Jealousy is such a powerful negative emotion...

[Dingo]

Makes me furious, hurt and all mixed up. I never said I was a Don Juan...

I don't know how some of you guys do it... This old dog (even though married) has pretty much been a serial monogamist. I mean you really have to be a bit of a sociopath not to feel jealous when the one your interested, invested, cared for etc, etc is playing the field. Let's be honest... those plates don't belong to you.. they are free to date others.

Of course the feeling of jealousy it is based on one's insecurities... fear of loss....oneitis....etc. but the thought of sharing something you are emotionally and physically attached to is hard.... real, real hard... and real, real painful.

How not to seem butt hurt ?.... How do you respond when confronted with those you care for are dating ? What do you say when they say they share seeing other people ?

 

[RangerMIke]

Jealousy is chemical reaction in the body which is helpful in men to motivate them to achieve. It is the step after envy, we see what we want and these negative emotions provide a catalyst to change conditions.

All negative emotion, including jealous has at it's roots, expectation. You feel envy, jealousy, and anger when what happens does not match what you believe should happen. You need to let go of expectation and learn to live in the present. You would not be jealous if you did not expect certain behavior from a woman. Just live in the moment, enjoy what is happening and stop worrying about what 'might' happen. In your case you are expecting a woman you date to be exclusive, when she says she isn't doing that, your 'expectation' is not matching reality. If you let go of all expectation you will not feel negative emotion. Just enjoy the time you have with her and stop worrying about anything else. Live in the present.

There are plenty of self help books on learning to be 'present' for me I use meditation and yoga. Go into those practices with an open mind and you will be surprised by the positive results. Your desire to achieve is still present, but without all the negative emotion.

 

[wifehunter]

"Who can stand before jealousy?"

Best to walk away.

 

[Serenity]

I mean you really have to be a bit of a sociopath not to feel jealous

You sure? The most sociopathic guys I've met are also the most jealous guys I've met.

I don't feel jealousy, because I wouldn't want a b!tch who's not interested in me. Jealousy is basically to invest your energy into an unfaithful b!tch, I don't know why but sociopaths seem to be really good at fighting for sh!tty women.

If a woman tries making me jealous I don't want her, she can fvck off. Even if I've spent a long time with her, it's a boundary that I do not tolerate being stepped over.

 

[Milano]

In this time and age I think its better to be with a woman you like but do not love. When love is involved all those feminine feelings arise with power that is hard to tame with more important things to do like working out, eating right, career one cant waste time on these things. Sadly, many of the caveman-instincts we have can not be used the way we want anymore, and we pay for it and women only blame it on our frame. Lose/lose.

Isnt it fun how good we suddenly are with women we dont care about? Its a cold cold world, if you care too much its already over and you will not enjoy anything either. Neediness must be destroyed, we men today are not allowed to need a woman. Dont think we can get around this.

 

[devilkingx2]

be in control of your emotions, don't let your emotions be in control of you

also it helps to not let yourself catch feelings for girls before you're exclusive

 

[Dingo]

Thanks guys...Great insight...

I'm starting my to think that this old wolf might not be cut out for the game.

I just can't find a way to be so emotionally detached as some of you guys are.

Guard your heart ... my friends....Guard your heat.

 

[Milano]

Although I probably don't attach to women I know intellectually are playing the field as much as you, I understand the sentiment. It's always a bit of a punch to the gut when you find out, worse than an outright rejection in some ways because it has ramifications for your sexual marketplace worldview generally.

Avoid women that date concurrently then. Rare but they exist. They will still have orbiters but won't actively pursue them. If a woman openly and unnecessarily shares she is sleeping with others while with you, that shows low IL and low quality.


I agree that it is difficult to maintain detachment, especially if you bond from the intimate sex act itself. Even if there is no romantic emotional attachment there will still be ego investment, just look at all the fake tough guys in panic mode about their "plates" on here. Rejection is always painful.

I think aside from the truism that more sex with more people means less bonding, people more prone to view the sex act as truly intimate will bond more. I am this way. Also, when I can be 'myself' around a girl and she accepts me I tend to attach more. Sex/nudity was the physical and sacred manifestation of such things but I have not been with a single woman that acted accordingly. These women bond with the hypergamous best man available (assuming they can bond at all) so when I am that they seem like they are bonded, but it is shallow. I have met one that claims to be that way though, she is from a traditional background and you can guess the ethnicity.

It really is tough out there when you get strong feelings from sex with girls you consider attractive, and one of the hardest truths to swallow for me is that shallow concept of girls only getting feelings for the best man available. That there REALLY is the murderer of all romance in my system, and is something I try to remind myself of when my brain wants to tell me that this and that girl was special. It will make you look at women with disgust, which ofc can also be dangerous if taken too far, but I try to use it as a counter weight for neediness-issues.

 

[Milano]

Thanks guys...Great insight...

I'm starting my to think that this old wolf might not be cut out for the game.

I just can't find a way to be so emotionally detached as some of you guys are.

Guard your heart ... my friends....Guard your heat.

I think most of us feel the same way, and even many women do. They didnt choose feminism, our weak forefathers did, and subsequently fuked everything up. Women dont understand why they cant keep the alfa guy even after they fuk her, which is still a situation that is better than being an average man these days, but for a girl not knowing any better I am sure it still sux. They have massive issues regarding their bodies, and I have been shocked why some dont want to lie naked in the bed with the lights on at times when there is nothing wrong with them at all.

