Journal - Approaches on street, at mall, etc.

[Mindgamez]

Lol, it's not there yet! But it's coming next week or something. You can watch My Passion if you want, and I added english subtitles for people to understand.

 

[Mindgamez]

Saturday, April 14th
After a 30 minutes long bike ride, I went to the electronics shop. There weren't any good girls in that shop, so I just left.
I went to the mall and this is where I started getting anxious. All I did was ask for the time... I wanted to transition to something else, but I froze and I just ejected. Again, and again, and again. I still approached a bunch of people, just asking the basic things like directions, also randomly smiled to some of them. Girls would watch me and we would hold eye contact. I didn't do anything. I could've approached and as I was about to open my mouth, I just **** my pants and nothing happens.

When I'm by myself without anybody, I don't feel that much in state! This is getting annoying... when I'm with my friend I can make myself look silly and I don't give a ****, but by myself I don't feel the same.
You know what? Next weekend, I'm going again. **** THIS I HAVE NO EXCUSES. NONE. I know that I look older than I am, so I shouldn't worry about how old I am.
For now, let's practice some breakdance and get ready for my upcoming talent shows on Thursday and Friday. I'm going to own this! Rock the stage! I'll probably post the video on Youtube and share it with you guys. Let's overcome anxiety on stage. School is starting on Monday so I'll have the opportunity to talk with HB Laos. It's been a week but I'm glad that I'm not as needy as before. I dreamt about her last night though. Those dreams feel nice, but once I get up in the morning, I just want to get over them because those intensified feelings shouldn't be real. I don't want to get another oneitis like before.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

If you're continually ****ting yourself then didn't you have to go home at some stage to change? Or do you just spend a lot on clothes every time you go out?

 

[NorwegianDJ]

If you're continually ****ting yourself then didn't you have to go home at some stage to change? Or do you just spend a lot on clothes every time you go out?

Its all about the tailored underwear.

 

[Mindgamez]

I almost don't spend any money at all everytime I go out. I usually just walk around... lol

 

[Jack Wealthy]

Imagine if every time you felt scared, you literally shat in your pants. I bet that would have set the industry back a few years. By now we'd probably all be wearing peacocked colostomy bags. "Hey baby, I- OOHHHH GAWD MY BOWELS ARE VOIDING!!!!! But it's okay babe, I got this bag with a tube up my arse. It has pirates on it."

 

[Mindgamez]

Alright, I gotta stop ****tin' ma pants I guess. How? Well, I just do it and I'll **** so much that I won't feel the need to **** anymore. In the end, I'll be alright. I don't know if this makes sense.

 

[Mindgamez]

Monday, April 16th
I'm not going to write a lot these days because I have a LOT of work for school and I gotta practice for my upcoming talent shows.
This first day at school wasn't that great. I wasn't into state at all, not like that other day where I was feeling like a god. When it's been a long time not talking to a lot of people, I have to warm up again it feels like.

Feeling nervous at the beginning of the day, I simply smiled to HB Laos as she passed by. No interactions. Why do I always feel nervous around her sometimes...

Said hello to HB big boobs. She looked at me weird : ... Hi? This is probably some **** test. I should have called her on it! Let's do that next time we interact.

Lol! I forgot about Blonde HB and I didn't noticed that she was absent today. This shows how my neediness for her just flew away. I was like, oh whatever.

Noticed that this asian girl is watching me. She's younger, HB7, and she's definitely cute. Let's call her HB Beat. We talked for a bit before Christmas, and we shook hands as I introduced myself to her. I holded it longer on purpose and she pulled away in some annoyed way. **** test? Probably. I just laughed and left the group. Then some days later, I see her near the cafeteria. I talk to her other buddies and she looks at me smiling for no reason as I hold onto her eyes. That was a while ago and at that time, she wasn't so pretty. Her hair got nicer. Hey, why not approach again? I don't really know her buddies, but let's go and try. I have nothing to lose. The only problem is my other buddies that will probably be watching me. When we play football, I see her walking near with her buddies. I'll probably have to eject from the game to talk to her and my buddies might scream out **** : Body language Mindgamez! Body language! It's positive! Gogo!

Whatever. Let's try haha!

I know why I go into scarcity mindset. I don't get many girls because I don't try enough. I don't try enough, because I'm afraid that it will fail and that I'll lose the girl. I'm afraid that I'll lose the girl because I have this needy mindset! I have this needy mindset because I don't try enough. Conclusion, I have to take more action. Easier said than done, but let's go.

Damn, when I write, I write for long. I spent almost 20 minutes writing this. AHHH I got my school books to read! UGGH! Lol, anyway. Let's get back to work.

