Hey gang,
After reading T.R.M. in 2 days, I was shocked at how much of these ideals I have already sided with in Post-modernism mixed with third wave feminism. A brief history of myself, I’ll try to keep it short. At 32, this has by far been the biggest challenge in overcoming unrequited love (or desire). I have dated steady most of my life. Been in two relationships that’s lasted just over a year but has steadily been with other women throughout my twenties when I wasn’t committed. I’d say average about 4-5 year, probably not a lot compared to you Suaves. I’ve done ok. Moderate financial success, sense of style, self awareness, humour and healthy relations with my immediate family and close friends. Most of my time has been spent in the gym (I do carry a certain physique that has been a part of my identity, some of my close friends are gym rats/competitors), spent upgrading my knowledge in certain areas, and have my own artistic pursuits. For the most part, women are interested. I, of course, do have my own weaknesses, fears and insecurities that can be worked on. I’ve enjoyed plate spinning before I knew there was a term for it lol. Most of my life I have enjoyed being with women. In terms of paid service, I have been in a strip club twice. 2 rub-n-tugs and has been with escorts when I have travelled abroad with my cousins. It’s been pretty adventurous. I have fallen on Buffers such as overuse of porn when I needed to. I don’t disagree with monogamy, I just enjoy the company of woman and always knew that don’t want to settle until late 30’s early 40’s like most of the role models I’ve looked up to, and they seem happy to have settled down much later. Some of my friends are in LTR’s tell me that I date the wrong types or that I need to settle down. I believe that they have also settled too soon to someone who gave them attention and has been heartbroken many times in the past to the point where they gave up and settled for mediocrity. Everything changed for me in 2019.
March of last year I met my Oneitis on Bumble. 32, tall Canadian with a touch of dutch and middle eastern. Tanned skin, grey eyes, slight curls. A 10 in her pictures, a 20 in person. Subjectively? sure. But most would agree she’s a looker. The chemistry, the banter, and mutual attraction was all there. There is only one thing she admitted to me a week after chatting. She initiated the first meet because there was something she needed to tell me. That she is interested in continuing what we have… but she’s stripper that’s saving for her first home. We are both 32. I of course was thinking I was just going to play around and not to take her serious, or home for that matter. During that time I had issues in my personal life. So I told her like an AFC that I was interested but to continue later on. She of course moved on. Months later she initiated contact to see how I was doing while also stating that she had quit working at the club. I was back home in Toronto and Little did she know, I was thinking about her for months, I was surprised that I caught myself constantly looking at pictures of her during that time. Man was I ever caught off guard. I chased her through text for weeks and we finally hooked up after almost a year later. I did everything I wasn’t supposed to do. And I didn’t realize how off I was, in the mentality that I have never received this kind of attention from a woman of this calibre. During this period of having her around I. DROPPED.ALL. OTHER. PLATES. Something I have never done before. One girl has called me out on being distant and distracted in turn, some clung harder or dropped my ass completely and moved on.
Anyways back to her. I got anxious around her, I bought her books, I gave too much info about myself before sleeping with her. We talked on the phone for hours (I thought this was suppose to do me good, it always has in the past). I ran with my 'feel good' emotions and believed she was different. That THIS was different. On our 4th date she didn’t want to come see me and gave me the LJBF speech because she was depressed, and working on herself, and she can’t date right now etc etc. Before even studying game, I knew this was BS. I just didn’t capture her enough. I was too apologetic, I was too giving of my time and effort. In my mind, I chased her for nearly a year. In reality, to her, I know she felt I was moving too fast. I secretly desired her for a long time and let her know. I was trying to convince her to stay and we can navigate through her hardship together (lol & SMH now)… this is the real short version of it. I denied friendship and threatened to leave, She asked me to give it a chance. I refused after a lot of back and forth and looking weak as fck. Fast forward some more after months of No contact. Now we are in March 2020. I re initiated contact on woman’s day (lol) and gave her my blessings and regards. I came home after a work trip in Ottawa on march 11th, we spoke on the phone briefly. Lockdown began on March 14. I called her not long after and asked to see her. I can still remember the anxiety and anticipation as I saw her typing a message and then sent “He’s here right now so I can’t see you, iv’e been seeing someone for a while. But I still think you’re great and would like to stay friends. I would never intentionally hurt you. I’m sorry.” I was devastated. I sent her an audio message an hour later confessing my love. I said some real embarrassing things (you know the type of **** you write out but never send? then you cringe at it if you saw it years down the road? yeah) I said she’s making a mistake, and what does he have that I don’t, and that if she cared she’d drop it and come see me today and to forget about him. I also very so regrettably and impulsively said I want you more than anything in this world and that I loved her. I then blocked and deleted her. It was the lowest and most embarrassing point of my love life.
