Just dumped my gf of over a year, while we been together ive got fatter, lost my job and just generally got far too comfortable....she is heartbroken and im pretty upset about it, but I feel i need to get back in gym and go to uni which I couldn't do with her. Im ina lot of pain right now but I guess i deserve it, how do i stop these urges of getting back in contact with her?
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
Just dumped my gf...how do i stop myself from going back?
- Thread starter Phoenixx
- Start date
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
DonJuan_DeRosco
Don Juan
Why exactly couldn't you do that when you were with her?
Oh and, NO CONTACT!
Oh and, NO CONTACT!
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
European-DJ
Master Don Juan
No contact for 60 days helped me 
Look in the Tips forum.
Look in the Tips forum.
Paintballguy
Master Don Juan
No contact is the only way.
You said your going to college? Banging a bunch of hot college chicks also helps. lol
You said your going to college? Banging a bunch of hot college chicks also helps. lol
squirrels
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2003
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- 47
You can't stop them, but you CAN stop yourself from acting on them.Phoenixx said:
How to do that...if you pick up a hot pan and your hand starts burning, do you get on a forum and post, "Hey guys, I picked up this hot thing and my hand is burning...how do I set it down and not pick it up again??"
No, you put the damn pan down and don't pick it up again.
This is something you have to just do. The forum can't give you will-power. Finding something to do so you're not bored to death all the time can help.
Masculinity
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 6, 2009
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You let yourself go and she noticed it. You practically became undesirable and the complete opposite of a challenge. You undid the reasons that attracted her to you in the first place.Phoenixx said:
It's not all lost though. A girl, is just a girl. Do this for yourself and make yourself a promise to respect yourself and body beyond any female and you will succeed.
Also, reading this thread entirely will help out you massively:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=160056&highlight=contact+challenge
i would of loved to spend teh rest of my life with her but I just get too comfortable when im in a relationship I guess, She seemed to prefer me being like this and actively discouraged my gym routine which was pretty near perfect before we met. We have alot of good times together I just feel like I need this "change" in order to progress with my life.
The problem is not her it is me, if another woman came along would I be like this again? im not sure, but i guess now is not the time for a relationship. I don't really want to go out and bang lots of chicks as I feel I need to sort my future out first. Im pretty sure I could of stayed with this chick for a long time, got fat, had 2.5 kids with her and be stuck ina deadend job living at one of our parents lol but I guess i just want more and to sort it out now rather than later.
No contact is hard...really hard! ive been back at gym today and it seems like hard work and even though i was used to it before my brain doesnt like the thought of hard work now, guess i just need to grind through it which is alot easier without her as a comfort zone watching episodes of smallville instead of doing what i should be doing with my life.
The problem is not her it is me, if another woman came along would I be like this again? im not sure, but i guess now is not the time for a relationship. I don't really want to go out and bang lots of chicks as I feel I need to sort my future out first. Im pretty sure I could of stayed with this chick for a long time, got fat, had 2.5 kids with her and be stuck ina deadend job living at one of our parents lol but I guess i just want more and to sort it out now rather than later.
No contact is hard...really hard! ive been back at gym today and it seems like hard work and even though i was used to it before my brain doesnt like the thought of hard work now, guess i just need to grind through it which is alot easier without her as a comfort zone watching episodes of smallville instead of doing what i should be doing with my life.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
spending time with your friends will help.
looks like you identified something you didn't want in your life and took charge to make the change. Not many people would do that, they'd stay and be unhappy because they comfortable with it.
looks like you identified something you didn't want in your life and took charge to make the change. Not many people would do that, they'd stay and be unhappy because they comfortable with it.