 

[AlexLefty]

Monday, April 16th
I'm not going to write a lot these days because I have a LOT of work for school and I gotta practice for my upcoming talent shows.
This first day at school wasn't that great. I wasn't into state at all, not like that other day where I was feeling like a god. When it's been a long time not talking to a lot of people, I have to warm up again it feels like.

Feeling nervous at the beginning of the day, I simply smiled to HB Laos as she passed by. No interactions. Why do I always feel nervous around her sometimes...

Said hello to HB big boobs. She looked at me weird : ... Hi? This is probably some **** test. I should have called her on it! Let's do that next time we interact.

Lol! I forgot about Blonde HB and I didn't noticed that she was absent today. This shows how my neediness for her just flew away. I was like, oh whatever.

Noticed that this asian girl is watching me. She's younger, HB7, and she's definitely cute. Let's call her HB Beat. We talked for a bit before Christmas, and we shook hands as I introduced myself to her. I holded it longer on purpose and she pulled away in some annoyed way. **** test? Probably. I just laughed and left the group. Then some days later, I see her near the cafeteria. I talk to her other buddies and she looks at me smiling for no reason as I hold onto her eyes. That was a while ago and at that time, she wasn't so pretty. Her hair got nicer. Hey, why not approach again? I don't really know her buddies, but let's go and try. I have nothing to lose. The only problem is my other buddies that will probably be watching me. When we play football, I see her walking near with her buddies. I'll probably have to eject from the game to talk to her and my buddies might scream out **** : Body language Mindgamez! Body language! It's positive! Gogo!

Whatever. Let's try haha!

I know why I go into scarcity mindset. I don't get many girls because I don't try enough. I don't try enough, because I'm afraid that it will fail and that I'll lose the girl. I'm afraid that I'll lose the girl because I have this needy mindset! I have this needy mindset because I don't try enough. Conclusion, I have to take more action. Easier said than done, but let's go.

Damn, when I write, I write for long. I spent almost 20 minutes writing this. AHHH I got my school books to read! UGGH! Lol, anyway. Let's get back to work.

Right now, you think too much.

 

[Mindgamez]

I know that I think a lot sometimes Alex. Sometimes, it's good to look at what you do wrong and notice the bad habits. During the interaction though, it's true that I shouldn't be thinking though. I'm getting better and better at this.

Tuesday, April 17th
Day started off slow, but ended up well. It's usually always like that.

The morning, I said hello to HB Laos, and my mind went blank as I smiled. She felt awkward with the silence, I tapped her shoulder and left. That was funny lol

Ate at her table today. I told them : I know you guys are always happy when I'm here! Especially HB Laos! She nodded and smiled. The talk was pretty boring though. I started losing the vibe a little, and I was distracted by HB Beat's table. I wanted to go there, but hesitated. Laos caught me looking at them and asked me what I was looking at. I smiled and said that it was nothing.
I went to see the 2 girls that were selling cookies. HB5-6s. I asked if I could get free cookie, and that girl told me to do some striptease to get some money so I could pay for them. Lool? And then that cool dude, pretty popular, called me. He was selling muffins and we talked a bit. He's so fun to be around and he has that good feeling everytime, always enjoying himself. Other cool people were there too. Didn't talk much to them though.

I went back to Laos's table, but not for long. They finally left the table, so did I but I went the other way to see the 2 cookies girls again.

I went down the stairs to the lockers. I saw that HB5 (let's call her Josy) looking at me. I stared at her playfully, then she shouted : Hey HB Laos! It's your best friend Mindgamez!
Laos then turned her head towards me laughing, and then I was like : Whaat? Me her best friend? Lol? XD Hahaha, it's alright it's alright. Then I patted her shoulder and let my hand rest here for a minute. She's so shy, not many IOIs or very subtle ones. She was sitting on the ground reading her book, and I sat next to her. She doesn't seem so responsive, but I think she's just shy. It's kind of annoying... what if she's too shy for sex? Or some make out? When I'm really close, she doesn't look at me often. I just feel like she likes me anyway. I just feel it.

Forgot to mention about my Arab friend. He's so funny! He tried some pick up lines on some girl friends in our class. I told him that he should try doing this at the mall. He was down for that and he also told me that he would like to film himself just for the fun. Damn, we could maybe go sarging together. He's popular and always has a positive vibe. Hope this will work out. If not, I'll go on my own anyway. No big deal!

Hehe, this is cool. When the physics class ended, I walked near HB Big boobs

Me : Hello HB Big boobs! *copying her voice and facial expression from yesterday's **** test* ....Haiii?? o_o
Her : *burst out laughing*
Me : Why did the other day you looked at me so weird like that? Is that how you say hello to, Mindgamez?!
Her : Hahaha, I was just tired that's why.
Me : Mhmhm HB Big boobs, this is not good behaviour! This is a great opportunity if Mindgamez says hi to you
Her : *laughs*

At this point, my other buddy comes and we talk for a bit and I eject my convo with HB Big boobs.