How do I recover from this and what should I do now? After reading Atomic attraction I discovered Tomassi’s TRM it’s been a month and half. It haunts me everyday. What she said and how I handled it. My close friends are even sick of hearing about her. They told me she was a walking red flag anyway, and I should choose better but we all know that’s not the point. I desire what I desire and I want a way to either regain my dignity back or a way to win her affection again. Either way, my ego and confidence has been shattered and I need some professional advice. Of course, she hasn’t reached out and she’s probably not even with this guy, it was probably a 3-4 week toxic relationship with him anyway. She is my Oneitis, I still get intoxicated thinking about this one. I dread the thoughts of another man fcking her, which is probably happening right now as we speak. I have dealt with rejection and heartache before, I’m usually good after a week. But this time, it’s been a month and half and I’m still sulking about it, I think it largely has to do with the quarantine. How do I move past this?
I'm on preventative Medicine now. Half of RT's material is eye opening, half of stuff I already knew based on just experience and observations in life. But let me tell you. I never want to feel this amount of pain again. Ever.
Aniki.
After reading T.R.M. in 2 days, I was shocked at how much of these ideals I have already sided with in Post-modernism mixed with third wave feminism. A brief history of myself, I’ll try to keep it short. At 32, this has by far been the biggest challenge in overcoming unrequited love (or desire). I have dated steady most of my life. Been in two relationships that’s lasted just over a year but has steadily been with other women throughout my twenties when I wasn’t committed. I’d say average about 4-5 year, probably not a lot compared to you Suaves. I’ve done ok. Moderate financial success, sense of style, self awareness, humour and healthy relations with my immediate family and close friends. Most of my time has been spent in the gym (I do carry a certain physique that has been a part of my identity, some of my close friends are gym rats/competitors), spent upgrading my knowledge in certain areas, and have my own artistic pursuits. For the most part, women are interested. I, of course, do have my own weaknesses, fears and insecurities that can be worked on. I’ve enjoyed plate spinning before I knew there was a term for it lol. Most of my life I have enjoyed being with women. In terms of paid service, I have been in a strip club twice. 2 rub-n-tugs and has been with escorts when I have travelled abroad with my cousins. It’s been pretty adventurous. I have fallen on Buffers such as overuse of porn when I needed to. I don’t disagree with monogamy, I just enjoy the company of woman and always knew that don’t want to settle until late 30’s early 40’s like most of the role models I’ve looked up to, and they seem happy to have settled down much later. Some of my friends are in LTR’s tell me that I date the wrong types or that I need to settle down. I believe that they have also settled too soon to someone who gave them attention and has been heartbroken many times in the past to the point where they gave up and settled for mediocrity. Everything changed for me in 2019.