So dont think to yourself that you are alone in this cold world, cause you are not. And like already mentioned here, a lot of guys typically try to imitate alfa behaviour to seem tougher, but its actually easy to see through, even in this forum. There are many nights I think about girls I got feelings for and can barely sleep, but as long as you are focused on getting through those tough times and taking action, you will get what you deserve in the end. Make it happen!

 

[devilkingx2]

I'm starting my to think that this old wolf might not be cut out for the game.

I just can't find a way to be so emotionally detached as some of you guys are.

the older you are the easier that is, when you're 12 you're in love with the first girl to hold your hand, when you're 30 you won't even like a girl until she does anal

 

[Dingo]

Bumping because I'm having a hard time after long term relationship ends and they move on.

How the Hell does one not be jealous ?... How's does one not feel butt hurt ?

Ugh...

 

[wbeatty]

It's pretty rare for her to find someone who is truly of high value, I've found that the girls I'm dating (even when they know I'm seeing other girls) are still exclusive and say things like "I don't want to be with anyone else.." as if this would convince you to stop seeing other girls.

NLP technique Meta states could work to get over jealousy. Get fascinated with the fact you feel jealous, then get excited that you are fascinated with the fact you are jealous. The negativity will then be lost of the emotion because you've taken a step back from it and are now the observer of the emotion.

 

[wifehunter]

Bumping because I'm having a hard time after long term relationship ends and they move on.

How the Hell does one not be jealous ?... How's does one not feel butt hurt ?

Ugh...

I'll give you a hint. Hell won't help you there.

 

[Bob S]

My take on jealously... Most of the time the person that people are jealous of cannot understand why people would be. This seems very counter intuitive to start with. When I was at university, I was very, very beta. I got put with a very alpha male house mate who quickly took the stance as the dominant male of the house. He was a nice guy but bit in your face. Even though I was beta, when a couple of girls came over to our house to see my female house mate he was first in there to chat them up. Observably, I could see how uncomfortable they were. I left it at that. Later that night, when having drinking games I was speaking to these girls outside the drinking game that was happening - both very nice. The alpha guy quickly butted in and told me to stop being anti social (with the others who were playing the drinking game) and join back in. Definitive example of jealously of me because I was making them laugh as opposed to his in your face approach. His didn't work, mine did. I couldn't understand why he was jealous. I was beta, he was alpha. I was to an extent jealous of his give no **** attitude yet he was jealous of ME! the beta. We were both jealous of each other in different realms.

Although you are feeling jealous, my point is that they whom you are jealous of most likely do not understand why you would feel this way. If she doesn't get into an LTR with a particular guy shes banging, he might be jealous of the fact you had the opportunity to be that guy to have an LTR with her that he hasn't had - even though you feel crap for loosing her. Jealously is so irrational it's crazy. I used to get jealous of girls banging other guys other than me even though we were all on a level playing field. The thought of her enjoying herself with other men made me cringe even though we had great sex. My understanding of this irrationality from my real life example above made me overcome it now to the point that I do not care. You need to understand the irrationality of it to overcome it. The most overt, muscular guy at the gym that other body builders may be jealous of could quite easily be jealous of the alpha new guy to the gym making good stead with the ladies. Jealously does not discriminate against anyone, no mater how wealthy, alpha, powerful etc one may be. Good luck. Try to look at the jealously from this perspective and it should help you.

 

[lizardking82]

Jealousy is directly connected to ego. Primitively, it is normal for you to feel threatened or confused or bad when you find one a woman who has granted you access to vagina = kids might be or is granting that same thing to another man. It is first and foremost a primitive feeling of "the other sperm could impregnate this woman" and then it is a feeling of someone else taking away your favourite "toy" and you feel bitter and wanna fight for what is "yours".

Personally, I cannot just have sex with women like that without feeling them. Some guys can, but I think they are deeply damaged and are just borderline sociopathic. Any normal human being wants to feel connected with someone of the opposite gender more than just to "stick something inside something else".

My key to not feeling jealous is giving it your best and being genuine not for her, but because you are OK with who you are and you are not afraid to show it, you even celebrate what and who you are. Women rarely wanna go away from a man who celebrates what and who he is and no matter how alfa some men might seem, they still lack this quality and often get **** on by women. It is not all about the alfas, we live in a society where being alfa is not necessary to survive and to be happy. You can be happy by living in the present moment and doing something you love and are good at. That way, you will be happy and in peace and will find a woman or women who will join the ride.

 

[BeExcellent]

Jealousy is chemical reaction in the body which is helpful in men to motivate them to achieve. It is the step after envy, we see what we want and these negative emotions provide a catalyst to change conditions.

All negative emotion, including jealous has at it's roots, expectation. You feel envy, jealousy, and anger when what happens does not match what you believe should happen. You need to let go of expectation and learn to live in the present. You would not be jealous if you did not expect certain behavior from a woman. Just live in the moment, enjoy what is happening and stop worrying about what 'might' happen. In your case you are expecting a woman you date to be exclusive, when she says she isn't doing that, your 'expectation' is not matching reality. If you let go of all expectation you will not feel negative emotion. Just enjoy the time you have with her and stop worrying about anything else. Live in the present.

There are plenty of self help books on learning to be 'present' for me I use meditation and yoga. Go into those practices with an open mind and you will be surprised by the positive results. Your desire to achieve is still present, but without all the negative emotion.

Nailed it. Stop creating fantasy future scenarios. The fact that she is with you in the here & now is all that matters.

I used to wrestle with this too honestly...until I realized that if a man is spending his time with me...it means he has chosen to be there.

Release the expectation and enjoy the moment.