I think I have to work on ejecting less often and staying with the conversation longer. I get so distracted sometimes haha.

Alright! Time to get back to work. I have a lot of reading to do for class, and I must practice piano for Thursday.
I'm getting back on track.

 

[Mindgamez]

Friday, April 20th
Great things happened these last few days! I realized things and met some cool new people.

Summary of my long ass post
I had 2 talent shows to attend. I WON! This means I'm going to the provincial finals of Quebec in a month. This will be an amazing opportunity to meet new people. I met some cute HB8 girl with who I flirted a little with. She was very receptive I believe, gave me good indicators. I didn't number close though, even though I could've done it. I socialized with other girls and guys at this show. They were often the ones to open though, but I would open too.
The second talent show, I socialized with the popular girls a little and also with the usual ones. Some of them were getting closer physically. I approached 2 random girls HB7s and they were well receptive. I complimented them on their pretty names.
I met this GREAT dude that is interested in social interactions with people, psychology, happiness, spiritual stuff, and socializing. He can socialize with ANYBODY. We had very interesting conversations. I remember this one. Imagine you get 86400$ from the bank every day and you can decide to spend it the way you want to. However, after every day ends, the money you didn't spend goes to garbage, all of it. Though, you get another 86400$ when you wake up the next day. The bank can decide to end giving you money in 70 years, or in the next week. Now, replace the dollars for every second of the day. This is life.



Alright, so for the details now

When I arrived at the gathering before the 1st show, I was feeling kind of nervous. I knew that I wanted to meet new people there and I had to socialize for couple hours before the show. (we arrived at 1, show started at 7, finished at 11). I sat down next to my drummer buddy. As I arrived, this cool very open guy (let's call him Charlie) opens to me and my drummer buddy. He told me about his point of view on life, happiness, socializing, and more. He's a very interesting guy. We talked for at least 1-2 hours on only that. This really made me think about myself as a person. He told me that I'm that kind of person that likes to take risks, but can't always go into action. He's sure that I could really blossom if I actually tried new things. And he is totally right...

Then, Charlie called his friend HB8 to come. Very cute girl.

Me : Hello *shake hands*
Her : Hi! I'm HB8!
Me : I'm Mindgamez Isn't that a pretty name?
Her : yeah, indeed! *keep shaking hands*
Me : I know right? You have a pretty name too! Hehe
blabla, convo ends.

When I'm done with my practice, I come back to where she's sitting near Charlie and drummer buddy.

Her : Hey, you were really good!
Me : I looked really good?
Her : Nooo, I told you that you were really good!
Me : Ohhh! Hahaha, I'm so dissapointed!
Her : But you looked good too!
Me : Haha
*I was walking to the seat next to the drummer buddy and couldn't sit next to her*

Later, like an hour later, she comes and sit next to me. My eye contact and voice felt perfect. I was totally enjoying the moment.

Her : Hey! Did I miss Charlie's performance?
Me : Yeah! You suck O:
Her : Ahhhh
Me : So... what's your name again?
Her : HB8
Me : Hello, I'm Mindgamez *smiles*
Her : I know your name already XD
Me : I know XD.

Me : So, what's up?
Her : Nothing much nothing much
Me : Same goes for me
convo ends quickly. She leave the seat and goes to see her buddies.

Man, during my real performance, I was so in control. I wasn't even thinking, I was in my own world, playing piano with passion. I had no stage fright at all!
After my performance, I see her again. HB8 gives me the thumbs up with a pretty smile. Other girls congratulate me and tell me that I'll win XD (I actually did so I'm ****ing happy).
During and after the show, she would look in my direction and smile often. When the show was over, I saw her and I gave her a high five but holding her hand for a while. She's so pretty, but at this moment I started feeling nervous and I went blank. She was waiting for me to ask for her number or something. Didn't happened and I was nervous as ****, when like an hour before I was totally in control.

Me : Well, cya HB8!
Her : Bye Mindgamez, take care of yourself!
Me : You too!

I didn't sleep as much that night. I couldn't sleep as easily because of the excitement haha! Also, I couldn't resist masturbating, ugh. I was in a good streak and I didn't do it for a whole week.

Also, I socialized with an epic guitarist, another dude, and a DJ. Cool guys! Also, I talked to a bunch of girls I didn't really know. We had very simple conversations, but very simple ones. They were the ones initiating the conversation most of the time though. They were mostly all HB7-8s and up, even to HB9.5. Didn't have the courage to talk to the hottest though. Man, they looked so much older, but they were of my age! This is crazy. I should stop worrying about this age thing.