March of last year I met my Oneitis on Bumble. 32, tall Canadian with a touch of dutch and middle eastern. Tanned skin, grey eyes, slight curls. A 10 in her pictures, a 20 in person. Subjectively? sure. But most would agree she’s a looker. The chemistry, the banter, and mutual attraction was all there. There is only one thing she admitted to me a week after chatting. She initiated the first meet because there was something she needed to tell me. That she is interested in continuing what we have… but she’s stripper that’s saving for her first home. We are both 32. I of course was thinking I was just going to play around and not to take her serious, or home for that matter. During that time I had issues in my personal life. So I told her like an AFC that I was interested but to continue later on. She of course moved on. Months later she initiated contact to see how I was doing while also stating that she had quit working at the club. I was back home in Toronto and Little did she know, I was thinking about her for months, I was surprised that I caught myself constantly looking at pictures of her during that time. Man was I ever caught off guard. I chased her through text for weeks and we finally hooked up after almost a year later. I did everything I wasn’t supposed to do. And I didn’t realize how off I was, in the mentality that I have never received this kind of attention from a woman of this calibre. During this period of having her around I. DROPPED.ALL. OTHER. PLATES. Something I have never done before. One girl has called me out on being distant and distracted in turn, some clung harder or dropped my ass completely and moved on.
Anyways back to her. I got anxious around her, I bought her books, I gave too much info about myself before sleeping with her. We talked on the phone for hours (I thought this was suppose to do me good, it always has in the past). I ran with my 'feel good' emotions and believed she was different. That THIS was different. On our 4th date she didn’t want to come see me and gave me the LJBF speech because she was depressed, and working on herself, and she can’t date right now etc etc. Before even studying game, I knew this was BS. I just didn’t capture her enough. I was too apologetic, I was too giving of my time and effort. In my mind, I chased her for nearly a year. In reality, to her, I know she felt I was moving too fast. I secretly desired her for a long time and let her know. I was trying to convince her to stay and we can navigate through her hardship together (lol & SMH now)… this is the real short version of it. I denied friendship and threatened to leave, She asked me to give it a chance. I refused after a lot of back and forth and looking weak as fck. Fast forward some more after months of No contact. Now we are in March 2020. I re initiated contact on woman’s day (lol) and gave her my blessings and regards. I came home after a work trip in Ottawa on march 11th, we spoke on the phone briefly. Lockdown began on March 14. I called her not long after and asked to see her. I can still remember the anxiety and anticipation as I saw her typing a message and then sent “He’s here right now so I can’t see you, iv’e been seeing someone for a while. But I still think you’re great and would like to stay friends. I would never intentionally hurt you. I’m sorry.” I was devastated. I sent her an audio message an hour later confessing my love. I said some real embarrassing things (you know the type of **** you write out but never send? then you cringe at it if you saw it years down the road? yeah) I said she’s making a mistake, and what does he have that I don’t, and that if she cared she’d drop it and come see me today and to forget about him. I also very so regrettably and impulsively said I want you more than anything in this world and that I loved her. I then blocked and deleted her. It was the lowest and most embarrassing point of my love life.
How do I recover from this and what should I do now? After reading Atomic attraction I discovered Tomassi’s TRM it’s been a month and half. It haunts me everyday. What she said and how I handled it. My close friends are even sick of hearing about her. They told me she was a walking red flag anyway, and I should choose better but we all know that’s not the point. I desire what I desire and I want a way to either regain my dignity back or a way to win her affection again. Either way, my ego and confidence has been shattered and I need some professional advice. Of course, she hasn’t reached out and she’s probably not even with this guy, it was probably a 3-4 week toxic relationship with him anyway. She is my Oneitis, I still get intoxicated thinking about this one. I dread the thoughts of another man fcking her, which is probably happening right now as we speak. I have dealt with rejection and heartache before, I’m usually good after a week. But this time, it’s been a month and half and I’m still sulking about it, I think it largely has to do with the quarantine. How do I move past this?
I'm on preventative Medicine now. Half of RT's material is eye opening, half of stuff I already knew based on just experience and observations in life. But let me tell you. I never want to feel this amount of pain again. Ever.
Aniki.