Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Just discovering intergender relations at 32. Need professional advice.

Aniki1818

Don Juan
Joined
May 17, 2020
Messages
42
Reaction score
56
Age
32
Location
Toronto
Hey gang,

After reading T.R.M. in 2 days, I was shocked at how much of these ideals I have already sided with in Post-modernism mixed with third wave feminism. A brief history of myself, I’ll try to keep it short. At 32, this has by far been the biggest challenge in overcoming unrequited love (or desire). I have dated steady most of my life. Been in two relationships that’s lasted just over a year but has steadily been with other women throughout my twenties when I wasn’t committed. I’d say average about 4-5 year, probably not a lot compared to you Suaves. I’ve done ok. Moderate financial success, sense of style, self awareness, humour and healthy relations with my immediate family and close friends. Most of my time has been spent in the gym (I do carry a certain physique that has been a part of my identity, some of my close friends are gym rats/competitors), spent upgrading my knowledge in certain areas, and have my own artistic pursuits. For the most part, women are interested. I, of course, do have my own weaknesses, fears and insecurities that can be worked on. I’ve enjoyed plate spinning before I knew there was a term for it lol. Most of my life I have enjoyed being with women. In terms of paid service, I have been in a strip club twice. 2 rub-n-tugs and has been with escorts when I have travelled abroad with my cousins. It’s been pretty adventurous. I have fallen on Buffers such as overuse of porn when I needed to. I don’t disagree with monogamy, I just enjoy the company of woman and always knew that don’t want to settle until late 30’s early 40’s like most of the role models I’ve looked up to, and they seem happy to have settled down much later. Some of my friends are in LTR’s tell me that I date the wrong types or that I need to settle down. I believe that they have also settled too soon to someone who gave them attention and has been heartbroken many times in the past to the point where they gave up and settled for mediocrity. Everything changed for me in 2019.


March of last year I met my Oneitis on Bumble. 32, tall Canadian with a touch of dutch and middle eastern. Tanned skin, grey eyes, slight curls. A 10 in her pictures, a 20 in person. Subjectively? sure. But most would agree she’s a looker. The chemistry, the banter, and mutual attraction was all there. There is only one thing she admitted to me a week after chatting. She initiated the first meet because there was something she needed to tell me. That she is interested in continuing what we have… but she’s stripper that’s saving for her first home. We are both 32. I of course was thinking I was just going to play around and not to take her serious, or home for that matter. During that time I had issues in my personal life. So I told her like an AFC that I was interested but to continue later on. She of course moved on. Months later she initiated contact to see how I was doing while also stating that she had quit working at the club. I was back home in Toronto and Little did she know, I was thinking about her for months, I was surprised that I caught myself constantly looking at pictures of her during that time. Man was I ever caught off guard. I chased her through text for weeks and we finally hooked up after almost a year later. I did everything I wasn’t supposed to do. And I didn’t realize how off I was, in the mentality that I have never received this kind of attention from a woman of this calibre. During this period of having her around I. DROPPED.ALL. OTHER. PLATES. Something I have never done before. One girl has called me out on being distant and distracted in turn, some clung harder or dropped my ass completely and moved on.