Anyway. My conversations are pretty simple, but my non-verbal communication felt very natural, a lot more than usual. I'm very proud of that and this makes boring conversations fun.

 

[Mindgamez]

Second talent show! I played some synthesizer (electric piano) on some good Neoclassical Metal. Very cool stuff, with my drummer buddy! I'll send you the video guys so you can comment on my stage performance, tell me if I looked confident or not .

At first, I was feeling a little nervous and out of state. This was due because I knew all the girls from my grade in my school. They were mostly the popular girls and I was kind of fearful at first. I didn't really talk to them, except near the end of the show where I was getting into state.

Guess who I met? HB big boobs! She was practising her acting for her theatre presentation. She seemed so joyful when I saw her.

Her : *removes pants*
Me : Hey! You're undressing in front of me?
Her : Hahaha! No! I have leggings underneath! XD
Me : Hey, it's alright you can do that
Her : Hahahah!

Later, she finds an excuse to bump into me. She's sexy, no doubt. Maybe not the prettiest girl, but she's hot.

Talked to that tall pretty girl in the artists' room. Body language is getting better. Also, talked to that HB4 that was playing hard to get. It's funny because I asked her if I played the violin and she said no, then I told her that she sucked XD. I asked the tall pretty girl and she said : Absolutely, anyday! Me : Well HB4, I guess Tall pretty girl is kinder than you! (; HB4 then started being kind again.

My drummer buddy is so awesome! The thing is that he doesn't always feel comfortable talking to other girls haha. I didn't feel good ditching him to talk to girls and I saw him escaping every time I did so. I stayed with him more and I wasn't in the best mood to approach. We listened to the song many times to get the rhythm right and we talked about Metal music. We finally left the room and went backstage to see people perform.
When we came back, I approach these 2 random girls HB7-8. My voice felt superchill! I had no anxiety at all. This is crazy... I have BIG UPS AND DOWNS I CAN'T CONTROL! Hahaha

Me : Hey, hello buddies.
Them : Hi!
Me : Are you guys passing soon?
Girl 1 : Yeah, we're going pretty soon
Me : Hehe alright alright What are your names?
Them : *names*
Me : Oh that's cool, pretty names!
Them : Oh thank you!
Me : I'm Mindgamez by the way.
I won't write the whole convo. It's pretty basic and simple, but the naturalness and confidence was really there and this is what I was aiming for. I know it's working because girls were following and listening to my nonsense and just nodded. I'm not direct enough though! Gotta work on that.

Met them again at the backstage. Another basic conversation but they like it like that. I love giving little silences just to keep some tension. They usually smile or laugh during it.

Did another simple conversation with the How are you? I asked the same thing 3 times already, but I wasn't thinking at all and I didn't want to come up with complicated stuff. I started getting nervous here because I had nothing to say afterwards. I just escaped (like I always like to do... haha) and talked to my drummer buddy again.

THERE COMES THE SHOW! I was so feeling good at this moment. Nervousness flew away and I was feeling badass. I knew that I would own the stage. I was in my own world and feeling totally relaxed and confident. I played the music because I loved to do it. I didn't play for the approval of others. I played because I just ****ing love it, and this is what made me better than usual I know. I love when girls cheer you (only girls scream anyway haha) during performances.

After the show was done, I went backstage where the 2 girls gave me epic thumbs up. My usual girl buddies came and congratulated me. They were getting touchy, especially this HB6 girl that likes to push me playfully. I had to grab her because she was blocking my way XD.

As I left, the popular girls started to talk to me. It's good when they are the ones to open first. It makes you realize that starting a conversation should usually be very easy and if you can be open to compliments, why can't they in return? We talked a bit. That girl actually though that the fake tattoo on my arm was a real one. We talked for a bit and surprisingly, I wasn't feeling so nervous around these pretty girls as much.

As I leave the place, the pretty random girl HB8 says Bye Mindgamez. So I said bye too, lifting my eyebrows.
Hey wait a minute... Why no CLOSE? I have to close dammit lol! Well too bad, I'll meet these girls someday at school probably!

Hey, when I realize this abundance, I don't feel as needy for HB Laos. Man, those feelings for HB Laos were way too exaggerated sometimes. When mind goes into scarcity mindset, it intensifies feelings for that one girl all the time. Meeting new girls is... easy. Opening is easy! They are usually very open!

Tomorrow let's go do some cold approaches at the mall. Hope that feelx will come with me again. Now, I'm motivated!
Big thanks to Charlie by the way. He's an awesome guy.


WOW That's a long post, but worth everything about it.

 

[Mindgamez]

PLEASE, do not comment things about pick up on my channel or mention my username. I don't want people to know haha XD.
Do NOT post my real name on this thread. I don't want curious people to find me.

