soft next which would be a positive sign.

“Hard next” or just “next” is dropping her as an option for good because she either flaked too many times or she disrespected you in some way etc.
 

RangerMIke

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When she called you out when you mentioned her sister was 'thinner', you should have shot back "Your sister is skinny, you are perfect." Then ask her out. BTW cut out all the social media stalking... chicks do that sh!t. Just get to the point and try to make a date, if she pushes back... no problem forget about her and move onto your next target.

One more thing, "The Rational Male" should be required reading, so you are off to a good start, but really it does not tell you what to do, only what reality is. The best teacher is practice, make dates and get experience. Glad you abandoned all the PUA stuff, all that does is teach you how to pretend: most of the advice you will get here is be the very best man you can be and does not teach you that you can get any chick. Being the best you can be only increases the number of chicks that will find you attractive, at that point it's a numbers game.... and gives you more opportunities.

Good luck and welcome aboard.
 
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