Anyways back to her. I got anxious around her, I bought her books, I gave too much info about myself before sleeping with her. We talked on the phone for hours (I thought this was suppose to do me good, it always has in the past). I ran with my 'feel good' emotions and believed she was different. That THIS was different. On our 4th date she didn’t want to come see me and gave me the LJBF speech because she was depressed, and working on herself, and she can’t date right now etc etc. Before even studying game, I knew this was BS. I just didn’t capture her enough. I was too apologetic, I was too giving of my time and effort. In my mind, I chased her for nearly a year. In reality, to her, I know she felt I was moving too fast. I secretly desired her for a long time and let her know. I was trying to convince her to stay and we can navigate through her hardship together (lol & SMH now)… this is the real short version of it. I denied friendship and threatened to leave, She asked me to give it a chance. I refused after a lot of back and forth and looking weak as fck. Fast forward some more after months of No contact. Now we are in March 2020. I re initiated contact on woman’s day (lol) and gave her my blessings and regards. I came home after a work trip in Ottawa on march 11th, we spoke on the phone briefly. Lockdown began on March 14. I called her not long after and asked to see her. I can still remember the anxiety and anticipation as I saw her typing a message and then sent “He’s here right now so I can’t see you, iv’e been seeing someone for a while. But I still think you’re great and would like to stay friends. I would never intentionally hurt you. I’m sorry.” I was devastated. I sent her an audio message an hour later confessing my love. I said some real embarrassing things (you know the type of **** you write out but never send? then you cringe at it if you saw it years down the road? yeah) I said she’s making a mistake, and what does he have that I don’t, and that if she cared she’d drop it and come see me today and to forget about him. I also very so regrettably and impulsively said I want you more than anything in this world and that I loved her. I then blocked and deleted her. It was the lowest and most embarrassing point of my love life.


How do I recover from this and what should I do now? After reading Atomic attraction I discovered Tomassi’s TRM it’s been a month and half. It haunts me everyday. What she said and how I handled it. My close friends are even sick of hearing about her. They told me she was a walking red flag anyway, and I should choose better but we all know that’s not the point. I desire what I desire and I want a way to either regain my dignity back or a way to win her affection again. Either way, my ego and confidence has been shattered and I need some professional advice. Of course, she hasn’t reached out and she’s probably not even with this guy, it was probably a 3-4 week toxic relationship with him anyway. She is my Oneitis, I still get intoxicated thinking about this one. I dread the thoughts of another man fcking her, which is probably happening right now as we speak. I have dealt with rejection and heartache before, I’m usually good after a week. But this time, it’s been a month and half and I’m still sulking about it, I think it largely has to do with the quarantine. How do I move past this?

I'm on preventative Medicine now. Half of RT's material is eye opening, half of stuff I already knew based on just experience and observations in life. But let me tell you. I never want to feel this amount of pain again. Ever.


Aniki.
 

GioWolf

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 7, 2020
Messages
144
Reaction score
329
Age
39
I came from a similar situation. I had oneitis for a stripper. The cluster b girls are like crack. They are like wild horses that can’t be broken. There is no way this would have worked out long term no matter what you did. The sh1t tests are constant and if you pass one she keeps firing more at you. It took me about six months to stop thinking about her. Go no contact and start dating other women. The no contact is hard but trust me it works.
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
15,965
Reaction score
10,313
Location
DFW, TX
Especially a stripper is very SENSITIVE to giving. Attention, time, money, gifts, thoughts, you give her too much your toast. They get money from clients. Let her buy you dinner quite often. Let her come over to your place. Let her be the one trying to call you. Be too giving to one of these, and you will be stuck in that position.

Strippers place guys in category and maintain boundaries much more so than a normal person.

1. Security
2. Provider
3. Trick
4. Client
5. Drug dealer
6. Fvckboi

etc. Your pretty safe never giving them any money, and letting them come to you, call to you.

Most of the types of strippers respond very well to being IGNORED. Especially if she has come to find your attention easily in the past. In your recovery, you are not to talk of her, speak of, her, initiate contact with her, IE: cutting all thoughts in your mind. She is allowed to reach out to you to come over to your place, that's it. Otherwise, this will be an emotional blackhole affecting you possibly for years. Get a normal babe who likes you a lot and spend all your time with her.
 