Now, feel free to watch my performance at the Talent Show! It was a blast
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96k8rxvnPZg

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Make friends with Charlie and push yourself much more with girls. Stretch the boundaries.

 

[Mindgamez]

Definitely NDJ!

I was listening to this song. Didn't listen to it in a lonnng time! NDJ probably knows about it. I associate so much good feelings to this song. When I was dedicated to change, when I was writing my new years resolutions. I remember them so clearly now, I remember that great feeling.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ShVQiPmEfA

 

[Mindgamez]

Haha man, of course we will! Just PM me when you're in Montreal!

Monday, April 23rd
Many good happened, but bad too! Let's start with the bad...

I decided to go to HB Laos's table today. What's weird is that she ejected when me and buddies arrived. She went to that other table to eat with her girl friends. I talked to H. He's a very nice and cool guy! We got closer and he seems very chill. Then, he invited me to his party on Friday. This is great stuff! Many cool girls will be there and cool guys too. This is the thing that made me go Uggghh... He asked me who I was going to ask for prom. I didn't want to tell him because I though that maybe he liked HB Laos too. Well in fact, he does. For a LONG ASS time! He told me that he was going to prom with her and he asked her like, months ago (holy ****, months ago... and they are still only friends, good close friends). I asked him if he made some move on her, and he told me that he's afraid to ruin his friendship with her and go to awkward.

Man, I didn't know what to do. On the moment, I was kind of sad and disappointed, but relieved at the same time. What a weird feeling! I was relieved because I knew I wouldn't need to worry about getting her, but at the same time, I liked her. It's been months though that he asked, and they don't seem like a couple at all. In fact, they aren't officially together.

Though, I really like H. He's a really cool nice guy and I enjoy being around him. Man, I don't know what the **** to do. I know that I HATE stealing because it's against my values and I don't want to do that. But at the same time, H is not moving the relationship forward and nothing's happening. If I were him, I would've done something about it. He said sorry to me and he felt bad. I told him that it's alright and that I'll turn the page. I told him that I'll find somebody else, and he agreed after he told me that I am a very social person. I liked the compliment, though I don't know if it was for compassion or for real. It's true that I'm getting a lot more social than before. I feel progress.

When I spoke to HB Laos again, everything was gone. No more good body language, no more vibe, no more flirting. I couldn't do it! Also, H was just next to us. She wasn't so receptive too. Then, her and H started singing the titanic song. Sad song made me sad... I had to leave the place.

I sat next to that HB6, the one that bumped into me at the 2nd talent show. She was sitting by herself in front of her locker :

Me : Hey HB6! What are you doing alone by yourself? *sitting*
Her : I was thinking about something?
Me : About what?
Her : Ohh... I was thinking about prom.
Me : With who are you going with?
Her : You
Me : Me? O: mhmhm...
Her : Or *other guy's name*, I don't know if I should ask him.
Me : Ohh well, I didn't know about that... Well, you should ask *other guy's name*
Her : Mhmhmyeah... I'm not sure if he'll say yes
Me : You can always try
*silence*
Me : Anyway, seeya

Wow... I didn't want to hurt her and I don't know what to do about this. He looked sad. Later, I looked at her and her eyes were red like she was crying. I just smiled at her and she forced to smile. Anyway, I shouldn't feel bad for this. This is not my fault after all. Still, I'm feeling bad for her. Poor girl.

I then went to physics class. I was tired and not in the mood. I couldn't tell if my eyes felt wet because of lack of sleep or sadness, but probably both. Whatever.


Enough about the bad things. Time to move on, shall we?
So today, in art class, I was paired with those 3 cool girls, popular. We had to analyse some advertisement about some beer/energy drink. It had a lot of half-naked women in it (I still can't believe the teacher showed that to us lol). Later, 2 other girls came and they talked about their project they didn't finish on time. They told us that they needed someone to do the editing for their movie and that they would pay him to do it. I then volunteered and they shouted of joy lol. I asked them what they would pay me with, and they told me that they'll do me a good cake, cupcakes, cookies, and stuff. They told me that I was their life, that I saved them. It was funny haha. This other cool dude came next to me and gave me props.

In physics class, I still talk to the usual girls : HB Frizzy and HB Blonde. They are cool people. HB Frizzy's **** tests all the time. Like, she acts all serious and **** about something and acts like she's mad about me, then I ask her what's going on while laughing, she keeps acting mad, and when I tell her to relax! relax! relax!, she turns her head and smiles.

At the end of the day, I thought about something. I need some actors for my next short film. I talked to HB big boobs :

Me : *poking her* Heey HB big boobs!
Her : Yes?
Me : Are you a good a good actress?
Her : Hum... not really. Kind of, why?
Me : Ohh, because I want to make an horror movie,
Her : *laughs loud* (I have no idea why lol)
Me : , and I need some actors that can act
Her : Ohh okay!
Me : You could do the monster ;D
Her : Hahaha XD
Me : Ohhh that was mean XD But are you good for acting scared? Sad?
Her : Ugghhh... I don't know about that! Haha
Me : Anyway, we'll see this summer!
Her : Yeah!

