"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Just an example of one of my recent dialogues with a chick off POF

R.U.G.

Master Don Juan
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We're still messaging. I don't know why she keeps coming back. The last message I wrote I thought would turn her off (most airhead girls on POF would be not responding after that), but she is interested in this train of thought no matter how dampy or swampy/musty her thoughts are. She may be able to *think* from the pool of mud that suppresses her brain waves...from the volcanic ash of life that has apparently covered her, but she may just be Genetically predisposed to being dim.

Nevertheless, I wrote a rather enlightening message on relationships just now (not too special, but maybe beyond her reach) and will now see how she responds. As dumb as she is, she may think I'm a genius, when I know I've just stole it from someone else I heard it from this weekend who is rather smart and successful - VERY rich and an entrepreneur. Trying to surround myself with smart/successful, less conservative but more liberal-minded, people of late.
Come on bro. Stop with the fatties. Yes, they are easy, but have some self respect. A little overweight, okay, but when they have rolls big enough to hide food, pass. Fatties should be with fatties. Fatties need love too; just with their own level.
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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