Last edited:

Aniki1818

Don Juan
Joined
May 17, 2020
Messages
42
Reaction score
56
Age
32
Location
Toronto
One thing can I can say was that I never spent alot of money. Few dinners (non expensive restaurants) and dessert cafe. I gifted her books on money management and self help. That's it. I've been reminded that she is not an exception to any rule in being a stripper. That she had definitely seen clients outside of work. She use to reassure me she did not. She went on stage and then made her rounds in trying to convince others into buying dances. I believed her and rolled out the red carpet, threw her on a pedestal. A part of me wishes she did. If she escorted, i'm sure I can get over this in no time. She never asked for anything or hinted she needed financial help. For the most part, we enjoyed each others company. Gone are the days she used to give her friends play by play and showing pictures of me to them (she tells me) The way she liked to sit on the same side at the booth in a restaurant, her foreplay before foreplay was like no other. She used to get in my car and spit her gum in my mouth. She would sexually tease me all day and her c0cky funny matched mine to my surprise and disbelief. I was on a high.

My other regret in all this was 2 days before Christmas, I was in Niagara falls with family. She told me she was invited by her friends to Russell Peters house for a party. I knew her friends were in some hot chick circle that gets invited to these kinds of parties. As you can guess, I acted like a jealous idiot and stated that "I wasn't born yesterday, his friends are gonna be there and they obviously asked your friend if she knew any hot friends they can bring."Of course, she flipped and after an hour of back n forth, she told me she just smoked weed and is too tired to go and she didn't want to if I didn't' like it (I know even though she didn't go, I devalued myself in the process). WTF was I doing? I know attraction slowly faded since then. I know I need to stop talking about her. Anyways..her birthday was on May 7th. It took everything not to reach out. I was like an addict trying to stay away from my phone. I will continue no contact but I am still desperate to win her back.

The more I read TRM, I can recall literally every single moment of where and what I did wrong. There were so many ooohs and ahhs and recalling every situation of how I should of handled it differently. I'm sure you guys can relate. Second thought after would always be "do time machines exist?" I can't be the only one. S O ****ing S.

Aniki.
 
Last edited:

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
15,965
Reaction score
10,313
Location
DFW, TX
One can I can say was that I never spent alot of money. Few dinners (non expensive restaurants) and dessert cafe. I gifted her books on money management and self help. That's it. Friends kept telling me she is not an exception to any rule in being a stripper. That she had definitely seen clients outside of work. She use to reassure me she did not. She went on stage and then made her rounds in trying to convince others into buying dances. I believed her and rolled out the red carpet, threw her on a pedestal. A part of me wishes she did. If she escorted, i'm sure I can get over this in no time. She never asked for anything or hinted she needed financial help. For the most part, we enjoyed each others company. Gone are the days she used to give her friends play by play and showing pictures of me to them (she tells me) The way she liked to sit on the same side at the booth in a restaurant, her foreplay before foreplay was like no other. She used to get in my car and spit her gum in my mouth. She would sexually tease me all day and her c0cky funny matched mine to my surprise and disbelief. I was on a high.

My other regret in all this was 2 days before Christmas, I was in Niagara falls with family. She told me she was invited by her friends to Russell Peters house for a party. I knew her friends were in some hot chick circle that gets invited to these kinds of parties. As you can guess, I acted like a jealous idiot and stated that "I wasn't born yesterday, his friends are gonna be there and they obviously asked your friend if she knew any hot friends they can bring."Of course, she flipped and after an hour of back n forth, she told me she just smoked weed and is too tired to go and she didn't want to if I didn't' like it (I know even though she didn't go, I devalued myself in the process). WTF was I doing? I know attraction slowly faded since then. I know I need to stop talking about her. Anyways..her birthday was on May 7th. It took everything not to reach out. I was like an addict trying to stay away from my phone. I will continue no contact but I am still desperate to win her back.

The more I read TRM, I can recall literally every single moment of where and what I did wrong. There were so many ooohs and ahhs and recalling every situation of how I should of handled it differently. I'm sure you guys can relate. Second thought after would always be "do time machines exist?" I can't be the only one. S O ****ing S.

Aniki.
Strippers are a special "section" that aren't in that book. You really cannot be too nice to them or raise them up, or give them valueation, because they look down upon that. The people that treat them "as their worth" treat them worse than dirt, date them, lie, cheat and ignore them. People that are nicer than that, they think are weak, and tricks and simps and they take advantage of those people.