(Didn't detail all the convo and I summarized it). We went to our lockers after that.

Then, HB4 that acted like a ***** at 2nd talent show comes near and bumps into me while laughing. I ask her what's the problem and what the hell she's doing (playfully of course). She was playing hide and seek... lol?


Man, I totally forgot about prom! I have until this Thursday to organize who will be eating at my table. We'll have tables of 10 people each. Hey, why not ask HB big boobs for prom? That would be nice, and I have very little time. She's not the prettiest, but she's sexy. I have 3 days left... I still like HB Laos though. Man **** this, those feelings are over exaggerated. I'm kind of sick that H doesn't do anything about HB Laos and it's been many months, maybe 1-2 years?... Holy **** lol! I think I'll just let him get her, because he's got one itis and he's a cool guy. I hate to steal, but I almost want to.

WHATEVER LET'S MOVE THE **** ON!

I now have more and more evidence that time can ruin everything. The more I wait, the worse it is. I should have asked her for a date long time before, but then H told me the news. Procrastination ****ing kills. Okay, now I'm OVER with this.

I'm over!

I have to get back to work. Many homeworks to do. I gotta keep focus.
I know that I progress every day and that everything that doesn't kill me simply makes me stronger because I learn from it.

 

[Mindgamez]

Wednesday, April 25th
Man, this is getting weird!
I ate at Laos's table today. I tried very hard not to flirt haha! I was not anxious because I wasn't needy about getting her. I used to be needy as ****! But now, I was just enjoying my time, having cool conversations with the people there. She was still very receptive to me and she was trying to get my attention. I tried to stay neutral. I had many flirtatious things to say that was going through my head and I tried not to smile as I thought about them. When H left, Laos told me something. I misheard and asked her what she said, and then I told her : Ohh, I though you to wanted to play penis, not tennis. I tried not to smile but she laughed a lot. I went my way and talked a bit to my other buddies from my old table. Some of them are getting a little mad because I'm ditching them lol. Then I turned around and went to the door. SURPRISE! HB Laos is right next to me by magic! What the hell lol? I shouted playfully at her for following me. She's so joyful when I'm just being relaxed and not caring.

When I think about it, I see ZERO chemistry between H and Laos. It's painful to watch really... H is too shy to make a move and he's being neutral and way too friendly. I told him to make a move fast, but he's not doing anything about it!

I talked to that girl I didn't talk to in 3 years. HB5 that used to hate on me back then it was crazy! We like, hated each other pretty much. I hesitated a couple seconds and then said **** it, let's go! She was receptive and I could sense her nervous laughs.

And about HB big boobs, I pussied out about asking her out for prom XD. Let's start complimenting her and we'll see how it goes.

Friday's party at H's house will be very fun! HB Laos is coming too. Hope I don't get too drunk or I might start making out with her...

 

[Mindgamez]

Saturday, April 28th
Good or bad Friday? Kind of hard to tell really. Can't be certain about HB Laos.

I started off by going to the mall with 2 buddies (one good friend and another shy asian dude I didn't know.) We had pretty little time because I had to eat and get going to the party shortly after. I approached random strangers and said Hello how are you? To a couple of them. I sometimes got COMPLETELY denied LOL. Funny as hell. My friend didn't do much though. He said Hi! to some man that completely ignored him and he though that it was the stupidest thing he has ever done but he laughed. It was fun, but I didn't approach girls... I know. My good friend (let's call him Rou) told me that he wants to do some approaches again some day. He's more down for pranks though, which is pretty cool too.

Then came the time to go to the bus. Opened my iPod and listened to some good songs to pump my state up. I felt good about this. I though that I would be late for the party, but I was wrong! I actually was the 1st one to arrive tonight. It was 8:30 pm. People started coming later. Other girls from our school came too and other people I didn't know. They were all very cool, but I didn't connect that much with the girls so much. Often, they would talk about what happened when they were all drunk together and I felt apart of the conversation sometimes. They have 2-3 years of friendship though, and I'm kind of new for them. I wasn't totally apart but I felt like I didn't know what to say sometimes! Then I took alcohol, which helped lol.

We played some very funny games though. Someone would say a letter, let's say B, and people had to find something in the house starting with the letter B and bring it to the table. It was funny to run in the house all drunk haha! The last one to find something would take a shot.

We all talked together after we were done drinking. Wow, I realized that when I'm drunk, I can actually play the piano better. Weird huh? The notes felt better, more accurate, I was more in the moment and the interpretation was better. They congratulated me after my little performance. It was cool. Then, I sat next to HB Laos and I started flirting with her. I can't remember everything that I said because I said a lot that night. I teased her about her wanting to sleep with me, making drinks with my ***, her being horny, etc. I touched her a lot in more obvious ways, but she didn't really did it herself, or in a subtle way. I guess she doesn't want to look like a hoe in front of her friends! My flirting was loud and obvious, my eye contact and voice felt perfect. She would laugh but sometimes back off, and that made me retreat into my mind for a little sometimes and I almost backed off too, not knowing what to do. Sometimes I would feel on the top, but sometimes I would retreat in my own head for long. I don't know if it's alcohol that does this (or lack of sleep), but I was between the two extremes. When she started talking about how her friend's boyfriend was pretty, I started worrying. That didn't stop me to act. I still did what I had to do.

Laos : Hey Mindgamez, I wanna ask you something. *laughs*
Friend : Hehe, you are getting nervous!
Laos : Hum... yeah XD. Mindgamez, with who are you going to prom with?

I stopped for a second and looked into her eyes. I smiled. I remembered my conversation with H earlier this week. We both wanted to go to prom with Laos, but he asked first, months ago though. I laughed for a while, a drunk laugh. I didn't know if I was amused or disappointed, and I didn't know what to say. I was about to say that I wanted to go with her, but I though about H again. I went close to H and tapped his head. I smiled and he did too because he knew the truth also. Long pause, then I went back to Laos

Laos : You're going with H? Haha!
Me : No no, haha
H : Aren't you going with HB Big boobs?
Me : No no, not at all! *being repulsed*
Laos : Who's that who's that? Who's that girl?
LV : Oh ****, HB Big boobs? Since when?
Blabla, changed topics.

Once, H asked if people wanted to sleepover at his house tonight. Laos told that she couldn't, then I said, with an obviously very flirty voice : Hey, why don't you come and sleep with me? I lifted my eyebrows, she started laughing and she pushed me with her hand, and then I slid my hand on her hair, down her back, down on her leg slowly. H whistled and that friend of mine (let's call him LV) told me to continue the flirting. He pulled his iPhone and took pictures of me. I didn't know if he was filming or taking pictures though... Anyway, I should have isolated her at this point or something, but I pussied out. It was obviously going good between me and her but my state was going big ups and downs. It's ****ing crazy how my mind can go sometimes. I was pretty drunk too.

Later that night, we made some kraft dinner and H wanted to do some milkshake. After she had finished it, she was like :

Laos :Hey this looks like something! Like ice scream
Me : No, it looks like my sperm
Laos : *open mouth in astonishment, subtle smile* Ohhh wow!
Me : *laugh my ass off*
Me : It tastes so good because it comes from me HAHA
Friends : Ugggghhhhhh! XD
Laos : *loled*

Later that night
Me : Hey Laos! Sorry to disappoint you, but I didn't brought the condoms tonight so it's not happening.
Laos : Ohhh what?! *laughing*
All friends : Ohhhh!!!!
LV : Heey, H! Do you have condoms with you?
Laos : Hey Mindgamez, you don't get it! My dream about you wasn't that great. It was you that liked me, not the opposite! All I do have is a crush...
Me : Ohh well...
Laos : ... On *her friend's boyfriend* (this made me go ugh for a bit, but it was probably some **** test)
Me : Well, you know, people have big dreams they want to accomplish in their lives! Mhmhm? XD
Blablabla

We went to play ping pong all together. I went back to the kitchen where LV was making food and then he told me to make a move on Laos. He told me that she likes me.

What made me lose state were the times where I tried to get some outcome from her. At some point, she wasn't reacting as much, or she was more pulling back. I didn't know if she was interested or not! She came in front of me, then I approached her very close (I was literally going to take her in my arms and maybe make out) but she walked backwards while smiling a lot, then she ran away. State went up, then it went down again. Maybe I should have called her up on it.

I think that I wasn't serious enough. It was too much playing around and never getting to the point. I pushed more than I pulled and I backed off when I felt less confident. I still managed to push my comfort zone to new levels and I did a lot of touching that I'm not used to do. I didn't escalate enough though.

At the end of the night, we all went outside to wait for Laos's mom to pick her up with her friend. I hugged her randomly and she smiled. After I did, she ran behind her friend like she was hiding from me but she was still smiling. It was cute at the beginning but her backing off got kind of annoying. Does she really likes me? I don't know, haha. It's probably yes and no, which also goes for me. Then, she extended her arms for a hug. We hugged tight and I massaged her head a bit on my shoulder. We went back to H's house. We were only like 4 guys left, but we still had funny fun! I made a new guy friend (I should have asked for his number but whatever. I'll probably meet him again).