You can date strippers, and strippers can like you, but they are going to be dating others too. Plus you have all the rules about not really doing anything at all for them, because that's how you get in trouble with them. Let you be the one that makes her feel "good" because she's "nice" and giving to you, while she robs and uses everyone else. They kinda do it like that.

All the "feel good" and "good friend" things you did for her, juiced her head up, and she went a little harder for the guy who can't stand her, but tolerates her for sex every so often, throwing her out immediately afterwards. She feels like shyt, then calls you.
 

image

"If you love women, you must read the SoSuave Guide to Women. It's fantastic!"

Aniki1818

Don Juan
Joined
May 17, 2020
Messages
42
Reaction score
56
Age
32
Location
Toronto
Strippers are a special "section" that aren't in that book. You really cannot be too nice to them or raise them up, or give them valueation, because they look down upon that. The people that treat them "as their worth" treat them worse than dirt, date them, lie, cheat and ignore them. People that are nicer than that, they think are weak, and tricks and simps and they take advantage of those people.

You can date strippers, and strippers can like you, but they are going to be dating others too. Plus you have all the rules about not really doing anything at all for them, because that's how you get in trouble with them. Let you be the one that makes her feel "good" because she's "nice" and giving to you, while she robs and uses everyone else. They kinda do it like that.

All the "feel good" and "good friend" things you did for her, juiced her head up, and she went a little harder for the guy who can't stand her, but tolerates her for sex every so often, throwing her out immediately afterwards. She feels like shyt, then calls you.
Yeah, I know...

She's gone. I've accepted that. The chances of her calling is slim to none after the last message I sent. It was too clingy/needy. It's sad cause in her mind, it probably wasn't even that serious. I'd rather move to Mars than to re listen to that message. Ironic how the one you want utmost admiration from, you keep doing shi!t that has the opposite effect. Meanwhile you're practically Don Draper to other woman you've come across.

I just came here to see if there is any last resort or Hail Mary move I can pull off. Seems like No contact until I get over it is ideal, or just bang her if she insists, even then, I probably should just ignore and move on for my own mental well being.
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
15,965
Reaction score
10,313
Location
DFW, TX
Yeah, I know...

She's gone. I've accepted that. The chances of her calling is slim to none after the last message I sent. It was too clingy/needy. It's sad cause in her mind, it probably wasn't even that serious. I'd rather move to Mars than to re listen to that message. Ironic how the one you want utmost admiration from, you keep doing shi!t that has the opposite effect. Meanwhile you're practically Don Draper to other woman you've come across.

I just came here to see if there is any last resort or Hail Mary move I can pull off. Seems like No contact until I get over it is ideal, or just bang her if she insists, even then, I probably should just ignore and move on for my own mental well being.
You really need to not be worrying about her. She is not the one that got away either. The fact that your thinking about her means in your own life you aren't getting things done, and you likely aren't having enough satisfaction.
 

Aniki1818

Don Juan
Joined
May 17, 2020
Messages
42
Reaction score
56
Age
32
Location
Toronto
You started off sounding so suave and ended the thread like a beaten dog

Just goes to show it happens to everyone

Move on bro

Man that is exactly how I felt internally writing it from start to finish and pretty much how I was prior to meeting her and the current state I'm in. I just wish I left with a bit more dignity. If didn't have her I at least wanted her respect. But yeah. Moving on.
 

Aniki1818

Don Juan
Joined
May 17, 2020
Messages
42
Reaction score
56
Age
32
Location
Toronto
You really need to not be worrying about her. She is not the one that got away either. The fact that your thinking about her means in your own life you aren't getting things done, and you likely aren't having enough satisfaction.
She's def not the girl who got away lol.
 

RangerMIke

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 23, 2014
Messages
3,583
Reaction score
4,896
Location
USA, Louisiana
Force yourself to stop thinking about her. You can do it, but it does take mental discipline. Meditation helps. The reason meditation is so helpful with stress and attitude is because it trains your mind to control your body, rather that your body (i.e your d1ck) controlling your brain. The first few times you try meditation, it will be hard.... because you just can not control where your mind goes.... but keep doing it... eventually you learn you are in control and any thoughts that pop in that causes negative emotion you can set aside.
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
15,965
Reaction score
10,313
Location
DFW, TX
Force yourself to stop thinking about her. You can do it, but it does take mental discipline. Meditation helps. The reason meditation is so helpful with stress and attitude is because it trains your mind to control your body, rather that your body (i.e your d1ck) controlling your brain. The first few times you try meditation, it will be hard.... because you just can not control where your mind goes.... but keep doing it... eventually you learn you are in control and any thoughts that pop in that causes negative emotion you can set aside.
It's easiest to replace it with goals you are working on and new people you are connecting ( hopefully physically ) with. Eventually you won't even have space in your mind to think about it.
 

RangerMIke

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 23, 2014
Messages
3,583
Reaction score
4,896
Location
USA, Louisiana
It's easiest to replace it with goals you are working on and new people you are connecting ( hopefully physically ) with. Eventually you won't even have space in your mind to think about it.
This is good advice. Think of your life as a 4 legged stool... lose one and the stool still stands. The more you have going on (legs of the stool) the less important it is when you lose one. The truth is a 'woman' is the easiest thing in the world to fix/replace... yet it's the hardest for many dudes to get over when it breaks off.

In contrast, if your health and personal finances goes sideways that is a whole lot worst. Women should be less important that health and fiscal solvency.
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
15,965
Reaction score
10,313
Location
DFW, TX
This is good advice. Think of your life as a 4 legged stool... lose one and the stool still stands. The more you have going on (legs of the stool) the less important it is when you lose one. The truth is a 'woman' is the easiest thing in the world to fix/replace... yet it's the hardest for many dudes to get over when it breaks off.
Another thing about the women or woman... That woman will affect your attractive masculine image with respect to women. She should polish it up and improve it. If her or they are too difficult, or devalue you, you really do have to get rid of them or put them at a super low priority. Keep around women who value your time, attention and company.

In contrast, if your health and personal finances goes sideways that is a whole lot worst. Women should be less important that health and fiscal solvency.
This is a point that this site pushes over and over. That the mans priorities have to be correct, and it's more attractive to have them correct anyway.

On the goals: social, financial, physical, mental, etc. Work on them every day. Use calendars. Use deadlines. When you work on them every day you will make progress in the direction of the goal. Thus making distance from your old position. By working on goals every day the past will start to shrink the rear view mirror.

If you keep talking about or re evaluating a bad decision, it keeps you from making progress. It makes that view a priority, a priority that depresses you and keeps you from taking action.

So make progress.
 

image

Put away your credit card.

You can now read our detailed guide to women and dating for free - Right Here!

Aniki1818

Don Juan
Joined
May 17, 2020
Messages
42
Reaction score
56
Age
32
Location
Toronto
Another thing about the women or woman... That woman will affect your attractive masculine image with respect to women. She should polish it up and improve it. If her or they are too difficult, or devalue you, you really do have to get rid of them or put them at a super low priority. Keep around women who value your time, attention and company.


This is a point that this site pushes over and over. That the mans priorities have to be correct, and it's more attractive to have them correct anyway.

On the goals: social, financial, physical, mental, etc. Work on them every day. Use calendars. Use deadlines. When you work on them every day you will make progress in the direction of the goal. Thus making distance from your old position. By working on goals every day the past will start to shrink the rear view mirror.

If you keep talking about or re evaluating a bad decision, it keeps you from making progress. It makes that view a priority, a priority that depresses you and keeps you from taking action.

So make progress.
That is true. Never look back. As stated, even if someone comes back it's always better to move forward anways.


I was listening to Rollo's live YouTube yesterday. He was even calling out Elon Musk and guys like Prince Harry for not getting it. "Come on dude you're a prince. There is no ONE. You don't sacrifice a royal position for someone that may or may not love you forever."
 
Top