Early this night at like 9:30 pm, H told the friends about throwing more parties near the end of the year. He then told me if I wanted to come and I said sure, of course. That's great! I'll be going to more of these probably. This will be epic.

That's a great thing because I'm expanding my social circle. I'm proud of what I did, even though I didn't connect that much with the people I didn't know much.
I'm still feeling kind of good but bad at the same time about HB Laos. She showed interest but didn't at the same time. She wrote on H's fridge : call me maybe, and then putted her number. H already has her number since a long time ago, so why the hell did she write it again? Whatever, I'm thinking way too much and my one itis is getting worse, definitely.

I'm getting needy as hell again. I don't like that! I focus way too much on her and it's driving me nuts. Why should I worry so much?
Enough complaining about this crap. Let's just take this fun, and making a serious move on her will solve the problem.

 

[Mindgamez]

Wednesday, May 2nd
Sometimes, I feel like I cannot keep up with my progress.
I'm on fire and feeling fantastic one night, but I don't feel like I can keep being like that the next day. I don't feel like I can push my boundaries as much every day. I force myself to be better and better every day and I don't really allow myself to rest.

I was trapped into inaction again this week. Monday and Tuesday, I simply said Hello to HB Laos a couple times but didn't get into conversation. She was receptive and laughing for nothing. I didn't do **** about it and I went into my head again, worrying about making my move. I would just think about that all day. How would I make my move? What to say? How to say it? I forced myself to forget about the outcome, but I putted so much pressure on me to take action that I didn't do anything about it. Repeating to yourself to stop being so needy for that girl is reinforcing the neediness.

I was scared to approach, because I didn't want to appear unconfident. I also was afraid to approach her when she was with her friends around. I would wait for the opportunity. Sometimes she was around the buddies I knew and I felt okay to approach, but I wasn't feeling ready at this point so I backed off and hid in my circle of usual friends. This was Monday and Tuesday.

Tuesday night, I listened to Hypnotica's CD of confidence. Great hypnosis! I felt great and I dreamed about girls seducing me.

I socialized with other cool guys today that weren't in my usual circle. I forced myself to talk to people a bit, said hello to that cute popular girl that was watching me.

I ate at Laos's table that day, with H and the other buddies. I talked a bit about the party from the other night with Laos. She asked me if I was drunk, and I told her that I was conscious of what I was doing but I was drunk definitely. I reminded her of some things that happened that night, about how I made her feel uncomfortable. She though that it was funny. I told her that we should do that again and she agreed. Sometimes, there were silences in the conversations. At those points, I would look at H. We both smiled and he pointed her with the corner of his eyes to tell me to make my move. I laughed nervously.

When we left the table, H and Laos went their way. I went to the garbage to throw some stuff, and then I followed Laos's path. I said : Laaoos! She turned, smiled and started running. Me : Awww you're such a joke! XD
I continued walking, met H on the way. Me : Laos is such a joke, she totally ran XD. Then I turned the corner to drink some water. Me : Ohhh wow Laos! How did you know that I would come here to drink water? You stalker! She giggled and some of my friends arrived. Said hi to them and one of them whispers : Body language mindgamez! and Laos left again. She wasn't so far away so I could talk to her. Seemed like she was going away, just like during the party from Friday night.

Can't be sure if she's being playful or not. She seems like she does though. A test? Later, I surprised her from behind with a shoulder massage. She seemed neutral as I said hello to her. I didn't notice that she was on the phone but when I did, I ejected to go talk to that other dude.

I realized something. When I'm being worried and nervous, I don't really feel the hornyness or desire. I'm thinking a step ahead and not enjoying the moment. I seek too much for reactions. Being needy and all, I stopped and asked myself : Why do I like this girl? I really thought about it, and this is the only reason why : She is cute and beautiful. Is that it? I mean, I find other girls to be the same too.


I have to learn to enjoy and take opportunities as they come and believe that there will always be more opportunities if I miss my shot. The reason I'm into pick up is not because I need to get girls. The reason I do this is to surpass myself, to reach a new level of confidence, to be more centered, to draw happiness and state from within. I simply want to be a better person. The best version of myself.

Living success is easy, but living through obstacles is an opportunity to develop true strength.

I don't do this to get Laos. I want to do this to progress in life, and I'm satisfied with the smallest steps of progress I take. I don't need big actions or progress to allow myself to feel good, but I'm aware that doing them will help me grow as a man. I'm not hurried to become great, but I refuse to rest into the cycle of procrastination, inaction.

I want to become the one I already am.

 

[LearningSlowly]

Why are all your friends trying to give you tips?

They should not know that you're into pick up, and they shouldn't know what girls you're trying to game. It's unproductive to have so many guys around ****blocking.

I don't see any chance with Laos. Look for other options.